"What's your name?"
"Zarah," she replies quietly. I find her quite intriguing: she's timid and much younger than I, maybe fourteen. Her long dark hair is tied off her face and flows down her back in one brown wave, her eyes are large and the colour matches her hair perfectly.
"What's your idea, Zarah?"
"I know you were a Stormtrooper," she frets, as if she isn't sure she can say the words aloud, but I nod.
"I was," I'm not offended and I find it rather sweet that she is so cautious.
"I think that the battlefield isn't for you, I assume that's why you left-" I don't taint her innocence and tell her it was a lot more than that. "-But you've got a lot of skills that could be useful. I guess what I'm trying to say is you could be a guard," her voice is quiet as if she isn't sure her idea is worth being voiced. I'm surprised by how deeply her thoughts have delved, I don't even know this girl and she seems to know what is best for me. I reach out for her hand to comfort her and to let her know she should be heard.
Zarah gains some confidence from my offer and she lightly rests her tan skin on mine. "You are kind-" she glances at our hands, "-but you're strong and intimidating..." My lips curl into a smile and I try not to laugh, maybe in my old armour I would have been feared, but without it, maybe not so much. "You like to protect people, and help; I heard that it was you who shut down the compound's power source. So if you trained and learnt how our weaponry differs from what you're used to then you could go on missions, without needing to always use your blaster." I stare at her gentle features for a long moment.
Her suggestion shocks me, "Zarah, I think you're on to something," I confess and she smiles, and slowly takes her hand from mine. "Thank you," I state sincerely as she stands up from the seat and walks over to the trays she was organising.
"You're welcome. I'm sure the lady you were kissing that afternoon, Rey?" I nod, "Yeah, she would be happy to have you to protect her," I smirk at her playful attempt to further convince me. She carefully balances the trays and I watch them sit steadily on her open palm and forearm.
"Maybe you're right," I smile as she exits the room, going to deliver the lunches to the patients.
I turn back to Starla and the corners of her eyes crinkle with ages happiness and I chuckle before spooning some more lunch into my mouth. When I look up again I notice Starla is still staring at me, and I glance at her questioningly. "I thought I had you all figured out," she squints her eyes for a moment and leans further across the table.
"Did you now?"
She nods once, "Turns out I think I was wrong," she smiles looking down as she eats some more lunch.
"What makes you say that?" I take a sip of my drink.
"You are generous, dependable, so I thought the infirmary would be the best place for you. I was wrong, she was right, that definitely won't be enough for you. You're made for bigger things." I smile and make a mental note that when I speak to Rey next that I'll see what she thinks of this proposition.
We continue to eat our lunch and we talk about my new housing unit and once the room empties she fills me in on any gossip, like she always would. Except now I know some of the people she mentions.
All of a sudden, just as Starla reaches the climax of an interesting story, I feel a sharp pain shatter from my ankle all the way up my leg. My breath hitches and my eyes squeeze shut.
"Are you okay?" Starla whispers with concern as I pull my leg out from under the table and bend down to examine it. I have a knowing sensation that nothing has happened to me.
"I'm fine…" I pull my pants up and run my fingers softly over my ankle bone.
"Are you sure?" I nod, but I am then stuck with an uneasy feeling.
Something has happened.
I take a few deep breaths trying to find a calm place. My eyes close as I breathe through the distance and know something has happened to Rey. My eyes prick with tears. I try to search for the Force, and hope it finds me and somehow tells me that she is okay, but I'm not so lucky. All I feel is my connection to Rey and it sears through my skin in a painful reminder that she is not here and I don't know what's happened to her. I begin to fret.
"Finn," Starla must have moved around the table to my side, because I feel her warm hand on my upper arm. I try to take deep breaths.
"Open your eyes," I do as she says but struggle doing so. "Breathe with me…"
I remember the day looking at Kylo Ren in his cell - and how Poe helped me - but thinking of him only makes it worse. What if he has her again? What will he do to her? I take deep breaths along with Starla but it does nothing to calm me, because my mind keeps racing to the most horrific scenarios that I can conjure.
"Rey," I cough out her name and Starla rubs my arm soothingly.
"She's fine, she's safe…" I shake my head, I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that is urging me to yell at her that she doesn't understand. My neck can't seem to support my head, my vision blurs and I hang my head. "Hey, hey, Finn," I keep breathing deeply, my eyes closed as I try to get the thoughts out of my head.
My mind scatters and the only thing that I can clearly imagine is seeing him, his ridiculous coat fluttering as he approaches her. His shoulders slumped like they always would be. I feel sick as I picture his gloved hand reaching for her neck, he doesn't have the decency to do it through the Force; which might give her a chance to defend herself. No, he uses his size and strength to overpower her, and my blood runs cold. The thought of it alone makes my stomach churn, but the clear images of the frightened look in her eyes makes my body weak and I feel as if I'm being suffocated myself. I've seen that expression before, I know what it looks like when someone has their around her throat.
I start to cough, violently, and gulp for air as I feel my throat begin to constrict. I need to be with her. My ankle continues to ache but I don't pay much attention to it.
"Take this," Starla's calm voice cuts through my thoughts. I hadn't realised that she'd left me to return with some tablets and a strange blue liquid. I do as she ordered and swallow the pills, washing them down and feel my body instantaneously relax.
The images of Kylo's hands around her throat fades into blurry fragments that fade into the back of my mind where I'm sure my subconscious will discover in the darkness of night.
The restricting feeling around my own neck begins to loosen and I can eventually choke out the words, "Thank you," she nods slowly. I look down at my ankle again, but I can't see any type of bruising or bleeding. What just happened? I wonder to myself quietly and shake my head clearing the remaining images of Kylo and Rey and I just pray my mind has conjured up a horrible scenario and it isn't in fact real. I look at Starla and she has concern etched into every inch of her expression. I try to smile, but my head throbs, "I better go and finish tending to the patients," Starla shakes her head.
"No, you go and rest, you're in no shape to train the rookies. You've gone pale and over overexertion will only do more harm," I shrug.
"I'll be fine, I've pushed through worse," I confess.
"I don't care what you've pushed through, you're under my supervision and care, and I'm telling you to go sleep it off. Call Rey if you feel as though you must, but just get some sleep."
"Okay, fine." I grumble through a sigh.
"I will speak to the General Organa and see if Zarah's idea is plausible." I nod.
"Okay, let me know?"
"I will," she replies almost before I finished my request. "I need to get back to work; will you be okay to get back to your room? I could find someone-"
"No, you don't have to do that. I'll be fine, thank you," She pats my shoulder, just like Poe does before she walks to door. She turns back to me for a brief moment before she sighs with concern, and leaves me alone in the room.
I wait a few more moments for my head to stop spinning and the calming medication to really take effect before I stand to my feet. My ankle aches as I stumble drowsily through the infirmary; it feels like the corridors don't end, they twist and blur in my mind, maybe someone should have accompanied me. Just as I am about to turn back thinking I have lost my bearings I finally make it to the shining corridor. I stumble to the end of it, key in the code and clumsily stagger inside.
I approach the screen and follow the instructions to call the communicated Rey has taken with her. I feel myself sway from side to side as I wait for her to pick up the other line.
The call runs through without an answer.
I need to make sure she is okay. I decide I will wait on the couch for a while before I try again. My eyes begin to close on the small walk through the kitchen to the living room. Whatever medicine Starla had given me to regulate my cortisol levels has brought me to the door of sleep and left it wide open; I enter it the moment I collapse onto the couch.
My head throbs as I wake to the sound of a repetitive, shrill beeping. I immediately have a sick feeling fill my chest and it settles all the way down into my stomach, however, I can't seem to remember exactly why. I'm in a hazy state of disconnect from reality, the drugs still in my system.
I quickly stand and walk over to the videocomm.