A Light In the Dark
Chapter 11

Randy decided he had enough of it.

It wasn't long after the conversation with Test that Randy realized Shawn wasn't sleeping at all. The man looked more and more like shit with every day that passed, and Randy was at a complete loss as how to help. At least Shawn admitted he was currently seeing a psychiatrist, although the medication he was prescribed was sitting untouched in the medicine cabinet in his mansion.

Randy had to be glad for that fact. He didn't need to deal with a drug addiction. Hell, he didn't even know how Paul, Vince, Shane and Rebecca dealt with Shawn when he was addicted back in the day.

It was also after the conversation with Test that Randy realized Shawn's behavior had changed. He went from being happy and approachable to being grumpy and unsociable. He started spending his time backstage curled in a ball on the floor in Vince's office. It didn't take long for Vince to realize Shawn was sleeping in his office when he wasn't needed for segments or out in the ring. It didn't make him angry, it just made him upset that Shawn went from being happy to being depressed.

Nobody knew what to do for him anymore.

"Maybe he needs a vacation." Andrew offered.

"That's the last thing he needs... We made so much progress and, just like that, it's back to square one." Vince replied.

"There has to be something that pushed him back to this." John stated, putting a hand to his chin in thought.

"He overheard Vince and I discussing the fact that he might need a psychiatrist... Shawn admitted he already had one... And now... He's... Like this." Randy stated and gestured to the sleeping man in the room.

"Doesn't he sleep at night?" Andrew asked.

"No. He lays in bed and stares at the ceiling all night." Randy replied.

He shared a hotel room with Shawn. He should know. When Shawn first started traveling with Randy, the younger man noticed something a little funny about him. He would always go to bed early and get up late, looking like he hadn't gotten a single moments rest. Randy wondered how somebody could possibly be so tired, so he started staying up later at night to try and figure out what was going on. He soon realized Shawn would wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours, remaining completely silent and unmoving so he didn't disturb the other man in the room. It went from Shawn getting a couple of hours of sleep a night to getting absolutely no sleep whatsoever. Randy was concerned, but he didn't know how to help him.

"What could he possibly dream about that makes him that afraid to sleep at night?" John asked.

Randy shrugged. "There's nothing more terrifying than dreaming about a dead friend."

John went to interject, but wisely shut his mouth and looked over at Shawn. "He looks terrible, if you ask me."

"I know. He's wearing himself down."

A sudden thump caught their attention, and they turned to see Shawn tossing and turning.

"Looks like a nightmare." Andrew commented.

Randy huffed in annoyance. Yeah, he had enough of this shit. Stupid nightmares. Stupid hallucinations. Stupid traumatic experiences.

John stepped forward, but something Shawn mumbled in his sleep made him stop short.

"Paul."

There was a moment of silence in the room. Everyone looked around at one another, at a complete loss as to what they should say or do at the moment.

"What did he just say?" Vince growled, and everyone was thankful he was the first one to speak.

"I think he said-"

"Paul!"

Everyone once again went quiet, choosing to look over at Shawn in shock. What the hell could he be dreaming about that he was calling for Paul? Either way, it went from a mumble to a heart-wrenching shout, almost like someone was in danger and Shawn was calling for help or calling to warn Paul.

"This is awkward." John mumbled, looking around at everyone else for advice on the situation.

Randy stepped towards Shawn. He knew it was a bad idea to grab someone while they were having a nightmare, but he couldn't handle it anymore. Paul was the reason why they were knees deep in this bullshit and he wasn't going to let Shawn suffer through the nightmare involving Paul any longer. He knelt down next to Shawn carefully and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, then shook him.

"Shawn? Shawn, you have to wake up."

"Paul... Paul, you gotta... No. Paul?"

"Shawn!"

Shawn yelled, jumped, sat straight up and stared at Randy. He was breathing like he had just run a marathon, and all Randy could do was put a hand on his shoulder to try to ground him. Shawn's breathing calmed after a few moments of extremely awkward silence, especially once you considered the fact there were three other grown men in the room with them. Nobody moved a muscle or uttered a word until Shawn calmed down.

"Okay." He whispered, then looked down at his lap.

"You sure?" Randy asked.

"Yeah."

Randy saw in Shawn's eyes he wanted to say something. Maybe he needed to say something. He turned to look at everyone else in the room. "Vince, I know this is your office and all... But can I have a minute alone with Shawn, please,"

Vince nodded in understanding, grabbed a hold of Andrew and John and left the room with them. Randy was surprised nobody tried to interject and say they wanted to help... Hell, hearing Shawn call Paul's name had to be awkward as hell for everyone in the room, but he assumed they understood Shawn would only be comfortable talking to one person about that... And that person just so happened to be Randy Orton.

"So... What's the matter?"

"What?" Shawn asked, looking back up at Randy.

"You aren't sleeping at night. You're sleeping in Vince's office. You're having nightmares."

"I don't-"

"Don't lie to me, Shawn. I know you are. It's why you aren't sleeping at night. You're afraid, and that's perfectly understandable..," Randy paused, hoping Shawn would say something. Anything to explain himself. When nothing but awkward silence filled the air, Randy sighed. "You were calling for Paul."

Shawn's eyes widened slightly. "I..."

"You said his name once, then you screamed it."

"I... I don't..."

"Shawn, it's okay. I told you... You can talk to me about anything you want. I won't judge you for it. I'll try to help... But I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I can't stop seeing it."

Randy raised a confused eyebrow. "Seeing what?"

"That night... The night Paul killed Shane. I wasn't even conscious for it, but I can see every little detail. I'm always in the room... And it's always happening the same way... Shane is on his knees, looking up at Paul... I try to stop it, but... But Paul doesn't listen to me."

Randy brought a hand to his face. "Maybe there's something significant in that moment."

"What's more significant than Paul killing his brother-in-law?" Shawn snapped, glaring at the younger man.

"That's not what I mean, Shawn. Maybe... Just maybe... There's something significant in the moment that you're missing. There's something Shane wants you to see and come to terms with."

"But... I don't want to see it."

"I know you don't want to see it, Shawn. But it's going to keep happening until you notice whatever detail it is that Shane wants you to see," Randy went quiet for a moment. "He's a lot quieter now, huh?"

"I guess."

Randy quirked an eyebrow. "You guess? It's either a yes or a no, Shawn."

"To be honest, I haven't really... I'm not paying attention."

"So you're ignoring it?"

"Well, I can't very well be a part of this world if I'm listening to something that isn't there, can I?"

Randy sighed, then looked down at the floor. He noticed a white envelope, so he reached out and picked it up. "Is this yours?"

"Yeah, must've dropped it.."

Randy turned it over before Shawn was able to grab it, and he was mortified at what the name on the return address was.

Paul Levesque.

Randy looked at Shawn and narrowed his eyes angrily at the other man. "You have a lot of explaining to do."

Shawn blinked at him and slumped back against the wall. "Why?"

"Because! Jesus, Shawn. This is the asshole who wanted you dead, and you're actually opening letters you're getting from him!? Are you actually kidding me?! Or are you pen pals now? Hmm? Exchange a couple of letters here and there and everything is fine?"

"I don't write back to him! I just read them!" Shawn shouted.

"Yeah?! You're reading letters the psychopath is sending you?! That's a great idea, Shawn. Does he draw you pictures?! Did he acknowledge the fact he fucked up!? Did he apologize for ruining your fucking life?!"

"Randy..."

Randy would have kept screaming if he didn't hear Shawn's voice and look into his eyes and see nothing but pain there. Even if Paul did apologize, Shawn would never accept it and move on... There's too much betrayal there for Shawn to say it was okay. His best friend of how many years tried to kill him. There's no getting over that, no matter who you are. No matter how many times Shawn said he was okay, everyone knew he was lying...

Which is what inspired Randy to look Shawn in the eyes again. Really look into his eyes. There was something else there...

"Are you alright?"

"Yes."

Randy watched as Shawn rather ungracefully got to his feet and went to take a step. When the older man almost took a nosedive, Randy jumped up to grab a hold of him.

"Whoa, whoa... Not so fine. I'm going to lower you back to the floor," Randy paused and did as he said he would, then knelt in front of Shawn and looked him in the eyes again. "You eat anything today?"

"No."

Randy huffed in annoyance. "Shawn... You have to-"

"I don't have to do anything." Shawn snapped.

"You were perfectly fine two weeks ago, Shawn. What the hell is wrong with you now?! Is it this," Randy paused and held the envelope up so Shawn could see it. "It has to be this. You aren't sleeping now. You don't want to eat. You aren't talking anymore. Paul contacting you is fucking with you."

Shawn glared at the younger man. "Fuck off."

Randy pulled his arm back and smacked Shawn across the face as hard as he possibly could, which resulted in Shawn hitting the wall and looking back at Randy in shock.

"Don't you dare tell me to fuck off, Shawn. I've been trying to help you for a whole fucking year, and I'll be damned if you treat me like absolute shit because it helps you feel better. Guess what, Shawn? Pushing people away isn't going to get you anywhere but alone and seventy times more miserable than you already are. I understand it's hard for you to move on after losing two of your friends, one to prison and the other to death, because I lost them, too! We all did! You're wearing yourself down to the point where it's nearly impossible to get you back! Do you not care about that?!"

Shawn, now sporting a red handprint on his face, narrowed his eyes angrily at Randy again. "No."

"You little..," Randy made a fist, but quickly brought it to his side and punched himself in the thigh. Did he really just hit Shawn? "Oh my God. I'm sorry."

"No you aren't."

Randy leaned forward and grabbed a hold of Shawn's shoulders, making Shawn pull away from him.

"Shawn, I'm trying..," Randy's hand grazed Shawn's forehead in their awkward scuffling, and the older man suddenly stilled. He was red hot. "Why..? Shawn, do you have a fever?!"

Shawn crossed his arms over his chest and looked away stubbornly. "No."

"Oh, you are such a little liar."

"There you go again." Shawn grumbled.

Randy blinked. "I didn't say anything."

"Of course you didn't. He's a little dense, isn't he, Shawn? Why don't you explain to Randy why you won't open up? How you're afraid? Afraid of the dark, like a little kid. Hell, Cameron isn't even afraid of the dark."

"Shut up."

"Shawn, I didn't say anything." Randy calmly stated, putting a hand on Shawn's shoulder again.

"Leave him alone, Randy. He's having a breakdown."

Shawn put his hands over his ears. "Shut. Up!"

"Shawn! Shawn, you have a calm down."

"This one is going to be rough. Worse than the other one... And he has a fever this time. Not good. You should have listened to Randy, Shawn... You need to take care of yourself. That medicine the psychiatrist gave you would have helped. But you're afraid of developing an addiction again, hmm? Noble, but stupid."

"Shut up, Shane!"

"Shawn, you have to listen to me. Listen, Shawn. Shane is gone. He isn't here. Ignore him. He'll go away. Please, Shawn, calm down."

"He isn't going to calm down, Randy. He's in too deep this time. When it rains it pours, right?"

Randy cornered Shawn into the wall and put both of his hands on the other mans shoulders. "Michael Shawn Hickenbottom! Focus on me right now, goddammit,"

Randy was surprised when Shawn locked eyes with him, despite how terrified he looked.

"I know I said ignoring your problems isn't going to help you with anything, but right now, you need to ignore him. Pretend he isn't there. It's the only way you aren't going to go into shock or whatever happens during a breakdown. Please, concentrate on my voice."

By this time, Vince, John and Andrew had run back into the room to see what all the commotion was about. Sure enough, they saw Shawn huddled in the corner with his hands covering his ears, and Randy was kneeling in front of him with both hands on his shoulders, clearly trying to calm him.

"Is everything alright?"

Shawn jumped at the sudden introduction of a new voice, and his attention was taken off of Randy for a mere second.

"Gotcha."

Randy turned his attention from Vince to Shawn when he realized his hands were no longer resting against anything. He noticed Shawn had suddenly blacked out and sunk to the floor. "Vince! Ambulance, now!"