Crazy trouble with love

Female Pharaoh and Death the Kidd

Series: Soul Eater

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-Egypt, Pyramid of Anubis-

Inside the pyramid, Liz and Patty had just finished killing the mummies they ran into and made sure the souls were divided up equally.

Patty looked at the carnage of blood and cloth as various Kishin souls floated around, like some sort of floating will o wisp.

"Alright Patty, make sure we get equal." spoke Liz in her gun form.

"K!" Patty said while the souls started to enter her body, about fifty out of one hundred and two souls of man eating mummies, before she stopped. "Tastes like chicken."

Liz transformed back into her regular form and took in the rest of the souls. "Still tastes like any other."

"Well maybe they had chicken before we blasted their brains out?" Patty laughed before hearing a low growl coming from deep within the pyramid. "Ooh, I hear something."

Liz started getting goosebumps. "Um, l-let's just go-" she would have said more of Patty didn't drag her big sister, by the arm, towards the sound. "Patty! No, let's just go and wait for Kidd!"

"But it'll be fun." She said as they went deeper into the pyramid before entering a room covered in jackal headed men and a gold sarcophagus in the center of the room. "Wow! Doggy headed men!"

Liz gulped and looked around before hearing the growl again come from the sarcophagus.

"Wrath." It spoke as the sarcophagus opened with numerous bandages spawning out of it as they spread towards the Thompson sisters and grabbed them by the arms and legs. "Wrath of the Pharaoh."

"Hey! If you're bothered, we can leave." suggested Liz with a nervous sweat.

"This is fun!" Patty laughed as the bandages started swinging them around like an amusement park ride, well….before they started removing their clothes. "Hey that tickles!"

"GET OUT OF THERE!" Liz yelled while feeling her started to unhook her bra. 'Kidd, GET US OUT OF THIS MESS!'

-outside the pyramid-

"Achoo." Kidd sneezed while flying on his skateboard, Beelzebub, towards the Pyramid of Anubis. "Must be the sand."

Soon he landed back at the structure and smiled at the head before his board rolled inside with his hands in his pockets. "I hope Liz and Patty understood the importance of me quickly running home."

He then saw a tiny orb with a cat's face and picked it up before ranting about how symmetrical it's face was. Well, until he saw an extra eyelash on its right side and kicked it away before floating away, as the orb revealed to be a man eating mummy head with blood coming out its mouth.

"Hmm, if you didn't have blood, I would have spared you, BUT" he flew at it and kicked it in the face. "I WILL NOT SPARE ASYMMETRICAL GARBAGE!"

"Kidd." Said a familiar voice as Kidd floated closer to the inner pyramid. And blushed at a sight he didn't expect, a naked Liz and Patty. Both wrapped up in bandages an in rather lewd positions with their legs either spread or their boobies being wrapped up.

"Well…"Kidd blushed before turning towards the exit. "Looks like you're alright so I best get going."

"HEY HEY HEY!" Liz yelled as she looked really pissed off at her Meister. "You are not gonna leave us here to be molested, are you!?"

"Kidd's a pervert." Patty laughed as the bandages moved right towards Kidd's legs and arms, which failed as he dodged them.

"Wrath!" The sarcophagus spoke as it kept on trying to grab the son of death only for him to dodge them every time.

He frowned and tried sending Beelzebub to cut the bandages before another one shot out and cut against his cheek and made him growl while wiping the blood away.

"Get us out of here!" Liz called out as Kidd sent Beelzebub, visa kicking it, towards the weapons and freed them. "Finally, my hands felt like they were about to come off."

"Aw, I was starting to like it." pouted Patty.

"Patty!" Liz blushed. "Just change into weapon form." She then changed into a pistol which appeared in Kidds' hands.

"Okay!" Patty changed into her own form and appeared in Kidds' other hand.

"Wrath!" The creature in the coffin spoke as its bandages were blasted by soul bullets. The time was perfect to go for the kill but….Kidd just stopped what he was doing.

"Kidd, what are you doing? Blast it!" spoke Liz.

"But," Kidd said while looking at the sarcophagus. "It's so...perfect!" he looked up and down the sarcophagus and his eyes sparkled. "Both sides are perfectly symmetrical!"

The bandages stopped as if the prasing affected it. Only for the bandages to grab the boy and bound his arms and legs as another set of bandages took Liz and Patty from him. "Wrath?"

"Kidd! You should have shot!" called Liz staying in her weapon form due to the lack of clothes if she changed into her human form.

"But why would I destroy such a work of divine art!" He called back as the bandages again stopped as if each praise is affecting it like...an artist being admitted by an avid fan. "Each portion of this sacar phacus is perfect in every little detail, from the gold orb on its head to the perfectly crafted hieroglyphs, everything about this is a work of a great and perfect pharaoh!"

The bandages looked hesitant to strike the child before receding back into the coffin while keeping Liz, Patty, and Kidd tied up as they saw the middle part of it slowly start to open.

"You think so?" Said a feminine voice as the coffin opened up revealing a young woman, covered in bandages and wearing a crown of gold and various stones. Each portion of her skin, which the bandages didn't cover like her arms and face, looked as healthy as if she never was mummified centuries ago. Her red eyes looked at Kidd with interest. "Because all of this was all in the name of my lord, Anubis."

Kidd's and the sister's eyes widened seeing her dark skin under the bandages with long black hair that reached the floor. Kidd was stunned beyond belief because everything was perfect. The stones, the way the crown stood, her hair was equally parted on both sides, even the way her legs spread and the bandages were set up were all symmetrical. Even her breasts were symmetrical! He was looking at the perfect woman!

"Well." She said while walking towards them. "Aren't I a perfect pharaoh, since my lord Anubis' favorite pharaoh blessed me for being at his beck and call."

Kidd lowered his head which confused the sisters. "Miss, no mere words can describe you, so I will have to say the one thing suited for this moment."

"What is that young peasant?" She asked.

Kidd gritted his teeth and managed to let out a loud roar before ripping the bandages holding to shreds and ran over to the woman before stopping and calmly held her hands with both his and looked her in the eye. "Will you marry me?"

"What?" She asked surprised and shocked at the same time.

"Will you marry me?" he repeated with a calm and serious look in his eyes.

She blushed. "You want me? Pharaoh Anput, to marry you…." She looked away. "I can't, I swore to marry a child of Anubis, the great God of funerals and death."

"Well you must have been deceived. There is only one Lord Death, and he's my father." replied Kidd. "Though the architecture for those who followed Anubis is beautiful. And it's exactly the place I'd be bury at. Any other grave would be unworthy." he spoke with a frown.

Anput looked at him in surprise. "Your...Your the child of my lord?!"

"But Lord Death doesn't look like a doggy." spoke Patty with a question mark above her head.

"Well my father does have various names in different religions." Kidd told Patty before well….

"BELOVED!" Anput cried out while hugging Kidd against her breasts. "Oh I have longed for this day, yes yes I will marry you."

Kidd's face turned red. 'So soft…..and they're the same size and shape! PERFECT SYMMETRY!'

"Ok." Liz said while seeing the once enemies now fiancés acting lovey dovey with each other. "This is strange."

"Kidd has a crush!" sang Patty.

"I shall invite everyone to our marriage!" declared Kidd.

"Let's beloved." Anput smiled. "But where is lord Anubis? Isn't he supposed to make sure that the dead are safe from necromancers?"

"My father is currently at the city miles from here, and has set up an academy for us to fight any Kishin. And these are my partners." Kidd pointed to Liz and Patty.

"Kishin? What's that?" She asked since she died LONG before Asura went rouge. About 10,009 years to be exact.

"Creepy monsters who go around eating souls." spoke up Liz. "Also, WHAT WAS WITH THE BONDAGE!?"

"Oh. That." She chuckled. "I kind of act as a seductress on occasion, to keep lord Anubis' enemies from attacking him while visiting my kingdom."

"Well it would be wise for us to tell my father, seeing as I have to thank him for allowing me to meet a goddess." smiled Kidd.

Anput blushed at the comment. "If you want to talk to your father just say his name into the sarcophagus and he will answer."

Kidd turned to the sarcophagus and called out. "Lord Death!"

Nothing happened.

"You must say his real name, Lord Anubis, my beloved." Anput said while hugging Kidd's head.

"Lord Anubis!" he called out while relaxing in the hug.

The sarcophagus shook as a small mirror like object appeared, made of gold, before growing till it was the size of the coffin before the face and body of Death appeared on screen, while chastising Spirit again.

"I keep telling you flirting with Medusa is-oh! Hello!" he spoke turning and leaning in. "Is that-Anput? Wow, it's been thousands of years since I last saw you. How are you doing my dear?"

"Fine," she bowed. "I ate a necromancer, had some fun with some bondage and found my beloved." She then turned her head towards Kidd. "Your son, lord Anubis."

"Hello Kidd! Hmm, I should have been careful hearing about the mummies. If you had to kill her, that would have been bad for both parts."

"Why is that father?" Kidd asked confused at the sentence.

"Well, I know your choice of women is rather….picky, and since Anput here is the strongest and most loyal, not to mention equal on both sides, that would mean both of you would have lost out on two perfect partners."

"My lord," Anput spoke while looking at Lord Death with hope in her eyes. "Are you….really allowing me, your Death scythe of Egypt to marry your son?!"

"Of course." he turned to his son. "Just try to respect who she is inside, besides her outward appearance."

"I understand Father." He said with a smile. "Besides, Anput is a goddess amongst women."

"Good! Bring her back here so I can see my future daughter-in-law up close since it's been so long. Just try not to have too much fun on the way~"

"FATHER/LORD ANUBIS!" Both blushed as the connection was cut and the mirror returned to its smaller form.

"Uh, can we get out of these?" called out Liz in her gun form.

"Oh right," Anput bushed before letting them go. "Sorry about that, I sometimes forget that there are other people in the room if lord Anubis is around or," she kissed Kidd's cheek. "His handsome son~"

"Kidd has a girlfriend, Kidd has a girlfriend~" sang Patty transforming into her regular form while forgetting she was still without clothes.

"Patty!" Liz called out while changing back. "You're naked remember!?"

"Both of you are naked." Anput sweatdropped. "And why are you two different sizes? It's really an affront to my very presence!"

"Now you sound like Kidd!" spoke Liz covering her chest with a blush. "Let's just get out of here."

"Fine." She said dropping them on the ground. "But next time you show yourselves naked, expect me to start measuring them to the dot!"

Liz sighed as she and Patty became guns so Kidd could hold them as he got on Beelzebub with Anput climbing on the back and holding on tight to him. The strangest thing though was that the sarcophagus shrank until it turned into a small shield with a image of Anubis on it.

"Can't forget to bring my other half." Anput said as a small mummified scarab landed on her head. "Ammit! Where have you been my pet scarab?"

"Scarab!" spoke Liz shuddering. "You mean those bugs that live around here?"

"Yes, and they are sacred symbols of immortality." She said as the Scarab crawled onto an insertion on her crown and turned into a piece of amber. "And the other half of my abilities," she looked towards Kidd. "I'm ready my Pharaoh, let's head to...where are we going?"

"Death City."

"Yes let's go to Death City." Anput grinned as Beelzebub took of and flew out of the pyramid and towards the west.

-omake-

-DWMA, Death City, two days later-

Kidd was smiling as he, Anput, Liz, and Patty were walking through the halls.

"So much has changed." Anput said while looking around. "Especially the outfits, they are so….free and unrestricting."

"Maybe later we can get you something other than those bandages." suggested Liz sweat dropping at the fact she was fine in them.

"Like?" She asked before seeing a blue haired boy walk up to her. "What do you want peasant?"

"Peasant? You should look closer babe, because I am the one and only Black Star! Yahoo!"

"Who?" Anput frowned. "Are you one of those peasants with a big ego the size of Set's tail?"

"Now who are you talking about?" he raised an eyebrow as Tsubaki, Soul, and Maka walked over.

"Set, God of the desert and storms that tried to overthrow Egypt by killing his brother Osiris," Anput frowned. "And who was my lords' bastard of a father."

"Oh, hello. Are you new here?" asked Tsubaki looking at the girl before blushing. "Uh, and where are your clothes?"

"Yes I am new here you lady," she grinned while knowing that there were some people with manners. "And I'm technically wearing clothes, as per the custom of mummification."

"Uh, isn't that for mummies?" asked Soul while trying not to get a nosebleed.

"Yes but you see," she smiled. "I'm a mummy, a death scythe and lord Anubis' faithful weapon and pharaoh of Egypt from 10,009 years ago."

"Say what?" spoke Maka with wide eyes.

"Hum…." Anput said while looking at Maka. "Your father is a weapon and your mother was a meister, so yep, you can do both given enough training."

"Wait, how can you tell?"

"I can tell because," she grinned. "I'm a hybrid too, but I used both to become a death scythe, instead of what other hybrids do and chose which one they should become, which is foolish since both can achieve perfection as both weapon and meister."

"None can become more perfect than Black Star!" declared said ninja pointing to the ceiling with a smirk.

"Weak." Anput flatly said. "Weak and more like a hungry ghoul than a meister."

He frowned and leaned in closer. "Well you don't look so tough to me."

Anput looked at him before the bandages on her back came out and turned into various weapons including...a ball smasher. "You were saying peasant?"

"Still not impressed."

Anput then turned her right arm into a huge jackal head, with red ruby eyes, which snarled like a real animal. "Impressed now? Or should I turn into a giant scarab with twenty heads?"

Black star was still unimpressed. "No and frankly you are nothing against a god like me."

Anput glared darkly at Black Star. "What did you say you pathetic heretic?"

Black Star started feeling nervous from the tone as Kidd rubbed her back.

"Easy there, we don't want to get too riled up before the wedding."

"Fine." Anput said while her bandages returned to her body. "But I want Lord Anubis to keep this heretic away from the wedding, my Pharoah."

"Wait, wedding?" spoke Tsubaki in interest.

"Yes," Liz spoke up. "Apparently Lord Death allowed them to get married, even if Kidd here asked first during battle and Anput chose to only marry a son of death."

"Dude, you're getting married?" spoke Soul in surprise. "I figured you'd be holding out on that."

"What can I say." Kidd chucked before kissing Anput's cheek. "We are symmetrically perfect for each other."

'Of course.' thought the teens.

"Oh and peasant," Anput addressed Soul. "I recommend telling your friend how you feel or it will end badly for you in the future." She then turned to Tsubaki. "Also, young lady, if this heathen is having any issues, just join with them," she pointed to Soul and Maka. "They are a better pair than this worm."

The three blushed while Black Star crossed his arms with a huff.

"Oh also," Anput grinned as she formed a foot out of bandages and kicked Black Star into a wall. "THAT WAS FOR CALLING YOURSELF A GOD, YOU SPAWN OF APOPHIS!"

The teens winced as Black Star was lodged in the wall.

"Now," she smiled while retracting her bandages. "Where is this 'first period' class room? I kind of need to teach my first class."

"Wait, you're a teacher?" asked Maka.

"Yes." She said with pride. "And I will succeed in my task given to me by the most honored lord Anubis."

"And slip Kidd love notes." giggled Patty.

"PATTY!" Both blushed crimson as they turned to the girl.

"What? It's true." She grinned. "Plus maybe you can start having fun on the des-"

"PATTY!"