Cyrus

"TJ, please!" I called after him, my voice catching at the end. He didn't respond. He didn't even acknowledge me.

I could feel my heart sinking down into my stomach as I watched his retreating figure. I couldn't piece together in my mind what had just happened, or why TJ felt the urge to just ditch me like that.

"Cyrus, are you okay?" Buffy asked gently, walking up and rubbing my arm in a useless attempt to comfort me.

I turned my gaze back to TJ's friends, who were now snickering to themselves at the sight of my pained expression. The blond boy who I was pretty sure was called Reed smirked at me as I decided to cautiously approach them. As soon as I moved to walk towards them, Buffy and Andi followed close behind me. No matter what Reed was about to say, it made me feel safer to know that my two best friends always had my back.

"Reed?" I asked hesitantly.

"That's me." He nodded, an annoying smile plastered over his face.

"What just happened? Why did TJ leave when he saw you?" I questioned him, gesturing in the direction of TJ, who was now but a speck in the distance.

After an uncomfortable pause, Reed looked me in the eyes. "Cyrus, right?"

I shifted uneasily on the spot. "You know me?"

"Know you?" Reed scoffed. "Dude, TJ never shut up about you. Every damn conversation turned into 'ooh, Cyrus said this', or 'ooh, Cyrus did that'." He mocked in a 'girly' tone of voice.

I flinched slightly at the remark, which didn't go unnoticed by Buffy, who took a warning step forward. Reed immediately held his hands up defensively. "Whoa, don't get mad at me, baby!" He chuckled, seemingly taking great pleasure in Buffy's angered expression, "I was just answering the question."

"Okay, listen up you creep." Buffy scowled, taking another step forward, "I don't know what's going on between you and TJ, but you leave my friend out of it, you got that?"

Reed wore his signature smirk again, flipping his blond hair out of his face. For a split second, I thought about how cute he was, before cursing internally for even letting that cross my mind right now.

"I think TJ's the one you wanna watch out for, if you catch my drift." Reed said with a raised eyebrow, before turning tail and leaving with Lester in pursuit.

For a few awkward seconds, we just watched them walk away, before Buffy span around to face us. "Ugh. What a creep!" She spat out in disgust.

"I know." Andi nodded. "What do you think happened with him and TJ?" She asked, turning to me.

I shrugged in confusion. "I have no idea! I knew TJ stopped hanging around them but he never told me why."

Andi tilted her head to the side. "Wait, TJ used to hang out with those jerks?"

I nodded, my gaze dropping to the ground.

She let out a frustrated sigh. "You see, this is why I don't trust him. He's bad company, Cyrus! He must be if he hangs out with people like that." Andi reasoned.

"In his defence," Buffy turned to Andi, "he's not hanging out with them anymore. Maybe TJ realized that they're horrible people and ditched them?"

Andi scoffed, eyebrows furrowed. "Why are you taking his side in this? TJ was awful to you for months! He made your life a misery and got you suspended from the team! Why are you being so soft on him after everything he did?"

As soon as I saw Buffy's expression harden, I braced myself for the worst. "Because I forgave him for that stuff. He was awful to me, and I accepted his apology. That was my decision to make, not yours." She argued.

"I'm not saying it wasn't your decision, I'm just saying that maybe you're trusting him a little too much." Andi shot back in a sarcastic tone of voice. I grimaced at how ugly this conversation had quickly become. I glanced over to Jonah and Walker in desperation, but both of them were standing awkwardly to one side, clearly not wanting to get involved.

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "Or maybe I'm just trusting Cyrus' judgement over my own."

Andi gaped in shock. "Are you seriously suggesting that I don't trust Cyrus? He's my best friend! And you're really in no position to talk about trusting in your friends, anyway." She remarked.

I had heard enough. I had to try to do something to diffuse the situation. I stepped forward to get between them. "Guys, please…"

"What is that supposed to mean, exactly?" Buffy gritted her teeth, completely interrupting me mid-sentence.

Andi glanced sideways towards Walker, who rubbed his left arm uncomfortably. "You know exactly what I mean." Andi said.

I buried my head in my hands with a groan. This wasn't going to be pretty.

"Wow." Buffy nodded in disbelief. "I really thought you had gotten over that. You know what, Andi, you need to realize that not everything is about you. I'm not dating Walker specifically to upset you! You were with Jonah at the time and I thought you had moved on!"

"You knew that I still had a thing for him." Andi accused her, taking a step forward. Buffy stood her ground. "And you went behind my back and started dating him without even telling me!"

"Andi, I tried to tell y-"

"And to make it worse, you guys started leaving me out and hanging out without me!" Andi shouted over her.

Buffy stomped forward, and I could have sworn I could see steam coming out of her ears. "We didn't leave you out of anything! We invited you along all the time and you chose not to come! So you don't get to come crying to us now about how we're 'leaving you out' when you're not even trying to be mature about this!"

"You all posted all over your social medias about how much fun you were having without me!"

"Well you didn't show up, what did you expect us to do? Spend the entire day being miserable?"

Walker shook his head worriedly, finally stepping forward. "Guys, please, don't fight over this. I don't want anything to be awkward here; can't we just talk this out and stay calm?"

Andi glared at him. "No, we can't."

"Yeah, because someone can't handle it when the world doesn't revolve around her!" Buffy yelled angrily.

"Stop!" I cried desperately, my eyes now warm with tears that were threatening to fall down my reddened face. "Please, just stop!"

Jonah, having been frozen awkwardly in place this entire time, moved to my side and wrapped an arm around my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me. I tensed involuntarily at the unfamiliar touch, before allowing myself to breathe again.

Andi and Buffy both turned to look at me in concern for a second, before scowling at each other again. "Now look what you've done!" Andi gestured towards me.

"What I've done?!" Buffy laughed incredulously. "How about what you've done? You're the one who's not even trusting Cyrus in the first place!"

"Well excuse me for having my doubts after my other supposed 'best friend' stabbed me in the back!"

"Even if I did stab you in the back, which I didn't, that doesn't mean that you have to ruin our day out by upsetting everyone else!"

Andi shook her head and looked away. "You know what, I knew that you guys didn't really want me around."

I looked up at her in shock. "What?" I asked.

"Andi!" Jonah gasped.

"I'm gonna go." Andi said, turning around and stomping towards the exit in the same direction TJ had departed in not five minutes ago. I couldn't believe this was happening. This had been the perfect day out with all of my friends and suddenly TJ had ditched me with no explanation and Andi and Buffy's friendship had crumbled all over again. I felt my breathing quicken, my palms sweating and shaking, but I fought to suppress my panic. I knew I couldn't leave things like this; I had to do something.

"Andi, please!" I called after her, stepping towards her. She hesitated for a moment, but without turning back, she quickly scurried away. I felt my heart drop into my stomach at her complete disregard of my feelings.

"This was a stupid idea." Buffy shook her head. I turned back to look at her sadly. She ducked her head and turned to Walker. "Let's just leave." I heard her mumble, grabbing her boyfriend's hand tightly. Walker gave a sad nod, giving us an apologetic half-wave before walking off with Buffy in the opposite direction to Andi.

My shoulders visibly dropped, a couple of loose tears now gently gliding down my face. I wanted to call out to Buffy but I just felt completely and utterly drained, like someone had sapped all the energy from my body. Jonah slowly walked up to me with a sorrowful expression.

"Cyrus… are you okay?" He asked awkwardly, clearly not knowing how to handle the situation. I looked into his sad green eyes as I felt my own watering all over again, my vision blurring. I let out a small sob, and that was all that was needed before I felt him pull me into a tight hug.

I couldn't even allow myself to focus on the feeling of Jonah's embrace; the same embrace that was once able to send my heart into overdrive. I couldn't focus on the boy's familiar scent or the touch of his hands; the warmth of the sun on my back or the joyful screams from the carnival. All I could focus on were the hot tears streaming down my face, wetting Jonah's shoulder as my sobbing grew more and more violent.

"Jonah, I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but maybe I should just head home." I sighed. After I had spent a good five minutes crying into Jonah's shoulder, I admittedly felt better, but all I wanted to do was hide away in my room and scrawl my feelings into my journal until I couldn't feel them anymore. Jonah had insisted that we would enjoy the rest of our day together, and being the passive but loving friend I am, I couldn't bring myself to turn him down.

"Come on, Cy-guy, we can still have a good time! It's been so long since we last hung out." Jonah smiled, giving me a playful punch in the shoulder. I did my best to suppress the wince of pain that I let out subconsciously.

"What about the canoes literally two weeks ago?" I reminded him with a small laugh.

Jonah looked off in thought for a second, before his eyes lit up. "Oh yeah!" He suddenly remembered.

I chuckled at his mistake, crossing my arms across my chest awkwardly. "So… what did you have in mind?" I inquired.

Jonah beamed at me. "That's the spirit! We were all about to get some cotton candy, you feelin' it?" He asked, gesturing towards the cotton candy stall several feet away from us.

I tilted my head to one side and shrugged. "I guess I can never say no to sugary snacks."

Jonah let out a happy laugh. "Believe me buddy, I know."

After we both devoured our cotton candy that Jonah had paid for, he pulled me excitedly over to the line for the bumper cars.

"The bumper cars are always my favorite!" He exclaimed excitedly as we joined the line.

"Sure." I nodded. "Great practice for when we get our learner's permits, I guess!" I joked with a smirk.

"Exactly!" Jonah smiled back completely unironically. The expression of despair on my face clearly went entirely over his head.

After a particularly fierce bumper car battle, the sunlight had grown significantly fiercer in kind and so after some protesting on my part, we wandered away from the carnival to sit down by a tree, basking in the cool sensation of the large shadow it cast.

After a few moments of relaxing silence, Jonah turned to me with a thin smile. "Do you, uhh… do you wanna talk about it?"

I immediately nodded. "Yes. I mean, no," I laughed, "but if I don't talk to someone, I think I might just explode."

Jonah snorted, leaning back against the tree. "What's going on? I know about this whole Walker thing with the girls, but what's up with you?" He asked.

I let out a deep sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. "A lot, basically."

"Is it something to do with TJ?" Jonah asked more gently this time.

Tell him. Don't tell him. Tell him. Don't tell him.

The options were whirling around my head at mach speed. I felt close enough with Jonah to trust him with my secret, especially after he was there for me today, but something about the thought of telling another guy made me even more nervous than usual. I had always been more naturally inclined to hang out with girls as I was growing up. I had always chalked it up to me primarily living with my mother after my father moved out, but more and more recently I wondered if my sexuality had played a big subconscious role in that throughout my childhood.

The idea of telling another guy terrified me just because of the inherent implication that I might have a crush on them, which could easily weird them out and ruin everything. Especially for a guy like Jonah who I genuinely did have a crush on at one point. In fact, Jonah was basically my gay awakening, so he would probably be the last guy I'd want to come out to for fear of ruining things.

And yet, as we sat there together, with Jonah's adorable smile pointed at me, I could feel the words crawling up my throat, trying to escape my lips.

"Yes." I nodded. I took a deep breath, confirming to myself that I was really about to do this. I gripped my hands together to stop them from shaking as I turned to meet Jonah's gaze, which showed a brief flash of concern. "Jonah, I- I'm… I have… uhh…"

Jonah's eyebrows knotted together. "Are you okay?"

I immediately let out a short laugh. "No." I shook my head. "Not at all. This is… this is just really hard to say out loud."

Jonah's signature smile had now dissolved into a frown. He scooted closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, you can tell me anything, man."

I nodded, feeling a small smile tugging at my lips. "I know. It's just…" I took one last deep breath, looking away from Jonah before ripping off the metaphorical band-aid. "I'm… gay."

That was it. I had never said the word out loud before, never put a label on it, but deep down I knew what it was. On some level I had always known, but that was the first time I had truly acknowledged it. The first time it became my reality. My stomach churned as the weight of what I had just done hit me all at once.

I couldn't find the courage to turn back to Jonah, to see the expression on his face. I looked down at the ground, counting the blades of grass beneath me as my urge to throw up grew stronger and stronger with each second of tension that passed.

Finally, I heard Jonah's voice, gentle and calm, yet it rang in my ears like thunder on a rainy night. "That's totally cool, Cy-guy!"

My heart felt like it had grown wings and was trying to fly away. I let out a breath that I didn't know I had been holding in, finally turning to face the taller boy who now wore a wide smile on his face. "Really?"

"Yeah, totally! You do you man, love is love or something, right?" He laughed, shaking me by the shoulder. "Seriously though, I'm proud of you, buddy."

I beamed at him, before pulling him in for a hug. Somehow this had gone even better than I had ever dreamed it could have.

"You know, Cyrus," He whispered to me as we embraced, "That's the bravest thing I've ever seen you do."

Shocked at his sudden wisdom, I responded by simply hugging him tighter, allowing my head to fall onto his shoulder. Never in a million years had I expected Jonah Beck to come up with something so profound and meaningful.

I guess it's true what they say about broken clocks.

Phew! It is currently… 1 o'clock in the morning, and this chapter is FINALLY complete! I really wanted some meaningful platonic Jyrus somewhere in this story, and this seemed like the perfect place in the story to slot it in.

I have the funeral for my lost family member tomorrow, followed by a weekend of drinking with college friends, so the next chapter will probably not be up until Tuesday at the earliest.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!