Guys, I have been so dang busy, and I am sorry for that! I have finals next week, so I will, I repeat, I will be updating more often. I am a little rusty to writing creatively as all I have been doing is writing academic papers for college. Feel free to tell me if this sucks. I think I rushed this chapter a lot. Sorry that it is so short! Enjoy and review!
The keys feel like a loaded gun in my hand. It feels like my end, and this horrid emotion of fright not only makes my stomach plummet down, it makes me shiver as if I have been put in the coldest, harshest environment completely bare, and I am bare in a sense. Ciel can now notice how pathetic I am. He can notice my flaw. He can see my secret.
I can't bear to look at him. I am afraid of the recognition I am sure to see on his face. I am scared of my reflection that might be in his eyes. So I keep mine down at the utensil that had help in ruining my life, and has the ability to potentially destroy me even further.
Ciel's POV
He has yet to look at me, and I begin to worry if I had upset him with how frank I was to Bard. If I offended him in anyway. I poke him, trying to get his attention, but it doesn't work. He is in his own world. A world that I am not a part of, and now, instead of being worried, I am distraught.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
He doesn't respond. It's Bard who cuts in. "Hey, Ciel. Let me drive, okay? I've been driving his sorry ass for so long that he probably doesn't know how to even use a car. Look at him. The keys seem foreign to him," he explains as he walks to Sebastian. He grabs the keys from his hand, and Sebastian lifts his head. The relief that spreads in Sebastian is instant and visible, and my frown deepens in suspicion and jealously. Why can Bard make him feel safe? Why does Bard make him feel comfortable? Why can't I?
My desire to dine with him starts diminishing quickly.
Sebastian's POV
Again, I am saved by Bard. As soon as the cold metal is out of my possession, I feel my body become free of my worries and terror. After I give Bard an appreciative glance, I look to my side. A smile is already occupying my lips, and I am eager to have it returned by Ciel. However, he is gone, and I search for him, only to find that he is a few strides away from me. I run after him, afraid that if I let more time pass between us, the physical and symbolic distance will also increase. I catch his wrist, and he stops to pull it from my grip. I don't bulge, and he spins around.
"What do you want?" He asks me. I purse my lips, not quite getting his question because I assumed we had already settled what I wanted.
"You said we are going to dinner. Why are you leaving?"
"Look, I am not some third-wheel, Sebastian. If you want to be with Bard, then do it. Let him be your fiancé. Just…choose him already."
Ciel's POV
How obvious can I possibly be? He can see it, can't he? My love for him. He can hear how desperate and pitiful I sound, right? It is not just in my head. He can feel my feelings for him. He can feel it, and in a second, I will feel the crushing blow of rejection as he will finally admit that he is in love with Bard. And though I should be accustomed with the pain he causes me, I am not ready for this. I'm just not.
I harden myself. I make sure that my expression will remain callous and uncaring. He can see how I feel about him, but I will draw the line at him knowing how I feel about him when he is with another. I won't let him figure it out. With that resolve, I wait for him to tell me what I have known for three years. What I have known since the moment my eyes laid on him and then on Bard, who trailed after him. What I have been denying.
There is no admission, though. No sounds that fill my ears. No confession that leads me into a spiral of absolute depression. None. Instead, I am kissed.
Sebastian's POV
Third-Wheel? Choose who? I can't even register how ridiculous his accusations are, and I don't. Because I am preoccupied with what I have recently heard in the past few days. The bartender Agni said that Ciel loved me. Bard said that Ciel was jealous of him. Then the incidents of today are next to occupy my mind. Ciel accepted my proposal and the date, and he hugged me by his own free will. Maybe it all means something and maybe it doesn't. And maybe the next thing I am about to do is stupid, but he just has to pull away. If he doesn't like it, he can slap me, and I will lie and make excuses for my action, and we can pretend that it never happened, and everything will be fine.
I kiss him. I kiss him because where have words ever got me? It is not a soft one. It is earnest and strong, reflecting the love I have repressed for so long. My hand that cups his face is burning either from his blood rushing to his cheek or mine rushing through my body. I can't tell because, unintentionally, Ciel's mouth slackens, and I take advantage of this opportunity and deepen the kiss. I don't know if he is trying to pull away, for I crush him to me.
Air is beckoning me to part for him, and I wish I didn't need oxygen because once I break this kiss, anything can happen. Anything but I must, so I do. I pull back a little, enough that I can breathe but not enough that I give him any true space.
His eyes snap open, and we stare at each other. I try to find anger, resentment, regret, or something in his beautiful eyes, but I can't. My elated state makes it impossible for me to, so I stay silent and pray for him to be kind, and even if he is not, it is for the best. He deserves someone better than me. Someone else.
Ciel's POV
"Wha-Why?" I stutter. He laughs, and a gust of his breath brushes against my parted lips, which almost makes me lean into him. But I have to stay focus to get my answer. I can't get distracted.
"'Why' he asks." Another chuckle. "Why not? As I recall, you are mine."
"Yours?" I whisper in surprise. His? Since when? Since I said yes to the engagement? Does that mean we are together? I don't understand. My thoughts whirl around in my head. "I…"