Christian is sitting in one of the sofa seats in front of his therapist's desk. He has been silent for the first few minutes of the appointment. His elbows are connected to his knees and his hands are folded in front of him. He is staring down at his hands as his thoughts of self-hate run through his mind. "I'm a terrible father" he says softly. He realizes that he's always felt that way about himself, despite the fact that he has had three children with his wife and another one is on the way.

"Why do you say that Christian" John asks him with a soft voice matching his patient's.

Christian looks up slightly but his eyes do not meet John's. "Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. Perhaps too much. I'm just not convinced that I am what they need."

"You've always felt this way." John observes.

"Yes"

"Why?"

Christian starts to feel frustrated. John already knows the answer to this, but the whole point of therapy is to verbalize what he is feeling. Even after seeing the same therapist for nearly thirty years he is expected to say the words even if John has heard them before. "I'm fucked up John. That's never going to change."

"What's happened recently to bring you to the conclusion that you are a terrible father?"

Christian runs his hand through his hair as a frown forms on his face. He flashes back to an incident from the other night.

"Christian, I think I'm going to sit this one out" Ana says as they discuss the upcoming Nurse's Ball.

"You're not going?" he asks her with much confusion.

"No, I think I'm going to stay home."

Christian gets annoyed and stops massaging her feet. "Ana, I am the biggest contributor to this year's fundraiser. I have to be there and make a speech."

"I know, but you don't need me there with you. Why don't you take Phoebe? You know she'd probably enjoy that."

Christian whines. "Ana, no, I don't want to take Phoebe. I want to take my hot and sexy wife. You know I hate going to these things and I will only have a good time if you are there with me. Please don't do this to me."

Christian found out later that Phoebe heard their conversation and it hurt her feelings. Although Christian never intended for that to happen, it did.

He then flashes back to a time when Teddy was little. Christian came home to find that an antique that he and Ana had purchased in France was broken beyond repair. Teddy was six years old and old enough to know right from wrong. Christian gave him a few chances to explain what had happened, but Teddy insisted that he didn't do it. Christian thought he was lying, so he punished him and put him to bed early.

"Daddy, it wasn't me" he cries as he lies in his bed under his covers.

Christian turns around and glares down at him. "Theodore, I will spank you again if you continue to lie to me. You need to go to sleep now, and tomorrow morning we will discuss this again. Understand?" Teddy just covers his face with his hands and cries. Christian lets out a frustrated sigh. "Answer me Theodore."

"Yes" he whimpers.

Christian leaves his son's room and finds his wife downstairs. She had just arrived home from shopping with Kate. "What's wrong?" she asks him when she sees him.

"You know that antique statue we bought from France a few years ago?"

Ana nods and looks at him nervously. She bites her lip. "Yeah, about that…"

"What?"

"Christian I'm sorry. I know you liked it….."

"Ana I already know that Teddy broke it."

"No he didn't" Ana changes her tone and shakes her head.

"What?"

"I broke it. I was rushing to leave so that I could meet Kate and I bumped into it. I gathered the pieces and put them on the table over there thinking we could probably glue it back together."

Christian's face falls. His son was telling the truth and he didn't believe him. And what's worse, he punished him for no reason. He grabs his head with both of his hands and throws his head back slightly. "I feel like such a shit."

Christian grabs his head with both of his hands as he has a flashback from a few weeks ago. While he was in a foul mood over Phoebe's actions, he punished Natalie for disobeying him.

"Natalie, you know the rules. Are you allowed to come upstairs by yourself?" Natalie shakes her head. "Use your words" he demands.

"No" she answers him softly.

"But you came upstairs by yourself anyway, didn't you?"

"Yes" she answers again and starts to cry lightly. She doesn't like when her father talks to her this way. She knows she's in trouble.

"And then when I told you to come to me you didn't. I need you to do what you're told, understand?"

"Yes"

Christian sighs and wipes some tears from her face. "Natalie I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I love you very much, but I need to punish you for disobeying me." With that, he lifts her off of his lap so that she is standing in front of him, and he swats her bottom three times. Natalie cries after he does it, which makes him feel very guilty.

Christian runs his hands roughly through his hair and sighs. He has tears in his eyes, which John picks up on immediately.

"Why the tears, Christian? What were you thinking about just now?"

Christian roughly wipes his tears and lets out a sigh. "I was thinking about just a few of the many times that I did my kids wrong." Christian clears his throat of the lump that was trying to escape. "They were just kids, they are still just kids. I've lost my temper so many times, delivered punishments that they probably didn't deserve, subjected them to the dark shades that will always be a part of me."

John casually leans back in his chair and regards the emotional and lost man that could never let go of the darkness that has haunted him his entire life.

"They deserve better than that John."

"Do you think your kids deserve a father that loves them? A father that will care for and protect them at all costs? A father that would lay his life on the line for them?"

"Of course"

John lightly smiles at his patient. "And you don't see yourself in that scenario?"

Christian rubs his hands roughly over his face and then slaps them down on his knees. "Of course I love them, of course I would protect them no matter what, and of course I would die for them. Thanks to Ana I'm able to hug them and allow them to hug me. Sometimes I'm able to find it in me to show them patience and love. But they shouldn't have to have the dark side of me too. It hurts them, John."

"Taking yourself out of the equation would hurt them more, don't you think?" Christian ponders this for a moment. Would my kids be better off if I wasn't there for them? John sees that his patient is unsure and offers some of the good things that Christian seems to be forgetting. "You protect them. You make sure they eat and sleep and shower and brush their teeth. You make sure they get a great education. You comfort them when they are sad and you celebrate their happiness. You teach them about life and you teach them to do the right thing."

Christian still seems unsure. John leans forward and continues. "You worry for them, and you care about them. Otherwise there would be no yelling or punishment. The light and the dark have to balance each other out."

Christian finally looks up at his therapist. "What if it's too dark?"

Flynn offers a light smile. "You love your kids Christian. You need to stop being afraid of doing the wrong thing. It's going to happen sometimes because you are human."

Christian looks disappointed. He does not like to be told that he is human and humans make mistakes. That seems so weak to him. He shakes his head and breaks eye contact.

"Let's talk about Phoebe" John changes the subject. "Last we spoke you were having a hard time communicating with her."

"We did talk" Christian mumbles.

"And?"

Christian brings his head up and around before he answers. "And I told her how I felt."

"What did you say to her?"

Christian glares at his therapist for a moment. He hates going into detail but he knows he has no choice. "I told her I felt abandoned."

"Do you think she understood that?"

"Yes, I know she did."

"How?"

"I compared her leaving for the road trip to my mother dying on me. And she was quite upset" Christian says dryly.

"Did you tell her why you were avoiding her?"

Christian looks up at the edge of John's desk and then looks down. "No"

"Why not?"

Christian sighs as he remembers what he said to John during a previous session.

"Flynn, you know how I get when people defy me."

"You want to punish her" Flynn offers.

"I want to belt her" Christian shoots back. "I want her to feel pain for what she has put me through. And I know if I face her now I won't be able to stop myself from hurting her like that."

Christian rubs his forehead roughly with his fingers as though a monster headache were coming on. "She said she's afraid of me." He repositions himself in the chair and pouts. "I want my kids to follow the rules, have good manners, and a good education. I know discipline is necessary when they fall out of line. I want them to fear punishment, but I don't want them to fear me. All this time, my daughter has been afraid of me. I am such an idiot for not noticing."

"Your relationship with Phoebe is going to take some time to heal. How is your relationship with your other children? Let's start with Teddy."

Christian rubs his hands together as he answers. "Teddy's home from school. He's been busy taking care of his girlfriend. I'm very proud of him. Hell I'm proud of all of my kids." Christian manages to smile as he thinks of his kids' accomplishments. "Teddy and I talk business mostly. He tries to talk to me about Phoebe. He's been stepping up and being there for her while I couldn't be."

"How does that make you feel?"

Christian shrugs his shoulders. "Pretty damn lousy. But I'm glad she has him as a brother."

"How about Natalie? How is your relationship with her?"

Christian smiles brightly at the thought of his little baby girl. "She's still so young. She doesn't hold grudges yet. Lucky for me. She tries to get me to play with her and she likes to be silly. She reminds me of Phoebe at that age, always able to get me to do things I never imagined myself doing."

"So she takes to you, despite any mistakes you have made" John says, trying to make a point.

"She doesn't know any better."

John shakes his head. "You need to give her more credit than that. Kids don't take to someone just because they don't know any better. Natalie takes to you because she feels the love that you give her. If she didn't feel comfortable with you she would cry every time you try to pick her up."

Christian doesn't let on but he knows that John is right about that. Mia's kids don't take to him at all when they visit.

"Phoebe knows that you love her too. She rebels against it because that's what teenagers do. She's at a confusing age where it's time to figure out who she is, and she's going to feel the need to find things out about the world on her own instead of just being told things. Although you don't find it ideal, it is certainly not out of the ordinary."

"It's not safe" Christian growls.

"No, it's not safe. There's only so much we can do to protect our children. We can talk until we are blue in the face about the bad things that can happen. But seeing is believing."

"I don't want Phoebe to see what can happen to her out there." Christian says as he runs his finger along the arm of the chair. "I know she's a teenager, but she is just so fragile, John. She's not like other teenagers. I know her and I know what she can and can't handle. It's because of her that I've tried so fucking hard to be patient. You know that's not in my nature."

"It's not in your nature" he agrees. "But you've been doing it, for Phoebe. You need to stop and take a look at what you've been doing for Ana and your kids. It's incredible, Christian. But you fail to see it."

"See what?"

John lightly smiles. "You are what's good for them. You may have your temper but you also have the softer side of you that they see and love."

"Soft?" he asks, sounding annoyed and offended.

"Deny it all you want, but it's there. Most likely anytime they are in your presence."

Christian crosses his leg over and roughly rubs his chin. "I am not soft."

Flynn chuckles at him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Later in the afternoon Christian arrives at the hospital and looks in on Phoebe. She is sitting with Danny and reading a book with him. He listens in for a few minutes and a warm smile grows on his face. Phoebe is laughing. He hasn't heard that sound in a really long time. Soon the smile fades and is replaced by sadness and a single tear threatens to reveal itself in the corner of his eye. He wipes it away before it falls. Maybe I have become soft.

He steps into the doorway and waits for Phoebe to acknowledge him. When she does she is surprised to see him.

"Dad"

He shakes his head. "Don't let me interrupt."

She shuts the book and stands from the bed. "What are you doing here?" She walks over to him so that she is closer and could speak softer if necessary.

"I was in the neighborhood. Taylor left me off so that I can ride with you to the dance studio."

Phoebe grins awkwardly and lowers her voice. "Well, I'm kind of not ready to leave yet. I've been staying until four thirty when a nurse can sit with Danny."

They both look over at the child in the hospital bed and he waves at them. Phoebe bites her lip and looks back at her father.

"Why don't you introduce me?" he asks her and smiles.

Phoebe nods and walks over to Danny's bed. Christian follows. "Danny, this is my father, Christian Grey. Dad, this is Danny."

"Nice to meet you" the boy says politely. Christian extends his hand to the boy and he gives it a good shake. "You as well."

Once Phoebe is finished with her day of volunteering she gathers her things and walks out with her father. Sawyer pulls the car around the entrance and Christian opens the back door for Phoebe. She climbs in and he climbs in after her. Once they are settled and buckled up Sawyer pulls the car away from the hospital and into traffic. There is silence in the car for a while. Phoebe is looking out her window. Christian glances at her a few times as he decides on what he should say.

"So, how long have you known Danny?" he starts.

Phoebe has had a frown on her face, which sticks with her as she glances at her father. "I met him last week."

Christian can feel his heart sink as he looks at the pain in her eyes. "What is it?" he asks her.

Phoebe works hard to control her emotions. She's spent the past week sitting with Danny in the afternoon and becoming a good friend to him. She hasn't been able to really talk about the reason he is in the hospital. She looks in front of her and not at her father. "He has leukemia" she says sadly. Christian instinctively reaches over and takes her hand in his. She looks down at their hands, and for a moment he's afraid she is going to pull away. But she doesn't. She keeps talking. "He has to stay in the hospital for treatment. He throws up a lot and they had to shave his head since his hair was falling out." She reaches up with her other hand and wipes some tears away that have escaped. "The treatment makes him sick and weak, but he has such a big personality. You would never know how sick he is when you're talking to him."

Christian squeezes her hand as she brings the other one to her face to dry more tears.

"It's not fair" she says after sniffling.

"No it's not" Christian says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handkerchief. He hands it to her and she accepts it. After some more silence Christian decides to bring up the Nurse's Ball.

"Have you thought more about the Nurse's Ball?" Phoebe freezes for a moment and then lightly sighs. After she overheard her parents' conversation, he tried to apologize and he tried to ask her to accompany him, but she turned him down. He asked her to think about it, but he hasn't brought it up again until now. "I'd really like for you to go with me" he adds.

Phoebe shakes her head. "You don't have to. I know you'd rather take Mom" she says sadly.

Christian shakes his head. "I shouldn't have said what I said Phoebe. I didn't even mean it that way. Of course I want you to come with me. It's just that I'm used to attending those things with your mother."

Phoebe only responds by shaking her head.

"Tell you what. You come with me to the Ball, we'll stay until after I have to make a speech, and if you aren't having a good time we can leave. We'll leave and we'll do something else with our Friday evening. Whatever you want." Phoebe looks over at him and the look in her eyes gives him hope. "Come on, do we have a deal?"

Phoebe thinks about it for a moment. The words she heard him say the other night did sting, but she's hurt him more than she could ever imagine hurting anyone when she went on the road trip. With that guilt continuing to eat away at her, she gives in. "Okay. I'll go." She watches as a smile grows on his face.

"Good" he says. His blackberry pings and he looks at it. Someone has sent him an email. "I'm sorry, I have to take this."

As he tends to his email, Phoebe looks at her phone. She has been going back and forth about sending Trevor a text. Each time she thought about hitting send, she chickened out. This time a wave of courage passes through her and she opens the drafted message from a few days ago. Before reading it again she presses the send button.

I'm sorry I haven't answered you. I'd like to see you if that's okay.

She holds her phone in her lap, not expecting an answer right away. She is surprised when one comes not thirty seconds later. She feels her phone buzz in her hand.

It is more than okay. How about this weekend? I'll come to your house.

Phoebe smiles and starts to feel butterflies in her stomach. She is going to see him. She almost forgets to respond.

Okay. See you Saturday

When they arrive at the dance studio, Christian walks in with her.

"You know, you don't have to come in with me. Sawyer or Dovis usually just wait in the car" she tells him.

Christian shrugs his shoulders. "I won't stay. I owe a tuition check."

Phoebe nods and offers a light smile. Once they reach the floor where the dance studio is she proceeds to the changing room while Christian meets up with Ms Alana in the office. They shake hands. 'Nice to see you again Mr Grey."

"How is my daughter doing?" he asks her after he hands her the check. Alana takes it and files it away.

"She's doing great. Except there was this one thing that Ms Jenna brought to my attention" she says with concern in her voice, which worries Christian.

"What is it?"

Ms Alana changes her tone when she sees how worried he is. "Oh it's nothing bad. Ms Jenna approached Phoebe and the other girls about starting pointe lessons. We believe she is ready for that."

Christian smiles. "So what's the problem?"

"She turned it down."

Christian is confused as to why Phoebe would turn it down. He starts to pace in the office. "Did she say why?"

"All she said was she didn't have pointe shoes."

Christian frowns. He walks over to the window where he can see into the studio, which is a level lower than the office, where Phoebe and the other girls are preparing to start class. She is trying on one of the girls' pointe shoes. He smiles when he sees that she is enjoying herself. He watches as she stands and grabs onto the barre for balance. She and some of the girls laugh as she tries a few things on pointe. He continues to watch and Ms Alana walks over to peak down at the girls as well.

"Ms Alana, please sign my daughter up for pointe lessons. I'll make sure she has the shoes" he says to her without taking his eyes off the window. "And please, let's keep it between us."

"Sure Mr Grey" she says as she walks over to her desk for the paperwork. Christian sighs and continues to watch his daughter through the window. After a few minutes one of Phoebe's friends notices him and points him out to her. Phoebe looks up at her father and he immediately signals that he is leaving. He turns and leaves before he can see her get angry, but she doesn't get angry. In fact, she starts to feel good about him being there, even if it was just for a short amount of time. Ms Jenna appears and announces that it is time to start class.