Hey, remember me? Anyone? Anyone at all? My name is Tink and it's been 10 months since my last update (Hello Tink). I started to forget about this story because RL got in my way, then suddenly... bam! The (plot) bunnies started bouncing and have not left me alone since. This chapter is told in a form of flash backs in both Nessie and Jacobs pov, italics indicate where FB start and finish. Hopefully its not too confusing and if anyone is still reading, please let me know your thoughts. Love Tink xx.

I tried to hide my wince as the car bounced across the pothole but a furtive glance at Jacob's face told me it I hadn't been successful. Though he wasn't looking directly at me he missed nothing of my discomfort.

"You okay there?"

Pasting a bright smile on my face I nodded, and clenched my entire body, bracing myself as we hit another hole. Truth be told, I was physically okay...mostly. There were still some aches and pains but nothing I couldn't cope with.

I was just happy to be finally out of the house, to have some breathing space, to be away from the watchful eyes of my over protective family. I should have been overjoyed but there was now a void between Jacob and me. In the week since the confrontation with the Volturi our relationship had changed beyond all recognition. Things were tense, strained between us and as we moved along the road in strained silence I pondered the events of the last few days.

After that initial kiss, he hadn't touched me again in a passionate way. Sure he had held me, squeezed my hand, brushed my hair for me but nothing romantic, nothing that could be taken as remotely sexual. It was like something had changed for him, something in the way he looked or didn't look at me, had changed. At first I was sure I hadn't been sure if I was imagining it but as the days had passed it had become more and more obvious there was something very wrong.

He couldn't even look at me, there had always seemed to be something else, someone else, drawing his attention, a window, the TV, one of my family, even a book. Jacob wouldn't or couldn't meet my eyes, look me in the face. Despite the painful sting of rejection there was a part of me that couldn't blame him. Having seen myself and the scars I was left with, I was repulsed and could understand the difficulty he had looking at me. The day I decided to remove the bandages and expose my scarred and twisted skin, is something that I will remember until the last day of forever.

I had crossed the room and leaned heavily against the basin, turned the faucets on quickly not quite ready to see the distorted image of myself in the gleaming reflection. You can do this, I told myself as I stared down into the basin watching the water swirl down the plug hole. Lift your head and take a look.

If I hadn't done it then, I knew I would only have to do it with an audience. Before I could second guess myself I lifted my head and stared straight ahead into the mirror which hung directly overhead.

Tears had pricked my eyes, hot and painful. I looked a mess, my hair a tangled birds nest, my skin paler than usual, almost grey looking and my eyes seemed too big for my face. But that wasn't what had made the tears slip free and land heavily, scalding my cheeks.

Turning this way and that I had followed the progress of the angry red scar tissue as it twisted up my neck, puckering across my jaw, pulling my mouth down a little ending just behind my ear. It was hideous, I was hideous. Though the skin had knitted, the scar looked to have happened only days ago, it should have healed to a faint pink line.

My fingers had shaken as I reached up to touch the rough and jagged skin, tracing the shape of it across my body. God. No wonder Jacob couldn't stand to look at me, I was hideous, disfigured. Would I be like this forever?

There was a slight breeze and a pair of cold arms wrapped around me from behind. Our eyes met in the mirror, her soft and kind, mine hazy with tears.

"No Nessie, it's not forever, beautiful," Alice had tinkled in my ear, squeezing me gently.

"I'm not beautiful Alice, I'm hideous," I snapped, saddened and pissed off all once.

Alice had turned me swiftly in her arms and forced my chin up, to look at her, meeting her golden eyes "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, you are the most beautiful of us all...you're sweet and kind and loyal and funny and so very very brave and –"

"And I'm ugly Alice, look at me...no wonder Jacob can't stand to look at me, I'm a mess!" I wailed the tears starting anew and I crumbled. Jesus I was such a cry baby.

Alice turned my body drew me into her arms, rocked me slowly "You just haven't healed yet and Jacob loves you Nessie, don't ever doubt that."

"Why won't he look, look at me then?" I hiccuped.

"Don't be silly, he loves you, he can't take his eyes off you," she chided but I shook my head.

"He won't look at me though Alice, whenever we're alone, it's like he's staring right past me."

"Well I can't answer that, you'll have to talk to him but I think you're over reacting sweetheart."

"Overreacting? Look at me Alice, I'm scarred, ugly. He fell in love with me when I was beautiful."

"Nessie calm down, you're being over dramatic. I'm so sorry I didn't see this happening, I wouldn't have let you do this alone if I had but you have got to remember it has only been a few days, your body has been through a lot and you are still half human, it already looks better than it did at the start."

"It was worse than this?"

"Renesmee, I love you, we all love you. Jacob loves you, you're his imprint. None of us care what you look like, you'll always be perfect to us no matter what you look like," she murmured softly, her ice cool lips had pressed against my cheek where the skin puckered.

"Then why won't he look at me, he's barely kissed me or touched me since I woke up."

I was sure my face must be as red as the scar tissue.

"Jacob is your imprint, whatever else is going on with him I'm sure it doesn't mean he loves you any less, sweetheart. I think it would be best if you spoke to Carlisle and to Jacob...this isn't good for you sweetie, please Nessie calm down."

I shuddered trying to catch my breath and stop the tears from falling, sucking in air I breathed deeply, once, twice a third time before my eyes dried.

"Why don't you take a nice hot bath, wash your hair, pamper yourself and when you're feeling a little more settled you and Jake can talk with Carlisle."

I smiled to myself, as I remembered how she had zipped around my bathroom and in seconds the room had been full of fragrant steam, the tub filling rapidly.

"Alice?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you"

She had crossed the room and hugged me gently but swiftly "You are so welcome sweetheart...we almost lost you Nessie. Nobody and I mean nobody would care if woke up with two heads and a furry tail, we're all just so grateful that you're still with us."

Alice's talk had made me feel a little better but I needed more than words from Jacob.

My face flamed in memory of what had happened after my bath. I had stood before him, heart racing my stomach in knots, my fingers tangling in the soft robe.

"Alice told me what happened, Ness. Are you ok?"

"No, not really...I thought I would be healed by now, I got a shock that's all. I didn't expect to be so...ugly"

"Oh Nessie, baby. You're not ugly, you're beautiful, don't you know that?"

I had heard the pain in his voice as clearly as I had felt my own.

"Then kiss me Jacob, please?"

I was ashamed at how needy I sounded but right now in this second nothing else mattered.

His face twisted and his eyes closed for a second, his jaw tight. He lowered his head and his lips were against mine, pressing gently, firmly in a brief, tender yet platonic kiss.

Pain splintered inside me. He had kissed me, barely but he had still done as I had asked. It hadn't escaped my notice that he kept his eyes closed the entire time and his expression so taut it looked as though he was in pain. I felt sick to my stomach.

"I need to get changed and then I think I should talk to Carlisle," I stepped back and had fled to my room.

Lost in my thoughts I tried to make sense of how I had come to be here, on my way to La Push, my heart heavy. The kiss that barely was, had sent me scurrying to my room before further tears could broadcast my misery. I always assumed growing up would curb my tendency for tears but perhaps that was not meant to be.

Rosie had appeared at my door shortly thereafter.

"Alice said you might need a hand?" she said gently and had pulled me close before she proceeded to screw up her pert nose in disgust.

"Jesus Nessie, you just bathed and now you want to cover yourself in doggy odour...now you just smell like wet dog,"

"I do not. Besides I like smelling this way"

I tugged at the soft shirt of Jacob's I wore.

It was like having his arms around me, made me feel safe.

"Well if you must but please next time...don't bathe, your natural scent would have masked the smell."

I'd forced a smile and had allowed Rosie to lead me from the room and down stairs into the den. I would be lying if I said there hadn't an atmosphere.

"I need to speak with Grandpa, ask him some questions," I told the room at large.

"He's expecting you both," Alice tinkled with a side long glance at Jacob.

I had shuffled forward, supported by Aunt Rosie who despite Jacob's presence was unwilling to let me go. It took some time but the door was open to Grandpa's study when we arrived. He had looked up with a smile and come out from around his desk to embrace me gently.

"Renesmee, how are you feeling today?"

"Oh you know, still a little sore and shaky."

I sank slowly into the chair.

Rosie glared at Jacob as he took the only other vacant one and she left us with a slight hiss in his direction.

"That's to be expected, you know you lost a lot of blood and the venom would have attacked some of that which remained, so you are going to be this way for a while. Are you eating?"

"I'm trying but I just... I feel so sick all the time."

"Renesmee, the reason you feel weak and sick is because your body isn't getting what it needs to get better. This is very typical after major blood loss, you feel sick so you don't want to eat and you feel sick because you haven't eaten, it's a bit of a catch 22 situation I'm afraid. But it's so very important that you try to eat at regular intervals. How about thirst? Are you drinking enough?"

I knew he didn't just mean water.

"A little."

"Darling you will never get better unless you keep your strength up, your human side and your vampire side both rely on their food sources to keep you healthy."

"Is that why my scars aren't healing, because I'm not eating properly?"

Grandpa chuckled "I know it probably doesn't feel this way to you but actually your scars are healing nicely and much faster than a human's would, largely due to the animal blood you've consumed. It should only be a few more days and then you will have healed as much as you're going to."

I had blinked twice. Days. As much as I am going to. There was a chance I could stay scarred.

"What do you mean as much as I am going to? I will heal wont I? There won't be any scars left?"

Grandpa had sighed heavily and hung his head for a second.

"Oh sweetheart, I wish I could tell you yes but I don't think I can. Had you been human this is how the scars would have stayed, with surgery you could have had further treatment but because of your vampire side that is not an option for you. In a few days we will know more but I would expect given the way you are healing now, that you will be left with some minimal permanent scarring. The diet of animal blood can only take you so far, just like we are not as strong as those who consume human blood, neither is your body. I am truly sorry Renesmee."

"I can't do this, I can't be here."

The words fell from my lips and I stumbled to my feet, using what little strength I had in my legs to carry me the hell out of there and away from Grandpa's sympathetic glances.

Carlisle's words echoed around my head in the confines of the car and I chanced another glance at Jacob. His face was set, lips pulled into a narrow line, his brow furrowed. Where his hands gripped the wheel I could see the whites of his knuckles, the veins in his arms standing out in stark relief. Not for the first time I wished I had inherited my father's gift. To be able to read his mind right now, to know what he was thinking, would have made me feel so much better.

Jacob

When I had suggested this trip, I needed to do something, anything to help my Nessie. She was heartbroken, devastated and it was all my fault. Scarred forever, all because I loved her but couldn't save her from this. I was meant to protect her and I hadn't, worse I had turned on her and caused at least one of the scars. I couldn't bear to look at her and see the pain in her eyes, on her face. There was a very visual reminder of how much I had fucked up, how unworthy I was of her and I would have to see it every day for the rest of my life.

Her scars didn't matter, in my eyes she was perfect, it was me who was at fault, me who should be ashamed. Because of my actions she was damaged beyond repair, changed for an eternity. I was sickened with myself, how could I let this happen to her? My imprint and she ended up scarred at my own hands. I couldn't stomach the thought and wondered how Sam dealt with this knowledge day in day out.

It hurt just to look at her and know I had hurt her, failed her I couldn't bear to see her scars, a very tangible reminder of what I had done. My feelings hadn't changed, I still looked at her and needed her, wanted her. I was a sick bastard but I couldn't control my body's reaction to its imprint. I was desperate; anything to make her smile, to take away her pain, to rectify the damage I had done to her and it was during our talk with Carlisle that it had come to me...

"How are you feeling Jacob? This must be hard for you too." Carlisle had asked me breaking into my thoughts.

"Be straight with me doc, will she heal or is this it?"

"I wish I could tell you Jacob but the truth is she's so unique, that we are all learning as we go. If you could encourage her to eat and drink, we may see an improvement. The animal blood will help of course but if I am honest I don't think she will heal fully."

Carlisle had sounded as upset by this possibility as I felt.

"Why hasn't the venom healed her completely? It would a human."

"I can only hypothesize you understand but I believe that as Nessie is already a hybrid and she was only exposed to a little venom, her body fought it off before the healing process could be completed. It's almost like she is an anti venom."

"So she's still not venomous?"

He shook his head "As far as I can tell, no. What are you thinking Jacob?"

"Would human blood heal her quicker?"

Carlisle sighed and looked suddenly tired, "I was afraid of this. I am just surprised it has taken you so long to ask the question. I am sorry Jacob, I cannot in good conscience allow Nessie to have human blood, even from a blood bank, the risk is too high."

"That wasn't what I asked. Would human blood heal her fully?"

"It's highly likely yes."

"What about wolf blood, could that hurt her?"

In the long seconds that followed I didn't even notice I was holding my breath until he spoke just two simple words.

"No Jacob."

I had got hastily to my feet before Dr Vamp could attempt to explain his words any further. No Jacob, could mean many things and I only wanted them to mean one.

"Then that's all I needed to hear."

I was gone before he could stop me.

I had found Nessie shoulders slouched, chin down, staring at her toes as though they were the most fascinating things she had ever seen.

I had crouched before her and reached out hand, touching her knee lightly.

"You doing okay Ness?"

She shrugged, barely lifting her head, the skin on her cheeks a little damp.

"I've been thinking, if things aren't going to... change much more for you, maybe you should talk to Emily."

Her head had jerked up and her mouth dropped open a little in surprise, hope flickering across her features for a second before narrowed eyed caution chased it away.

"Really? We can go to La Push? I would love to see how everyone is doing. What about my parents?"

"I don't see them being a problem," Alice had appeared in the doorway with a knowing smile and a small bag.

"When? When can we go?"

Her enthusiasm and obvious excitement had made me smile, I grinned like an idiot to know that just that easily I could help her feel better.

"Is now too soon? Think you're up to it?"

Her eyes had glowed and she had nodded "Anything to get away from these four walls."

"I'll speak to Edward and Bella, it will do you both good to have some time alone, you have some things to talk about I think," she had murmured with a pointed look at me.

She had known what I was going to do. My skin had flushed and I couldn't meet her eyes.

Nessie had got to her feet oblivious and in the blink of an eye Alice was beside her thrusting the bag into her arms. I heard them exchange a few words and then we were going, moving.

Nessie

As we pulled into the drive, Emily appeared in on the porch, Ana perched on her shoulder and she smiled broadly when she saw me. Sam filled the doorway behind them and I watched enviously as Emily leaned back against him.

"Nessie, its so good to see you," she squeezed me tight when I reached her and Ana chuffed a soft sound in protest at being caught between us.

"Hi Ems. Hi Sam. Hey baby girl," I reached out and stroked the baby soft hair.

"So how are you feeling?" she said as she ushered me inside. I was aware of Jacob following us silently, content just to let me be but I could feel his eyes on me.

I shrugged a little, feeling self conscious when her eyes landed on my scar, "I'm getting there, I'm just pleased to get out the house, Mom and Dad were driving me crazy, Jacob too actually."

"Don't be so hard on them. They love you, its natural they want to protect you, it can be hard to let go. Ana is just a baby but I can't imagine what I would feel like if she went through what you went through."

"Ness, Sam and I are running to the store to pick some things up for a bonfire, you'll be okay here?" Jacob stuck his head around the door frame.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Emily "See? I'll be fine Jake, I promise,"

He nodded once and then was gone.

I waited until the sound of the rabbit died out and flopped back against the couch with a sigh.

"How are you really?"

"Honestly? I feel awful. I feel like I've been hit by a truck but its more than that. Things are weird with Jacob, I don't think he loves me anymore, because of...because of my scars."

I couldn't meet her eyes, I had no right to complain.

Emily laughed out loud and my heads snapped up so quickly I winced even as my mouth dropped open in shock. Of all the things I was prepared for, that wasn't one of them.

"I'm sorry Ness, I don't mean to laugh but its just I've never heard anything so ridiculous,"

Ridiculous? This was my life, it wasn't ridiculous.

Something of my feelings must have shown on my face as she hurriedly composed herself.

"I don't mean to say that you are ridiculous or that your feelings are but I thought you understood the imprint, I thought Jacob had talked to you about it."

"He has."

"Well then you should know that no matter what you do or what you look like, Jacob will love you. That's it, no if's, ands or buts. Jacob loves you, he has since the moment he saw you and he will until the last day of forever."

"He won't look at me Emily, it's like he can't stand the sight of me, of my... scars" I whispered the last word guiltily.

She sighed and turned herself to face me.

"Nessie, look at me." She spoke softly but I heard the command in her tone.

Hesitantly I did, our eyes meeting and holding.

"Do you think any less of me because of my scars?"

I reared back "What? No! Of course not, I don't even notice them,"

"That's what I thought. And you've seen my husband, my imprint, my best friend? You think my scars affect him?"

I shook my head "Sam loves you, anyone can see that."

She smiled at me gently before she spoke, "Exactly. Jacob loves you just the same, anyone who knows you loves you. Scars fade eventually Nessie and even if they don't it will not make any difference to the people who matter."

"Jacob matters...everybody keeps telling me I'm being silly, that it won't change anything for him but it has, I can see it and I can feel it when he touches me or rather because he doesn't. Please Emily just watch him for a little while and then tell me I'm imagining it."

"Okay Nessie, we'll try it your way but sweetie I think maybe you're worrying too much, trust Jacob, he loves you, he would never hurt you on purpose."

Spending time with my wolf "family" went a little way towards soothing my battered feelings but did nothing to ease my anxiety over my scars. Eyes would not quite meet mine, smiles were a little forced and the events of the last few days were ignored as though they had never happened all except for one. Nahuel.

Apparently Jacob was now not the only wolf to have imprinted on a hybrid. Leah and Nahuel had been inseparable since he saved her life. They had a lot to learn about each other, namely that Leah was not going to be a pushover and do everything Nahuel said. Despite the obvious pull of the imprint she was determined to keep her independence and Emily informed me their relationship was already somewhat turbulent.

The other wolves appeared wary of him too, despite their positive relationships with my family Nahuel was still only a distant memory to some of them. He was as bossy as any alpha wolf and somewhat autocratic but Leah was confident she could "love" that out of him, at least a little.

Jacob and I barely had a moment alone, everyone wanting to hear the story of what had happened that day, especially the younger wolves. To them it was all a great grand adventure but it was my life, our lives and I felt as though things would never be the same again.

Bonfires were called at times of celebration; times to share, times to mourn and this one had the feeling of all three. Around the fire family members and imprints huddled together as stories were shared about how the tribe were victorious over the most vicious of the cold ones. How the power of the imprint was as deep and as mysterious as time itself, that no one else could have called a wolf back from the brink but his imprint. I flushed under the scrutiny of the younger, newer wolves they stared between Jacob and myself.

He lounged beside me, his arm heavy around my shoulders, the heat from his skin warming me in a way no bonfire could. I gazed around, noting the way the other imprinted couples were seated. Bodies curved into each other, heads tucked into necks, chests to backs, some on laps, fingers entwined, their actions mirroring each other. Then there was us. Though Jacob managed to feign relaxation, I wasn't fooled, I could feel the lines of tension running through him.

I sat tall, my spine rigid, unable to pull away, unable to relax, miserable. Coming to La Push was supposed to make me feel better but instead it served merely to highlight the tension and growing distance between us. Across the fire Emily caught my gaze and smiled sympathetically. It was a peculiar type of torture being this close to him, bringing me comfort and peace whilst at the same time twisting my insides and making my heart ache.

"You need anything Ness?"

Well wasn't that a loaded question.

I shook my head quickly, gathering my hair close again, as my scar become exposed, highlighted in the fires glow.

"You'll let me know when you've had enough?"

Enough of what exactly, you not being able to stomach the sight of me? Enough of the stares, the pitying looks or the whispers? Biting my lip, keeping my eyes trained on the fire I nodded, wondering just when enough was enough.