Part of Kylo was curling up inside and asking to die. Never before had he ever told anyone of the female officer that had taken advantage of his desire to evade loneliness. That she'd nearly trick him into the most devious of plots. But he'd known Rey was nervous about having someone take advantage of her own desire for human connection.
He hoped that his personal anecdote would make her realize she wasn't the only one who feared what would happen. But he would never try to trick Rey, he craved her in every way, not just physically. He craved her emotionally, he needed her around him. It had been nearly two weeks since he'd felt Light and Dark waring viciously in his mind. Instead he felt at peace all the time when he was in Rey's presence.
It was like her presence was healing him slowly but surely. She was giving him great reason to consider the Light Side as an option once again. It had been years since he'd thought about converting to the Light Side, all he'd wanted weeks ago was to block out its influence. But now he was allowing the Light to speak in his brain again and it was the Dark Side that seemed to be whispering in the back of his mind.
Like he had said before, it was Rey's undue influence that was allowing the Light to have a foothold in his life again. Her unconditional kindness and compassion was contagious and now he feared he'd caught her elating virus. He was supposed to be a scion of darkness – someone who had tamed the light within himself – now he wasn't sure where he stood on the scale of light and dark.
Rey's soft words dismembered his thoughts. "You don't have to stay chained to the Dark Side; we can conquer the Light Side together. We could escape this place, we could escape the First Order together. You can come to the Resistance, we could fight and end this war," he'd been holding Rey's hand the whole time – and he noticed she'd tighten her grip on him. He could almost feel the hope coursing through her body.
"No, there is no escape, Rey. Even if I leave now, if we leave now, there is no evasion. This war will rage on and I can promise you the Supreme Leader will hunt us down and find a way to destroy us," Kylo sighed. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he ran away. His master was unforgiving when it came to traitors – Kylo would suffer the maximum consequences if their escape failed and they were caught. What pained him even more was thinking about Rey, about her being at the mercy of his master, Kylo feared what his might do to her.
"How do you know? Together we could defeat him. We are both strong with the Force," Rey was pleading with him.
"He's stronger Rey. I've felt it, he has a connection to the Dark Side that is unparalleled," what he left out was the fact that Snoke secretly terrified him. The thought of Rey fighting him also terrified him – Snoke would try to crush her first, to damage Kylo's morale. Ren knew how his master worked, how callous, twisted and evil the man could be.
He looked in Rey's eyes and he could see the desperation deep inside them. There was nothing more in this galaxy she wanted than for them to escape. Part of him wanted that, a fresh beginning, to start anew with Rey by his side. But he'd ran away from his problems once before at Luke's Academy, and this was where he had landed. He was a man that would have haunted his dreams ten years ago. A man he would never have recognized as a child – he had turned into a monster and it was undeniable.
Rey's words once again sliced through his self-reflection. "We could find Luke. He would help us stop Snoke."
Kylo couldn't help but scoff, it was a silly notion, to think his Uncle Luke would want his help. After what had happened, after the destruction of his uncle's academy, there was no way Luke would stand to look at him, let alone help him.
"I'm sure I'm the last person in this galaxy my uncle would want to see. He'd likely kill me the moment he saw me," many nights Kylo had dreamed of Luke exacting his revenge on him. The feeling of his Uncle's lightsaber piercing through his gut was something that would stay with him for a very long time. And if Ren could help it, he was going to avoid a confrontation with his uncle.
Rey was nothing short of frustrated. "Stop being so cynical, Ben. You owe nothing to Snoke. He took advantage of your loneliness at the academy – he saw a boy who was suffering – he saw an opportunity. To him you were a young boy who he could manipulate. The man convinced you to infiltrated your uncle's academy and kill your fellow apprentices. He had you do what he never could, the man's weak. We can put an end to him and this war."
"How can we? You've never felt how mighty he is; he's so attuned to the Dark Side that it's almost intimidating, Rey. Neither of us is powerful enough to stop him. And for starters, I don't even know where Supreme Leader Snoke is located. Like the Sith before me, it was common for a student to overthrow his master. The Supreme Leader has made it certain I can't track his call frequency – he's put in measures to make it impossible for me to find him. Only Hux knows where Snoke hides and I can assure you he won't give the location to me."
"That's because he's afraid of you. He knows you're stronger than him, Ben," she countered.
"It doesn't matter, we can't leave. Rey, I know he will hunt us down."
Kylo paused and took a breath, he thought of how his master had told him of Rey's father. Snoke had hunted the Kenobi down and destroyed him – the inkling of Rey suffering the same fate made his stomach violently churn. His eyes met the scavengers and he felt fear rolling in his abdomen as he decided it was time she finally heard the truth from him. Kylo took a deep breath before he spoke, for what he was about to say would crush her. "The same way he hunted down and killed your father," Kylo said it as gentle as he could muster.
"What?" Her voice was shaky, frail almost. Those chestnut brown eyes he loved so dearly were filling with tears, and Kylo couldn't stand to see her suffer. He was unsure how to comfort her, to let her know everything would be okay. Rey's empty eyes dropped to the table. Kylo stood up and pulled her from her seat to rest in his arms.
He held her in a tight embrace, he hoped that holding Rey closer to himself would make her feel secure, loved even. "I'm sorry, for what happened. I know my sympathies are worth little, but I thought you deserved to know the truth."
Rey's silence made him uneasy, as if her lack of words branded him guilty for Snoke's crimes as well. "I had nothing to do with this. Your father, Anakin Kenobi, was a Jedi and he was on the run as Jedi did at the time. It sounded like your father was protecting you from Snoke – my feeling is my master wanted to steal away as a child and make you his apprentice. But your father hid you; he was afraid you would fall to the Dark Side. I know you worry that your family didn't love you, but your father didn't leave you by choice. He tried to kill Snoke and failed, but he sacrificed everything to keep you safe."
Finally her voice came to his ears, but Kylo shivered as the coldness in Rey's words rocked through him.
"Do you think knowing my father died by the hands of your master makes me feel better? I had hoped he might be alive, out there wandering, waiting for me to find him. I could feel as if he loved me sometimes, but now I know it was an illusion, that I tricked myself," her voice was nothing short of a growl as she continued. "This is what the Dark Side stands for: death, destruction and creating fear. This is what your master and the First Order stand for. And you – you are refusing to give up on it. You still count yourself among them."
He felt Rey shove herself free of his grip, there was rage burning in her irises. But there were also tears running down her cheeks as she challenged him with her gaze.
Ren found himself pleading as he took a few careful steps toward her. "Rey I had nothing to do with this. I didn't kill your father. Don't take your anger out on me," he beseeched her, something he thought he would never do in a million years.
"No, you didn't kill my father. But your master did, and you serve him. You follow in his very footsteps of cutting people's lives short without remorse – you've killed people's parents, children, siblings, friends."
He remained stoic, as he answered her. "Yes, I've killed people, but like I said before, I'm not proud of the fact. Killing is sometimes a necessary evil in a time of war."
The scavenger's eyes narrowed at him. "But we both know you can be unnecessarily cruel. You probably planned to kill me when we first met on Takodana. When your blade came close to my neck I was certain you would cut my head off..."
"But I didn't and I wouldn't have." he cut in. When they had first met he had known she was the girl who had sent his plans into disarray. She'd caused the droid to escape his clutches, but he'd felt she was Force Sensitive, and he couldn't have brought himself to kill her. Not when he felt her raw, untamed connection to the Force which to his surprise had stopped his internal turmoil.
"You didn't kill me because I had something you needed. But once you have the map I'll be of no use to you. So what's my fate once you have the map?" Rey inquired, she sounded infuriated. "Are you going to kill me too, follow in Snoke's footsteps by destroying my whole family line?"
"Killing you is the last thing in this galaxy I would ever want to do. You should know that. Don't hold me responsible for my master's actions. I was just a boy when this all transpired," he replied as sincerely as possible.
He saw Rey grinding her teeth together in anger. "I know you didn't kill my father, but that doesn't make you completely innocent." He watched Rey storm out of the dining room. Ren was about to stop her until he saw her plow right into his room and disappear.
Kylo let his head fall right into his hands, what the hell had he done? He knew telling her the truth would have been bad consequently. But things had turned into an utter disaster, Rey was absolutely irate. Nothing came to his mind on how to repair the damage, only time would heal this. Unfortunately time wasn't on his side, he would inevitably have to get the map from Rey and he knew it would be too soon.
Two days had passed and Rey refused to even move, let alone converse with him. All she did was lay in his bed and stare at the wall. He had noticed she was neglecting to take care of herself. All she did was lay in bed to foster her pain and anger – to Ren that was unacceptable. She'd been reluctant to take a shower upon his command – he'd prayed that taking a shower would wash away her anger, make her calm down. His hope had been futile though, she remained as silently dangerous as before.
He hadn't seen her eat either and Kylo was on the verge to having to force-feed her. He'd noted how her cheeks were losing their lively glow – they were dull and her eyes were even more painful to look into. They looked completely dead as if they'd been drained by a happiness-sucking monster.
Ren hated to admit it, but she had every right to be upset, angry and even vengeful. His master had killed her father and he knew she'd wanted to find her family, that was part of her life long dream. He'd crushed that hope, part of it since he wasn't certain about her mother, and now Rey was feeling hopeless and upset. She was grieving as she should be, but he could still feel anger locked in her soul – for the Force told all. And he'd felt that type of anger before, when he had wanted to get revenge on every student at Luke's Academy for making him feel miserable. But he was starting to fear she was straying too close to the darkness with her vexation.
Part of him had feared this result, that she would resent him and the First Order for being responsible for the death of her father. She partially blaming him even though he felt he was innocent. But the worst part was his master was pushing Rey closer to the Dark Side – filling her with anger and a hunger for vengeance, and Snoke wasn't even trying.
His mind was still working in overtime trying to think of a plan, a way to fix this mess. They say time healed these type of wounds, but time wasn't something he had on his side. Any day the Resistance could attack, and that would be the day he would be condemned to free Rey. That was the only way he could allow Rey to live with the Light Side still in her heart. The idea had come to him after Rey had valiantly asked what he would do with her after he obtained the map. He'd had too much time to reflect on matters and Rey's neglect was a punishment of its own. But he'd decided he would let her escape in the chaos – that was her best chance.
Kylo slumped back in his chair, he'd been reading and sleeping in this fucking chair for the last two days. His back was beginning to hurt – he needed to get on his feet and do something productive. That's when a small idea popped into his head, and Kylo hoped it would work.
"Rey," Kylo said it softly. "If you are willing, I will teach you how to heal people."
He was met with a cold silence for a few minutes, he was about to give up when Rey finally answered in a dry tone. "You told me that you weren't comfortable teaching people how to heal," she muttered straight toward the wall. It annoyed him that she was refusing to even look at him, but he knew she was trying to make a point.
"I'll make an exception if you want to learn," he replied. "Do you want to learn?"
For the first time in a few days she rolled over to look at him. Rey's eyes were scrutinizing and he could feel undertones of reproachfulness burning into him. Kylo shifted in discomfort but still held her stare.
"What do you say?" He asked, he was trying to keep the eagerness out of his voice, but he was failing miserably.
For the first time in two days, Rey's eyes scaled back in their intensity. "Fine," she murmured half-heartedly.
A bright smirk danced across his face as he took to sitting on the floor. Rey looked at him curiously, but without a word she pulled herself off his bed and joined him.
From off his belt, Kylo removed a sharp knife. Ren ran the cold blade down his hand – thick crimson trickled from the wound and pooled in his palm. The scavenger's eyes went wide as the blood continued to drip from the wound like rain from a cloud. He could almost feel the nervousness that was radiating off her; she hadn't expected him impromptu healing training.
He ignored the tiny shockwaves of pain that rippled through his hand. Instead her focused on Rey and instructing her. "Reach inside yourself, you must draw from the ideas of compassion. Only through empathy can you achieve the highest level of healing," he said with an even voice.
Shakily Rey took his hand in her own, even as his blood started to smear around her tan skin. A look of determination was alight in her eyes – he could feel the Force flowing through her like a river – she was channeling and controlling the Force. Her breaths were rhythmic and even, almost calm.
He watched as her hand touched his – light blared from her palms like a sun. As she removed her hand Kylo saw that nothing had happened. His palm was still bleeding and Rey's eyes looked disheartened.
Rey stood up in haste and stormed over to his bed where she sat down. "I can't heal you. Not after what I learned yesterday. I feel like compassion is out of my reach. All I can think about is my father's death. How your master hasn't received the justice he deserves." She looked defeated already which caused Ren to stand up and sit next to her on his bed.
"Rey you can't let my master's actions cloud who you are. You're one of the most kind and compassionate people I know. If you allow master to fill you with hate and the desire for revenge, then you're letting him win. Then your father's sacrifice to keep you safe from the Dark Side was for nothing. I know I tried to push you to the Dark Side – I've even been instructed to by my master to try, but I can't bring myself to do it. I just couldn't live with myself if I made you a malicious person. But I sure as hell wouldn't allow you to turn yourself into a monster, not without fighting tooth and nail to stop you."
Rey's eyes were still fixated on her bloodstained palms, but words finally came from her. "You mean that?" She asked, her voice hardly audible.
"I mean every last word, Rey." He replied. "Do you want to try again?"
He watched as Rey nodded and took his hand in hers again. "Thank you, for not giving up on me," she whispered to him. He could see a new sense of determination brewing in her eyes.
Kylo Ren couldn't stop the smile that crept onto his lips. "Don't worry, I'll never give up on you," that was all he could respond with as Rey tried her luck on healing him once again.
Rey had proven to be adept at healing, she'd pulled herself together, and allowed compassion to flow through her once again. After she'd healed his hand he'd asked her if was willing to eat and reluctantly Rey had agreed. Things had been a little tense in the beginning of their meal but the iciness had quickly thawed.
Once again they were talking as if things were near normal. Kylo put his listening skills to the test and allowed Rey to talk about whatever her heart desired. He listened as she told her experiences of nearly falling off the top of an Imperial Star Destroyer while scavenging for parts, and the tales of her fighting off four bandits at once who were attempting to mug her. His favorite was the one where she spit in Unkar Plutt's face – she said it was worth it even if she nearly starved to death before he forgave her.
There was something so real about her stories, they highlighted the struggles of survival, a concept he was out of touch with. He'd never been treated the way Rey had, coping with near death, not even at his uncle's academy. There'd been times he'd felt neglected when his parents denoted that their jobs were more important, but he'd never been on the brink of death.
Every time Rey talked about her childhood he realized tough she really was – physically and emotionally. She was tougher than most of the women here in the First Order, she could even give Captain Phasma run for her money.
It wasn't long until they finished eating and he offered her a drink which she accepted readily. He could tell Rey had never had a sip of alcohol in her life, for she spit the summer wine from Naboo all over the table. Ren had laughed and helped her clean it up – she still insisted on drinking it even though she had a sour expression every sip she took. He found it amusing as they both took their final swigs before getting up.
They walked back to his room together – his hand brushed against Rey's frequently though she refused to acknowledge it. He found that fact a little demeaning but he remained silent on the matter. Things would heal up in time, he repeated the mantra in his head over and over again to remind himself to be patient. Rey would resume their relationship when she was comfortable – he had to be patient.
When they got back he was shocked to see Rey getting ready for bed. It wasn't particularly late, but maybe she just wanted to avoid talking anymore. Ren hoped she was just exhausted from grieving and practicing healing – hopefully she wasn't avoiding him.
While she got ready to sleep, so did he – Kylo pulled off his robes to sleep in a black t-shirt and shorts. Normally he would sleep in just thin shorts, but he felt like Rey might be uncomfortable with that. After he was done changing, he pretended to be preoccupied with a book. In reality, he couldn't keep his eyes off Rey.
He watched her brush her teeth, he'd noticed she changed her clothes too. She was wearing her old clothing that had been freshly laundered, and Kylo couldn't help but find her even more attractive in it. Kylo had given her a toothbrush and many changes of clothes since her acceptance to stay with him. But he was glad she was still feeling the need to wear her old clothing.
He pulled his chair farther away from the desk so he could allow his aching back to have more room to straighten out. But he also wanted to get a better view of Rey who was away in the bathroom combing her hair. He'd never seen her hair down before, those three buns of her seemed like Rey's signature to him. Ren watched as her luscious brown hair cascade down her shoulders and flowed so tamely. He was mesmerized by her goddess like beauty and he never wanted to forget what she looked like in this moment.
Her eyes shot over toward him and that's when Kylo realized he was gawking like some star-struck teenager. Ren's eyes diverted away from her and back toward the book on his desk – the specific novel that pertained to Sith Lords.
The sound of a light switch being turned off rang in his ears, light foot steps followed. It indicated that Rey was making her way out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom. Finally Kylo decided to meet her gaze once again. Rey was sitting on the edge of his bed watching him curiously. "You've been sleeping there for the last two nights?" She asked with a sympathetic tone.
"Yes, I have. I'm fine though," he reassured her. There was no way he wanted Rey to pity him. He'd suggested this, he'd promised Rey her own space and he didn't want her to think he'd suggested this whole arrangement just to convince her to sleep with him.
"If you want we can share your bed. It's too big for me alone," Kylo felt his heart skip a few beats. Every bone in his body was screaming at him to yell yes at the top of his lungs. To throw himself across the room and crawling into bed with Rey. Yet, he'd agreed to respect her space and he'd told her the bed was all hers.
"No, I promised you the bed was yours," he stated proudly. "I won't go back on my word."
He watched the scavenger sigh. "Kylo stop being stubborn and get yourself over here. I feel guilty for kicking you out of your own bed," she said assertively.
Ren was timid as he made his way across the room and crawled into bed with Rey. Without warning Rey curled up against his chest and Kylo allowed Rey to sink right into his arms. He could feel her breath brushing against the hem of his shirt. It was calming as her legs twined with his – Ren enjoyed the fact that Rey was clutching on tightly to him, as if he was her steady rock.
Her skin was as smooth and soft as a bed of feathers and every once and while Kylo felt the need to pull her closer to him. He listened to her steady breaths and closed his eyes. He hoped he could fall asleep soon, else this would be a very long night.
It wasn't long until tiny snores were exhausted from Rey indicating she was fast asleep. He envied how easily she drifted off because Kylo Ren was far from being tired. On the contrary, he'd never felt so awake in his life. His heart was thundering in his chest like a drum and he was surprised his own heartbeat didn't stir Rey from her slumber. And he was fighting very adamantly against a raging erection.
With Rey's body pressed tightly against his, it was proving impossible to fight. If she moved even an inch, she would feel how hard he was for her. Her breasts were crushed against his chest. Her strong, shapely legs were weaved up against his. All he could think about was spreading those legs open and pleasuring her in ways no one ever had. The only question was whether to start with his tongue or his cock.
Probably his tongue. He wanted to make her moan and shudder and beg. He wanted to feel those strong legs clamped around his ears as he licked and sucked and tasted. Then he would take her, burying himself deep within her sheath.
Kylo made an involuntary, desperate noise low in his throat. His willpower was fast being reduced to tatters. The only thing that was keeping him hanging on was the fact that he respected her and didn't want to do anything she wouldn't be comfortable with, he would wait until she wanted him. But when that day came, he would unleash every drop of desire he'd withheld.
Kylo buried his face in Rey's shoulder and tried to calm himself, focusing on the comfort of having her near. He felt the slow rise and fall of her chest against his as she slept. During the day, she was a fierce, Force welding scavenger, but now, in his arms, she was sweet and vulnerable. He realized suddenly what an honor it was that she trusted him this much, enough to sleep in his embrace. This was the first time he'd been able to be so close to her for such a long period of time. And he was treasuring every second of it, the smell of her was intoxicating and just the warmth of her skin was making him believe he was in heaven.
He hoped that Rey would allow him to sleep with her every night for the duration of her stay. He loved the feeling of her being close so him and he never wanted this to end. Kylo was starting to fear that Rey was making him addicted to her, and if that was her plan – hell it was working.
[A/N]: Hey guys, I hope you really enjoyed the chapter it's my longest yet! I just wanted to thank all of you for supporting the story, I would never have gotten through another ten chapters without your support. You guys are truly the most wonderful followers and favoriters an author could ask for. I just wanted to give a special thanks to megumisakura, bhut, Marlene101, Sabrino21, Mistress 0f Dragons, bluejustice13, Stephycats7785, reylo4ever, SaintsFan1, firerosedreamer67, Lady Krystalyn, fabercastel, DaniLV, DiamondSapphire, Nila, Sweet Summer Sunset, myhartisonfriar, Girlwith100names, xxbubbiixx, KP100, Lleblanc3, mushidoll and all you other guests who have been kind enough to review and give me your feelings and thoughts of the story! If you have time please leave me your feelings on the chapter!
On a small note, the next chapter is the chapter some of you have been waiting for since the beginning, so stay tuned! ;) I hope to have it done by next week Wednesday or Thursday, but the next chapter is one I definitely don't want to rush! Thank you so much for taking the time to read, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! :)