The afternoon slipped by in an odd sort of haze until the autumn light began to dim and the moon hung overhead, bringing with it the first of the stars. It was the time when the field mice ventured out, after the hawks had settled in the trees but before the owls came out to hunt.
Connie sat in her office, sorting through paperwork whilst Rita showered and changed upstairs. She sat at her desk, thumbing through documents and hand written notes that she had to squint to read.
Through the walls she could hear the clunk and hiss of the water in the pipes as Rita showered, and then, as Connie stretched back in her chair, yawning against the back of her hand, she could hear the squeak of the taps and the almost noiseless sound of Rita making her way across the floorboards back to the guest room.
She smiled, it dawned on her then how lonely she had been, even before what had happened. Since Grace had gone she was alone with nothing but the ticking of the clock and the thoughts inside her head. Now, with Rita upstairs, the house felt as though it were letting go of the tension it had built up from waiting, and all at once it was giving a sigh of relief.
She heard the open and close of a door, and she let herself relax forward in her chair before standing up and making her way upstairs. She glanced at the door to the guest room as she made her way across the landing to the stairway that led up to her own room.
The door was pulled too, and behind it was the gentle orange glow of lamp light. She stood, just watching as Rita's shadow moved about the room. She could hear her footsteps, precise and quick, and she thought of how she could always tell when it was Rita who was behind her on the ward, at work. The thought alone made her stomach flutter.
From behind the door the shadow paused, there was the sound of Rita yawning, and then she stopped just inside on the other side of the door, only one side of her body visible. Connie could see the curve of her neck, and the damp blonde hair that curled about her ear. She could see the dribbles of water that slithered from Rita's hair across her shoulder blade until they ran themselves out and all that was left was a trail that glittered in the light.
Connie realised she was holding her breath. She forced herself to exhale, knowing that she should move away before she saw too much. But somehow she found herself stuck. And she found she couldn't move when Rita's body twisted and Connie saw the pale cream skin of her thigh, her hip, her waist...as she passed by the door to the other side of the room.
It was just a glimpse, but something about it made her feel as though she had done something wrong. She felt guilty, she realised...guilty for witnessing the briefest passing of Rita's naked flesh.
Forcing the thoughts from her mind she folded her arms across her chest and made her way up to her bedroom. She stood in the doorway for a moment, gathering herself. She would get everything ready for work tomorrow, she decided. She would choose her clothes, and shoes, as she always did the night before. Tonight would be just like any other night.
Before she began, she unbuttoned the shirt she wore and reached for her pyjamas. It was then that she realised that her pyjamas shouldn't be there. Last night the cotton of them had been choked with blood, and she could remember balling them up and throwing them into the wash bin whilst she bit back tears.
She touched a finger to the pyjamas that had been folded neatly and placed on her pillow. Her eye wandered, and there was the bed sheet, neatly tucked back in around the mattress. She sucked in a breath. Rita...
She turned away from the bed and opened the drawer at the foot of her wardrobe and pushed her hand toward the back, finding the familiar fabric and pulling it free, before closing the drawer with more force than she had meant to, so that it banged and grated as it closed.
She held the night dress up before her. Somehow she couldn't face wearing the white cotton pyjama's again. Not tonight, not when she could remember how she had thought of roses when she saw the blood seeping through the seems.
The black silk slipped easily over her head, and she adjusted it, feeling the lace edging touch against her thighs as it settled against her body, and she reached out to take her dressing gown from the back of the door, shrugging it over her shoulders and holding it about herself whilst she tied the chord.
Then, as if this were the most normal evening in the world, she opened the doors to her wardrobe and selected a pair of shoes. The trademark Louboutin's, with the red soles that made her feel as though she were stepping into character as soon as she put them on. She set them down in front of the full length mirror and reached in toward the coat hangers.
The landing floor creaked as she stood on tip toes to reach for a belt, and she glanced around the wardrobe door to see Rita standing in her doorway, holding a hot drink in either hand, her face pale, her eyes full of hope.
"I thought you might like a drink?"
She asked, and then she paused, as if she weren't quite sure whether or not she should wait for Connie to ask her in.
"I realise now that was quite presumptuous of me...making you coffee...in your own house..."
She could feel Connie's eyes on her, and she couldn't help but release an exhale of relief when she caught the flicker of a smile at the corner of Connie's mouth.
"Thank you."
She said quietly, and she waved a hand to beckon her in.
"I'm just getting things read for tomorrow, take a seat."
She added, and Rita slipped past her towards the bed. She set the mugs down on the bedside table and sat stiffly on the edge of the bed as Connie ran her fingers over shirts and skirts, trousers and dresses.
Rita glimpsed a few that she recognised in amongst the hangers, clothes which she associated with different days, different events, different arguments. She tilted her head to the side so that she could watch as Connie extracted a pair of black trousers and a grey jumper for the following day, and she collected them together on one hanger, which she hung on the front of the wardrobe once she had closed the doors.
She turned to face Rita, a smile of satisfaction at her lips.
The nurses eyes had wandered, and had found themselves resting on the glossy spiked heels of Connie's shoes that were set so neatly in front of the mirror. She found herself wondering how she kept them so pristine, and how they must be worth more than just about anything that she owned, more even than the rent that she paid monthly on her flat.
"Is there a reason why you are staring at my shoes?"
Connie's voice made her jump and she flushed a brilliant scarlet so quickly that for the briefest of moments she thought perhaps she wouldn't even be able to answer.
"No..."
She laughed. She seemed to be forever destined to embarrass herself in front of this other woman, who had the ability to make her feel so silly with even the simplest of questions.
"Try them on."
Connie reached passed her for the coffee that Rita had made her. It was still too hot to drink, but she held it to her chest anyway.
"I'm sorry?"
Rita almost laughed again, and she looked up at Connie who was so near now. The dark grey silk of her dressing gown pulled tightly about her waist.
"Try them on."
Connie repeated, looking toward the shoes that Rita had been staring so hard at.
"But they're...you"
Rita frowned.
"Yours, I mean."
She corrected, and Connie's eyes smiled and she raised her coffee to her lips, blowing ripples against the surface to cool it down. She was silent, waiting...until Rita eventually rose apprehensively from the bed and approached the mirror where she crouched down next to the shoes.
"What is it they say? You'll never truly understand a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes?"
Connie spoke from behind her, and she bit her lip. Somehow the sight of Rita so nervous even to touch her shoes made her chest ache.
"I'm not sure that was meant literally..."
Rita murmured as she carefully pushed her feet into the shoes, and with great concentration she stood up. Her feet slipped down into the toes, the shoes were a size or two too big and they pinched the sides of her toes and made her wince. She braved taking a step back but the thin heel seemed to give out from underneath her and she stumbled. Connie reached out with her free hand and caught Rita's wrist, her fingers holding her steady, her upper arm tensing.
"Which is a relief as you're certainly not walking anywhere in those..."
Rita glanced up quickly, but Connie was smiling despite the bite of her words. Her eyes were laughing, and dimples showed beneath the freckles at her cheeks.
"More importantly, how do you?!"
Rita allowed herself to relax, and she steadied herself as Connie watched her.
"Practise."
She said quietly, and she made to release Rita's arm, but as she did so Rita glanced to where the sleeve of her dressing gown hung loosely against her forearm, where the hand shaped bruise was now so startlingly obvious against her skin.
Connie's smile faltered.
"They hurt you."
Rita whispered, as though she was only just realising. Of course she knew that they had hurt her... A lump formed within her throat that hurt when she tried to swallow.
Connie pursed her lips and made to let her arm fall back to her side, defeated. But now it was Rita's turn to reach out for her, and she caught her wrist between her fingers. Without thinking she raised Connie's wrist to her mouth, and placed the gentlest of kisses to the bruise just above her wrist, to where the veins throbbed, showing blue and purple beneath her skin.
Connie felt the flutter of the other woman's lips against her, and the beat of her own heart changed, somehow Rita seemed to have put another beat in there and it left her feeling breathless as she felt her grip on her arm subside.
She put her hand to her throat as though someone were strangling her. What had she thought? That love was a toy, something easy and sweet, just to play with? Real love was dangerous, she felt in then, like a lions roar within her own head, it got you from inside and held on tight, and if you didn't let go fast enough you might be willing to do anything for it's sake.
She saw Rita move as though she were in slow motion. She saw the flicker of apprehension in her eyes disappear, and whilst Rita stood, wearing Connie's own shoes, she leant forward and just touched her lips to Connie's, a kiss that felt of barely anything but a breath...
"Rita..."
Her voice broke as she whispered, and Rita paused, her face so close to Connie's that she could smell the coffee on her lips.
"This is ridiculous..."
She breathed, and Rita's eyelids fluttered closed for the briefest of moments, willing herself to persevere. The future, after all, was spun from moments like this. If she backed away now, it might all begin to unravel.
"Do you want to?"
She asked.
Connie pursed her lips. Her face felt hot and the blood within her veins felt as though it were vibrating.
"Such a simple question..."
She whispered, and Rita exhaled a smile and shook her head.
"And the answer?"
She asked slowly, watching the thoughts pass behind Connie's eyes.
"Not quite so simple..."
She whispered.
I hope you all enjoyed reading this, more to come tomorrow. I will update again early in the morning, it will get even fluffier before it gets dramatic again!
And thank you again for the reviews, and the comments about my artwork! I'm still very much floating about on cloud nine after that message from Chloe ;)
Anyway, please review and let me know what you think of this latest update, I'm off to bed now, but it's always lovely to read them when I wake up :) xxx