I had this chapter completed, but I wanted to have at least four chapters done before I would upload because I feel sorry for the readers of my story. I have been busy with college and life that I have put my creative side on the backburner, but as a reader of fanfiction myself, I realize how unfair I am being when I don't update for a long time. So I will try to finish one chapter each week. That's my new goal. Feel free to message me to push me into writing. Anyways, enjoy and review! (I'm half way done with the next chapter.)

I freshen up as quickly as I can, but though I am in rush to return to Ciel, I pause at the mirror. The stranger I see there makes me reach out my hand to touch the cold surface just to see if what I am seeing is really me. And surprisingly, it is me. A new me whose is finally happy and not a walking nothing. I have been manifested to real human being with aspirations and dreams and hopes. A real boy who is in love.

I slowly begin to speak in a low voice, and I catch my reflection mouthing the words my ears fail to pick up. Inspiring words, one would think, but to me, they are a premonition. A foreshadow that I pray is wrong because if it is not, I don't think I can recover. But honestly, I don't expect myself to. I can only take so much pain, failure, and living nightmares.

With a small encouraging smile to myself, I turn the handle to the bathroom. I pull the door open, and I set my sights on Ciel. He is standing in the center of my room. I glimpse him put something in his pants pocket, but before I can question what, he approaches me with a smile that has me both worried and relieved.

Distracted, as I always am when Ciel dazzles me with his presence, I open my arms for him. My heart quivers as he continues to close the distance between us. Will he ignore my gesture, or will indulge me in my whims? He falls into my arms.

"You are quite affectionate today. Like a little kitten," I tease.

In response, he tilts his head upward and says, "Then you should be pleased. After all, you are obsessed with cats, right?"

I chuckle at his almost indignant reply. "If you are jealous, I can let you on a secret." He nods cautiously. I lean in close to his ear. "Nothing compares to you in my eyes. You are my favorite everything." I pull back fast enough to see his face light up red.

"That's not fair."

My head tilts in confusion. "What's not fair?"

I feel his arms squeeze me. "You are making it impossible for me to…" He pauses, and I silently prompt him to finish. He doesn't and because he doesn't, my imagination runs wild in a fury of possibilities. "You know," he begins, "I used to date some guy in college." I did know. In fact, I keep documentations of his life without me in various places of my room. Once I had grasped the knowledge that I would probably never meet with the love of my life again due to my crippling accident, I had my father hire a private investigator who had taken pictures of Ciel through college. So when I rested in rehabilitation, I had the comfort of seeing Ciel living his life while I was losing mine…I hope Ciel never learns of my stalking fixation of him.

"You did?" I feign. "Why are you telling me this now? Planning to make me sad?" He shakes his head.

"This is really embarrassing to admit, but I dated him because he reminded me of you."

I blink in surprise. He must be talking about that Claude fellow. I remember when Soma, the investigator, brought me the news. I was, understandably, heartbroken. I had fallen into depression at that time. After all, Ciel had, in my fractured perception, fallen in love with an intelligent, handsome young man.

He laughs. "When I first saw him, I thought it was you. I actually went up to him and punched him in the face." My eyes widen. "Yeah, he had the same expression." His eyes glaze over in nostalgia. "Well, after I realized that it was a total stranger, we started a relationship."

I hesitantly ask," Why'd you assault him when you thought it was me?"

He bits his lip in thought. I unconsciously lean in forward.

"You know why. I, ah, I was angry with you for not answering me for so long. You hurt me, so I thought I would hurt you. An eye for an eye." He pauses and laughs. "Yup, I gave him a pretty good black-eye."

This is the perfect chance, I think. A clear moment where I can confess why I did not contact him. This is an opening, but the words are evasive as they always are when it comes to telling the truth. So I fill the silence caused by my weakness with an abrupt kiss. If I can't communicate through speech, I'll do it through action. And I don't know if he can feel my apology, but it is there. My apology and my sadness is wrapped up in that kiss, and if he doesn't recognize it, it's his fault, right?

He pulls away and pouts. "I thought you'd be jealous about him. A kiss is the farthest reaction I predicted you would have when I told you."

"Well, I have you now. I think the better man won in the end." The pout does not decrease in stature. "Did you want me to act in a zealous way to show you how envious I am of that guy?" He nods slightly. I inhale. "It kills me that you dated him! It kills me!" I voice with sincerity. His eyebrows raise. "To think that another person has touched you, in any kind of fashion, in any degree, in any form, leaves me heartbroken and angrily bitter." I feel myself start to remember all the people that have been in contact with Ciel, and though my brain tells my heart to not hurt because it is all in the past, that none of it matters, my heart reacts as it constricts in pain.

He doesn't laugh at my confession. He doesn't smile nor grimace, and I begin to worry that I have put him off with my infatuation. His eyes flicker down and up quickly. "I'm sorry."

I blink and blink and blink. An apology? I did not expect that in the least. For what, I want to ask. But just like I can't say my own wrongdoings, I can't bear to ask for an explanation of his. The answer he might give me frightens me, but most of all, it is the prospect of his expectation of reciprocation.

So like a coward, I evade with a comment that is both true and not. "I'm not dead yet." No, I am still alive with all the heartbreak that I have endured through the years as Ciel fell in an array of arms. And yes, I might not dead now, but like I've stated, I am fragile from everything. The 'yet' I added is important because it is an ominous promise to Ciel that he probably fails to catch. Because for now, I am alive, but later, well, that is all up to him.

I poke his bellybutton, and in the desire effect I wanted, he laughs. Enough with this heavy atmosphere that I manifested with my insecurities. I can wallow in them by myself, but when I am with him, I should cover them up as much as possible for us.

"Let's eat. You must be starving. We haven't had anything to eat in a while, right?" He nods slightly, and though he doesn't intend for me to see, my trained eyes spot the flash of disappointment his face displays. "What's wrong?" I question to see if I can deduce why that expression showed up.

His mouth drops, and he blushes. He then shakes his head in a gesture to tell me that he refuses to answer. His cuteness brings out my teasing side, and I ask outrageously, "Were you hoping for some action before breakfast?" It's a joke, of course. I just wanted to rile him up, and I anticipate his outburst. But instead, he gets suddenly shy for a moment. His blush spreads to his ears, and I am back to blinking. It takes a second before he responds with a protest, but it is already too late. I hit it right on the mark.

"Despite what last night might had entailed, I am an honest gentleman, if you catch my drift." Again, he blushes. "I've waited so long for you, do you think you can wait for me?" A flicker of disappointment scatters across his facial features again before disappearing altogether. "You won't have to wait long," I reassure him quickly. "I'm a man, after all."

"Yeah, right," he replies sarcastically, finally joking around with me like I first intended. I smile, and I take his hand to try to lead him out of my room for breakfast, but he pulls it out of my hand. I give him an inquisitive look. "Let me clean myself up, too."

"Okay. I'll go start preparing the food for my little master." I pronounce the last word with affection and precision. He turns around, and he glares at me. Weak but a glare nonetheless.

"Don't call me that!"

"Call you what, master?" I feign innocence, though I know exactly why he is bothered.

"That word! You promised to forget about it!" He flusteredly accuses.

I hold up my hands in a defensive manner, and I relent. "You're right. I did promise…and I can't disobey my master." I announce this as I walk backwards out of my room, keeping my eyes stagnant on his face, which lights up like Rudolph's nose. I laugh as I make my way downstairs, not worrying, for once, about the things I miss when my back is turned.