Authors Note: It's a long one, hope you're up for it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Cordelia was in the library, catching up on her neglected homework. She had been researching yet again, the time-turner's history and who might want to get it.

Pointless.

Anyone with a heart would want the time-turner. One could save someone they loved. Rectify a mistake. Make the present time just that little more bearable to live in.

The witch sighed deeply and leant back in her chair, eyes closed. What she needed was someone who had experience with a time-turner, someone who could help her with deciphering Madam Eliot's notes. Cordelia rubbed her eyes, it was late and she should probably have been in bed but she had five more inches left on her Herbology essay and it was killing her. Though she had sworn never to do this, she used the last of her information to finish off the essay, using big writing to fill up the space. Cheating.

Cordelia heard footsteps and quickly composed herself to look studious, maybe she'd be let off easy.

"Bode."

That wasn't a teacher. She looked up to see some Slytherin seventh years. "Hi," she replied suspiciously.

The leader dropped down onto a seat across from her, the other two stood behind him. Cordelia smirked at how serious they looked, it was quite ridiculous.

"What's so funny?" he growled.

"Nothing."

"Good," he said. "I'm Bas, and they're Lynch and Ivanov.

"Bas? As in Bastien Fournier?" asked Cordelia, eyebrows raised.

"What's it to you?" he replied.

"Well," said Cordelia. "I'd like to know who's confronting me late at night."

Fournier thought about this but appeared to find no fault so he continued, "I'd like you to do us a favour."

"A favour?"

"Is there something hard to understand about what I just said?"

"No, I was merely commenting on your ambiguous offer," replied Cordelia coolly.

Bastien sat back, as though trying to analyse the girl in front of him. Cordelia felt slightly unnerved by this; the only reason she had known his name was because of its synonymy with physical bullying. She surreptitiously reached for her wand in her robes, wanting, at the very least, some comfort that she had a way to defend herself.

"Alright then," said the Slytherin finally. "We want you to get us Beatrice Jordan."

Cordelia was very confused, maybe she hadn't heard properly. "You want me to what?"

"We want you to get us your friend, Jordan," he repeated.

"And what on earth does that mean?" replied Cordelia, understandably flustered.

Fournier put his hands on the table and moved so they were nose to nose. "We heard Jordan is giving out shags. We want in."

Cordelia felt as though the walls were closing in on her, constricting her lung capacity. "What?"

"Are you stupid? I think I've been very clear," said Fournier.

"No," said Cordelia faintly. "I understand perfectly well."

The three boys looked around at her as Cordelia walked briskly out of the library, thinking of nothing except finding the truth. If what Bastien Fournier has said was true (which was doubtful), Cordelia's friend was in deep trouble and it was her job to fix it.

But how?

Beatrice wasn't talking to her. Ella was horrible to be around. Hazel was still mad at her. Cordelia thought about it and realised that if she went to find Bea, her friend would probably push further away. It was horrible but maybe Cordelia had to let it go, just for a bit, but she'd keep a sharp ear for the gossip circulating the school.

Cordelia kept walking, trying to ignore the awful suffocating feeling that was pressing against her.

Breakfast was in full swing that morning as Cordelia entered. Cordelia had, accidently, slept in.

Well, no.

Maybe it wasn't so accidental. Breakfast was a nightmare now that she had no one to share it with. As much as Cordelia prided herself on being strong, there was a limit to how many pitying looks and whispered gossip she could take. Someday, she thought, none of this is going to matter; I'm going to be working in a fantastic job and be doing good in the world and all this stupid stuff will be in the past.

If only it could be fast-tracked.

Cordelia looked up as someone sat themselves down next to her and heaved a big sigh, she smiled as she recognised Henry. "Something bothering you?"

Henry rubbed his eyes and said wearily, "I hate this."

"Hate what?"

"This year," he elaborated. "Idiot friends. Stupid homework. The weather. Little things like that."

"What about those things?" asked Cordelia while spreading butter on her toast

"They make life so much harder," replied Henry.

This time, Cordelia really looked at her friend who appeared to have neglected sleep for several days judging by the heavy lids and huge bags under his eyes. She realised with a start that compared to the last few years, she had not been interacting with Henry as much as she ought to have done. He was her friend and because there was no drama surrounding him, he had been pushed to the side. Cordelia rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around hers.

"I haven't been a very good friend," said Cordelia sadly. "I'm sorry."

Henry was startled and he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "I wasn't here to make you guilty, I just needed to talk to someone who can be mature or stop brooding long enough to have a proper conversation."

"Being friends with Fred and James not going so well, then? You know … I always warned you," said Cordelia with a small smile.

"Just because you're out of sorts with James, doesn't mean you can discredit him as a friend."

"As a matter of fact I never liked James before this year, so I can think of him however I want with five years of distaste to back me up," exclaimed Cordelia.

Henry grinned, defeated, "Oh … shut up."

Cordelia sat back up and continued her breakfast. "Anyway, moving on from irritating people, were you able to do those Arithmancy questions? I'm really struggling."

"Did you remember to convert the runes?" asked Henry absentmindedly, as though he had done this many times.

"Yes …" replied Cordelia uncertainly, sneakily looking at the books in her bag but quickly shoved them back in when she comprehended that he had been right. She returned her gaze to Henry's to see he was smirking. "I hate smart people."

"I'm not smart, I just know you," said Henry, still trying not to laugh. Cordelia continued to grumble until they realised someone was standing behind them.

Henry turned around and tried not to look guilty. "Hi James," he said with a nervous wave.

"Hello," replied James gruffly. "So this is where you were. Me and the others were looking for you."

Before she could stop herself, Cordelia butted in, "The others and I."

Both boys looked at her and Cordelia had to force herself not to shrink under James' gaze. It had been stupid to say that but she really couldn't help herself. Where there was incorrect grammar, all beware.

"Thank you Cordelia," said Henry, red-faced yet again with contained laughter. "Sorry James, I didn't realise you wanted me to sit with you. I was just catching up with Cordelia."

James nodded and grinned at him, "Well … we should get going."

"Yeah. You coming Cordelia?" said Henry, getting up from his seat.

Cordelia blanched; if she accepted, James would be near her for longer than was strictly necessary. However, if she didn't go Cordelia would be showing that she valued avoidance over friendship, after all, she had been friends with Henry for a long time. And anything would be welcome to take her mind off what she had heard last night.

"Sure," Cordelia replied. "I'll just get my things." She stuffed the rest of her toast in her mouth and grabbed her bag, striding ahead of the boys out of the great hall.

It was only on the first floor where Cordelia fell back to walk alongside Henry and James. They were talking about quidditch and she felt quite comfortable just listening to their debate on whether a strong team or a good strategy was more likely to win a game. That was until Henry said, "Cordelia, you're on my side, right?"

Cordelia bit her lip, thinking about it, "Yes, I suppose so."

James muttered something under his breath which caused Cordelia to whirl around to face him. "What was that?"

For the first time since he had interrupted their breakfast, a crack appeared in James' icy exterior. "Nothing," he said.

"No. It was something," pressed Cordelia.

"Fine," said James. "I was just commenting on how you always choose facts over anything else."

"When people don't like facts, they ignore them; that is where all problems begin," replied Cordelia, slightly confused.

The wizard shook his head. "I don't have a problem with facts, I have a problem when people use them as an excuse for not having a good team. People who face the facts never achieve anything."

"Well maybe the team won't be good if they don't have the proper theory on how to deal with the game," said Cordelia, now worked up as she realised what they were arguing about. Henry was watching the situation closely, like he was measuring when to stop it.

"Not everyone can conform to the same rules," exclaimed James, clearly getting angry as well.

Cordelia closed her eyes and tried to keep her emotions in-check. This was stupid, the deed was done. "James … just-," she looked up at his dark eyes and sighed, "Just … nothing."

"Just nothing?" scoffed James. "Let's cut this crap. Stop trying to hide behind everything that you see in your head."

"What?" said Cordelia, startled. "Don't try and talk to me about things you don't understand!"

James took a step towards her so they were nose to nose. "I think I have a good understanding of why you are so determined to be a coward!"

"Of course I'm a coward!" said Cordelia shrilly, holding back tears. "Being brave is about being revered by those below you, isn't it? Silly me for trying to stay rational while dealing with all of your-."

She was cut off by Henry who tactfully started talking over the top of them, "I think we should all stop talking before we say something we'll regret."

They both stopped, breathing heavily and Cordelia said, "I'll go."

And she did.

History of Magic was agony. Having to endure a whole double sitting next to someone whom you despised was not a nice thing to do.

Mutual stubbornness = mutual ignorance.

Cordelia generally listened to what Professor Binns was saying but she was ahead of his lessons and was using this time to look at the sheet she had stolen from Madam Eliot; something had been bothering her about the origin of the diagrams. They were circular and at first she had thought they might be the solar system but there were too many rings. And yet, they looked very familiar.

Once again, she wished for someone that she could confer with. Someone she had access to who could tell her something … anything. And as she heard James tap his quill against his desk she thought not on how annoying that was, but how she could use him to help her dilemma.

"James," started Cordelia tentatively. James was so startled that his hand slipped and caused his head to bang painfully against the desk. Recovering from this he turned his attention to her as she continued, "Do you know how one would get in contact with your auntie?"

That question seemed to drag him further into the world of confusion but he answered with a steady voice, "Which one?"

"Hermione Weasley," replied Cordelia, holding unwavering eye-contact.

"At their house I guess," said James.

"Thanks," said Cordelia, returning her attention to the old parchment in her hand.

James grabbed her shoulder and rotated the girl back around to face him. "Why?"

"For a reason that I made up," replied Cordelia brusquely. She shook off his hand and erased that yearning feeling from her mind; the one that had made her want to just move a few inches forward. Now she was really going mad, wanting to kiss someone who was probably plotting to kill her. Cordelia shrugged it off as she remembered her conversation with Harry Potter; everyone was a bit crazy, but that didn't mean she had to listen to that part of her.

Cordelia dipped her quill in the ink and, using a fresh piece of parchment, she composed a letter:

To Mrs Hermione Jean Weasley,

The reason I am contacting you is that I believe you have had some experience with time-turners. While this may be a strange request, I was wondering if you had any information about such an object and its nature. I promise you, I am not aiming to do anything horrible, but am merely curious. This information would just be used to clarify some points that have been prying on my mind recently. If you have any doubts about my motivations, I am quite close to Rose and Lily whom I'm sure can vouch for my sanity. Also, if this letter could be kept quiet whether you decide to burn it or read it, it would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Cordelia Bode.

It wasn't the greatest letter she had ever written and it was extremely unlikely that Rose's mother would have time for something like this but it was all she could say without sounding too desperate or saying too much. She ignored James' attempts to subtly peek at what she had written and folded the letter in half, making a note to send it sometime in the future.

"Cordelia …"

"No, James."

The bell rang and there was an instant rush as people tried to get to lunch as soon as possible. Cordelia, however, stayed where she was, tears starting to form in her eyes. She was sick of being miserable, of feeling guilty about everything that she did as much as she tried to justify her actions. Cordelia clutched the desk so hard her knuckles were white. She wanted to scream, to let go of all the pent-up frustration at her life. The young witch drew a great, shuddering breath and held back her tears; there was no use crying at the unpreventable.

She walked out of the classroom, head held high, not noticing the boy hiding behind a statue.

James had been watching her at the door. He wanted more than anything to be able to wrap his arms around her and let her sob into his shoulder. It killed him to see her act so strong all the time, believing that it was possible. It wasn't. Every person had to show weakness sometime. It seemed like every time they saw each other, she was drifting further and further away. Someday she'd be gone.

And it was this thought that made him angry.

He would never let that happen.

Cordelia sat in front of the fire, welcoming the warmth and comfort it brought. She was all by herself.

Her life had been perfect, she thought. No stress about anything except school and minor spats. But now? She had to deal with being transported unwillingly out of Hogwarts, emotional strain on all of her relationships, being possessed, and, of course, having nothing to distract herself with.

It must have been nearly eleven. The fire was dying and she was viewing it with a melancholic air. It was funny, thought Cordelia, how the most natural of movements became so sad when one was wallowing. She wondered if fire was a social entity. It was only happy and full of life with many people but when the mood fell and the people left, it became sad and started to fade. This thought made her chuckle, she was definitely one of the mad ones.

"What's so funny?" said a voice behind her. Cordelia was surprised to recognise it as James but she didn't react. Instead she closed her eyes, hoping he'd ignore her and go to bed. "Hello," he said, waving a hand in front of her eyes. "Earth to Cordelia."

James gave up and sat in the armchair next to her. Cordelia opened her eyes and rested her head on her hand, continuing to avoid his gaze. "Cordelia … Why do you want to write to my aunt?"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself about," answered Cordelia stiffly.

"Well, I just want you to know that she doesn't reply often," said James.

"Right."

"Sorry, I just didn't want to give you false hope."

"I didn't expect it. I just wanted to ask a question."

"I could have put in a good word for you," said James bitterly.

The use of past tense and the lingering 'but' proved to be too much for Cordelia in her already fragile state. He betrayed her and he was making her feel guilty. She stood up and towered over him, arms shaking.

Cordelia closed her eyes, letting all the failure and the bitterness wash over her, douse her mind. She slowly began to undo the top buttons on her shirt and feel for the chain she had grown so comfortable wearing

"What are you-?" James began to say. He stopped when he saw the glimmer of gold sparkle across the room, reflecting in the firelight. "So that's what happened to it," he said, realisation spreading across his face.

"Take it," said Cordelia, brandishing the pendant towards the boy, "You win."

James shook his head, concerned. "What? Cordelia, I don't understand-"

"You heard me. I want to be happy, James. And if giving up my families' honour will get me out of this, I'm done. Done." In the corner the fire gave a crackle, the sound of dying embers.

"Cordelia, … princess, you need to-" said James consolingly.

"No. You don't get to call me that. You don't get to tell me what to do. You don't have the right," said Cordelia hurriedly, eyes flashing with rage.

"But I really have no idea-"

"TAKE IT!" she screamed hysterically, and when James did nothing but look at her, wide eyed, Cordelia started to cry. She sank onto the floor and tangled her hands in her hair, attempting to hold herself together. Her sobs were long, drawn out wails, repeating as she tried to breath. There was no fight left in the young witch.

James was starting to put the pieces together, his eyes were calculating and he was watching the display in front of him with confusion, trying to figure out why Cordelia had gone from naught to a hundred in about five seconds. He knelt down and tried to place a comforting hand on her shoulder but she flinched and scooted away from him. James gave a respectful nod and stayed where he was.

Something was very, very wrong.

"Cordelia," James started softly. She barely acknowledged his voice, instead continuing to cry, face turned towards the fireplace. "What's going on?"

No response.

"Why are you scared of me?" he asked. "My face can't be that hideous can it?"

When Cordelia did nothing, James forced a smile, "Now I know there's something wrong, that was a funny joke I just made. First class."

Cordelia moved to face him, still crying. She picked up the fallen necklace and crawled over to where James was sitting. Once in front of him she rose on her knees and placed the chain around his neck. After this she sunk back to her knees and faced James at eye level.

"You. Win." Cordelia gave a horrible smile, like she had relinquished a weight she had been carrying.

James grabbed Cordelia's wrist, this time determined that she not evade his questions. "Cordelia, why are you doing this?" he said firmly, she tried to wriggle from his grip but he was never letting her go. "I need you to trust me. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

They looked each other in the eye, trying to break through the walls of fabrication. Cordelia could not find the truth she was seeking, as it did not exist; James started to see the story, because her wall had crumbled.

"James …" started Cordelia weakly, tears once again welling up in her eyes. "I'm so scared of you."

The boy's heartrate quickened and he leant forward, encouraging her to speak.

"You … well-, I know it was complicated, but …" Cordelia took a deep breath and her body tensed. She stared right at James. "You were my friend. I trusted you. As much as this thought makes me want to vomit, I liked you. Throughout the whole term I was so … assured."

James still didn't understand and pressed on, "But why did that change?"

"Because one night, when I needed a friend, I went up to your room and found the letter." And when James continued to look blank she continued, "The one that said I was very useful and contained your plans to get the time-turner."

"I'm sorry?"

"The time-turner."

James ran a hand through his hair, agitated. "What time-turner-," he looked down at the seemingly insignificant gold pendant. "Oh."

Cordelia nodded, "Congratulations … you have acquired it."

"And you think I was trying to steal this?" he said.

"With a little help from some friends."

James snorted, "Do you really think I'm capable of delivering some kind of … heist?"

"Anyone's capable. One just needs the right conditions," replied Cordelia.

"Well," said James sarcastically. "I must say I'm honoured. I never knew you thought I was so intelligent … and evil."

"Why would you be evil?"

"Have you seen yourself over the past couple of weeks?" said James exasperated. "Your life has been falling to pieces. You have no friends; you are always scared of some 'danger'. You. Are. Miserable." Cordelia narrowed her eyes at the air quotes on 'danger' but said nothing as he went on, "As well as that, you have been bringing everyone else down with you. I agree, we've fought many times, but half of them are for no good reason, you just like to-" James paused at the look in her hazel eyes; a look of fire, directed right at him. "What?"

Cordelia raised her eyebrows, "No, don't stop. I really want to hear about how I 'make everything more dramatic'. It would seem everyone is pondering whether I'm stupid or just an attention seeking imp."

James stared incredulously at the sudden animation coming from Cordelia, when moments before there had been nothing but an empty shell.

"Look James, the fact of the matter is, I can't trust you," said Cordelia tiredly, returning to her weathered state. "I just- … I just haven't known you long enough to have some way of identifying whether you've changed."

They both returned to their ponderous states. The Gryffindor common room is much bigger at night, thought James as he tried to think of a solution to the problem Cordelia was facing. He spotted a pile of books in the corner and an idea hit him: Facts. Cordelia loved facts.

"Alright," said James turning back to the girl, who was now picking at a loose thread in the hearthrug. "We'll start small then work our way back, sound good?"

Cordelia bit her lip, weighing up any risks, but eventually nodded.

"Good. I'll start … er … Why does Jasper talk to you? I mean, it's just not normal," said James.

"Well, he said he trusts me," replied Cordelia. "My turn. Why did you say Kieran was a weird person to snog?"

James' face reddened as he thought about the images his mind had conjured, including dimly lit corridors and that auror running his hands all over Cordelia's body.

"Because you snogged him."

"Very funny. Why?"

"Cordelia, you kissed that man."

"I think I'd remember that."

"Would you?"

"I think I would remember making out with a murderer."

James was silenced at this one. "So you didn't do anything with him? Because half my family all were under the impression you did."

"What day did they tell you this?" said Cordelia with a slightly nauseous expression.

"That day after …" James began. "Well, the day after … er, our fight."

Cordelia turned white at this and said, eyes closed, "They must have seen the moment when … when he-," The wizard was caught off guard by how rattled she was by this question and tried, yet again, to place a hand on her shoulder but she shook it off. She looked up at him and continued, "Kieran was threatening me."

Now this was news to James. "What? Like actual threatening, or …"

"Yes actual threatening, James," snapped Cordelia. "One would think I'm a compulsive liar with all of the bullshit I seem to give."

The fire sputtered and they both sat in silence. Almost giving him a heart attack, James felt a hand cup his head and turn it; Cordelia was holding his face in her hands, eyes searching his desperately for a sign, for any signal at all that he was not lying.

Unfortunately, such is the nature of trust. One has to have an unwavering believe that someone will live up to their expectations, no matter the circumstances. Cordelia felt she just didn't have it in her.

"Legilimancy would be useful, huh?" said James, smirking. Cordelia gasped and squeezed her eyes shut, keeping herself from smiling, though it would bring relief.

"Stop."

James sighed and clutched her hands, lowering them until they were back in her lap. "Hey," he said softly. "Don't do this. Please stop shutting yourself away when I can help."

Cordelia shook her head.

"Listen. I know you say you can't trust me," said James, he continued before Cordelia could interrupt. "But I know better."

"James …," said Cordelia warningly.

The wizard leant his head back on the seat behind him and started to talk, "My dad once told me a story about his father: James Potter. My grandfather had three great friends: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. Never could you find a closer group of mates they were loyal and brave and perfectly fitted for each other." James took a deep breath and continued bitterly, "But like everything, jealousy and fear took over their friendship and Pettigrew sold my grandparents to Voldemort."

Cordelia pondered these words, trying to understand how something like that was possible.

"James," said Cordelia quietly. "How on earth was that meant to make me feel better?"

James thought for a moment, rolling his words over in his head, wanting to make them resonate with her. "Well …" he began slowly. "I guess it shows your fear. You, Cordelia Bode, are so afraid of being let down, that you have made yourself an island. But," James locked eyes with Cordelia. "The world awaits. What you can't do is let your fears rule your life, you said that to me at Christmas and I listened; now it's your turn to listen to me. Cordelia, you'll never know if you can trust me, but I swear I have had nothing to do with your … time-turner. I have liked you for years, why would I give that up now?"

"People change."

"No," replied James firmly. "That's completely illogical."

"Why?"

James hesitated for only a moment. "I would never go for the time-turner when I could have something even better."

Cordelia's heart was pounding in her ears. She hardly felt herself nod due to the mass of activity in her head, like a hive of bumblebees.

"I have a lot to tell you."

"I dare say you do."

"Well, it starts with the fact that humans always choose precisely the things that are worst for them."

"I'll take a wild guess; have you been speaking to my father?"

"How do you know that?"

"He preaches that stuff. It's bloody annoying."

Authors Note: I hope you liked this, I thought about pushing it later but then I decided not to because I'm a romantic. Anyway, next chapter will be up soon.