A Light In the Dark
Epilogue
Three Years Later
"Levesque! You got a visitor!"
Paul looked up from his book. A visitor? He'd been there for almost five years and he'd never gotten a visitor... Hell, he rarely got mail. Only the divorce papers from Stephanie and a few letters from his parents and his sister.
"Levesque! Are you deaf?! You. Have. A. Visitor."
"You sure?" Paul asked, finally turning to look the guard in the eyes.
"Are you not Paul M. Levesque from D block?" The guard asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Uh... That's me. It's just... I've never had a visitor."
The guard shrugged. "Complain to the visitor. On your feet. Let's go."
Paul calmly shut his book, stood up and followed the guard out of the room. He was glad the guard kept his mouth shut on the way to the visitors room, because he had no idea what to say or think. Who the hell was visiting him? And why? What the fuck had he done wrong? He was quietly serving his time, never started a fight, never defended himself if someone decided to jump him... What did this person want..?
The guard led Paul into the visitors room, and Paul swore time froze when he got a look at the only other person there.
Shawn.
Paul stopped short, making the guard turn to look at him.
"What the fuck is he doing here?" Paul mumbled.
"Visiting your sorry ass. Go ahead." The guard replied, stepping out of the way so Paul could walk over to Shawn.
Shawn stood up once Paul got to him. "Hey."
"Hey." Paul repeated, trying to avoid eye contact.
"Looking good." Shawn commented.
Small talk. "Thanks, I guess. You too."
"Yeah," An awkward silence fell between the two. Shawn sat down and sighed. "Guess you're wondering what I'm doing here."
"You could say that." Paul replied.
"Well," Paul watched as Shawn took an envelope out of his pocket. "Thought we could talk about this."
"Is that the letter I sent you four years ago?"
"Yes."
Paul scoffed, then sat down across from Shawn. "Thought you threw it out."
Shawn tilted his head. "What made you think that?"
Paul shrugged. "You never answered."
"Just 'cause I never answered doesn't mean I threw it out. I couldn't find words to respond, actually," Shawn went silent for a moment, then sighed and looked Paul in the eyes. "I was going through a really tough time when I got this in the mail. Took me a while to even open it, let alone read it. Did you mean what you said?"
"Every word." Paul replied.
Shawn sighed. "Took a while for me to build up the courage to come here, too."
"Anyone know you're here?" Paul asked.
"Usual suspects. Becky, Randy..."
Paul scoffed. "You're tight with Randy now?"
Shawn shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, I guess. Vince brought me back as his manager... He kinda watched out for me a bit and helped keep me alive when my life was spiraling out of control," Shawn paused again, and Paul watched as he deeply considered his words. "I was having hallucinations and I had a mental breakdown."
"Jesus, Shawn."
"I'm alright now."
"Good to hear," Another awkward silence fell between the two, so Paul cleared his throat. "Uh... How's the old gang?"
"Quite a few changes from how you remember."
Paul quirked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Marriages, babies, new friends, people retired..."
"Who got married and had kids?" Paul asked.
Shawn rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Uh... Couple of people in the gang."
"Which means?"
"Stephanie got married to Andrew Martin."
"Test?!" Paul shouted.
"Yeah... And Randy married Marissa."
Paul's face fell in sadness. "Shane's widow?"
"The very same."
"Wow... That's surprising. I thought for sure Randy would get with Stephanie..."
"I was almost positive about that, too. But Vince hired Andrew back in early 2007... So they got pretty close again. Shane was really fond of Andrew, after all."
"I remember," Paul paused to sigh. "Listen, Shawn... I... I'm really really sorry for everything that's happened. I know it's late and it never should have happened in the first place... But... I really do feel bad about all of this. Especially what transpired with Shane."
Shawn sighed. "I know you feel bad about it, but that doesn't change the fact that he's dead. Hell, why do you think Marissa married Randy?"
Paul blinked. "I know... I know, Shawn. I... I don't know..."
"I have pictures of the kids."
Paul's eyes lit up. "You do?"
"Yeah, all of them," Shawn took out a short stack of photos and straightened them out. "This is Aurora and Liam at Steph and Andrew's wedding."
"Jesus Christ. Liam looks just like Shane."
"Indeed, he does. And don't use the Lord's name in vain," Shawn glanced at Paul for a moment, then looked at the next photo. "This is Shane and Kenney."
Paul looked at Shawn. "Sorry?"
"I said 'this is Shane and Kenney.'"
Paul looked at the photo, then back at Shawn. The confusion was evident on his face. "But isn't that Declan...?"
"Oh, that. Sorry. Declan asked Marissa to change his name to Shane, so she agreed."
"Wow. I'm surprised Rissa was willing to change Declan's name. Took a hell of a long time for her to get Shane to even look at it."
Shawn chuckled. "Yeah, that's what Marissa told me. I told her to go with her gut and do what she felt Shane would want... Declan loves the change," Shawn once again straightened the stack of photos. "This is Cameron and Cheyenne."
"When did Cheyenne's hair get so red?" Paul asked.
"Summer of 2007," Shawn paused when he got to the next photo, then sighed and looked at Paul again. "Okay... I'd like to introduce you to the newest addition to the Hickenbottom clan."
Paul scoffed. "Did you get a new dog?"
"Ha ha. Very funny. This is my son, Callum."
Paul blinked. "Your what?!"
"I know. It surprised the hell out of me, too. Becky and I had another kid. First of the new clan members."
Paul looked at the photo again. "He looks exactly like you."
"Thanks."
"Where'd the name 'Callum' come from?"
Shawn shrugged. "Scotland?"
"Did Becky choose it?"
"Yeah. I picked the middle name. It's 'Richard.'"
"After the Colonel."
"Of course," Shawn held up the next photo. "This is Andrew and Stephanie's son, Owen."
Paul bit his cheek to remind himself of why everything on the outside was changing while he stayed the same. He looked at Shawn and suddenly realized how much he admired the man. The whole situation started when he organized his kidnapping. Fast forward a few months, Shawn was a completely different person and, when he tried to kill Shawn, he wound up killing his brother-in-law instead. Four years later, the man he hated enough to try to kill was the only one brave enough to visit him in prison and tell him about current events.
"'Owen' what?" Paul finally asked.
"Owen Kennedy Martin."
Paul finally looked at the picture. The boy looked exactly like Stephanie, but had Andrew's eyes and hair color. "Cute. Delivering any elbow drops yet?"
"Thankfully, no. Kenney's been taking care of that. Now, these are Randy and Marissa's twins. The one in the blue shirt is Chandler and the one in the red shirt is Alannah."
"Jesus. Twins," Paul stared at the picture in shock. "Never thought I'd live to see the day where Randy got married... Let alone, conceive a child. And he got two on his first shot!"
"And care for two step-sons. Don't forget that."
Paul sighed. "Speaking of step-sons... What's the deal with Aurora and Liam?"
"They're Aurora and Liam Martin now." Shawn replied.
Paul nodded. "What about Declan and Kenney?"
"Declan is 'Shane' now, number one... And they're still McMahons. Randy refuses to change their last name. Said it doesn't feel right."
"I'd have to agree with him. So it is 'Shane James' or...?"
Shawn shrugged. "Marissa never said, so I never asked. The kid is purely overjoyed to be like his dad."
Paul lowered his head again, his cheeks turning red, as the memories of Montréal replayed in his head. How could he have done such a thing? And why? Shane had never done anything to him. Ever. "I…"
Shawn stared at Paul for several moments, watching the younger man fight his emotions. "Listen, Paul... I know you feel bad about what happened—"
Paul glared at Shawn. "Oh, you 'know,' do you?! How the fuck could you know how I feel?!"
Shawn sighed. "Like it or not, I've known you since 1994. You're still the same guy. Granted, you've made some pretty lousy decisions along the way and you're sittin' in jail now because of them... You're still the same man I met. You've got a huge heart. Always have. I know you feel terrible about Shane. 'Cause I do, too. There's a part of me that's been blaming myself since it happened, Paul. God knows I almost died over it. We can't change the past. Only learn from it."
Paul blinked, allowing tears to fall from his eyes. "You didn't kill him."
"You didn't, either."
Paul stared at Shawn, feeling absolutely speechless. What the fuck was he trying to pull!? Shawn knew damn well what Paul did... Hell, everyone knew. "What are you talking about? I fucking killed him, Shawn. I know what I did."
Shawn sighed. "He was prematurely released from the hospital, Paul. Should've been kept longer than he was for all the damage that bullet did to his sternum."
"I swung a lead pipe at him. I broke his fucking sternum. I caused the internal bleeding. I killed him."
"Sure, you swung a lead pipe at him. Had the doctor not been negligent towards his patients well-being instead of his complaining and sass, you never would have caused as much damage as you did, and Shane would be sittin' here cussing you out, himself."
Paul sighed and lowered his head again. "Why are you telling me all this, Shawn?"
"I'm trying to help you put the past behind you," Paul's head shot up and he made eye contact with Shawn again. "I know, I know. All of the things that happened... It was jealousy that led to Fremont. I'll never truly understand where your head was when you made that decision, Paul. You ruined my life. But I know you understand that. You had to deal with me for months before what happened in Montréal. I'm not quite over it, but I've accepted what happened five years ago and I want to move on from it, but I can't allow myself to move on until I know you've put it behind you and moved on, as well."
Paul shook his head. "I can't. I won't."
"Paul, you have to."
"How can I, Shawn? I'm here and everyone else is moving on. You've got a third kid, Stephanie remarried and had another kid... Shit, even Marissa is remarried and had not one, but two kids. I killed the glue that held the gang together, and it's absolutely fucking eating me up inside. I can't get over it. I won't let go of it."
Shawn leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head ever-so-slightly. "That's obsession, Paul. It isn't healthy."
Paul scoffed. "Yeah, well... Let me know when you kill a man. Then get back to me."
Shawn slammed his hands on the table, scaring the hell out of Paul in the process. "For the love of God, Paul. I know you didn't intentionally hurt him! You wanted him out of the way. You didn't mean to hurt him that bad. How were you supposed to know he wouldn't make it? I'm the only one you wanted to hurt. I know that. I've even come to terms with it. Just... Don't forget I read your letter, I heard what you said earlier, and I can read you like a book. I know it was a mistake and you feel terrible about it."
"I never said I didn't. I said I wouldn't let it go."
"Why?"
"Because he was innocent."
Shawn blinked. "Weren't we all?"
"Yes... We were. Until I decided differently."
Shawn sighed. "I wish you could forgive yourself before your resentment towards your own actions kills you."
"Wouldn't you rather see me die, Shawny? Isn't that the perfect atonement for my sins?"
Shawn shook his head. "No, and get that out of your head. Nobody wants you to die, not even a severely pissed off Vince McMahon wants you dead. That won't solve anything, Paul. The only way to move forward is to seek forgiveness... First from yourself, and then from those you've wronged. Seek redemption. God will help you, my friend... He saw fit to help me more than once, after all."
"I'm scared, Shawny."
Shawn scooted his chair closer to Paul's and leaned in. "I know you are. And you should be. Moving forward is a scary thing. The fear of the unknown and all that. It's completely natural, man. God will be with you. He's with everyone, even those who don't want Him in their lives. All you have to do is accept Him."
Paul gave Shawn a small smile. "How in the hell did I luck out with a friend like you..? I try to kill you, and here you are, talking to me like nothing ever happened."
Shawn shrugged his shoulders. "Call me a glutton for punishment. But... I go with God. I believe He will forgive you once you ask Him for forgiveness, and the only judgement one should receive is at the end. You've been here for almost five years. You're serving time. Quietly, might I add. You wrote me a letter confessing your sins and stating your remorse for having committed them. I forgive you."
Paul blinked in shock. "You do?"
"Of course I do. As long as you agree to forgive yourself."
Paul sighed. "I..."
"I know it's a lot to ask. But you need to move on. You can't spend your entire sentence dwelling over what happened."
"I didn't mean to kill him." Paul suddenly blurted.
"I know you didn't. I've been trying to tell you that this whole time."
"I know... But does everyone else know that?"
"You know how Vince is, Paul. He doesn't forgive and forget easily. Linda is the one who told me all of that stuff about the hospital. Stephanie is a lot like her father, mostly with the forgive and forget bologna..."
"What about Shane?"
Shawn quirked an eyebrow. "Pardon?"
Paul sighed. "Look, I may not believe in it, but I was hanging around Shane since '94, and he said some really creepy shit. Let's not forget all that bullshit he was pulling five years ago when this whole thing went down. I'd imagine, granted it was all real and he wasn't batshit crazy, he isn't enjoying an eternity in the clouds with Vince Sr., Owen Hart and Eddie Guerrero, just to name a few. If all of that was real and he wasn't crazy... He's still around, isn't he?"
"Randy says so."
Paul started twiddling his thumbs. "Any comments from the peanut gallery, seeing as to how he isn't really gone?"
Shawn shrugged. "I can't hear or see him. I did once, but that was... Uh. Nevermind. Randy says he checks in and makes some witty remarks every once in awhile."
"Sounds like Shane."
"Yeah."
The two fell into another awkward silence. However, it was a little more comfortable this time. Paul almost felt like he was back at an arena with Shawn and the two were gearing up for an episode of Raw together. But the reality of it all was quick to settle in; he was in jail and would be for at least another twenty-five years, and he would most likely never set foot into an arena for the rest of his life. He'd be too ashamed to, and Vince sure as hell wouldn't let him.
Paul once again looked up at Shawn, who offered him a small smile in response. He was completely in awe of the older man in front of him. Sure, he realized Shawn was known for his resiliency in the ring, but it was a far cry from the man he was witnessing in real life. Nobody in the world could possibly understand how admirable and resilient Shawn actually was in Paul's eyes.
"Thank you."
Shawn quirked an eyebrow in slight confusion. "For what?"
Paul shrugged his shoulders. His emotions were starting to get to him, and he felt his eyes starting to water. "I dunno, man... I guess... I guess for just being you."
Shawn chuckled, then smiled sadly at Paul. "I never thought I would hear that a decade ago… It's a different story, now. And I do have to admit, I owe a lot of it to you. You inspired me to be a better person."
Paul scoffed. "Was this before or after I tried to have you killed?"
"Before, obviously. It wasn't until our huge fight back in '01 that I realized I needed to become a better person for Cameron's sake. If it weren't for you, I would have died years ago. I'm forever grateful for you watching out for me back then, just as I'm grateful for the jabs that led to me quitting that lifestyle. It was much appreciated tough love."
"You fucking needed it."
"I know. Believe me, I know. It took me a long time to realize that, but I've never forgotten what you did for me and how much it took for you to forgive me for all the shit I put you through."
"Is that why you've forgiven me for what I've done?"
"Yes," Shawn replied without hesitation, then paused. "Well, it's one of the reasons. Over the last few years, I've realized how terrible I was to you throughout the course of our friendship and how you forgave me without a second thought, even though I caused a lot of pain, both inadvertently and on purpose. I can never thank you enough for always being there for me, even when I didn't deserve it, and I never even thought to thank you for your forgiveness."
Paul blinked confusedly. "You don't have to thank me for that, Shawn. You earned it. You said you changed, and you did. That was enough for me."
Shawn smiled at Paul and shrugged his shoulders indifferently. "If I was a better friend, I would have thanked you for it."
"Actions speak louder than words."
"That's very true… But we were like brothers. I should have done more than that."
Paul fell silent. He really didn't know how to respond to that. At that moment, a security guard approached the two.
"Five more minutes. Wrap it up, please."
"Will do." Shawn replied, then smiled at the guard as he retreated.
"I really appreciate you coming out to visit me, Shawn. I haven't had a visitor since I got in here."
Shawn sighed. "Yeah, I know. When I went to register at the desk, they verified your name six times."
"Really? Six? It's not that hard, people." Paul grumbled.
Shawn chuckled. "Yeah, I know. I guess they were wondering if I made you up."
"I could only be so lucky." Paul quipped.
"Hey, now. I'm not sure you want to be a figment of my imagination."
"Yeah, I guess you have a point. God only knows what goes on in that brain of yours."
Shawn laughed, and the noise was so genuine that Paul couldn't help but smile at it.
"I hate to do this to you, man… But I'd better start leaving before that guard comes back over here with some pepper spray and a leash."
Paul chuckled. "Yeah, you're right."
Both men stood up at the same time.
"Alright, so… I'll be back eventually. Maybe next week or the week after. Something like that."
"Are you sure? That's quite a trip for you."
"Eh, don't worry about it. Lord knows I need the adventure once in awhile. Besides, who else is going to keep you up to date with everything going on in that little group of ours?"
Paul bit his cheek when Shawn said 'ours,' but chose not to comment on it. It wasn't 'his' anymore. It was all Shawn's. But something told him Shawn already knew that. He just wanted to make Paul feel like he was still involved.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Anyway, I'll be back with stories and photos. It was really nice seeing you, man."
Paul couldn't tell if he was offended or not at the fact Shawn stuck his hand out for a handshake instead of extending his arms for a hug. Then again, it was going to take the older man a long time to rebuild that level of trust with him, so he understood the decision.
"It was great seeing you, too," Paul shook his hand.
But that wasn't enough. He felt the strong desire to hug Shawn, and he slowly started pulling the other man in, giving him every opportunity to resist, call for help, or pull away.
But he didn't.
It didn't take long for the two to be hugging one another, and Paul couldn't help but sigh in contentment. As weird as it was to think like this, it felt like home.
"Thank you so much, Shawn."
When the two separated, Shawn offered Paul a small smile.
"See you next time, bud." Shawn stated, then walked away, waving sheepishly as he departed.
The security guard from earlier strolled over to Paul. "So… Happy you had a visitor?"
Paul couldn't wipe the smile from his face. "Yeah… Yeah, I am."
When Paul got back to his cell, he pulled out his paper and pen and started writing.
Dear Shawn,
I don't know when I'm going to send this. All I can tell you is you just left the prison facility and I haven't felt this way in a very long time. I'm so grateful for you coming to visit, for keeping me updated on what's been going on outside of these walls, and for promising to return with more updates and photos of the kids.
Maybe I'll even start writing you more so we have more to talk about when you come to visit. Not like anything really goes on here, anyway.
I guess I just wanted to write you to tell you I understand everything now. I understand why you forgive me for what I've done. And it's not only because of our history. How I've forgiven you for the years worth of bullshit you put me through.
It's because of your belief in God; how one shouldn't place judgement on another. It's because I admitted I was wrong and confessed my sins to you, the person I hurt the most with my actions. It's because of your natural forgiving nature. Your deep regard for your loved ones. I can never thank you enough for it, even though I've tried. And I know there's only one thing you want to hear from me.
I forgive myself. I vow to put the past behind me and move on, because it's the only way things will get better for all of us, me included. I repeat: I forgive myself.
And it's all thanks to you.
I can't wait for your next visit, whenever it may be.
Sincerely,
Paul
A/N: And, just like that, it's the end of A Light In the Dark. I want to thank everyone who took the time out to read and review this story. Since I'm done with this, I'm going to continue editing my other stories, as well as this one, before posting anything new.
I'm still pondering on whether or not I want to post the SuperWhoAvengerLock story I had an idea for, as well as the Reservoir Dogs/Lie to Me crossover. I guess y'all can let me know if you're interested in either one, or if you're just interested in reading my wrestling stories.
And OMG SHANE IS BACK ADBIUFHQODNQWPWD *fangirl squeals*
Ahem. Sorry. That's been waiting to come out on this site since February... So I might go ahead with some Shane fics I had in mind before he left.
Anywho, as always, if you have any story requests, questions, or if you want me to Beta something, please don't hesitate to contact me.
It's been real, y'all.
-Chessy