Thank you so much for the reviews! It was interesting to see the mixed reviews and I always appreciate the time taken to write them. I like reading what you think even if you disagree with the direction I am taking this. Here is another chapter. Happy Reading!
Christian's POV
I've been so busy with paperwork and calls today. I feel like I've worked thirty six hours straight. It is mostly due to the absence of an employee I had to fire recently. He had stopped performing for my company and after losing a few deals I had to let him go. I haven't found a person qualified enough to replace him. So I have had to fill in and take extra meetings that he would be taking if he were still here. I feel so guilty because I have my daughter here with me today. My baby girl Phoebe. Ana always takes Teddy and Phoebe to work with her, but I had to take Phoebe to her six month check-up since Ana's assistant booked back to back meetings for her today. So, I have Phoebe here with me.
I take a moment and look down at her. I can't help but smile at my baby girl. I can't believe she is already six months old. It feels like yesterday when I held her in my arms for the first time. The doctor had put her in my arms immediately after removing her from Ana's womb. The feeling of holding her for the first time is just indescribable. I don't think I've shed more tears in my life than I shed that day. I just instantly loved her so much. She was a preemie. I remember how small she was and I remember counting all ten fingers and toes. She was tiny, but she was perfect.
I was very pleased to hear the good things the doctor had to say at her well visit. My baby girl is at a very healthy height and weight and we can start giving her more solids. We've already been giving her the rice cereal and she's been doing very well with that. But now we can start giving her the baby meats, fruits and vegetables. She had to get a few shots, which I hate, but they were necessary. She did very well with the first three, but she started to scream after the fourth one. I was glad when it was over. I hate that part of my kids' well visits.
I watch her for a few minutes as she plays on the floor of my office. Her hair had just started to come in. She doesn't have a lot of it yet but I can tell it is a very light brown color. She is wearing long sleeved footsy pajamas so I don't have to worry about her being cold. I have a few blankets on the floor in case she moves around. She lies on her stomach sometimes while she plays, and then she rolls onto her back. She has recently showed signs of starting to crawl, but she is not there yet. She can't seem to get her stomach off the ground. She'll try a few times, get frustrated and then resume playing with a toy that is within her reach.
I am interrupted when my phone rings. I growl in frustration before I answer. I am in deep conversation with my contact out in Taiwan when my ex-employee Timothy Marks bursts in and scoops up my daughter. I drop the phone and rush toward him. He stops me in my tracks when he pulls out a hand gun and aims it at me. I put both of my hands up as a natural reaction and I can feel the sweat start to run down my face. He has my baby girl and he is threatening me with a gun.
"What do you want?" I ask him. I can hear my voice quivering. I am not scared for me. I am scared for my daughter.
"Not so tough now are you, Mr Grey?" he asks me.
My fear is suddenly replaced by anger and rage. He has my daughter. "Let her go, you don't need her" I say to him.
"I disagree" he says. "The way I see it, you have everything, and I have nothing. You fired me and took away my ability to support my family. You have made it so I can't get another job anywhere in this country."
"You sold me out to my competitors. Nobody's going to hire someone that is disloyal."
"No thanks to you" he says. "You need to pay Grey. But not with money. No, that would be way too easy. I have something much bigger in mind."
"You can't have my daughter. Somehow you've managed to get into this building. And for that more people will need to be fucking fired. But I can assure you, you will not make it out of this building" I yell at him. Phoebe starts to cry when she hears me yell. Marks doesn't know what to do. He has Phoebe in one arm and he's holding the gun with his other hand. Finally I see Taylor in the door way. About fucking time. I decide to bring attention to my bodyguard in an effort to bring Marks down. He turns around and starts to walk backward when he sees Taylor. Before I can take him out he shoots at my baby girl.
"Nooooooo!" I yell as I wake up. I look around and see that I am in my study, still wearing the same dress shirt and suit pants from last night. I look down at my watch and it is three in the morning. Why the fuck do I always wake up from a nightmare at three? It is like clockwork. I don't have nightmares that often. I'm sure I had one since I am not sleeping with my Ana. I always sleep better with her.
I take a moment to think about this nightmare as I work to catch my breath. My daughter was almost kidnapped when she was only six months old. But I saved her. Marks didn't shoot her, that's not how it happened. So why did it happen that way in my nightmare? I rub my head hard out of tiredness and frustration. I briefly think about walking up the stairs to see if Ana will allow me into our bedroom again, but somehow I doubt that. She is pissed at me, and she will be until I forgive our daughter. I am having a really hard time with that. She disobeyed me and she left me. I feel like she took all of the love and support that I've given her over the past seventeen years and just stomped on it. Everything I do I do for my family. And now I feel like it is worth nothing. All because Phoebe left.
There is so much pain and anger inside of me that I have yet to sort out since she's been home. I haven't felt this way in a really long time. Probably not since I've been a teenager. I need to put this anger somewhere, but where? I can't go back to my dominant life style and beat the shit out of willing submissives. I gave up that shit and chose more with Ana. I cannot go back there again. I won't. Ana and my kids are too important to me. I need to find a way to deal with my anger before I lose them. I think several appointments with Flynn are in order.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Teddy visits Phoebe in her room first thing in the morning. He wants to make sure she is okay. When he walks in he finds her brushing her hair in the mirror. She is already dressed for the day. His mood changes when he sees her. He'd expected to find her pouting about missing his birthday dinner last night. Instead he finds her getting ready for the day. He had invited her to join him and Rebecca on a picnic, so she is most likely looking forward to that.
"It's good to see you up" he says to her.
"Yeah well, can't stay in bed forever." She finishes brushing her hair and looks for a pair of earrings to wear. "Are you sure it's okay that I come with you today?"
"Of course, Rebecca and I both want to spend time with you" he tries to assure her. She sits down on her bed and he sits down to face her. "You know, I talked to Trevor yesterday."
Phoebe gives him a shocked and worried look. "You did?"
"Yeah. He's been wanting to talk to you." Phoebe looks down at the bedspread and runs her finger along the design. "Phoebe, there's something I need to tell you."
Phoebe can hear regret in his voice and almost doesn't want to hear what he has to say. But her curiosity is eating at her. "What is it?"
"Trevor's been sending you flowers. And, well, Dad has been throwing them away."
"What?" Phoebe becomes angry and hurt at the same time. He's been sending flowers? She's received a few texts messages from him and he's tried to call her a few times. But she didn't know about the flowers.
"He's been sending them every day. And I caught Dad throwing them away. I didn't know until yesterday that those flowers were for you." Phoebe can feel the pain in her chest. Her father is really trying to hurt her. And it is working. "I'm sorry Phoebs."
"No, it's okay. I'm glad you told me" she says with her voice quivering.
"Are you going to be okay?" he asks her and rubs his hand on her back.
Phoebe nods but she is not convincing. "Yeah. I just need a few minutes, and then I'll come downstairs.
Teddy takes this as a queue to leave. He rises from the bed and leaves the room. Phoebe doesn't hesitate. She rises from the bed and storms down the stairs. She suddenly has this rush of adrenaline and she knows she needs to take advantage of it. It is now or never.
She knocks on the door of her father's study. She knows he is in there since he wasn't upstairs or in the kitchen. She doesn't wait for him to answer or grant her permission to enter. She opens the door and walks in until she is standing in the middle of his study, taking Christian by surprise.
"What do you want from me?" she asks him in a raised emotional voice. Christian just stands and stares at her. "What is it going to take to get you to stop this? You won't talk to me, you won't eat meals with our family, you are mean to Mom and Natalie…" Phoebe grows more emotional as she continues her speech. She is so angry and so hurt and it is evident in her body language and voice. "You wouldn't let me go to Teddy's birthday dinner, you…. you've been throwing away flowers that my boyfriend sent, what's it going to take for you to stop this? What do I need to do? Please, tell me Dad." At this point she is in tears. Ana has appeared in the doorway after hearing everything Phoebe has said, but she remains quiet. "What do you want from me?" She screams louder at him. "Do you want to punish me? Because anything is better than this. If you want to spank me then do it."
"Careful what you wish for, because that can certainly be arranged" he growls.
"Christian!" Ana scolds as she walks into the study.
"Anastasia, she said it, not me. If our daughter wants me to spank her I'll do it."
"Enough!" Ana yells. At this point Phoebe has sunk to the floor and she is sobbing. Ana kneels down and puts her arms around her.
"Ana, I have work to do" Christian says.
"That will have to wait" Ana says harshly. "Phoebe, wait for me in the main room." She helps Phoebe stand and watches her leave the study. Once the door is closed she unleashes her fury. "What is the matter with you? Our daughter just poured her heart out to you and all you can do is stand there and threaten punishment? I don't even know who you are anymore."
"Anastasia, I am your husband and the father of your children. And I am also fifty shades of fucked up. You knew that when you married me."
"Christian, you cannot hide behind that excuse anymore. You are a father and your daughter needs you" she tries to reason.
"If she needed me, she shouldn't have left" he snaps.
"But she did" she says softly. "She did, and she regrets it. Especially because of the way you've been treating her. I know you want to punish her, but this is not punishment. It is cruel and it is hurtful. How would you feel if Carrick or Grace did this to you?"
The question hangs out there for a few seconds as Christian looks down at his desk. "I wouldn't like it" he says almost quietly.
"You have to stop this. I hate what this is doing to you and I'm afraid of what this is going to do to Phoebe. She could shut down on us, she could become depressed and distant and she could wind up hurting herself."
Christian thinks about his wife's words. He wants to fix things, but he doesn't know how. And he's still afraid of his hurt and anger toward his daughter. Those feelings are still very much on the surface and he's afraid of what he will do. He doesn't respond.
"We need to tell Phoebe I am pregnant before she finds out from anyone else." Christian nods, and Ana nods back. They both leave the study and find Phoebe in the main room. She is curled up on the couch wiping tears away with her untailored long sleeves.
Ana sits on the coffee table in front of Phoebe while Christian stands a few feet away with his hands in his pockets. "Phoebe, we have some news that we want to share with you" Ana says lightly. She smiles at Phoebe in an effort to show her that the news she has to share is good, but Phoebe keeps the frown on her face. Ana takes one of her daughter's hands in both of hers as she prepares to tell her. "Your father and I are going to have another baby." Phoebe looks wide eyed at her mother and then chances a look at her father. Christian's expression is blank as he remains standing with his hands in his pockets. "I am due the first week of January."
"Congratulations" Phoebe says lightly, but not very convincingly. "How long have you known?"
Ana looks over at Christian and then back at Phoebe. "We'll, we've known for a couple weeks, but we wanted to wait before we started telling people."
Phoebe looks down at her hand in her mother's as a hurtful thought comes to mind. "So, I guess that means you started telling people last night, at the dinner." Ana looks down and Phoebe already has her answer. "That's just great." Phoebe stands and walks out of the room. Ana sighs and covers her face with both of her hands. She hates that Phoebe is hurting. She becomes angrier with Christian and doesn't allow him to comfort her. He puts a hand on her shoulder and she pulls away from him.
"Don't" she says angrily. She leaves the room and Christian doesn't follow her. He starts to feel pain in his chest for everything that is happening. This should be a happy time. He and Ana should be looking forward to having another baby. They should be talking about which room will be the nursery and how they would like to decorate it. Ana should be sitting with her feet up and laying off the stress. Instead he is allowing the tension from Phoebe's road trip carry on by not talking to his daughter and resolving things. He reaches into his pocket for his blackberry and finds the number for John Flynn. The therapist answers on the second ring and agrees to meet with him first thing tomorrow.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
It is Monday afternoon and Phoebe has just finished another day volunteering at the hospital. She doesn't look or feel well. Each day is spent just getting by with everything that she has to accomplish while she walks around with a dark cloud following her. She spends her weekdays volunteering at the hospital doing odd jobs that nurses and doctors give to her. She then leaves and goes home but on some nights she has dance class. Right now she is being dropped off by Dovis and she immediately walks into the studio's dressing room to change. When she meets with the other students she immediately gets to work with her stretches and exercises that are required before starting class. Her teacher notices that something isn't right with Phoebe and she calls her out on it as she stretches at the barre.
"Everything okay Miss Grey?" she asks her.
"Fine, Miss Jenna" she responds. She tries to make her voice sound cheery in an effort to cover how she is really feeling. The teacher decides to let it go and proceeds to check on the other students.
When the teacher calls the students to the floor to warm up, each student takes their spot and they spread out. The teacher leads them in exercise and calls out what they need to be doing with their arms, legs, back, shoulders, stomach and butt. She needs to correct Phoebe several times which is unusual. Phoebe is usually focused when she comes to class, but lately that has been lacking. Phoebe starts to feel light headed, but she works hard to continue with the exercise. When the teacher looks in the mirror at Phoebe she notices that something is not right and she stops. She stands and turns around to look at her, and the students also turn to see what is happening. Phoebe suddenly cannot keep her eyes open and she black out.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Phoebe's POV
My head feels fuzzy. Everything is dark. I try to open my eyes but I can't. I don't know what's happening, but at the same time I'm not afraid. I can feel someone holding my hand and it is familiar. I feel safe with the touch. I don't know who is holding my hand but I hope the person doesn't let go.
I can't remember the last thing that happened. Am I asleep? Am I dreaming? Why can't I open my eyes? I hear voices but I can't make out who is talking or what they are saying. They sound like the teacher on those Peanut shows that Teddy and I used to watch. Soon the voices stop and I just hear a beeping noise. What is that? It sounds like one of those machines I was hooked up to when I was in the hospital. Oh no, am I in the hospital? What happened to me?
When I open my eyes things are not in focus right away. I can hear a beeping noise and some faint voices talking, like they are far away. I can feel someone holding my hand. I stare ahead for a few seconds and my vision starts to come back. It looks like there's a big curtain in front of me and on both sides of me. I'm in the hospital. I look to my left and can see the person that is holding my hand sitting in a chair. It's Dad, and he doesn't look happy. I look to my right and can see that there is an IV in my right hand. I hate needles. I start to panic but my Dad grabs my attention by sitting on my bed. He is still holding my hand.
"The IV is giving you nourishment. You passed out because you are malnourished and dehydrated" he says. I can hear sadness in his voice. And something else I don't hear very often, fear.
"You're talking to me?"
"So it seems" he answers me.
My emotions get the better of me and I start to cry. I can't stop myself. Tears start pouring out of my eyes. "I thought you hated me. I thought you would never speak to me again" I say overdramatically. But that is how I feel. I've been lying on a slant and I can feel him pull me up and hold me. His hand rubs up and down the entire length of my back and all I can do is sob into his shoulder.
"I don't hate you Phoebe" he says to me softly, and that only makes me cry harder.
"You didn't want to be around me. I thought you stopped loving me" I say through my sobs. He continues to rub my back and I can feel him rest his chin on my back. He holds me for a while until I am able to stop crying. I still have tears running down my face when he releases me and has me lie back against the hospital bed.
"Phoebe, I certainly don't hate you" he says as he holds my hand again. And I would never stop loving you. I'm angry and disappointed, but I could only feel those things if I love you."
I think I can understand that. If I didn't love Dad his lack of attention wouldn't have hurt me so much. I reach up to wipe my tears and remember the IV that is in my hand. I don't have much time to think about it because a doctor emerges from behind the curtain. I recognize him immediately. "Travis?" It is Trevor's brother and he is wearing a white doctor's coat. He has my chart in his hand and he starts to read through it.
"Good to see you, Phoebe. Although I do wish it were under better circumstances." He looks over at my father. "Mr Grey, I'm Dr Travis Lansing."
He starts to examine me and I instantly feel uncomfortable. "What are you doing?"
"Relax, I am just checking your pulse. Just breathe normal."
I look at my Dad and can tell he is not happy with this arrangement. But he doesn't say anything. That's a first.
"Phoebe, do you know where you are?" he asks me when he's done examining me. Is he for real?
"Hospital"
"That's correct. Do you know why?"
I look over at my Dad and can see both sadness and disappointment. Great, more disappointment. I certainly will never win any daughter of the year award. "Um, I guess I didn't eat enough" I say sheepishly. I know I haven't been eating much, but it was never intentional.
"That's right, Phoebe. You were lucky this time. Not getting enough nourishment and liquids could lead to some serious health issues. I'd like you to talk to a doctor we have here on staff that specializes in…."
"You think I have an eating disorder?" I interrupt him. At this point my Dad is on his feet and he is walking over to Travis.
"Thank you, Dr Lansing. My wife and I will take it from here" he says in his CEO voice. But he seems calm.
"Very good, Mr Grey"
"Travis, please, you can't tell Trevor that I'm here" I beg him.
"You're right, I can't. Doctor patient confidentiality. Don't worry, I take my job very seriously. I won't say a word."
"Thank you" I say to him. I'm relieved. I really don't want Trevor to know about this.
"Do you mind if I say something though?" I nod. "My brother misses you, Phoebe. The way he talks about you, I can tell he really cares. Just please think about giving him another chance."
I ponder this for a moment. Trevor cares. I believe that. He's been so good to me. But why would he tell his cousin personal things about me? I start to wonder if he has told Travis. How embarrassing. I look over at him again and he grins.
"When can I take her home?" my father cuts in.
"The nurse will be in shortly to replace that drip. I'd like for her to stick around until that entire drip is finished."
Travis leaves and my mother appears. She looks so tired and so worried. I hate that she's worried because of me. She wraps her arms around me in a tight hug and holds me for a short while. When she releases me she sits in the chair on the right side of my bed. "I'm sorry Mom."
"I'm so glad you're okay" she says to me with tears in her eyes. Dad passes her a box of tissues and she smiles at him. "Phoebe, why did you stop eating?"
The question takes me by surprise. I didn't realize that that happened. "I didn't. I didn't stop eating, I guess I just didn't eat enough."
"Phoebe, everything's going to be alright" she assures me. "But we need to make sure this doesn't happen again."
"It won't" my father says simply. I look at him expecting to see his angry face, but he doesn't look angry. If I didn't know any better I'd say he looks relieved.