Ciel's POV

I lied to him. Well, does omitting some of the truth still qualified as lying? To my uneasy heart, it doesn't matter. I feel guilty. And just not for lying, but for stealing. For betraying his trust. For invading his privacy. I feel like Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart" is occurring this second, but instead of a dead body, it is a dead phone I am hiding. A, presumably, dead phone in which I had taken out of his drawer when he was in the bathroom and stealthily hid in the pocket of my pants before he could catch me. The drawer that held more secrets and confusion than answers. A drawer that I intend to banish from my thoughts until I am ready to fully analyze the contents without hesitation.

I hurry and shower, washing away the residue of the last night rain I had endured. I exit the bathroom and quickly steal some of his clothes because after all, I am already a thief. I might as well nail myself to the title and wear it proudly.

I bring my clothes with me, making sure that the old-fashion, outdated phone is secured in my pants. I can't lose it. No, I refuse to lose it because that is the phone that he has had in high school. The same phone which holds all our messages and phone records since the moment he added himself as a contact to my phone after our first detention. This phone is important to our past. I just know it contains some answers. It just has to.

When I finally arrive in his dining room, I see the table set with a variation of food. It is a dazzling sight, and though I know Sebastian had nothing to do with the actual process of making the delectable food on the table, my cheeks warm at that the thought that he might have. He cares, and I can see that he does.

He is not there, and I go to the kitchen, looking for his presence, but he is nowhere to be found. I scavenge around his place, searching, but I can't find him. No one is there. It is just me, and I grow suspicious that this is some scheme of his to surprise me. Like he convinced his family to hide and that any minute, they will jump out and congratulate me on the new relationship. But after waiting and waiting, his home grows more silent. No one shouts, no one breathes, no one lives. I am alone here…

I can't breathe. I can't shout. I can't live. I am dead, but I'm not. I'm not, but I am. Help! Help me!

Ciel's POV

I call his name out loud, and I get no reply. I call him on the phone: no reply. I start to get mad that he left me after he made a big deal about me potentially leaving earlier. I keep calling him. Just like the past, I desperately and foolishly call him only to hear his voice saying he will call me back. I message him, like the past, demanding, and then later, pleading for him to call me back. Again, no reply.

Eyes. Where are my eyes?! They're there, aren't they? Why can't I see? Why can't I see then!

Ciel's POV

Is this like the past? Am I the only one looking forward to our future together only to get a dose of the agonizing reality we have in stored for us? We were supposed to be together, but he left me. Is this his way of telling me that this is over before it even starts like he did in the past? Ignoring my desperation to get in touch, cutting me out of his life, and disappearing without a trace. Those are the tactics he used the first time, and it seems like he is repeating the past now.

I have eyes. I'm crying out of them. Is that blood? Is it not tears? Is it my blood? What is it? I can't see. HELP me!

Ciel's POV

I storm out. Fuck him! "Fuck him!" I yell. Fuck him! JUST…fuck…I collapse outside his door and cry. I know I am overacting. He could be busy with something at his business, but I am so damaged by past trauma that reason only comes as an underwhelming afterthought.

My throat burns. I'm screaming, aren't I? It feels like a knife is in there. Is a knife in my throat? Is that where the wet is coming from? Is it blood I feel on my face? I'm screaming, right? Someone, please tell me that I am.

Ciel's POV

I am gasping for breath when I think to phone Bard. He must know where he is, and if Sebastian is with him, I will kill them both for making me into a fool.

He answers, and I question him on Sebastian's whereabouts. He doesn't know. Says that Dimitri had given Sebastian the day off to spend with me. Thought that Sebastian and I were still at home. I told him that he is not there.

Before I hang up, Bard states that he is tracking Sebastian's phone. The location, he announces, is at the Michaelis's residence. If his phone is here, where is he? Bard can't answer, and I end the phone call.

My body hurts. I think I'm moving. I'm hitting my body against something. I think. The pain hurts, but it means I'm alive. Someone, please tell me I'm alive.

Ciel's POV

I make my way inside again. If his phone is here, he must be here. With that logic, I calm down and look for the stupid device, but I can't find it. But when I am scrutinizing everything, I see a broken plate in the sink.

More pain. If I feel more pain, I am alive. Don't shy away from pain. Need more. Need pain. But I'm numb. Numb. I'm dying, yeah?

HELP ME!

Ciel's POV

Why is there a plate broken and abandoned? I don't know, but my patience on trying to decipher why is fading. I shouldn't care anyways even though it parallels me. He left me. Again. So for once, I should take the hint and stop trying to change him. I should stop trying to make him love me when he doesn't. Yesterday's words and today's confession mean nothing now with the declaration his absence is making. I should just stop.

Nu…mb…

K-k-kill me…please