Tobias and I play several more rounds of Candor or Dauntless while we eat, drink, and mingle with all our friends, old and new. I notice that Nathan and Abigail seem much taken with each other. I overheard him ask if he could walk her home, and they left about 15 minutes ago. Callen even appeared to be pleased for his Dad. I know it's the first time I've seen him with anyone since Dru's execution. Everyone gets to know more about Trevor and Stefan through the Candor questions they answer, neither one taking a dare all evening. They both seem quite smitten with Kirsten and Ella and exchange chaste kisses throughout the night. We also got to know Callen and Avery's friends, too. I really like Afton and her bubbly personality but it was hard to get to know Murphy or Galen because more times than not they had their tongues shoved down each other's throats. As for Rhys he kept to himself and only spoke to Callen or Galen in the rare moments he wasn't making out with Murphy. I found myself on multiple occasions hoping the three of them join a different faction come Monday.
Every time it's Zeke's turn to pick someone, he chooses Tobias, asking increasingly intrusive questions about our sex life, and if he doesn't stop, one, Tobias is going to be down to his underwear and, two, Tobias is going to throw Zeke in the chasm. Nothing seems to be off limits; he's asked about places, frequency, duration. And if Tobias tries to throw him by saying Dauntless, he just dares him to answer a question. He hasn't cracked a single joke since the one about us 'doing it in public' but I think all the questions he's asking are much worse. Part of me wants to stand up and say, "Yes, he caught us having sex in the fear landscape room," but then I'd never be able to bring myself to look at any of these people ever again.
The highlights of the night so far were when Christina dared James to bark like a dog every time someone said his name for the rest of the night, which he begrudgingly agreed to. It still amazes me how often his name gets worked into the conversation. One would think he would have learned his lesson with the chicken impersonation at the last Candor or Dauntless party and just take something off but no; Ciara dared me to go to the Pit and ask five random people to rub my belly. I didn't think it would be too bad but it actually was kind of creepy. I told her that she was going to get payback when the time comes; Kirsten dared Zeke to put a strapless dress and full makeup on and greet people in the Pit for five minutes. I've never seen so many photos taken in my life. Random people were getting their pictures taken with him. My stomach hurt so bad from laughing; Uriah had Hana dance the robot in the Pit, and we were all surprised at how good she was; Afton dared Avery to go to the Pit and play air guitar and dance to the song Oh Pretty Woman by someone named Roy Orbison that Afton played on her phone. It was epic. She got a deafening round of applause and calls for an encore; Ciara dared Will to shake a strangers hand and refuse to let go. After a couple minutes the girl reared back and punched him in the eye. We all should have seen that coming; Shauna dared Zeke to repeat everything that Uriah said for two rounds. I was practically on the ground rolling it was so funny. Uriah was very self-deprecating to get a laugh. I choked and orange juice came out my nose when Zeke said, "I wet my bed every night and cry like a little girl." Tobias tried to put an end to our night right then but I was having too good a time.
Before we started this round, Tobias and Will took the unpopular step of telling the dependents that they needed to go home and get some rest before their aptitude tests tomorrow morning but the rest of us are still going strong.
"Whose turn is it?" Ciara says as we're once again laughing at James barking.
"It's my turn," I say. "Uriah, Candor or." He doesn't even let me finish the sentence.
"Dauntless," he says.
"I dare you to say Candor the next time you're asked," I say. He looks at me like I've suddenly grown two heads.
"You want me to answer a question?" he says, dumbfounded.
"Yes," I say, drawing it out like it has three syllables. He surprises me by taking his shirt off. "Really? I thought that would been easy one for you."
"I'll never say Candor," he says.
"You actually just did," says Will who starts laughing loudly. I think my friend has had a bit too much to drink. Uriah just ignores him.
"Zekey, my bro, Candor or Dauntless?" he asks. Zeke ponders this question for a while.
"Candor," he says.
"How many girlfriends have you had?" he asks.
"Girlfriends? Not dates who turned into psychos, right?" he asks, eyeing Shauna the entire time.
"Yep, girlfriend."
"Three," he says. "Four, you know the question." Here we go.
"Candor," Tobias says.
"So, Four, when's the last time you saw someone naked?" Zeke asks. I groan.
"What is up with all the prying questions, Zeke?" Shauna finally asks.
"I'm just having fun," he says with a slightly evil chuckle.
"Right before we came down for supper," Tobias says and I blush. Everyone looks at us. "I am not taking my jeans off."
"This is our last round," I say. "I'm tired."
"You just don't want Zeke asking him anymore questions about your sex life," Christina says. "Just answer one, Four, and he'll stop, right, Zeke?" Zeke nods his head in affirmation.
"Someone please tell me what the fascination is with our sex life," I say, really not understanding.
"You're from Abnegation," Lynn says like that explains everything. I stare at her, waiting for an explanation. "Everyone knows they don't have sex in Abnegation." I roll my eyes at her.
"First, we are both living proof that people in Abnegation have sex," I say pointing back and forth between Tobias and me. "Second, we aren't Abnegation anymore."
"We just wonder if you're more Dauntless or Abnegation," Marlene says. I have a feeling that our friends talk about us when we're not around.
"So, Four, Tris," Zeke says with a Cheshire cat grin, "where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?" Tobias and I meet eyes. We both nod and I sigh. It's obvious he's expecting us to say the fear landscape room. I've got news for him. "Say it together on the count of three. One … two … three."
"The top of the Ferris wheel," we say at the same time. That should shut them up. Zeke's mouth falls open as Tobias and I both smirk at him. Questions start flying our way but I start shaking my head.
"We answered his question now back … off," I firmly say as I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I notice that it's my mom calling and anxiety floods my veins because it is long past midnight. "Hello?" All I hear on the other end of the phone is Tessa's wailing. I cover the phone and yell, "Everyone shut up." The room falls silent at my outburst. I put the phone back up to my ear and say hello again.
"Beatrice, honey," my mom anxiously says, "I think you need to come and pick up Tessa. She's gotten steadily worse throughout the evening. I can't get her to eat, and she's been crying like this for more than 15 minutes now. I'm sorry to have to call but I'm worried."
"We'll be there as soon as possible," I say, hanging up.
"What is it?" Tobias says, worry on his face, dragging a shirt back on.
"Something's wrong with Tessa," I say. "She won't eat, and she's crying uncontrollably. We need to go." The celebratory atmosphere that we were just experiencing dies immediately.
"Has she been touching or pulling on her ears?" Zander asks, immediately going into doctor mode. I think quickly.
"No," I say. "She seemed fine before we dropped her off with my parents but Mom said she's been fussy all night."
"Without having her here to examine, I can only guess that it's an ear infection. Unfortunately they're common and I've seen several cases in the infirmary this week," he says. "Stop at the emergency room on your way home. She'll get a diagnosis and medication sooner that way. Go."
"Thanks, Zander," I say. Tobias and I practically sprint to our car and are on our way to Tessa within two minutes. He drives faster than normal but is extremely cautious, remembering his fear landscape I imagine. My knees are bouncing almost uncontrollably because of my nerves. We reach my parents' in record time. I hear poor Tessa long before we reach the house. I knock and let myself in, not wanting to wait to see her. Mom's trying to calm her in the kitchen but she's madder than I've seen her. Dad is pacing in the living room.
"Oh, my poor baby," I say taking her out of my Mom's arms. I cradle her close to my body and she calms a little bit. "What's wrong, sweetheart? Zander asked if she was touching or pulling on her ears. I never saw her do it when she was at home."
"That was the first thing I looked for when she started getting really fussy but she hasn't touched her ears," she says. I put my knuckle in her mouth and she acts hungry.
"Tobias we need to take her to the hospital," I say, worried tears gathering behind my eyes. "She needs to eat though."
"Is Tyler asleep?" Tobias asks.
"As amazing as it seems, he's slept through all the crying," Dad says. I place Tessa in Tobias' arms then head toward the stairs.
"I'll be back down in two minutes," I say. I fly up the stairs and check on Tyler who is indeed curled up in a ball in the middle of Caleb's old bed. I kiss his head and tuck him in. I then go in the bathroom and strip off the extra layers so I can nurse Tessa on the way to the hospital. I put the excess clothes in Tyler's overnight bag then hurry back downstairs. "Is it okay if we leave him here and keep our plans as they are for tomorrow? Four will come and get him from the park if I can't bring Tessa."
"Of course," Mom says. "Go." Tobias and I hurry to the car with Tessa still crying nonstop. Her wails are trying to tear my heart out and wake the neighborhood. I get in the backseat next to her car seat and Tobias carefully places her in my arms. I've got to get her to calm or she'll never latch on. I put her up over my shoulder, rubbing her back, and her crying subsides a little. We say a quick goodbye to my mom and dad and promise to update them on Tessa's condition when we know something, and then we head toward the hospital. I keep rubbing her back, and she lies her head down like she wants to rest. She looks up at me and my poor girl looks absolutely miserable. She gasps for a couple breaths and starts crying again. Oh, to hell with it. I pull my shirt up and my bra down and put her to my breast. After quite a bit of coaxing, she latches on.
"Is she alright?" Tobias asks when she abruptly stops crying.
"She's eating," I say.
"Oh, thank you, God," he says. "Do you think that's all it is?"
"No, she honestly looks like she doesn't feel well," I say. "I don't know if Zander's right and it's an ear infection or not but something's definitely wrong. I feel bad that we were out having fun and she's been sick." I run my hand over her head as she nurses.
"We didn't know," he quietly says. I think he feels just as bad as I do but he's trying to make me feel better. "We never would have knowingly just left her when she was sick."
"I know," I say. We're quiet the rest of the drive to the hospital. I never take my eyes off of Tessa. I continue to softly caress her head and cheek. She keeps her eyes closed but she doesn't stop eating, which is a good sign in my opinion. We pull up in front of the hospital, and I toss a blanket over her head, and we head in to the emergency room. I sit in the deserted waiting room with Tessa at my breast while Tobias goes in search of a nurse or doctor. Two minutes later he comes back with Dr. Wilson on his heels.
"I hear Miss Tessa isn't feeling well," he says. We get up and follow him into a private examination room. I unlatch her, and she starts wailing as I hand her to Tobias. "I see what you mean about crying. Let me take a look." Tobias lies her on the examination table as I straighten my clothes. I move to their side and try to shush her the best I can but she's mad again. We watch as the doctor puts a thermometer to her ear and makes a notation. "She's running a low-grade fever." He takes his stethoscope from around his neck and places it against her chest to listen to her heart and lungs. He next uses an otoscope to look in both ears. "Has she been sick recently?" He continues with his physical exam, waiting for our answer.
"She was pretty fussy early in the week but she didn't seem ill," I say. "Four and I both thought she was just cranky from being away from us last weekend."
"Let me see if I have this right," Dr. Wilson says. "She was fussy earlier in the week but seemed to recover her good mood but then today her mood deteriorated quickly, she wouldn't take a bottle, and she began crying uncontrollably. Is this correct?"
"Yeah," I say. "Dr. Parrish thought it might be an ear infection but told us to come here since this was closer, and we don't want her suffering any more than she already is."
"His instincts are right on the money," he says. "She actually has double ear infection. I imagine she had a slight cold earlier this week that settled in her ears. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it. I'm going to write a prescription for an antibiotic to give to her three times a day for the next 10 days."
"We are supposed to have a get together with my family tomorrow in the city park," I say. "Should I keep her home?"
"If she seems like she's feeling better, I would say it would be alright to take her," he says. "Just put a hat on her head and make sure you give her the medication at regular intervals throughout the day. My nurse will be in with her first dose in a few minutes. I'll write you a prescription you can have filled at Dauntless' pharmacy. Do you have any questions for me?"
"Is this contagious? Do we have to worry about Tyler, too, and what about the pregnancy? Is Tris okay?" Tobias asks.
"An ear infection itself is not contagious," the doctor says. "But the cold Tessa had was but if Tyler hasn't exhibited any symptoms, he should be fine. As for you, Tris, how are you feeling?"
"I'm exhausted and very emotional right now listening to her cry like this but I don't feel sick," I say.
"You can take her," he says and I immediately pick her up and try to get her to calm down. "Get plenty of fluids and rest. I know it won't be easy with a sick infant but I'm sure your husband will be more than happy to help out."
"Of course," Tobias says.
"The nurse will be in in a moment," he says as he exits the room. Tears I've been holding back trickle down my cheeks as I look at Tessa.
"I'm so sorry, little one," I say. "You weren't feeling well and Mommy didn't see it."
"Neither one of us saw it," Tobias says. "At least she's hungry." We watch as she puts her fingers in her mouth and sucks on them vigorously. She takes them out and cries louder making my heart hurt. I sit us down in the chair in the corner of the room and pat her back in hopes of getting her to burp. I'm about ready to say the hell with it and start nursing her again when Isobel walks into the room.
"Hi, guys," she says. She comes over with a bottle of liquid and a dropper and gives Tessa the prescribed amount. She makes a funny face when the medication touches her tongue but she swallows it down. "You can go ahead and continue nursing her." Thankful for the go ahead, I once again lift my shirt and lower my bra. Tessa doesn't need any coaxing this time to latch on.
"Why wouldn't she take the bottle Mom tried to give her earlier? She wouldn't be this hungry if she had," I ask, not taking my eyes off of Tessa.
"One symptom of an ear infection is decreased appetite and also maybe she prefers your nipples instead of the artificial ones and not feeling well made her refuse the bottle." Isobel leans over to see how Tessa is doing. "She doesn't seem to be having a problem right now. You can stay and feed her or you're free to go."
"How are you feeling?" I ask. "You must be exhausted."
"Luckily my body is used to the occasional nightshift," she says. "And now that my first trimester is over, I feel great. How are you doing, Tris?"
"I need to get home and get to bed," I say. "Other than being tired from a very long day and freaked out over the fact that my baby is sick, I'm fine."
"Here's the prescription, Four," she says, handing Tobias a small, square piece of paper. "Tessa needs one-half dropper full three times a day for the next 10 days. I would suggest giving it to her right before nursing that way she'll swallow it willingly. It's a natural grape flavor and some babies don't like it."
"I don't think my girl likes it," I say. "She sure did make a funny face when you gave it to her. I think we're going to go, Isobel. Thanks for always working." She laughs at my not too far off assessment. Tobias puts the lightweight blanket over my shoulder and our daughter, covering my exposed breast. We walk to the car, and he helps me into the backseat. She never misses a beat and nurses the entire time. "Please take your time getting us home. We're in no hurry now."
"Of course, love," he says. When he pulls away from the curb, I move the blanket so I can look into Tessa's perfect face. Her eyes still tell me that she's not feeling well. I feel like a terrible mother. Just when I think I'm getting the hang of motherhood, something like this happens. Tears well up in my eyes but I will them away. My little angel shouldn't see her Mommy crying. I paint a smile on my face in hopes that it will be real soon enough.
"Is your tummy finally full?" I ask her when he pulls away from my chest. I put her up to my shoulder and don't have to pat her back long before she burps.
"Your burps put grown men's to shame, Pebbles," Tobias says from the front seat with a chuckle. I fasten her into her car seat, and she starts crying again but not as loud as before.
"Please don't cry, little one," I say as I caress her cheek with my finger. "You're making Mommy very sad. Hush my sweet baby girl." She calms down but she doesn't stop crying. When we pull into the garage, I unbuckle her and cradle her with her head tucked into the crook of my arm. "You're fighting sleep, aren't you? You go right ahead and close those beautiful eyes. Mommy and Daddy will be here when you wake up, Tessa." I tickle her face on our walk up to our apartment, and when I see her eyelids sagging, I close them with my fingertips, and she falls into a restless sleep.
"You got her to sleep," he quietly says. "We should go to bed also. It's nearly 3 a.m." We climb the stairs and I stall in front of Tessa's room. "Put her in the bassinet in our room, love. I can tell you don't want to be far from her." I walk behind Tobias who removes the folded blankets we had stored in the bassinet and gently lie her down.
"I was scared, Tobias," I say. "I've never heard her sound like that. She sounded like she was in pain." He wipes the tears that escape away with his thumbs and kisses the corner of each eye.
"She's okay," he says. "Come on, let's go to bed." I sit on the edge of the mattress and watch him strip out of his clothes and toss them in the hamper.
"No PJs tonight" I say. "I need to feel your body against mine." I make quick work of my shirt, pants, bra, underwear, and socks, tossing them to the ground then slide between the sheets.
"Okay, love," he says. He gets into bed and rolls up behind me. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me up against his body. The moment our bare bodies touch, the tension I've felt since receiving Mom's call disappears. "I love you, Tris. Sleep now, my love." I clasp my hands with Tobias' and close my eyes, surrendering myself to the fatigue.
I roll over, and when my eyes slide open, I find myself gazing into the most beautiful face I've ever seen. It's just before dawn yet he looks wide awake. His hand gently caresses down my cheek before his mouth meets mine in a tender kiss.
"That was really nice," I say, lovingly stroking his face. "I should check on Tessa." After I roll out of bed, I softly pad across the room to the bassinet and find her still sound asleep. Strong arms wrap around me, and I lean back against his muscled chest. We stare down at our slumbering daughter. "I didn't hear you get out of bed."
"I'm in stealth mode," he says with a chuckle causing me to smile. "Want to come back to bed?"
"Yeah," I say. "But I'm too tired to fool around if that's what's on your mind."
"Even though making love to you isn't far from my mind on most occasions, I know now isn't the right time," he says. "Our daughter is sick, and she's here in the room with us. I wouldn't feel comfortable."
"I just want you to hold me," I say. "I want to feel your arms around me. That always makes me feel better." I face him, resting my head against his chest, and we wrap ourselves around each other. Any other time, this would be very arousing but right now I only find it comforting.
"I love you," he quietly says.
"I love you, too," I say, closing my eyes. After about half-an-hour of worry, I sigh.
"I didn't know you were still awake," he says.
"I'm having a hard time falling back to sleep," I say, not sure if I should tell him why I'm feeling this way. I tilt my head back and look into his face. "I feel guilty, Tobias. Part of me knows that I shouldn't feel this way. Kids get sick all the time. The rational part of my brain knows this. But the bigger irrational part of my brain is telling me I'm a bad mother." He starts to interrupt me but I put my finger up to his mouth then replace it with my lips. I kiss him softly for a minute or two. "I needed that."
"It was nice," he says then he sighs. He caresses my face as he gazes at me. "You are not a bad mother. Please don't ever think that. You're forgetting Evelyn Johnson Eaton was my mother. I know what a bad one looks like. Love, you are not it. You care about our kids so much so that instead of getting the rest you deserve, the rest you need, you're worrying about Tessa and probably Tyler and Peanut, too. As long as you are thinking about them, loving them with all your heart, and doing what's best for them, you'll never be a bad mother."
"How do I know what's best for them?" I ask, my voice small. He places his large hand over my beating heart.
"You let this guide you," he says. "Will we get it wrong sometimes? Of course, we will. We're human but that doesn't make us bad parents." I tighten my arms around him and kiss his chest.
"I love you very much, Tobias Eaton. I'm glad I have you. You always know the right thing to say to make me feel better." I involuntarily yawn into his chest, and he gently strokes my back up into my hair then back down in a hypnotic rhythm.
"Sleep, my love. Our day will start soon enough," he whispers in my ear as I'm dozing off. "I love you, too, my Six … more than anything."