Chapter 05: Heartbreak

NT: * First of all, I would like to thank JASIAWEBB for giving a read in this chapter. Thank you very much!

I also wanted to say that I'm very grateful for the reviews that you did. You have no idea how happy that makes me. Knowing that my story has touched you in some way, made you laugh or I don't know ... just, thank you everyone!

I would like to explain a few things too. Have you ever noticed that some reactions and emotions in the story are greatly exaggerated, this is because I'm focusing on Pearl. I take her as a very dramatic gem, so ...

Another very important thing is that this story is marked as mature for a reason. Yes, I intend to include some smut ... But not now. Soon, but not now.

This is a slow burn after all

If you see an error or something strangely written...Report to me, please, for I will fix it.

I need someone to also volunteer to be my beta, if possible.

Sensual moments will happen and I don't feel comfortable depending on someone underage to beta, so ...

Last thing, this chapter is the most depressing in the story, so be warned.

This story is a drama...Not a fluffy story*

Oh stars …

The footsteps echo through the walls of the temple, fast and light. The shadow of a slim and tall silhouette shimmering in the high and rocky walls in the filtered sunlight. Nervousness and anxiety flowed in thick waves in her pores.

Everything was wrong, her world completely turned upside after event unfolding in front of her eyes without permission without prior notice.

She was scared, even was like watching her life progress in the eyes of a third person. All her thoughts and wills ripped out,denied. Fate, if she could really let herself believe in this term, had a specific plan for her life.

What am I doing? What just happened now!?

The gem brought a hand to her head, running on a simple motion the messy hair with her long and pale fingers.

Garnet had already left some time ago and since then she couldn't settle down. The notion that she had said or done something that revealed her secret plagued her and what was a question now presented itself as certain.

Her leader didn't love her, she will never fact, she was quite sure that now she was seen as some kind of perverted, corrupted gem.

Who falls for a fusion that is a relationship... Right?

Sighed audibly and stopped walking abruptly. Her heart was beating fast, uncontrolled and tight under the ribs. Could feel as if about to jump out of the body by the throat, or simply explode.

What was she thinking? What a stupid idea was this simply give up her self-control?

Inhaled again filling the lungs of a vain usable air and let the carbon dioxide slowly breathe out by her nostrils.

I need to calm down. I have to calm down!

Well, if only it were that easy, she thought to herself with derision.

Somehow, Pearl needed to clean up the mess she had made. She knew she couldn't leave it open because the odds of future irremediable events were very high and the variables that led to a good and peaceful time were almost scanty.

Ok Pearl ... You need to calm down and think of a way to reverse this situation.

Garnet can't know that you're in love with her.

She can not even suspect it!

Her feet begain stroll again quick and agitated, reflecting the state in which the mind was.

Why her captain could not know that she loved her?Why not just let the "destiny" take care of the whole mess?Why not risk that everything would be fine and maybe ...Just, perhaps all could ended well. She could love her too, right?Yeah ... Right, the gem thought to herself smiling bitterly.

Probably she must be thinking that I'm the worst existing gem in the galaxy!

I'm friend of Sapphire and Ruby, for the love of the stars!

They should be so angry. They must think I'm in love with them.

Oh my Goodness, What am I going to do !?

Walking from one side to the other within the wide temple she felt trapped,the high and cold walls surrounding her as a cage, like a cell confining to her own misery.

Droplet of sweat travel by the immaculate skin, the hands trembled without her consent at the same time that the air suddenly seemed to be very necessary and not enough to fill the capacity of her lungs.

She felt her eyes sting and tears blur her vision, her throat tightened with a knot that was forming.

She couldn't let despair get hold of her system but it wasn't as if the mere desire could overcome the feelings and thoughts that flowed through her head.

The gem loathed feeling out of control. She was practical, rational and logical but since the moment that had fallen in love, since the last few months all her self, her meticulous plans were all overturned. Feeling lost was not her speciality. She didn't know what to do and not knowing how to proceed in a situation was destroying her; Because in those moments she'd turned to look to her leader, because Garnet always know what to do, how to proceed, how to calm her.

However ... She couldn't ask for Garnet, couldn't call her and count on her support to resolve the situation.

A small tear flowed through her skin burning her and warning her for the pain that widened beneath her ribs.

Oh stars ... I'm so fucked up.

I can not find a way out without her. I can't control myself!

Oh goodness, I don't know what to do!

Not knowing what to do and not knowing how to proceed was not so scary, after all she ever felt like this before,more terrible than it was to know that her anchor, her guide couldn't be accessed because she was the source of her anguish.

She brought a hand to mouth covering her lips against the formed and strangled cry. Even though no one could hear from the temple, she didn't want to hear her own voice,her own sound reverberate through the cold and without lives walls.

And this moment when her tears freely flow off her face, twining through her fingers, dripping on the collar of her shirt, wetting her chest, she hated herself.

She hated herself for being weak, being dependent on a gem that would never look at her again the same way.

She abominated herself by just stand in the middle of the room crying and falling apart by her own sickened by feel her stomach turn and untap within her body, hear her muffled sobs, feel her throat closing painfully and burn... Oh burn as much as a torch if she had swallowed.

She fell on her knees in the middle of the room, too weak to support herself on the feet, too weak to simply stand up and force herself to stop whining. Just weak, as she always was and always will be.

Pearl enveloped her arms around herself, as if the embrace could console her, decrease the loneliness that lurked and surrounded her shape.

She felt so overwhelmed with emotions. Sentiment that didn't understand, couldn't properly process.

Her body reverberated and exploded in small amounts of emotions never before experienced. Pain by plainly love and know that was not loved; Anguish for not being able to do anything to stop losing the only gem that ever mattered in her life; Shame to know that the fusion knew she loved her and thought the worst of it;Loneliness for not have someone to tell;Fear for not knowing what to do with a future that seemed so uncertain and dark.

I ... Oh ... I ... I need to apologize to her ...

I need to get out of here and ... I need to make sure that she knows that I'm not ...

I need to do right and deny that I love her ... I can not lose her ...

I don't want to lose her …

Because even if Pearl never got in her arms or surrounded by her scent, have her around, see her in the distance is better than being ignored or unwanted. And for that, to have hope that someday the captain will look at her again without disgust, without fear, without disappointment, she would do everything.

She could lift off the ground, wipe away her tears, glue the pieces of her small and insignificant heart, wear their masks and face her leader. And then deny, deny the love that was so spiked in her soul that if had to erase would have to extinguish her existence as well.

Yet to have her, in order to not lose her; Would put on the best mask that could build and learn to lie as well as anyone. Because she would rather feel lost, broken and dysfunctional, but then have beside her guide, her anchor, her heart.

And with this resolution she rose from the floor, straightened her posture, wiped the tears from her face, inhaled sharply and donned her camouflage.

You can, you can do it!

Just go and ... Get her again …

Get her, because you know that without her... You're nobody …

And then she go ...