Hi there (waves shyly from behind the sofa), so I know I have been AWOL for an awful long time but there is a very real and painful reason behind my lack of updates. All I can ask is for your forgiveness and dedicate to this to the memory of my angel baby who was born sleeping and will be always remembered and loved. Night, night baby. xxxxxxxxxxx
Beside me Nessie's soft snuffles made her chest move gently in time with the cadence of her heartbeat. I smiled as she snorted a little and turned onto her side, her legs tangling with mine once more, her tiny hand coming to rest on the still taut muscles of my stomach.
I was tired. Dog tired and knew I should get some sleep but I didn't want to close my eyes and miss anything about the remaining time we had left together. Cheesy as fuck I know but that was the way I felt.
When Bella had told me how Edward used to watch her sleep all I could think was how fucking weird he was...but there was something so intimate about watching another person dreaming. From the time she was a little girl, she had shared her dreams with me and I had always found this fascinating but now as an adult it was for an entirely different reason. A shit-eating grin broke out across my face as she whispered my name breathily, her hand flexing on a sigh.
Debating whether to wake her, I reached for her to pull her closer when I heard the sound of footsteps outside on the porch. I couldn't smell anything except Nessie and then… Leah. Slowly, so as not to disturb Ness I set her to one side and padded barefoot from the room.
"Hey Jake, Nessie been cooking again? What is that smell? It's delicious," Leah whispered, as I found her in the kitchen, head in the fridge.
I paused, I was about to unleash hell on her but her question threw me. "What exactly do you smell?"
"Outside on the porch…kinda like cookies but also… rain and sunshine…Nessie change her shampoo or what?" she chuckled, emerging with some pastrami.
"That was a vamp Leah" saying the words aloud provoked my anger "where the fuck have you been-"
I crossed my arms over my chest to stop me reaching for her and shaking her. Leah was disappearing all the time and it was time for it to stop.
"Would you calm down…I checked in on the others…why what did I miss?"
I almost choked on my tongue "What did you miss? What did you fucking miss? Nauhel."
"Who's Nauhel?"
"Nauhel is the leech who thinks Nessie should be with him…he's come to save her from the Volturi and me apparently…why weren't you here? Anything could have fucking happened to her."
Leah just looked at me, not the slightest hint of regret marring her features.
"How can you be so fucking calm? Do you have any idea what could have happened to her if I hadn't come back when I did?"
Leah turned on me and scowled "Back the fuck off Jake…I had to check in with Sue and make sure everyone is alright…Nessie is a big girl, she can take care of herself…I have the bruises to prove it."
"That's not the fucking point Leah! I told you to stay with her and the first fucking chance you get you leave."
"She's fine Jake, you're just overreacting as usual, making this so much more fucking dramatic than it has to be… besides she's not my fucking imprint, she's yours…if you're really that worried then you stay behind all the time…listen to her moon over you," Leah snarled and I felt the answering stirring of rage.
Leah had endangered her and she was lecturing me about staying home. She better than anyone knew my duty was to the pack; I was trying to protect us all. But Leah being Leah was acting up to her reputation as pack bitch and it was then it hit me. This wasn't about Nessie or me…it was about imprinting and her jealousy. She was jealous of my relationship with Nessie.
"That's what this is about? You're what, jealous of her now?"
" Jealous? No I'm just sick of being a fucking baby sitter Jake…this has nothing to do with you being together-"
"So why in the hell did you talk to her about imprints?" I growled, feeling the tell tale trembling begin deep in my bones, the urge to attack. She was my pack mate, my second, my sister yet still I contemplated hurting her for leaving Nessie so vulnerable, to me and to Nauhel.
"Because she asked me…she's not a little girl anymore Jake…she needs to know what she is getting into with you."
I barked out a humorless laugh "What she is getting into with me?"
"Imprinting is a prison, you know it and I sure as hell know it" she bit out, stalking the room angrily, her inner wolf rising to the surface making her eyes darker, her features sharper.
"A prison? Imprinting is the only thing which makes this fucked up world make sense."
"For you maybe…but have you ever stopped to wonder what would happen if Nessie didn't want you…if she wanted Nauhel instead…how would you feel being tied to her forever knowing she didn't want you…didn't love you…that every time you looked into her face she looked away, she couldn't meet your eyes…you're trapped and there is no where to go…there's no bars, no locks only emotions but it's a prison just the same…it's the other side of imprinting the one no one talks about," she murmured and I could see the faint sheen of tears in her eyes.
I forgot sometimes, forgot how deeply she must feel things, wolves because of our animalistic natures took things to heart, loved harder but grieved harder too. Her words struck home and I was once more reminded how lucky I was that Nessie loved me in the same way I loved her, that she wanted me in her life not as her brother but as her lover.
"Lee…I'm sorry…but you have to understand that Nessie is my life and you are the only other person I trust with that life…when I came back and found you gone…with his scent all over the place…I freaked a little…. Alice says that he wants Nessie, he's come to take her away…thinks he is rescuing her from the leeches and from me…and I cant lose her Lee, not again," the last words came out as a whisper. Even I was surprised by the shake in my voice as I contemplated my future without her in it.
"You wont Jake… but you have to understand that she is not a child and leaving the imprinting issue was taking away her free will…she's head over heels in love with you already but if she didn't know what her choices were…then things could end badly."
"I just you could have given me more time, I wasn't ready."
"I am sorry for that but I knew you would always find a way around it, a reason not to tell her…what's the deal with this Nauhel guy anyway? How did you know he had been here?"
I turned to look at Leah to see if she was winding me up, but her face was serious
"Are you shitting me right now? Didn't you smell him when you walked up? His scent was all over the place," I growled, not amused that wasn't taking this as seriously as she should.
"Told you, all I could smell was cookies and rain when I came in…that was him?" she asked looking slightly shocked.
"Yes that was him, Leah what the hell is goin on with you?"
For a second the confident, ballsy, bitchy, woman I knew disappeared and in her place stood, a fragile, haunted looking young woman. But then she squared her shoulders and threw me her trademark sarcastic smirk and the bitch was back.
"Who the hell knows maybe I'm finally PMSing," she muttered with a shrug.
"Leah you need to get your shit together, if you put Nessie at risk I wont forget or forgive…she's my imprint."
Leah rolled her eyes and gave me her back "Again with the imprint"
I felt the sharp tug of anger and fought for control, as wolf and woman she was starting to seriously piss me off with this shit.
"Christ Leah you are fucking-"
" Fucking what?" she spat, spinning to face me her eyes flashing, a slight trembling wracking her frame.
"So fucking bitter…this is because we were happy wasn't it? You could never stand to see anyone happy, you had to fucking stir it up"
"This has nothing to do with that, she asked me and I told her to speak to you…but yeah imprints piss me off."
"What happened to you isn't my fault Leah and it isn't Nessie's either…don't take out your shit on us."
"Get over yourself Alpha, I wasn't…Nessie asked, I answered…it was that simple…now if you don't mind I'm gonna get some sleep" she fumed, slamming the packet of pastrami back onto the counter and spinning on her heel.
I stood staring after her, still angry, still unsatisfied by her answers. Leah had some deep issues with imprinting, she talked as though she knew everything about it, but since it had never happened to her, she would never know how it becomes the most important thing in your life.
"Jake?"
I turned to find Nessie lurking in the doorway, watching me with wide wary eyes. Without a second though I opened my arms and she flew into them, as I suppressed a sigh of contentment. Nessie in my arms made everything okay, the world was right again.
"Don't be mad at Leah, Jake, please?" she stood in tiptoes to whisper in my ear.
"She put you at risk Nessie…god if anything ever happened to you." I closed my eyes against the pain those words provoked.
I felt Jake shudder slightly at the thought and pushed back the ominous feeling that lurked at the back of my mind. I knew just how he felt.
"Nothing is going to happen to me Jake, I promise," I placed a gentle kiss on his chin and felt the shiver of response rush through us both. His arms tightened around me in a gentle convulsion.
Subtly shifting my weight I jumped a little, wrapping my legs around his waist so I could look into his eyes. He caught me easily, his large hands cupping my bottom, his thumbs stroking lightly. I wanted to twist closer to him, feel him against me again. Inside a slow burn began and I hoped I knew where this was going to lead. The way Jacob made me feel was addictive.
"She shouldn't have left you," he muttered but his tone was no longer colored by frustration, something else made his words deeper, hotter.
"Like Leah said 'I'm a big girl now Jake,"
Emphasizing my point I pressed closer to the naked heat of his chest and felt my own body pebble in response. My pulse increased, throbbing in time with Jake's and my breath came a little quicker.
Jake laughed shakily, his forehead resting against mine "Tell me something I don't know babe."
The heat of his breath on my lips tickled and my tongue darted out to soothe the sensation. A strangled groan met my ears in the second before his mouth covered mine and like a match to a flame, passion roared to life between us.
There was nothing in the world like the sensation of feeling Jake against me, his mouth moving on mine, his heart beating against me. In seconds I was lost, swept away in the torrent of need that overcame whenever he touched me.
The world shifted crazily and I was dimly aware that Jake was moving, my suspicions confirmed when my back brushed something hard and my breath escaped in a soft whoosh.
My heart was beating so furiously I thought it would explode as Jake's hands roamed over my body, searching, questing, and seeking. I moaned against his mouth as his fingers brushed the hardened peaks of my breasts. His mouth left mine and traveled south, explosions firing off inside me as his captured my nipple, laving it with damp wet heat. I couldn't stop the arch of my back or the strangled moan that accompanied it, as my body shook with tremors.
Every time he touched me I just seemed to get hotter, the knot in my stomach tightening, the dampness between my legs growing heavier. Jake pressed his face closer to my chest, his own heaving as once more his lips tugged at my nipple. My stomach fluttered in response, and I shifted wanting, needing to explore. I dragged my hands across his chest, loving the way his muscles bunched and shifted as my fingers passed over them.
Jake's eyes were burning as he pressed the damp heat of his forehead against mine, his hands cupping my backside once more, holding me close to the hardness which throbbed against my heated slick core. Whimpering I flexed my hips, loving the guttural sound it produced from Jake.
"Nessie, you're gonna kill me baby."
"Then let me help you Jake, let me give you what you gave me," I breathed, circling my hips, watching his eyes darken, his pupils dilate. I know he wanted me, a blind man could see that but I didn't understand what was holding him back.
I felt his body stiffen and I forced myself to meet his gaze and not look away, the blaze of heat I saw there made me weak but even as I saw it he shook his head.
"Why, why do you keep denying yourself? Keep denying me?"
"Its better this way Ness, trust me."
"I do trust you Jacob…but I want you, want to feel you…I want to make you feel the way I do."
"Christ Ness, if I felt anymore I would fucking combust…I just don't know if I could stop baby."
My heart thudded and then raced in excitement at his admission.
"What if I didn't want you to stop?"
"No Nessie, this isn't right…I want to wait, until we can be married and be together properly, I thought you understood that," he huffed out of soft breath against my hair.
"I do understand but it's just so hard."
He laughed ruefully and shifted against me, "You have no idea Nessie."
I couldn't help it; I pouted, "Then let me touch you, please?"
I pressed my hand across his chest, where beneath my palm his heart raced in time with mine, no less affected by our closeness. Curling my fingers against him, flexing my hips, I bit my cheek to hide a smirk as I felt his breathing coming quicker.
Wriggling, I unwound my legs from around his waist and slid down the solid length of his body, loving the hissed breath he released as I brushed across his hardness with my core at the same time as I entwined my fingers with his.
Head hanging, he looked tortured, the long lines of his body rigid with tension and need. If he felt half of what I did, I wondered that he wasn't going out of his mind with lust. He was so noble, so protective and I understood his motives but I wanted to do this, not just for him but for myself.
"Please Jake, " I tried again "I trust you, you wouldn't ever do something I didn't want…and believe me I want"
"How can you know that?" he rasped, sounding so desperate that all I wanted to jump back into his arms and sooth the pain I knew was inside him.
"Because I know you…I love you and trust you…you could never hurt me…I was born for you, I was made for you."
Looking down at Nessie, my head spun, my body throbbed and my heart raced. I know what she wanted but I wasn't sure I could give her it. Every time we touched she wanted to explore, to push her boundaries but I didn't know how much control I had and I wanted our first time to be when all this was over and we were married.
But seeing her like this, her lips swollen from my kisses, her face flushed with her need, made everything so much more complicated. As her imprint I was supposed to give her what she needed but what if she needed me and I couldn't be sure I could keep her safe?
"Come with me," she murmured and tugged against my hand gently. The double meaning of her words had me struggling for control.
This tiny girl child before me, looked up at me with her big eyes and her bee stung lips and though she was half my size, she controlled everything I did. My entire world revolved around her.
The tugging on my hand increased a little and before I could make the conscious decision to follow, I was allowing her lead me back upstairs. Each step we took increased my need and walking was becoming painful, as months of arousal seemed to come to a head.
The bedroom was still dark as she led me silently through the door and stopped us before the bed. The only sound was of our labored breathing as though we had just run a marathon rather than climbed the stairs. We stood face to face and I marveled that this amazing woman could love me, that she wanted me in the same way I wanted her. She lifted her hand slowly and cupped my cheek, her touch burning against my already overheated skin.
"Don't turn away from me now please Jacob…let me touch you," she pleaded at the same time as I was bombarded with images of myself prone on the bed, Nessie hovering above me.
I groaned, knowing I was fighting a losing battle but instead of the feeling of victory I expected there was just an overwhelming feeling of love and need. All six foot plus of me was weak and I wanted to drop to my knees and worship this beautiful woman before me.
"I want you so much Nessie… it scares me," I confessed in a ragged whisper and watched as a tremulous smile took over her mouth.
" Don't be scared Jacob, this is right, this is what's meant…Let me touch you, teach me how to love you," she said as she stood on her tiptoes and touched her mouth to mine, gently, softly.
I pulled away after a second and looked down into her precious face, noting that she bit her bottom lip nervously as the tiny hand that rested against my pounding heart began a slow descent south. My eyes screwed shut as I fought myself, I knew I should stop her but I would give just about anything for her touch.
"You are so beautiful my Jacob," she breathed in wonder and my eyes popped open in surprise.
I gave myself over to the feeling of her hands sliding across my skin, her fingers leaving a tingling trail in their wake.
His eyes were dark and heavy as he watched me touching him, his magnificent chest heaved beneath my fingers and my own knees trembled in response. Finally he was letting me touch him, to learn about his body, to hear him call my name. Yet for all my bravado, deep inside I was afraid that I would hurt him, or do something wrong. Theory was one thing, this was quite another and though I had felt him against me many times, the thought of actually touching both exhilarated and terrified me.
As my thumbs brushed the dark silken trail of hair across his navel, the muscles clenched and trembled and Jake sucked in a lungful of air on a gasp, his eyes closing once more. I was filled with a heady sense of power that I could do this to him but still scared; I didn't know what to do next. My fingers played along the waistband of his sweats, his stomach clenching as I gathered up courage to explore him in the way I really wanted to.
"Nessie, you don't have to do this" Jake's voice gritted next to my ear, his cheek against mine.
"I want to Jake, I want to so bad" I confessed, almost panting now, though he was barely touching me.
His mouth touched mine and I began to shake, the hands at his waistband trembling a little more. After a few seconds I drew away from him even as I sucked in a deep breath.
"Does that, um, does that hurt?" I asked him shyly.
He shrugged his massive shoulders but seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for something, waiting for me?
"It's a little…hard and tight," he rasped and goose bumps broke out across my skin, his huge hand, shaking as it covered my own.
He looked so agonized, his eyebrows meeting in a deep frown, that I knew I had to take the matter out of his hands. Trembling I slid our joined hands down and we both gasped as the material of his sweats brushed against my palm and I cupped him through the material of his pants.
My first thought was that he felt like steel beneath my hand, so very hard and just like everything else about Jake it felt so…big. Not that I had anything to compare against and for a moment I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Then Jake drew in another ragged breath and his hand stilled over mine, I knew he was giving me the chance to pull away. Suddenly I knew pleasing him was the only thing that mattered to me.
"It's okay Jacob…you can show me, teach me," I said and he curled my fingers a little until our hands were holding him through his pants. I felt his body clench and he groaned in my ear, sending a rush of heat between my legs.
Feeling Nessie cupping me though my sweats, I fought for control, fought the wolf inside me who howled to be let free to mate with Nessie. I was so closing to losing it, I worried that she would be scared by the force of my need and struggled with the urge to flex my hips and press myself into her hand like some pervert.
Lip caught between her teeth, Nessie frowned in concentration as she slowly moved her hand up and down my length, stroking me gently, so gently almost that I couldn't feel her touch. It was heaven, it was hell to have her touch me this way and not be able to bury myself inside her. Her breathing was as ragged as mine and the smell of her arousal hit me, she wanted this as much as me.
"Am I doing this right?" she asked and looked so uncertain of herself that I almost wanted to laugh aloud, shout with joy.
I could only groan as she increased the pressure and my hands drifted away to haul her against me and into my arms. Her hands fell away from me with a muttered protest and I covered her mouth with my own, maneuvering us toward the bed. Falling back against it, I let her rest atop me, her thighs straddling me, our mouths still joined. My hands slid to her hips as I lifted my own, moving her against me.
A storm was building inside me again, only much more fierce and passionate than before now Jake was beneath me. I wanted to move, unsure how to precede but then Jake's hands were there cupping my hips, guiding my stilted and somewhat awkward movements. I could feel him, hot hard and heavy between my legs, pressing against my core, his own hips flexing in time with mine and I couldn't help whimpering as the tightness built inside me.
This was supposed to be about him not me and I had some vague notion about touching him again, but then his mouth left mine to slid down my neck and across my shoulders and everything became hazy.
I needed to do something to stop myself taking this too far; I moved against her once more and felt her contract against me, the evidence of her desire damping my sweats. Fuck she smelled so sweet and I wanted to taste her.
With a muted groan I tore my mouth from hers and slid down her body to capture her pert pink nipple. Damn I loved the way she tasted as I rolled her nipple around my mouth and felt her shudder. Desire shook me as I watched her head fall back and her mouth part on an excited gasp.
Blindly she reached out to me, her fingers clutching at my shoulders, the bite of her nails, driving me crazy as she rode me. Every time she moved another throb of need built inside me until all I wanted to do was flip her over and bury myself deep inside her. The scent of her arousal was over powering, my wolf howled with need and I fought against it and myself. Nessie needed more than this, she deserved more.
I couldn't take my eyes of her as she moved on me, her head falling back, her hair spilling across her shoulders and breasts. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, so precious to me, that I already felt the loss of her. Every nerve ending in me was on fire and I turned my attention to her other breast, loving the mindless whimpers she couldn't hold in. Naked aside from her underwear I rocked against her body, clenching my teeth against the savage need to thrust into her.
I could feel it coming, the need to release, to let go and even as I fought it, Nessie pressed down harder on me, making me grunt. The gentleman in me was appalled that I was so horny I was grunting but the animal in me encouraged me to let go, to let him free.
"Jake", Nessie panted, her liquid eyes meeting mine "I can feel you under me, you're so hard Jacob."
I smirked, sure she didn't even know what she was saying "It's all for you babe."
"Touch me please Jacob, make it happen for me…I need you to touch me," she was mewling now and the sound went right to my hardness. I couldn't help but thrust against her harder as my hands went back to her hips to help her move.
Dimly aware of the bite of Jake's fingers on my hips, I quickened the pace of my hips, pressing down hard, feeling myself rising on the crescendo of need that I now recognized. Daring to glance at Jacob, my heart twisted at the expression on his face. It was pure need, want and love all rolled into one. The sounds he made only increased my own need, the gasps and pants and best of all the occasional grunt and moan; he tied my stomach in knots.
"Fuck Nessie, that feels so good," he moaned as I rocked against him, harder panting, desperate to feel the rainbow of emotion as I went over the edge with him.
I knew my panties were soaked and that Jacob would be able to tell but I was too far gone to care, I needed him like never before, his responses stimulating my own. Every time he moaned everything in me clenched in need.
She was close I could tell, her breath came in rapid pants and I was holding onto my own release by the skin of my teeth. Reaching up my mouth met hers and she matched me kiss for kiss, her response uninhabited. When she raked her teeth over my tongue I lost it and with a growl, I flipped her over until she was on her back and I could rest my weight against her.
Having never dry humped anyone before I was hit with a sudden burst of worry about etiquette about how I would deal with the inevitable mess but then Nessie began to moan and buck beneath me and I forget everything as the sensation of her climax poured through me, rainbows shattering behind my eyes. It triggered my own and I spilled myself onto the fabric of my sweats, coming in a low hoarse moan. Everything went hazy and I swear I saw stars, as I heard and felt Nessie's own release. The reality of being with her was so much better than my fantasies and I wondered that I had held out so long. The beast inside me purred and then curled up to sleep. Heart racing, breath ragged, I came down slowly, aware that Nessie was doing the same as I turned us onto our sides, hauling her close. My sweats were damp and sticky but I couldn't find the energy to move even if the entire Volturi guard had arrived and marched through the room.
"I love you," she murmured and pressed a soft open mouthed kiss to my damp chest.
"I love you too Nessie."
Seconds later her soft snuffles, alerted me to the fact that she had slipped into slip. I smiled, wasn't this where I came in?