A Light In the Dark
Chapter 14

Randy wasn't sure why, but by the time Raw came around, he was totally fine with the silence in the room. Shawn was currently sitting in the corner of the room, looking at something on his phone. John was God knows where, and Randy was able to hear Andrew talking to someone out in the hallway. Randy sighed... There were so many thoughts running through his mind.

He turned his attention to the white envelope in his gym bag... The one that he just so happened to smack Shawn across the face for when he first saw it. Shawn had dropped it that night and Randy had it ever since, unsure of how to approach the topic with the other man. Maybe Shane was right about it... Maybe Shawn should read Paul's letter. It might help him out a little... Answer some questions, maybe..? Hell, Shane was probably right about everything. He usually was.

Randy took a deep breath, then turned his attention to Shawn. "Hey... Shawn?"

Shawn looked up at Randy. "Mm-hmm?"

"The other night when you passed out... You, uh... Dropped this."

Randy walked over to Shawn and handed him the letter from Paul. Shawn looked at it curiously, then took it. His eyes widened ever-so-slightly when he realized it was still sealed. He looked up at Randy and nodded his head ever so slightly. "Thanks."

Randy nodded back. "No problem."

"For not reading it." Shawn continued.

"Oh. Uh... You're welcome."

"Why didn't you?"

Randy quirked a confused eyebrow. "Why didn't I read it?"

"Yeah."

"What do you mean?"

"You've had it long enough."

Randy sighed. "Well... Honestly... I never even thought about reading it. I mean... It's yours, ya know? It's sealed for a reason, number one... Number two, it's none of my business unless you give me permission to read it."

"Thank you."

Randy had to do a double take. Shawn was actually genuinely smiling at him. It was a beautiful sight.

"You're welcome, man."

As if things couldn't get any more shocking, Shawn leaned forward and hugged Randy. It didn't last long, as a knock on the door made Shawn scramble backwards, but Randy was happy... A small piece of Shawn's personality showed itself... Randy wondered if he could continue to make that happen until Shawn returned to normal. He wasn't sure when he walked over to the door, but he grabbed the handle and opened it, not even surprised when Vince was standing there.

"Hello, Randy."

"Hiya, Vince." Randy stepped out of the way so Vince could enter the room, looking out into the hallway as he did so. He was more than surprised when he noticed Andrew was talking to Stephanie. Randy blinked, then shut the door and turned his attention to the men in the room. Vince was standing closer to Randy, although he had his attention turned to Shawn, who had once again taken a seat on the floor and was fooling around on his phone.

"Hi, Shawn." Vince greeted.

"Hello, Vince."

Randy groaned inwardly and cringed. Shawn didn't even bother looking up at the older man. Randy didn't really know what he expected, as Shawn's actions were completely random now, but he was hoping it would have been a little more respectful than that.

Vince looked at Randy with sadness in his eyes. Randy sighed and placed an assuring hand on the older mans shoulder. He truly had been through a lot in the passed year. His son died in his arms, his son-in-law was behind it, and he was also involved in a plot to kill his best friend, said best friend was like a second son to Vince... Shit. Randy wondered how Vince was coping so well. Then again, Shane mentioned Vince had been praying a lot... And he seemed concerned enough when he asked Randy to tell Vince nothing was his fault...

Randy looked his boss in the eyes. The loses were starting to pile up, and Vince was starting to age as a result of it. He had never seen Vince look so tired and worn out before, and he was starting to get concerned... Even though he knew the causes behind it... One of them was sitting in the room. Randy knew how concerned Vince was when it came to Shawn... Hell, everyone was. He wondered if, whenever Shawn got back to normal, Vince would start to get better, as well.

"So... What's up?" Randy asked.

Vince smiled. "Nothing. I was bored."

"'Bored?'" Shawn parroted.

Vince looked surprised that Shawn was even paying attention to him. "Uh... Yeah. Very unlike me, I know... But there's only so many freestyles I can listen to before I lose my shit."

Randy chuckled. "Is Cena in a rap battle?"

"Yeah. With fucking Helms, Copeland, Benjamin, Henry and Cade. It's like a goddamn train wreck."

"Not counting Henry and Benjamin, that's like... The whitest rap battle ever." Randy commented.

Vince groaned. "Oh my God, you have no idea. I keep having flashbacks to Angle trying to rap."

Randy busted out laughing. Kurt Angle trying to rap was, by far, one of the funniest things he had ever seen on television.

"Have you forgotten 'Sexy Kurt?'" Shawn asked.

Vince laughed. "No, I haven't... I guess Kurt doesn't have many talents."

"That man is musically impaired." Randy stated.

"Anyway... Linda and I were talking... And we think it would be great to get some people together for dinner in Greenwich on Saturday. What do you think?"

"Who's going?" Randy asked.

"Linda and myself, obviously... Stephanie, Aurora and Liam. I believe Stephanie is currently inviting Andrew... Marissa, Declan and Kenney... Shawn, you can bring Becky and the kids."

"Alright."

"Okay, so the Michaels family is invited, as well."

Randy chuckled. "Yeah, I'll be there."

"Good, good."

Randy smiled and patted Vince's back. "Thanks for the invite."

"Oh, no problem."

Randy could tell there was more Vince would have said but held back on, and he figured it was because Shawn was in the room. He decided he would ask him about it at a later time... Probably when he tells Vince nothing was his fault.

"Becky said yes."

Vince and Randy looked at one another, then over at Shawn. "Pardon?" Vince asked.

"Becky said yes."

"To dinner in Greenwich on Saturday?"

"Yep."

"Oh, splendid! Wait, when did you ask her?"

"Now."

"Oh... So you're texting, now?" Vince asked.

"Yep."

"That's good... Gotta keep up with those kids... They're too damn quick to learn these things."

"I know."

"Declan is a smart little cookie... Kid can use a computer like he's an adult. Don't ask me how... He's almost four, mind you... Well, you have kids... You understand."

"Yep."

"Shawn?" Randy suddenly asked.

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?"

"Why?"

"No reason, I guess... Just wanted to check."

"Oh."

"Do you want us to leave you alone?"

Randy was surprised when Shawn actually looked up at him. "What makes you think that?"

Randy shrugged. "You seem irritated... And like your mind is elsewhere."

"Oh."

Randy turned his attention back to Vince. "Anyway... How's everything?"

Vince sighed. "Okay, I guess... Steve is supposed to be here."

"Austin?"

"The one and only," Vince looked over at Shawn when he heard a ripping noise. He leaned closer to Randy. "Maybe we should leave him alone for a bit."

Randy, who had been looking at Shawn, looked back at Vince and nodded in agreement. "We'll be back, Shawn."

"Alright."

Once the door closed, Shawn looked at the partially open envelope in his hands. He didn't really want to read it, but something told him he had to... He couldn't really remember clearly, but he thought someone had told him he should read it... It might help him feel better about certain things that happened over the passed year.

Damn, he really hated that medicine. It really fucked with his head... Particularly his memory.

Turning his attention back to the envelope, he finished tearing it open with one swoop of his finger and pulled the letter out. He took a deep breath, then unfolded the paper and looked down at the writing.

'Dear Shawn,'

Shawn couldn't get any further. The unshed tears in his eyes were making it hard to see. He lowered the note, leaned back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. It was just a piece of paper with words on it... Why the hell was it so hard for him to read it?

Maybe because it was from someone who tried to kill him. Someone he thought was his best friend for twelve or so years. Someone he loved just as much as he loved his siblings. Hell, it was someone he treated as a sibling.

Before he knew it, tears were freely flowing down his face, and he rested his head on his knees. He didn't even know why he was crying at first, but the memories were quick to flood through his mind. Getting kidnapped. Getting beat down so many times, he lost count. Getting his dignity taken away from him in that stupid house in Ohio. He was so relieved when he was rescued... Even opened up to Paul several times about everything that happened. Shane warned him something was funny about Paul... And, just like that, the relief was gone. Paul showed his true colors, a life was lost, and Shawn's world came crashing down around him.

He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting in that same position, but he felt an assuring hand on his shoulder. He looked up and, through tear-filled eyes, saw the concerned face of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin looking back at him.

"How ya doin,' son?"

Shawn used his free hand to wipe the tears from his face. "Fine."

Steve raised a confused eyebrow. "Clearly you ain't fine. Wanna be honest, or is 'fine' the only answer you're goin' with?"

"I'm fine." Shawn repeated.

"Alright. If you say so," Steve lowered himself to the floor so he could look Shawn in the eyes. "Watcha got there?" He asked, gesturing to the letter in Shawn's hand.

"Letter... From Paul."

Steve's face twitched in anger at the mention of Paul's name. After everything the bastard did, he was still trying to find ways to mess with Shawn!? He was already told Paul had been sending Stephanie letters, but that was somewhat understandable since they were still married... But now he was sending Shawn letters?! Steve would be lying if he said he was okay with that. "Have you read it?"

"No..."

"Do you want to read it?"

Shawn visibly gulped. "I... I don't know."

"You don't have to read it, son." Steve stated.

Shawn looked Steve in the eyes. "I think I have to."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"Something's saying I have to."

Steve sighed. "After everything he did, Shawn? Why would you have to waste your time reading a letter from him?"

"Wouldn't you?"

Steve blinked. "What?"

"Aren't you intrigued?"

"I'd be lyin' if I said no."

"See? I'm too curious."

Steve sighed. "Shawn... I'm all for curiosity and everythin'... But... Not if it means your sanity."

Shawn quirked an eyebrow. "Whoever said I was sane?"

Steve chuckled. "Alright, you got me there... Seriously, though. If you want me to leave you alone so you can read it, let me know and I'll leave. If you want some company while..."

"You'll stay?" Shawn asked.

Steve looked Shawn in the eyes and saw he was actually hoping the other man would say yes. He couldn't believe Shawn was giving him that stupid pleading look that almost everyone in the world fell for... And, sure enough...

"Of course."

He couldn't say no.

Shawn let out a breath. "Good."

Steve watched Shawn scoot away from him ever so slightly, so he got the idea. He stood up and went over to a chair in the room, then sat down and turned the television on, being careful to leave the volume low. He glanced over at Shawn every so often, watching him closely. It took several moments for the other man to build enough courage to pick up the letter and start reading.

'Dear Shawn,

I don't know if you'll read this or not. Hell, if I were you, I'd tear it up and set it on fire. I would never be able to look at the name 'Paul Levesque' ever again. As much as I think you aren't reading this, I know there's a slim chance that you are. And, if you are, I really commend you. It takes a lot of guts to do what you're doing right now.

I know I seemed really cocky the last time we saw each other. Hell, you'd even say you didn't know who I was anymore. The truth is... Neither did I. I was completely overcome with hatred and jealousy that I was blinded by it. I've always been jealous of you, Shawn. You won Vince over without being a top dog, you won the crowd over all the time, the boys always liked you, your in-ring technique is flawless... I hated you for it.

And when I met that crazy bastard in Ohio, he was able to use my jealousy against me. He convinced me we were doing the right thing. Convinced me I'd be better off if there was no you. I was stupid enough to go along with it. I was still bitter about '02. You came back and won the title like it was nothing and I was sent to the hospital thanks to that damn pot head almost crushing my throat. I was really mad at Vince, and my jealousy made my rage reach boiling point. I carried that with me for four years before Vince decided to bring D-X back, and that's when our plan went into action.

You were never supposed to make it out of that place, man. But you did. And, damn it all to hell, I was scared. I was afraid for everyone involved. I was afraid for myself. And, most of all, I was afraid for you. I knew you weren't going to be you anymore. The thought of you reverting back into the old Shawn terrified me. I was so happy when that guy was gone... You said and did some real hurtful shit back then, and I know you've apologized for it and we've agreed to move on, but it has to be mentioned. I was expecting old Shawn to resurface after we got you back. I was preparing myself for old Shawn. I didn't know you were going to become another person entirely. Honestly, though..? That scares me, too. I don't like not knowing you. The new Shawn is too fragile. Too broken. And it honestly hurt me when I realized I was partially the cause of it. I say 'partially' because I have something to confess to you. The whole rape thing? Not my idea. I was mortified when I found out. That reaction was genuine, Shawn. I would never stoop down that low.

That's funny, isn't it? How I was genuinely afraid for you? It kind of defeats the purpose of me being one of the people behind it in the first place...

I honestly can't say I know why I agreed to do what I did. You were the best friend I've ever had in my entire life, and I was willing to throw it away over a stupid fucking title belt. A belt I've won over a dozen times. How could I ever be jealous of you holding the title..? Why the hell would I want to kill you over it? I wish I knew the answers to those questions, but I don't. I doubt I ever will. It was a moment of weakness that made me agree to that idea.

I've had a lot of time to think about what I've done. And, truth be told, I know I could never be forgiven with a simple apology. I've done way too much damage. Not only to you, but to your family, the McMahons, my family, my friends, our co-workers and every fan around the world. I made one phenomenal athlete too afraid to step back into the ring, and I took the craziest competitor to ever step into the ring away from them. I can't believe what I did that night in Montréal. I actually killed that poor kid. For what? A belt? Shane was worth way more than that damn belt. I have to live with what I did for the rest of my life.

It's a shame his boys will grow up without ever knowing him. He was always such a great dad... Even if one of the boys brought their kids around. Shane was like a kid magnet. They all gravitated towards him. And his kids will never know that. They won't know how funny he was. Energetic. Compassionate. Smart. Sarcastic. All of that is gone... And they have me to thank for it.

Just like my own kids have me to thank for them never knowing me, either. I got a letter from Stephanie a few weeks back, telling me she had a baby and named him Liam. Liam Vaughn Levesque. That sounds horrendous. Don't you hate double initials? But then she told me she was talking to a lawyer to divorce my sorry ass and ban me from ever seeing Aurora and Liam. I was in total shock. But, then again, I can understand why she made that decision in the first place. What I did that night is unforgivable. There's no way our relationship can continue after that, and I'm well aware of that fact. I even told her that in the most recent letter I sent her. I'll never see any of them again.

And I'm okay with that. Not because I don't want to see them again, because I do... But because of how painful it'll be to look at them and think of the damage I've caused. I can barely look in a mirror anymore. Truth be told, I got beat up a lot when I first got in here. They thought my crimes were disgusting. Hell, so do I. I never fought back. Used to imagine it was you or Vince kicking my ass.

I'm not writing this to make you feel sorry for me. In fact, I don't want you to. I'm being completely honest with you for the first time in a really long time. I'm getting what I deserve. I realized that after about a month of being here. I swore I heard your voice saying that to me one night. But I realized you would never want to look at me or speak to me ever again, so I knew it wasn't you. What really sealed the deal was that letter from Stephanie. If her brother can't see his kids, it's only fair that I can't see mine.

I hope Shane's boys will have an outstanding role model. Nobody could ever fill Shane's shoes, and Marissa is a really strong woman, but they need a father figure in their lives, too. While on the topic of kids, I really hope my kids have a great role model, as well. I know Stephanie will do fine on her own. She was always independent. I think Shane raised her to be that way. I bet she still doesn't realize she's a lot like him. Does she still make that face? You know which one I'm talking about.

From what I've heard, Randy has really stepped up to the plate in the business. I'm quite proud of him, and I'm not being sarcastic when I say that. I've been saying for about two years now that that kid needs to get his priorities straight and stop messing around so much. I'm glad he's maturing, even though it happened the way it did.

And I hope you're doing alright. I still think you need to take a breath and relax once in awhile. Even though I did what I did, I still think about you often... To be honest, it's probably because of the guilt. I hate myself for what I did, and it took me almost a year to gather the courage to sit down and start writing this letter... Hence why it's a jumbled mess.

I really don't know how to end this, but I really want to send this to you as soon as possible. But I'm afraid you won't read it, too, and that is making it difficult for me to decide how to end it. It's all a gamble, really... Hell, our friendship was kind of built on a gamble, wasn't it? A top dog hanging out with a rookie? Man, I was lucky. Well... You know, after you got over the whole 'yeah, that's nice, kid' routine.

You know what? I'm really glad you did... 'Cause we've had one hell of an amazing friendship, haven't we? From all the partying to the controversies, to the arguments, to the fist fights, to messing with Vince, to seeing each other get married and become dads... Hell, we've been through it all. I'm just really genuinely sorry about how I fucked it up. I never should have done what I did, because it made me lose the older brother I never had but always wanted. You were the best friend I've ever had. I hope you get better, make a new best friend and have some fun like we used to. You deserve all good things in life, especially after what you've been through.

Thanks for the memories, Shawn. I only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day.

Sincerely,
Paul'

Shawn lowered the note, and it eventually slid out of his hands and landed on the floor. He rested his head against the wall and sobbed.