"Fifty Shades of Parenting More"

Phoebe's POV

I reach the bottom of the steps and I'm greeted by Dovis and Trevor in the foyer. Trevor is holding a big picnic basket and he has a big smile on his face. He looks so handsome and I want to just melt. He is wearing a casual navy blue short sleeved golf shirt tucked into his blue jeans. His hair is slightly messy, which is the style now. I am wearing a casual yellow and green sundress and white strappy sandals. My hair is down and wavy and my long bangs are pushed to the side of my face. We just stare at each other for a few minutes, no words. Dovis excuses himself and happily retreats to some other part of the house.

Trevor is the first to speak. "I hope you're hungry. I made some sandwiches and some snacks."

"You made lunch?" I ask him, and I can't keep the surprise out of my voice. He's never done anything like this. Prepare food. He temporarily looks hurt and then immediately changes his facial expression in an attempt to hide it from me. He smiles shyly at me and I feel terrible for offending him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that."

"That's okay. I've spent all morning preparing this so I hope you at least try it."

It's my turn to smile shyly at him. "Of course I will. Why don't we eat in the meadow? I'll grab some drinks and a blanket."

He agrees and follows me through the house while I grab the drinks and find a blanket. I'm grateful that my family is having lunch in the dining room. I've adjusted to my father's security keeping an eye on me from the shadows but for some reason I still feel shy about my family watching me when I'm with Trevor. I feel like my interaction with any guy should be kept private from them.

After laying out the blanket and sitting comfortably in the meadow, Trevor immediately breaks out the sandwiches. I enjoy watching him when he is so excited about something. Something he's done for me. I start to feel giddy inside, but also nervous since, well let's face it, it's food. And I know it will offend him if I don't like it. He passes one of the sandwiches to me and encourages me to take a bite.

"What is it?" I ask him, since I'm weird about any unfamiliar food that I put in my mouth.

"Don't ask questions. Just try it" he says, and I giggle since this is something my father does with me. He gets me to try food without questioning it and examining it first. That always makes me nervous, but something about wanting to please my father always wins over and I wind up surrendering myself to something very alien. I guess something inside of me wants to please Trevor too, because before I am able to stop myself I bite into the sandwich. I chew for a few seconds and my taste buds start to kick in. The first thing I notice is the chicken, and then the flavors of basil, tomato and balsamic. There is also cheese. Mozzarella, I think. I smile and nod at him, and I'm rewarded with his cute boyish smile. "You like it?"

I swallow and I can't keep the smile off my face. "Yes I do. What is it?"

"Chicken Caprese. My mother taught me how to prepare it."

I take another bite because I really do like it. After I swallow I look at him again and see that he's staring at me. I immediately feel insecure. I've never liked anyone staring at me. "Aren't you going to eat?" I ask him nervously.

He looks down at his sandwich, picks it up and takes a bite. I smile at him and take another bite of my sandwich. "I'm sorry for staring" he says. "I was just excited about making this lunch for you and I'm really glad that you like it."

I can't help but blush. I love that he did this for me. But my smile fades when I am brought back to reality. I'm not sure where I stand with him right now. After all, I did leave him in LA without a word. And I'm still mad at him for telling Dylan about our sex life, or lack thereof. He catches me pouting before I even realize that I'm pouting. He gently grasps my chin and I am forced to look at him.

"Where were you just now?" he asks me with a light smile.

I shake my head and shrug. I didn't want to ruin this nice moment we were having, but my stupid thoughts had to get in the way. "I love that you did this for me. It was really nice and I appreciate it." I look down again because I'm having trouble looking at him.

"But?"

I take a breath and decide it is now or never. I look up at him and can see that he is worried, so I decide that I probably can't tell him everything right now. I shake my head as I gather my thoughts.

"Phoebe, tell me" he says softly. And I can feel the tears coming. I must not cry, I must not cry.

"Um, we should talk about California."

He nods in agreement and starts to clear things away since we have finished our sandwiches. He moves the picnic basket out of the way and moves to sit closer to me. He takes my hand, and it feels somewhat comforting. He starts to rub my knuckles with his thumb, and I start to think that maybe I can tell him everything. "Let's start with the night of the party" he says softly. "You didn't want to go, but you told me that I should. I really didn't want to go without you, but you insisted. You told me you would just be relaxing and watching TV in our room."

I think about that night and it is so clear in my head, well part of it is. I was relaxing and I was watching TV. I know Trevor can sense my reluctance so he starts to push me. "Please, Phoebe. Tell me what happened. What made you leave? Was it something I did?"

"No" I immediately answer him, but then I take it back. "Well yes, kind of."

He looks confused but he keeps hold of my hand and encourages me to keep talking. "Whatever it is, just tell me please. I need to know."

I look in his eyes and he looks so lost and pained. I sigh and my mouth turns into a hard line. I look down at our hands again, looking for the courage to speak. I am grateful that he is being so patient with me right now since it is taking me so long to get the words out. I open my mouth and hope to god some words come out. And once they do I can't stop. I keep my eyes on anything but him as I speak.

"Dylan came into the room. He gave me a drink and told me it was club soda. But after taking a sip I knew it was alcohol." I hear him gasp but I don't stop. If I stop, I fear I won't ever muster the courage again to say this. "He started talking to me about you and about me, and before I knew it he was on top of me and he had my hands tied above my head. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong and I was too lightheaded, but I kept telling him to stop. He said…. he said I should be grateful to him, because he was going to show me how to please you in bed. He said you told him about my problem, and I was just so angry with you for that and so scared because I didn't want what he was trying to do to me." I am turning into an emotional mess right now, but I can't stop. I have to get this out. He needs to know. He is still holding my hand but he is no longer rubbing my knuckles. I think he's numb, but I don't look at him. I can't. I try to continue my story but I'm having trouble finding the words. I shake my head and feel my lips tremble, and then I let out a whimper. I've been working so hard to hold back on crying.

Suddenly I feel his hand on my face and he is slowly moving it, forcing me to look at him. My eyes lock with his and I'm still at a loss for words. A few tears have escaped my eyes, but right now I am just looking at him open mouthed, like I'm in shock. He looks both pained and apologetic, but then he gives me a stern look.

"Phoebe. I need you to tell me the truth. Did Dylan rape you?"

I continue to look in his eyes and can see that this is killing him. To have to ask me this question about his cousin. I feel my lips tremble even more before I am able to answer him. "No." I shake my head lightly and he leaves go of my face. I can hear him sigh, like he's relieved that it didn't go as far as rape. More tears roll down my face and I am still whimpering like a baby. I can't help it. I start to feel myself shaking and I wrap my arms around myself. He reaches over and takes my hand again, but I keep my one arm wrapped around myself. He kisses the back of my hand and holds it with both of his. "Okay" he sighs again. "I have a feeling that there's more. I know this is hard but I need you to tell me, please."

I close my eyes, take in a deep breath and let it out, looking away from him again. There are still tears in my eyes and it is badly affecting my vision, but I don't care to do anything about it at the moment. I start to feel cold and Trevor notices. He doesn't say a word, but he takes my sweater and wraps it around my shoulders. He takes my hand again and I start to feel safe with the warmth of my sweater and with him holding my hand. I open my mouth again and the words come out in nearly a whisper. "He had me pinned on the bed and my hands were tied, and he pulled it out and showed it to me. I got really scared and really freaked out, because I didn't want him. I only wanted you in that way. And I was afraid he was going to force me."

Trevor moves and wraps his arms around me, pulling my head to his shoulder. That is my undoing. Being in his arms and him rubbing my back, I let go and start sobbing. He holds me and says nothing as I dampen his shirt. Crying feels good right now. Everything I've been through since the road trip has just been bottled up inside of me. What Dylan did to me, fighting with my father, meeting Danny and seeing him suffer with his cancer, still not being close with my father the way we used to be, being estranged from Trevor, it has all been bottled up and I haven't been able to release any of it until now. It is a good fifteen minutes before I am able to stop crying. Trevor is still holding me and rubbing my back. I feel him kiss my hair a few times. His soothing voice starts telling me that it's going to be okay, and for some reason I believe it when he says it.

He slowly leaves go of me and takes both of my hands in his. I am still gasping in between breaths since I've been crying so much and once again I avoid eye contact with him. He leans in closer to me and speaks softly. "Do you want to press charges?"

His question takes me by surprise. I honestly haven't thought of that. Did Dylan even commit a crime? What he did was wrong, but I doubt the police can do anything about it. I shake my head. "No, I don't."

"Phoebe, are you sure? Because if you want to press charges I will stick by you."

"He's your cousin" I argue softly. My voice is still a whisper.

"I don't care" he fires back. He is finally letting his anger come out about the incident. "What he did to you is sick and it's wrong. He crossed the line. As far as I'm concerned he is no family of mine." I look up at him and our eyes meet again. There is so much pain and anger in his eyes. I also see fear. He brings both of my hands to his lips and kisses each one a few times. "You are my family. That is if you still want to be my girlfriend. I really hope you will be." He gently brings one of his hands to my face and I lean my face into it. I close my eyes and feel his thumb gently caress my cheek. "I'm so sorry for what he did to you. You didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve to be treated that way." Suddenly I feel his hand leave my face. I open my eyes to look at him and I can see darkness take him over. "Honestly, I could kill him for this. He better hope that I never see him again."

It's my turn to comfort him. I can see how much this is hurting him too and I manage to let go of my anger with him for sharing such personal information about us with his cousin. Right now that just seems so trivial. "Don't say that. Please. I just want to move past this."

Trevor looks at me as though I have two heads. "Can we move past this?"

I shrug my shoulders. I honestly don't know, but I want to. "I told you what had happened. That's a start, isn't it?"

This time he breaks eye contact with me and looks down at our hands. He shakes his head as though he is trying to release the negative thoughts from his mind. He closes his eyes and raises his head again. "I'm glad you told me. I know it was really hard for you to do that." Our hands are once again joined and he gently claps his hand on top of both of mine and rubs them. "I think it is a very important step for us, that you can be honest with me about something so horrible. Communication is the key to a successful relationship. So I need you to continue to communicate with me and be honest with me. And I will do the same with you."

"Okay" I tell him, and I start to breathe a little easier now. I did it. I told him. And as horrible as it is that Dylan did that to me and is going to get away with it, I feel better that Trevor now knows about it. I no longer feel alone in this. I manage to smile lightly at him.

"You're smiling." I nod and can feel my smile grow bigger. "I guess I'm a little confused."

I shrug my shoulders. "I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Keeping this a secret and then telling you, that was hard. Not only because I'm ashamed and embarrassed, but also because he's your cousin." The smile leaves my face as I look at his face and gauge his reaction.

He shakes his head and then looks at me again. "Phoebe, you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Please, what Dylan did was shameful. I hate what he did to you, but I am grateful that it didn't go further. Because I want to be your first. When you are ready that is. Not a minute before that." I smile again and this time I blush. I wonder if the mere mention of sex will always embarrass me, or if it will stop once I actually have it. He catches me blushing and he finally manages to smile. "Can I assume by your facial expression that you want that too?"

I continue to blush and smile at him as I nod. I do want that, when I'm ready that is. I am still amazed that he is willing to wait for me. I watch as he repositions himself so that he is on his knees and sitting on his legs.

"Phoebe Grey, will you be my girlfriend again?"

How can I say no to that? He is being so genuine and caring. Even after hearing what his cousin has done to me. I lean up on my knees and sit on my legs to mirror him. "Yes, I'd love to." He leans over and kisses me to seal the deal. When we separate I am nearly breathless. It's been a while since we've kissed. I've really missed him. I watch him reach into the picnic basket for some snacks. He pulls out some homemade cookies and a small cooler.

"You baked?" I asked him, still amazed at how much trouble he went through for today.

"From scratch" he says and flashes a big smile my way. He is so hot right now. He opens the cooler to reveal a small carton of milk.

"Milk and cookies" I smile at him. This was a favorite snack of ours while we were on the road together. He pours the milk into a plastic cup for us to share. We each start to dip our cookies into the milk and enjoy the snack. No words are exchanged between us for some time as we enjoy the cookies and milk, but we do exchange smiles.

After a few minutes I clap my hands together to rid my fingers of cookie crumbs. There is one last thing that I need Trevor to understand before I can even attempt to make my peace with this.

"Trevor?"

"Yeah?"

"Nobody can know about this."

For a moment he looks confused, like he doesn't know what I'm talking about. I continue to study his expression and can see that it finally clicks with him. "You don't want anyone to know about Dylan."

"That's right" I say. "I'm not pressing charges so I don't see why anyone else needs to know."

He takes my hand and rubs my knuckles again. "Nobody needs to know. If you decide to tell anyone about it, that will be your call."

We both nod in agreement and continue to enjoy our snack. I am grateful that he is being so good to me about this. Not only did I leave him in LA, but I also avoided contact with him for weeks. Any other guy would have given up on me. I know I have a good guy in Trevor for sticking it out for so long, and for waiting for sex, and for making this fabulous lunch for me. It occurs to me that I've probably taken Trevor for granted. I'm sure I've taken a lot of things for granted. But no more of that. From now on I need to keep my eyes open to the great things in my life and embrace them.

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