I try not to assume the worst.
"Well obviously you can't walk out when you're hooked up to all these machines. What do you mean?" My question is ignored. I frantically look between the doctors and Poe but neither of them look at me, BB-8 seems to be content sleeping right beside Poe, and I wonder if he knows. I think Poe told him.
"Don't worry commander, we will evaluate all the information we have gathered and design the most effective rehabilitation plan for you," my face drops and I lose my voice. Both doctors quietly leave.
"Poe," my voice breaks.
"I can't move from my hips down," He states calmly.
"But, no…" That doesn't make any sense – well it does – but I don't want to believe it. "Your place is in the sky," I feel my eyes brim with tears, tears for my best friend whose world has crumbled to the ground.
"Hey, it'll be okay, I'm not dead," he laughs, his brave face seems almost too convincing. I try to blink back the tears but one slips out and I causally attempt to brush it away, but Poe notices.
"How did you know?" I ask barely able to get the words out.
"I can't feel my legs, Finn, it isn't something you miss," He laughs loudly, too loudly.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't want to ruin our reunion. Hey, I can't move my legs, how are you? It puts a bit of a downer on things, don't you think?" He smiles but I close my eyes and breathe deeply trying to absorb what I feel is almost inconceivable news.
"How are you okay with this?"
"There is nothing I can do about it…"
"I can help, I can fix you!" I enthusiastically cheer as the idea rises into my mind. Poe closes his eyes and shakes his head.
"There may not be anything you can do, and I don't want you to have that responsibility."
"I want to help-"
He cuts me off, "It isn't fair on you, or me."
"What do you mean it isn't fair?" I frown, my brow aches from being furrowed. Why won't he accept my help?
"I don't want to disappoint you."
"You're speaking like there isn't a hope, Poe, you can't give up like this; you have so much to fight for…" I move my chair closer and it screeches on the concrete.
"I will fight, but this isn't your battle, not this time." He looks at me deep in the eyes and nods, telling me this is what he wants. I lean back into my chair, defeated and disheartened.
"What if you can't fly again?" I whisper. I did not mean to say the words I was thinking out loud, but I cannot take them back, and he heard them.
Embarrassment inches up my neck as he replies. "Then everyone will have to get used to me hanging around down here all the time," I laugh at his absurd acceptance, but a have a feeling the reality of the situation hasn't fully sunk in.
I open my mouth to respond but I am cut off.
"Rey!" Poe's voice is excited and I look up to see her standing in the doorway. She doesn't look at me as she comes up and stands near my chair. Her fingers twist together anxiously. She leans down and runs her hand softly over BB-8 who still quietly sleeps.
She stands straight again and shoves her hands into the pockets of her pants. Something isn't right. I keep staring at her, blinking slowly and taking her all in. I squint my eyes as I look her up and down; she seems fine but I can almost feel the way she's struggles. She wants to look at me, but she can't… "How are you feeling?" She asks.
"On top of the world," He jokes.
"You were, then you fell," I am surprised by Rey's brutality but Poe finds it amusing. Rey takes her hand out of her pocket and leaves it in the air Poe immediately slaps his palm against hers before she puts her hand back in her pocket. What happened between them? One moment Rey would reject all affection and now she is joking with my only other true friend.
"Good one," He congratulates her. I look back at her, but she still return my gaze, anxious tickles my skin and I feel clammy with concern. "Don't know if I'll be able to walk though," Rey's eyes twitch.
"No…" She shakes her head. She will be able to empathise with him, she knows this will affect his ability to fly and I'm sure they have bonded over that before. "You're the best pilot in the galaxy, or so I've heard," she laughs but it sounds strained. "I don't think a little trouble walking will get in the way," her tone is weak, and her reassuring smile is small.
I can't take it anymore.
"Rey," I say her name softly and I can see her lips shake.
"Are you alright? Don't you go crying on me too," Poe's attempt at a joke, and his light-hearted laugh, sit awkwardly in the heavy air.
"Rey…" I repeat louder, with a little more force. She closes her eyes. Poe remains quiet.
"Finn," Rey whispers, she sounds defeated, and I stand to my feet immediately. The chair screeching as I push it with the back of my claves, I look at Poe and he sees the worry I feel inside. "I'm glad that you're awake, Poe, but I-" Rey turns towards me but looks at my hands. "Can I talk to you?" She whimpers. I look at Poe, and his concern is enough encouragement. I nod.
"I'll see you soon," I call quietly back to Poe, and he doesn't bother responding. She walks into the busy hall of the infirmary and begins to walk a head of me, I follow her. It doesn't take long for me to become irritated, my anxiety rising with each step.
I grasp onto her arm and turn her around as we reach the administration desk, "Rey, stop. What's wrong?" she opens her mouth but either she speaks too quietly or not at all. I glance around and notice the vacant room. I gently tug her inside and close the sliding door. She steps into the middle of the dimly lit room. I see her fingers move inside her pockets, grasping and twisting the inner material. I wait for her speak, but she doesn't.
"You're worrying me," I admit, my voice cracks and I don't bother to try and hide it. "Has something happened, in the Force?" I close some of the large space between us. "Talk to me, I can't feel it like you do," She slumps her shoulders and hangs her head. I step closer to her. "Did someone break into our room after I left…" Rey immediately shakes her head.
"No, it was nothing like that," She whispers. I cup her cold cheek in my warm hand, and she places her hand over it and leans into my touch. Okay, so I haven't done anything.
"Luke wants me to start training again," Rey mutters.
I am slowly learning not to interrupt, but she doesn't say anything more, so I ask: "I thought you already had."
"Well yes, kind of, but-" She takes my hand from her cheek, and lets me go.
"I'm not going to be mad at you if that is what you're worried about."
"You will be…"
"I'll only get irritated if you continue to use Luke's stupid riddles," I see a tiny smile on her lips and I can't resist the urge to kiss her forehead, "Rey, just tell me."
"We have a mission," she says quietly.
"That's exciting," I say honestly. Rey lifts her head and for the first time in what feels like an hour Rey looks up at me. Her eyes are red and she is fighting tears.
"Exciting?" She wills me to elaborate.
"Is it not supposed to be? Is it dangerous?" I press, searching her eyes.
"It's safe. Luke said I won't even need my Lightsaber so I should be fine without you. But I'll be gone for a few days…" I can't help but laugh and I cup both sides of her face.
"You thought I'd be angry at you because you're going to be gone 'for a few days'? Oh, Rey," I sigh and kiss her, and she can't help but kiss me back.
"I didn't want to leave, not after last night, I didn't want to think I was pushing you away."
"Look, I'm not happy about the fact I have to share you with someone so ancient, but absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"You're such a dork," she giggles.
"I'm your dork," she rolls her eyes, and raises her brows at me.
"Did you really-" I cut her off.
"Yep." Her eyes shine with amusement, and I want to squeeze her as close to me as I can manage, but I settle with a small kiss. "What do you have to do, or is this mission top secret?" I ask sarcastically and she nods. A small "Oh," of disappointment escapes my lips.
"I don't know much, just need to try and bring balance to the planets that surrounded the Republic, without their guidance and leadership they have fallen into anarchy. The King of Physion12 was on Coruscant when Starkiller Base weapon destroyed it, and now his son has taken the throne. He is inexperienced and causing a lot of issues amongst the government. That's as much as Luke has told me," I have a feeling Rey shouldn't have told me, but she trusts me enough and I close my eyes from the overwhelming love I have for her washes over me, I don't think I'll ever accept it. I take my hands from her face and pull her closer to me, she wraps her arms around my waist and she sighs into me.
"When do you leave?" I shift my weight.
"Tomorrow,"
"Tomorrow? That's ages away. Think of all the kissing we can do between now and then," I try to be seductive but it doesn't work in my favour this time.
"It's already past lunch time." I hadn't realised half the day had slipped away while I was with Poe.
"Plenty of time," I kiss her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. I linger for a moment before I kiss her swiftly one more time and take her hand.
She leans into me as we walk towards the dining hall to get some rations for lunch. "A few days…" I mumble to myself and shake my head. Not realising how much I was going to miss her.