A\N:
Hey guys! Exams are over, and it's finally summer holiday, yay! :3 I'm so happy! I managed to finish this chapter, and I so hope you like it guys. *-* Thank you for reviewing, following and favouriting. ^^
As if the whole world froze around them, they stood there, ignoring everything. Kisa, even though he figured this would come, couldn't believe what Yukina just said. The brunette in front of him just looked at him, maybe waiting for an answer. But the black-haired man suddenly didn't even know what to say or think. His mind was completely blank for moments. The he slowly started to realise that everything around him was the reality itself, and that everything Yukina said was true. He was so serious as he stood in front of him.
In love with me?
Kisa opened his mouth to say something, but the things he wanted to tell were completely different from what he actually said.
"You think you're in love with me, huh? Are you playin' around or something, kid?"
His voice was so sarcastic that Yukina took a step backwards, his face told that he was surprised and scared at the same time.
"Professor…"
"Alright, kid, let's play!" Kisa stepped closer, both of his hands on the wall on either side of Yukina.
"Hey, wait–"
Before Yukina could finish what he wanted to say, Kisa grabbed his scarf and pulled him closer, then kissed him hard. He heard the brunette's groan, but he didn't stop.
What the hell am I doing? It's not right… It's not what I wanted to do…
He'd had enough. Enough of remembering. Enough of the pain he felt every day. Enough of the loneliness, the sadness… And enough of escaping.
Kisa let go of Yukina, and both of them pulled away, gasping. The cold air became hot around them as the professor pulled him back for another kiss, this time he bit the boy's lower lip. He ignored his racing heart and the protesting voice in his mind, he went on making out with Yukina, whether he liked it or not.
"Professor, what–"
"You said you might be in love with me, which means you could do this with me. I'm just giving in, kid!" Kisa replied, interrupting the boy who tried to push him away with no success.
I have to stop! He's my student, damn it!
After a few seconds, Yukina as well seemed to give in. He wrapped his arms around Kisa's waist, pulling him so close that there was no gap between them. Their lips were inseparable as they were making out in front of the school. Fortunately, everything was so dark already that they could hardly be seen.
"Hey," Kisa stopped kissing him for a moment, whispering against the other's lips. "Wanna continue it at my place?"
What the hell am I saying?
"Yeah. That would be cool," Yukina replied.
They let go of each other, and Kisa headed to the usual way, and Yukina followed him. Kisa felt the brunette's stare on his back, but tried to ignore it. He just wanted to get home with that boy, and show him what the real world looked like: that the real world isn't some kind of fairy tale.
With hurried steps, they reached Kisa's apartment, and as soon as they entered, Yukina pulled him and kissed him passionately, just as Kisa did before. While kissing, they dropped their coats and scarfs on the floor.
"You make my head spin, professor," Yukina whispered in Kisa's ear as the other lied down on the bed, and the brunette rose above him.
Kisa didn't reply, just let him take his shirt off, then unbutton his belt. The room felt hotter and hotter with every second.
"I never would have thought that once I would do it with a teacher from my school, professor" Yukina said, when he got up from the bed, picking his clothes up.
"Don't call me professor outside of school," Kisa replied, not looking at the brunette.
"Oh… Then is it okay to call you Kisa-san?"
"Yeah, that's fine."
"And you could call me just… Yukina," the brunette said looking at the black-haired man, who as well dressed up.
Kisa went to the kitchen to get something to drink for the two of them. Yukina followed him.
"Coffee or tea?"
"Ah, any of them is fine."
Kisa poured tea in two glasses, then put them on the table, and both of them sat down. While Yukina sipped his own drink, Kisa watched him. He didn't seem like he regretted anything, and for now, Kisa didn't feel anything either. Somehow, both of them were calm.
"Anyway," Kisa then broke the peaceful silence, "Are you sure you wanna go home this late?"
"Yeah, please don't worry about me," Yukina smiled, then put the empty glass onto the table.
"Alright."
"I'll be going then. Umm…" Yukina seemed to hesitate. Kisa could tell the boy couldn't find the right words to say.
"It's okay. Take this whole thing as an experience."
"Oh…" Yukina turned around to look at Kisa, who leaned against the wall, arms crossed. "Okay. I will."
"Good." For the first time in a while, Kisa felt his mouth curled upwards. "Bye then."
"Bye, Kisa-san!"
Yukina went out the door, leaving Kisa behind.
Kisa then sat down on the couch, staring into space. For some reason, his mind was blank, and he couldn't think about basically anything. He didn't know if he was just too tired to think, or he actually didn't care. At that moment, he was mentally exhausted to catch up to anything that was happening around him.
After a couple of minutes of staring, he decided to take a shower before going to bed. As he stood under the pouring warm water, he slowly started to get back his common sense, and something called compunction took over him.
What the hell was I thinking? And what the hell have we done? I… I had sex with a student of mine. I… had… sex… with Yukina…
He face-palmed under the warm water, his body was slightly shaking. He felt a bad and afraid. What if someone finds it out? No, that can't be possible, right?
I'm sure Yukina would never tell anyone. Wouldn't he get punished for doing such a thing with a professor?
I shouldn't have done this.
Kisa knew exactly why he gave in. But it didn't turn out how he thought it would. He probably hurt his student, and no he had compunction, besides it didn't help the fact that the pain just deepened in him. He got out of the shower, and with a towel screwed around his waist, he went to the kitchen to grab something cold to drink. Even though it was December, the apartment felt way too warm to stand. Was it because it was actually warm in there, or it as just him?
A heavy, exhausted sigh escaped his mouth, as he put some random clothes as pyjamas on.
I seriously have to look for another school. It's going to turn out wrong. I'm the older one, and yet, I was this stupid!
The next day, Kisa was walking back to his office in the long corridor. He had spare time, so he wanted to prepare the tests. As he was walking, he passed by two chatting girls. Usually, he never paid any attention to what people are talking about, but something caught his interest.
"You still can't get over him?"
"I can get over him, but I can't get over the fact that he left me because he started to love someone else, and lost his interest in me. That was…"
"Hey, hey, calm down!" the other girl tried to comfort her friend. "I'm sure there's someone out there that would love you better than he did."
"Yeah. You know there's this guy, but… I'm not sure about him. I mean I'm still struggling with the pain the breakup left, but he already kissed me, and wanted to go out with me, and… I said yes."
"Oh, dear! Why did you do that?"
"Because I'm desperate. I'm scared that I will never be able to get over him or I will never be able to find someone that would love me."
Kisa heard enough. He took hurried steps towards his office, and closed the door. A sweat drop rolled down on his face as he leaned against the door.
That's right… I gave in last night not only because I had enough. It was because besides having enough, I feel desperate. I'm scared that Yukina will remind me Yoshida forever, and so I can't ever get over him.
Looking at the sky through the window, Kisa decided.
"Huh? Are you kidding me?" Yokozawa said as he took the little letter with Kisa's termination in it.
"No, I'm serious, Professor Yokozawa. I want to quit."
"Okay, and what's your reason, Kisa? You've been teaching here for… for years, damn it!"
"Oh, don't tell me, you would miss me, Yokozawa-san," Kisa laughed sarcastically as he crossed his arms.
"That's not it. It's about the school needing teachers. Where am I going to find a new literature teacher?"
"Don't worry about it, there are plenty of them out there. Believe me, someone will apply soon. Until then, the school has professors with more than one majority, and some of them can teach literature."
Yokozawa let out a heavy sigh as he sat back on the chair.
"Alright. Did you already pack up all of your stuff?"
"Yes. And I'm ready to leave. Thank you for everything, Yokozawa-san."
"I wish you the best… Kisa," Yokozawa said, surprising Kisa. "Hope you get a new job soon."
"I hope so, too. Thank you. Goodbye!"
The black-haired man left his superior's office, then left the school. He knew it's the best decision. He made a mistake, and now he had to take responsibility.
I can't do things like that because I'm desperate. I'm an adult already.
With the black briefcase in his hand, he walked towards the centre of the city, hoping to find something that helps him look for a new job. To be honest, he kind of enjoyed working as a university professor, so he was looking for schools in the first place.
I'm glad I was able to take this step. I don't wanna meet Yukina again.
The nightfall painted the afternoon sky orange and red, and dark-blue clouds covered the sky when Kisa left his apartment to get some food from the nearby convenient store. He managed to apply for a job in a university, and he hoped they would hire him. He needed the job as soon as possible.
The snow that fell down a few days ago was already melting, although it was still pretty cold. Christmas was near, but nothing really felt like that; that typical winter weather was missing. Besides, Kisa hadn't been in that 'Christmas mood' since years.
Kisa walked down on the crowded sidewalk, getting slightly irritated by the Christmas decorations he saw everywhere literally. So, he kept his gaze down instead, but then he nearly bumped into the people around him, so he lifted his head up. Just then, he saw a familiar figure.
"I'm sorry, I can't."
That was Yukina. Definitely him. And a woman stood in front of him, her hand on the brunette's face.
"Why?" she asked him, slowly starting to caress his face.
Stop it! Kisa screamed internally. He felt suddenly more irritated than he already was. Why do you let her so close?
"I just… can," Yukina smiled as he answered while gently removing the girl's hand from his face. The girl then put his hand on his shoulder.
Stop! Don't dare to touch him!
Yukina licked his lips, but this time, he didn't remove the girl's hand, just let her touch him.
Why don't you tell her to get out?
Kisa wanted to shout, he wanted to interrupt and pull Yukina away, and… Then his eyes suddenly grew wide, and he held his breath back for a second.
Wait… What am I thinking? Am I unconsciously jealous?
No way! That can't be! Why am I jealous? Why am I watching them? Shit, I quit my job just to get away from Yukina. Then what is this feeling?
Sweat drops rolling down on his face, his heart skipped a beat when he saw Yukina turning his head, looking straight at him in slight disbelief. For some reason, Kisa's mouth was shaking just like his whole body.
Is it possible that… I fell in love with him?