A Light In the Dark
Chapter 3
It was midday on one of Shawn's "blank" days when he found himself sitting in his local church, a place he hadn't been to in over a year. He wasn't planning on going there, it just kind of... Happened.
Shawn remembered a time when going to church was one of his daily routines. He remembered when he felt like the church was a safe haven for him. Now it felt different. Cold, empty...foreign. Then again, he was different, and a small part of him figured that was why he didn't feel comfortable anywhere. He felt like a stranger in his own home, the arenas were nothing short of a horror show, and church... Well... His feelings were obvious with how much he wanted to get up and leave.
But, for some reason, his body was betraying his mind.
Instead of standing and heading for the door, he remained seated in the pew, a small part of him hoping he would once again feel safe in the church he frequented so long ago. He couldn't even figure out why he wanted that part of him back, as he gave up on God and religion just as he felt God gave up on him the previous year.
After all, there couldn't be a God after all of that.
Just as the disgust Shawn felt reached its boiling point, someone entered the church through the priests entrance from the rectory. Shawn groaned and rolled his eyes and pushed off of the bench, finally deciding it was time for him to leave before things got more awkward than they already were.
"Shawn?"
Shawn froze in place, sitting back down and turning towards the voice.
"I knew it was you, Shawn! How wonderful it is to see you!"
Shawn shook the mans hand, giving him a well practiced fake smile. "It's nice to see you, too, Father Gregory."
"It's been far too long, my boy. What kept you away for all this time, Shawn?"
Shawn felt that ever-so-familiar feeling of being trapped creep up on him. He looked around the church, seeing the once scarily familiar sights for the first time in what felt like ages and sighed, then looked back at Father Gregory. "Lost my faith."
Father Gregory raised a confused eyebrow. "I beg your pardon, Shawn?"
Shawn looked Father Gregory in the eyes and cleared his throat, trying to build the confidence to say what he felt he had to say to help get the weight off of his shoulders. "I said I lost my faith, Father."
Father Gregory was genuinely confused by Shawn's statement. "What do you mean?"
"You're well aware of what happened last year, and you're a smart man. I'm sure you can figure out what I meant when I said I lost my faith."
Father Gregory sighed. "You're right, I am well aware of what happened to you and your friends, and I strongly believe that you have the right to question your faith... But you need God in your life now more than ever, Shawn."
"Don't tell me that. God gave up on me the moment that man got his hands on me."
"You and I both know that isn't true."
"Oh? What isn't true?"
"God didn't give up on you, Shawn... You're still here today, aren't you? God will never abandon you."
"Then you tell me why that all happened. Everything with me... An innocent man was killed for helping me, and my best friend was behind it all. Tell me how my faith should be stronger after something like that. Tell me how God is still on my side."
Father Gregory's mouth gaped open in shock. "Shawn... Sometimes... There are no explanations for things..."
Shawn's eyes narrowed. He knew the priest wouldn't have the answers he was looking for. Hell, nobody would... How could they? Shawn didn't even have the answers, and that's one thing that bothered him the most. "I thought I was forgiven for my sins years ago. I work hard to be a good person, Father. And I understand the saying 'bad things happen to good people,' but... I endured nearly three months of hell during my stay in Ohio. Toss in the death of a close friend and the betrayal of a lifetime and... You can't ask me to have faith after that."
Father Gregory looked Shawn in the eyes, then placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Listen to me, my son. When I said there are no explanations for things sometimes, I meant that the Lord works in mysterious ways. What He does now might not make sense for weeks, months, or even years to come. We must have patience while we wait for clarity. I can't tell you why this past year has been difficult for you and your loved ones, Shawn. I can't even begin to try to explain to you why your friend was taken from you, or why your best friend chose to abandon you for evil. What I can tell you is that you still have many people around you who love you and want to see you get better."
"I don't think I can be the man I was before this happened, Father."
"That's a shame, my son. I quite like the man you were... And I'm sure he'll return one day when you least expect it... A phoenix rising from the ashes of tragedy."
Shawn stared at Father Gregory, even after the man patted him on the shoulder, stood up and walked back towards the rectory. Shawn didn't quite know what to make of the conversation. He trusted Father Gregory, and he trusted the man's judgment, but he wasn't quite sure if he should start the long journey of getting his faith back after losing it over a year ago.
"Ouch! Stop thinking so loud! You're giving me a headache!"