Authors Note: Has it really been two months? Well, I apologise profusely for that – turns out you actually have to study for mid-year exams, who'd have thought it!? I'll try and keep updating to a relatively stable timetable; probably once a fortnight.
Thank you to all the people who reviewed, followed, or favorited this story, it really does make my day.
Cordelia's life flashed before her eyes as she hurtled to the ground.
Well, not really.
But she did see flashes of other people's lives.
There was her brother standing outside the cinema's and laughing hysterically at something Harriet had said.
A nurse placed a pretty plant on an old man's bedside table.
Hazel's face appeared and she was screaming her name in anguish.
Two figures, blurry around the edges walked towards each other on the Hogwarts grounds.
And her own voice: "Please, for me … help him. And don't be afraid."
After a few seconds of ultimate fear, Cordelia opened her eyes to see that she wasn't dead, instead she had landed on a surprisingly soft bit of ground. How lucky.
Her eyes opened and she saw a face resting just beneath hers, a grimace of pain stretched across it. "ARGH!" she screamed, rolling off the body. She continued to scream until he clamped a hand down on her mouth, effectively silencing the poor girl.
"Must I always save you from falling to your death," he said, eyes glinting with humour.
"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Cordelia, trying to recover her breath.
"Long story," said James Potter. "It's lucky I was though. Mind you, you were a bit heavier than I expected."
Cordelia sat up, a dazed expression on her features. "You were the one stupid enough to stop my fall that way. Haven't you ever heard of magic?"
"Actually, I was just looking at your garden before I was surprised by a falling angel," James retorted sarcastically.
"Well maybe we're equally stupid," said Cordelia, smiling. "I jumped and you did a great imitation of a trampoline."
They both laughed and looked up at the head of messy black hair sticking out of the window. "You alright down there?" he asked, grinning, relieved at the sight of the two teenagers laughing below him. "We'll tell everyone you jumped because of the bad guy, not because you saw me."
This caused Cordelia to snort and she began to feel her adrenaline leaking from her body. Her hands started to tremble so she placed her palms on her closed eyelids.
"Hey, you're okay," said James softly, wrapping his arms around the tall girl.
"No I'm not," replied Cordelia, raising her head slightly. "He was in my house. The one place I thought he wouldn't know about; don't background checks exist for potential aurors?"
She didn't mention the other reason she was trembling. Those visions had been weird. Some of them she even recognised but were before she was born.
James cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to make eye contact. "We got here first."
Cordelia nodded but stopped as a scowl manifested over her relieved features. "I was holding my own," she said indignantly. "That was my first real fight with spells and stuff," she added with vigour. James nodded, confused. "I can really fight! That was amazing!"
Completely bewildered by her reaction, James said, "It's a rollercoaster with you, isn't it?"
"A true Gryffindor," said Harry from the window. "You'll feel drained but the sense of empowerment is brilliant. And to be fair, we do look up applicant's histories but Karkner was let off by the Wizengamot so we didn't expect any trouble and for that I apologise." Cordelia smiled thankfully at the war hero's words. The silence felt comfortable as each of them settled on different trails of thought until three loud cracks were heard from the garden, signifying the arrival of more aurors.
Cordelia rose from the ground with a groan and gave a hand to James. "Come on, Potter, you'd think you had just fallen out of that window from your lack of gallantry."
"I thought you feminists weren't supposed to believe in gallantry and chivalry," said James, taking the hand with a grin.
"Yeah, but just because I'm for equality doesn't mean I'm against proper manners."
James laughed as they walked towards the front of the house. "Your manners don't seem to exist around me."
"You've never complained," replied Cordelia, smirking. Mr Potter opened the door for them and they walked through. James looked at all the un-framed photos pinned on the walls of the open kitchen. He seemed to be particularly captivated by one photo of an eight-year-old, bright-eyed blond girl with dirt smeared up one side of her face. She was hugging a boy with the same mischievous glint in his eye.
"Who's that?" he asked.
Cordelia shot the photo a disinterested look before turning and fussing with the kettle to hide her shaking hands, after all, it's not every day a mad man breaks into your house. "That's Max, he was my neighbour for about fourteen years, we used to spend every second together."
"What happened?"
"I got into Hogwarts and because I was gone most of the year we had nothing to talk about, of course I couldn't tell him about magic or anything so we just fell apart. Two and a bit years ago he just … wasn't there when I came home," said Cordelia sadly. "I did have a life before magic you know. I was rather good at English and History and Science but I was awful at Maths which is funny because I've always considered Arithmancy to have an allegorical connection to it but I enjoy the magical version way more.
Maybe that's because I fit into the wizarding world far better than I ever did in the muggle one which is sad because my whole family are just so separated from my whole life and future but I know they'll always love me but it's hard and I just wish my great uncle was still alive so I could talk to him but of course he was killed by evil botanicals and-," she paused as she saw James's expression. "What?"
"You were going on a bit of tirade there. You sure you're okay?" James took his tea, watching her closely. She leant against the kitchen bench and bit her lip, tugging on the end of her blue shirt.
"I don't know … these fights feel like they are leading up to one big battle or choice or another horrible thing and I just really wish I could speed it up so I could get back to my life; the one where I didn't have to fight and didn't have to choose between caring about my survival and caring about-," Cordelia stopped, clearing her throat as she realised what she had been about to say. Her eyes lifted slowly to see if James had noticed but he was choking on his tea and the moment was forgotten
Mr Potter came back into the room accompanied by Teddy who looked at the girl he had only seen bleeding and crying outside the forbidden forest, laughing at his brother's pain and his face broke into a smile.
Cordelia composed herself and faced the two aurors. "If you don't mind me asking, what are you going to do with me?"
"We're running over the possible avenues of action in your living room but we haven't decided on a decision yet, we're waiting on the expert," answered Teddy. Cordelia raised an eyebrow at the heavy sarcasm.
"And who would that be?" asked James, recovering from his close run with the Bode family tea. He took in his father's face of suppressed laughter and let out a spluttering cough. "Oh don't tell me it's-."
His surprise was cut off by the entrance of a stunningly beautiful girl with shimmering blond-hair and bright blue eyes. Cordelia finally realised what was funny about who the expert was. James' cousin, Victoire Weasley, was standing in her kitchen making all the bright colours of the cabinets look dull and lifeless. The younger witch remembered the story pertaining to the drama between Teddy and Victoire and smirked as she thought about how Victoire was smarter than the other aurors.
"Hello Uncle," said the beautiful woman, and, contrary to her mother, the movements she made were full of energy as she bounced forward and kissed him on each cheek in greeting. She then turned to Teddy and did the same but missed the part where the hufflepuff's face flushed pink.
"Victoire," said Teddy, bowing his head slightly in greeting. "I hope you're well."
"I am," replied the woman in the same stiff, polite manner.
Teddy nodded again. "Summer suits you," he said, but rectified it by adding, "Is Dan quite … healthy?" The way he said it insinuated he wished she'd say no.
"He is. Is your search for a girlfriend going fruitfully?"
"I do alright with myself, I believe we should all-," Teddy's sentence was interrupted by an emphatic bang.
The small group turned to see James thumping his head repeatedly into the table. "Oh don't mind me," he said, exasperated. From his tone of voice, Cordelia deduced that these conversations happened often and the family were rooting for them to be together. There was nothing more awkward than two people pretending not to be in love with one another.
"So, anyway," said Harry abruptly; loudly clapping his hands together which made everyone jump. "I assume that you, my intelligent niece, have already discussed things with the two in the other room."
"Yes and I have made a decision," said Victoire. "I thought we could keep Cordelia in this house for the remainder of the holidays but as it happens, you are muggleborn so your parents cannot handle some of the spells needed to stop this recurring. I have been reading up on this case and I believe that, apart from Hogwarts, the safest place for you to be is one of her friends' residences."
"Ella Butterdown has two magical parents, I could stay with her," said Cordelia, thoughtfully. "I wouldn't want to stay too long because her parents are bloody awf-, er, awesome, too awesome." She peered at the faces around her all looking at her with various amounts of pity and she suddenly felt like she was missing something. "What is it this time?" she sighed.
"I think Victoire was trying to suggest that you could come stay with us," said Mr Potter.
Cordelia took a moment to absorb this new information. "What, like, with him?" She pointed at James who's smile quickly slipped from his face and he edged his seat backwards. "I- I can't … no, no, no, … but what about? Huh?" Her head felt like someone was filling it up with thoughts but it apparently rendered her unable to make a coherent sentence. Finally, she took a deep breath and said bluntly, "You do realise that what James and I have is far from a-sharing-houses-on-holidays-friendship."
"Do you mean you're more than friends?" asked Victoire as though she were stating the weather.
"No," said Cordelia, annoyed.
"I think you do," said James, missing Cordelia's warning glare. "You just think you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off this." He gestured at his body which meant Cordelia's eyes drifted to the outlines of muscle through his shirt.
This angered her for some reason.
"Maybe it's because I think you won't be able to," she hissed in return.
You would have had trouble cutting the tension in the kitchen with a chainsaw it was so thick; Cordelia's eyes widened at her words which were probably the most arrogant comment she had ever made, not to mention the most embarrassing. She avoided looking at James who was grinning like he had just been informed that Hogwarts was in his care. The onlookers weren't much better.
Before anyone could say anything Cordelia held up a hand and walked out of the room, up the stairs and into her bedroom. In record time she packed her bag, wishing she was already seventeen but alas, that privilege had to wait until October.
She returned to the kitchen ten minutes later with a trunk and a sullen but resigned expression. She respected that the aurors wanted what was best for her and wanted to leave as quickly as possible to avoid talking herself out of it.
"When are we leaving?" she said, dropping her bags on the floor.
"As soon as your parents get back," replied Mr Potter, secretly thanking merlin that the young woman hadn't found many ways to argue.
"Hope you didn't pack anything too provocative," said James quietly as the adults drifted into a private conversation.
Cordelia took a hasty step back. "Excuse me? Of course I didn't, I don't even own anything classed on that level."
"Oh, that's probably for the best because otherwise how could I control my urges?"
She completely ignored him, therefore ending the most awkward few words exchanged between herself and James Potter.
"GET OUT!"
"I WAS IN HERE FIRST!"
"MY CLOTHES ARE IN THERE!"
"DON'T GET SMART WITH ME ALBUS SEVERUS!"
"OH NO! YOU DON'T GET TO USE THE FULL NAME!"
"Lovely kids," observed Ginny Potter in greeting, looking completely at home with the racket above them.
"Amazing, couldn't have made them any better," replied her husband.
"I love how they're so quiet and considerate of others," said Ginny. "They get this from your side of the family."
Harry laughed and gestured towards Cordelia. "This is-."
"I know who she is," interrupted Mrs Potter.
"Oh, well, Cordelia will be staying with us the remainder of the holidays."
Ginny shot the girl an appraising look and advanced towards her. "Are you quiet?"
"When there's no cause to be loud," replied Cordelia, feeling a little confused by the display.
"Do you cook?"
"Yes."
"Play Quidditch?"
"I can pretend to."
"Good, welcome to the family," Ginny said. "You can stay in Lily's room which she'll love because then she has someone to gossip with and all that nonsense. Bathroom's second on the right and there's another down here. I think that's it."
"Great," said James, speaking for the first time. "Come on Cordelia." He grabbed her arm and tugged it in a hurriedly manner.
They reached the stairs before the young witch could say 'thank you' but as James started climbing, Ginny's voice fluttered towards them. "And I can overlook a bit of mixed gender bedrooms as long as the certain perpetrators are responsible with the privilege."
This only served to redouble James' efforts to leave the room so Cordelia was left behind, red-faced and stuttering as she was confronted with the most open parent she had ever encountered. She felt someone grab her sleeve and they walked up the stairs to a carpeted hallway with five doors leading off it. The tall window at the opposite end showed a long field with a small road winding through the distant trees. It was exquisite.
She turned, expecting to see James but instead saw a girl about a head shorter than her with fire-engine red hair and a mischievous expression. "You looked like you needed saving and I had to step up because James is a coward and Albus is a bathroom stealing fuckwit."
"Language young lady," called a disproving voice from the bottom level. Lily simply shrugged and led Cordelia to the third and last door on the right and opened it to reveal a blinding arrangement of purely green and gold furniture.
"Wow." Cordelia resisted the urge to shield her eyes from the amount of harassment they were receiving. "I'm guessing you're a fan of the Holyhead Harpies or, maybe, you're an avid supporter of Australian sport."
Lily grinned and lay back on the striped pillows that adorned her bed. "You'll get used to it. James' room is worse."
"I guess I'll have to share with Al then," concluded the older girl. "See ya."
Cordelia made a move for the door but was stopped by a strong tackle around the waist and suddenly she was pinned to the door. "Please don't go."
"Er … what are you doing?"
"I haven't had someone to talk to for ages because Roxanne is in Spain and Hugo is grounded and too frightened to sneak out," whined Lily.
"Fine, I suppose I can stay," said Cordelia, removing the arms still wrapped around her.
"Great," replied Lily, a smile overtaking her small features. "Mum will whip you up a bed soon, I hate not being able to use magic. Hugo says he uses a little magic when it's just his Dad at home or if Aunt Hermione is more worried about homework than the law but because I have a bloody auror for father I can't do that sort of stuff."
Cordelia smirked at the girl's tone and made her way over to the desk chair. "So what did Hugo get grounded for?"
"He wanted a new broom but his mum said 'When pigs fly young man' so Hugo went to the nearest farm and attempted to do just that but the farmer caught him just as the pigs sprouted wings. It was an Obliviator's worst nightmare." Cordelia laughed and they continued to share information as they ventured into the evening. She didn't have the chance to remember the way her mother had cried that afternoon when she realised she could no longer protect her baby girl.
"So this is where the magic happens," said Cordelia as she poked her head into the first room on the left.
"Er … I don't know what you're insinuating there, but yes," replied a voice from the bed.
"Why is it so dark in here?"
"I think better in the dark."
Cordelia took a few slow steps into the room. "And what is there to think about?"
"Quidditch."
"Obviously."
"Final year at Hogwarts."
"Inescapable, unfortunately. Sometimes I wish the outside world didn't exist."
"The fact that it only took one year to have you staying at my house over the summer."
Cordelia blushed and hesitated a metre before the bed. "One year of what? I've known you for years.
"Yeah … but I annoyed you."
"You still annoy me."
"But you couldn't be around me other than to tell me off."
"I guess, but we're friends now right?"
"Best friends!" exclaimed James in a high-pitched voice and with one leap he jumped from his position and grabbed her around the waist.
Far from screeching Cordelia simply said, "I don't appreciate this. Your family touches too much."
"We're good at it too," said James. He hastily dropped her on his bed, flushing wildly as he realised the implication.
"I'm sure you are," she replied to relieve the awkwardness. With his words, certain dreams began to return from the depths of her memories. No; now was not the time. Not while James was standing right in front of her.
The bed tilted to the right as James sat down next to her, releasing a deep sigh as he did so. "You're pretty cool, you know that right?"
"Okay, that's it!" exclaimed Cordelia loudly as she stared into his wounded looking eyes. "If this is going to work you need to stop being so weird. Stop being so … so …" Her voice faltered as she realised the close proximity of their faces. Her mouth opened in an 'O' of surprise as something occurred to her.
James Potter was hot.
"Oh god," she whispered as this thought occurred to her. Being the entirely unexperienced and unsubtle person she was she continued to stare at his perfect lips as though they were sustaining her life-force. "Oh … MERLIN!"
Reality hit her as her bottom slid off the edge of the bed and onto the floor.
"I have to, er … go, yes," she said hastily as she stumbled back to her feet. "Thank you for that … thing, er-." Internally bullying herself for the awkward reaction, Cordelia made her way out of his room with as much dignity as she could muster. Leaving a thoroughly disappointed and befuddled boy sitting on the purple and gold bed surrounded by his orange furniture. Somewhere in her mind this registered as representing two Quidditch teams but her mind was far from wondering there.
"So he just came into the common room and I was full of excitement and exhaustion at the same time, Quidditch does that too you, and I just kissed him," Ginny was saying as Cordelia helped her with dinner five nights later.
The past days had been a mixture of talking with Lily and avoiding James as much as possible.
Strangely, he was doing just the same.
She wondered whether he had finally moved on from her and this created an odd tightening in her chest but then she remembered that this would bring relief. After all, as much as her realisation had shocked her, she didn't like Potter. She didn't care whether he had given up.
The boy in question stumbled into the room a short time later. It brought a frown to her face to see his eyes go straight to the food without a simple hello. It wasn't that hard to wave a hand in greeting. Or maybe even say hi. Or maybe just run up to her and kiss her.
Woah.
Cordelia shook her head to get rid of the thoughts that were making it really hard to focus on the pile of beans sitting in front of her.
"You alright there?" James raised his eyebrows, giving up the crusade to steal some food under his mother's watchful gaze.
"Um," replied Cordelia, quite intelligently in her opinion. What could she say? 'I was imagining making out with you on this countertop because I find you physically attractive and I've come to that realisation a hundred years after everyone else?' "I was … just … trying to, er, get rid of the wrackspurts!"
Ginny snorted.
Lily quickly snatched her arm and led her onto the large veranda. "Do you subscribe to The Quibbler by any chance?"
"Is that supposed to be an insult because I relate deeply to most of the writers. And yes, most of them are complete nutters, so …"
The smaller girl gestured to a chair and took the one opposite. "I saw you ogling my brother."
"Did you? I thought it was more of a- calculating gaze," said Cordelia slowly.
"I don't care," said Lily. "If you're having feelings for him you have to tell him."
Cordelia shook her head sadly. "But I'm not. I- I just realised that … you know what it doesn't even matter." She took a deep breath. "James has become one of my most cherished friends and I cannot- I will not do anything to tarnish that just because I find him a little attractive."
"Okay," Lily said. "I won't judge. I'm kind of in a similar situation but in reverse."
"You're dating someone and you want to be their friend?" asked Cordelia, confused. "James won't be happy. Or maybe he will."
"No." Lily's face was conflicted. She grabbed a handful of hair and squeezed her eyes shut. "I-, I've done something really bad."
Cordelia rose from her seat and sat next to her, gently removing her hand from the red locks. "Come on, you can't have done anything that bad, hey?"
"But I have, oh, I definitely have," said Lily, chuckling hysterically. "If people knew they'd be destroyed. If my father knew, oh merlin … everyone will hate me. And the worst part is," she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve, "I really want to do it again."
"It's alright. Someday you'll move on."
A woebegone expression took over Lily's face. "I don't care. It hurts so much. And one of my oldest friends has been acting really distant lately and I don't know if he knows or not!"
"Wow," said Cordelia.
"What are you thinking?"
"I'm thanking merlin I never had a real teenage experience."
Lily laughed for real this time. "There's still time for that. But, who knows? Maybe you got off easy."
"Maybe," she replied. She looked onto the foggy distant fields with a sad smile. "This is such a beautiful place to live."
"Come on, let's go inside before you start sprouting poetry at me," said Lily.
And although Cordelia was aching to know Lily's secret, she figured it could wait.
After all, she had some of her own.
"This is really good, Mrs Po- Ginny," Cordelia remarked an hour later. "Sorry, old habit."
"Well, it would have been better but someone bailed on his chores." The woman looked pointedly at the empty seat at the dinner table.
"Oh yeah, where is Albus?" she inquired. "I've hardly seen him around at all."
Harry and Ginny shared a look. "He's at Scorpius' house- well, mansion. We think they're plotting something because he goes there every day and comes back all broody."
Cordelia raised her eyebrows.
"So lovely to hear your voice James."
"What's that supposed to mean?" said the boy in question.
"It means you've hardly spoken to her since she got here," said Lily. "She's your guest."
The older girl hid her smile at this. "It's nice to feel so wanted in this house."
"I want you here, don't listen to them," said Ginny, frowning at her son. "But James, you should listen to your sister. She's right."
"Why am I being attacked?" exclaimed James loudly. "Last time I checked all of you thought I should back off."
"When did I ever say that, mister?" asked Ginny. "Cordelia is a lovely girl."
"This is ridiculous." James looked desperately around the table. "Dad? A little help?"
Harry shook his head solemnly. "I'm afraid I can't do that."
"Good for you," Lily applauded.
"Why?" James demanded.
"Because I agree with your mother."
"Only because you're scared of her," said Lily, smirking.
"I'm on your side," said Harry. He was quite bewildered by his daughter at times.
"Okay, everyone needs to calm down," said Ginny at the same time as Cordelia asked, "Mr Potter, do you have a brother of some kind?"
Silence whipped around the table.
"What makes you ask that?" questioned Ginny, a concerned look spreading across her face.
Cordelia shook her head. She was as surprised as anyone at her outburst. "I'm not really sure."
"I don't have any living relatives except my Aunt, Uncle and cousin," said Harry. "Is this important?"
"I have no idea," said Cordelia. Her cutlery wobbled in her hands and she felt quite shaken. "It was just random I guess."
"Are you alright? You've gone pale," said Lily.
"I think I might need to go to bed early," she said absently, thinking fast. "I'll see you all in the morning. Thanks for dinner, it was really lovely."
And ignoring James' shrewd stare and his family's worried expressions, Cordelia hurriedly left the room and ascended the stairs.
She stopped in the hallway and pressed her back to the wall. Where had that come from? It had felt important as she'd said it but it lacked any importance. Like she was inquiring into an alternate reality. Of course Mr Potter had no family. It was such a tactless thing to say.
It felt like those image flashes had felt: full of emotion but not her own.
Voices drifted up from below and Cordelia started to walk to the bathroom, thinking of having a nice cleansing shower.
Just as she opened the door someone said, "Stop."
Cordelia turned to see James standing behind her with an accusing glare and a stance that suggested he was going to get answers.
"Yes?"
James seemed to be collecting his words together. "Why- were you asking my dad about his family? I know you know he doesn't have any."
"Oh merlin, did I offend him," said Cordelia, bringing a worried hand to her mouth.
"He doesn't care, people ask him all the time. At least you didn't ask with malice or false pity," he said. "You're avoiding my question."
Cordelia hesitated with her hand on the door knob. "It just slipped out, it didn't mean anything."
"No, no- you're hiding something," said James, advancing towards her with barely contained anger. "I saw your face. This has something to do what you've been through."
"I don't know! I don't know why I asked that!" Cordelia shouted. She took a few calming breaths and continued, "Look, just forget about it okay? It was nothing." She began to walk away from him.
"I want to know," said James firmly.
Cordelia whirled around. "If you want to know then you need to stop this moody thing you've got going on because I won't put up with it!"
"Do you just want me to be nice all the time? Your loyal little puppy who'll stay no matter how long you don't admit your feelings. I'm so sick of being trailed around like someone who doesn't even matter!" shouted James, pent up anger pouring into every word.
Her mouth opened in shock and they stood in tense silence for a few moments.
"What?" she breathed, the fight leaving her body. "How long have you felt like this?"
James stepped back to rest his back against the wall. "A long time, not that you would care."
"No, I- I do …" Cordelia stood still, trying to find the right words. "I care, James. I really do." And when he continued to look away from her she walked forward and placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look at her. "You don't know how much it means to me that every time something goes wrong, you're there. I love that you care so much that you defied your father's orders to come and see if I was alright."
James' breath was warm on her face as she looked into his eyes. "Thank you for saying that," he said reluctantly. "But it's still tiresome."
"I know. But … you don't deserve to only have half of me. If the situation were different maybe- … maybe we'd be together. Unfortunately, the world doesn't change according to what you want. And I won't change to fit the world."
"I've changed," said James softly. "You used to hate me and now you call yourself my friend."
Cordelia thought carefully about this before shaking her head. "You see; I don't think you have. I think you've matured. But you're still the same James who'll take a risk for something that's important."
"Is that good?" he asked. Cordelia felt him fiddle with a strand of her hair, not meeting her eyes.
"That's great," she breathed. Their faces were inches apart as frantic thoughts rushed rapidly around her head. What was happening? Was this what she wanted? Was she ready? Was she doing this because he wanted her to?
Her mind was made up for her as James placed his hand on the base of her neck and began to close the distance between their lips.