A Billion Rules for Dating My Nakama
ZoNami Week – Day 02: Alcohol / Tangerines (Oranges/Mikans)
Rating: K+ (first-time romance)
Summary: What's a man to do when wooing a girl is not his strong suit? Not asking his friends for advice would a step in the right direction. Or maybe…
Word Count: 1,911 words
PLEASE NOTE: I heard "Sexy Love" by Ne-Yo in the car before coming home to write this story, and I think the sweet tone of the song suits the genuine intentions Zoro has in this story. Feel free to play the song as you read along~
"You have to take her to a fancy restaurant – Nami-san deserves to be spoiled, and you're going to give her everything her heart desires! Do you hear me, marimo!?"
"Don't forget to pull out her chair when you get there! Robin hates that, but other girls really dig it."
"Hey Zoro, you're not going to go out on your first date, um…dressed like that, right?"
"Remember Zoro-san, table manners are very important when wooing a lady; please refrain from belching or getting drunk or falling asleep at the table."
"Don't pull a Luffy and pig out in front of her, okay? I know she's seen you eat, but do you really want you to compare her to that guy on your very first date?"
"Make sure you bring me back something yummy! Oh, and don't ask Nami to pay for dinner or she'll probably make you eat your weights."
Sighing, it was all the swordsman could do not to appear dismayed as he sat across from the navigator on what was supposed to be the most romantic evening of their lives. He was never one for formal wear and yet here he was, seated at a fancy restaurant rated by stars for reasons he could not comprehend, dressed in a much more handsome version of the clothing the shit cook tried to pull off daily, unsure of what to say to the woman who had agreed to join him for a meal he would not have been able to afford if his so-called friends hadn't pooled their spending money and created even more debt for him to bear.
The term 'so-called' suited them well, after the inexperienced dating advice they had ingrained into his brain, overwhelming his natural confidence with rules and courtesies he was expected to remember when he was 'courting' a lady.
A very important lady named Nami.
From his peripheral vision, he could see her overtop of his overtly tall menu. It was obvious that she was just as uncomfortable as he was, yet there was a distinct awareness that her uneasiness was a direct result of the unsteady aura he was producing. Never before had she looked so beautiful, and perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he knew that her all of the effort put into her appearance tonight was meant for him; her hair was braided into a crown around her head, a few strands left loose in order to frame her face; her jewelry was pearl-themed, like the decorations she had worn when he had seen her again after so long on Zou Island; the black dress that hugged her body still managed to appear sleek, conservative by her usual standards, without hiding the natural beauty that was her body; her shoes looked as if they complimented her chosen attire all while giving the distinct impression that she could impale anyone who dare do her wrong with those pointed heels.
He felt as though he looked entirely awkward and admittedly undeserving, in comparison.
His fellow male crew mates did their best to give him tips on how to keep their date above water, along with indications of warning signs for when their needed to be salvaged. They had done all they could to prepare him for this new and entirely foreign experience, building him up for something he had initiated between himself and his longest comrade, aside from their captain of course. And yet, all he could do was sit there with a serious expression masking his internal panic and avoid speaking to her as though he hadn't already decided on ordering the steak.
"If all else fails, ladies do love to be serenaded! Perhaps you ask if the restaurant has a band that will play her a song? Or, you could even sing one yourself!"
"When I used to visit Kaya, she laughed the most when I told her stories about me looking like an idiot, so…you'll have plenty of ways to make her smile."
"Remember: even if you don't like sweets, don't rush girlie and let her get something for dessert."
"How you treat the waiter will determine the tone of your date – don't be an ass, even if your food is taking a while. It takes time to cook something to perfection, all right!?"
"If Nami starts choking, you can save her by standing behind her, then using both hands to push up into her stomach in a J-shape until she spits out her food, okay?"
"If it's one of those restaurants with small portions, then don't bring me back anything."
Aside from Luffy's strange order, every single rule that played in his head only caused tension in his muscles. Spine straight, stomach in a whirl, Roronoa Zoro could not remember ever feeling so out of sorts than he did at this tablecloth-covered, candelabra-bearing table. He felt as if he was sweating and usually he found that comforting – it meant he was working hard towards a goal – but all it currently did was make him worry about his body odor!
Why couldn't they just go to a pub and get drunk, like he had originally intended to do!?
On Nami's side of the table, it was impossible not to notice that she had been staring at the same page in her menu since the moment it had been handed to her; either she was extremely excited about her chosen dinner, or she was simply trying to busy herself and pretend that this date was not already falling apart.
When was it appropriate for a man to spontaneously start praying to a God for salvation?
"Good evening," chipper, oblivious, their waiter strolled over to their table looking as though it was his life's dream to service people. His name plate read the name Edge, which seemed appropriate, since Zoro believed that this date was looking as though it was about to plummet off of one. "My name is Edge and I will be waiting on you two this lovely summer evening. Have you been here before?"
"No." Was his Neanderthal-like reply.
Edge was kind enough to carry on without seeming put-out by his abrupt nature and nodded with a grin. Nami chimed in then to add on, "We just docked a few hours ago."
"Oh, travelers are you? And you chose our restaurant for your evening? Must be fate." Gleefully did chuckle at his own witticism, inspiring a courteous giggle from Nami's lips.
However, anxiety plagued the poor conversationalist, Roronoa Zoro, silencing him more so than his lack of interest in playing along with social cues. Another round of falsely wise words echoed inside of his mind, this time, cohesive and complimentary to one another as it was a very loud conversation that he was reminded of.
"Ladies see it as a romantic when you order for them at restaurants, so make sure you know what she wants before the waiter comes to your table."
"What!? Why would she want him to choose her dinner for her? Huh? She can pick her own meal."
"Or maybe she can tell you what she wants to eat before the waiter arrives, and then you can place both of the orders?"
"Brook, no. Franky's right: since when has Nami been afraid of talking to someone?"
"But Sanji chooses all of our meals and no one complains."
"That's true, but Nami isn't dating Sanji."
Zoro blocked out the sound of unmanly crying within his memories as he was faced with a decision to make: should he order for her, or should he leave the entire thing be? He had been so focused on not ruining their date that he forgot how to participate in it! Now, everything was backfiring and it felt like he was watching an explosion in slow motion.
All he could do now was react to everything that happened in the moment, relying on his instinct, as he usually did in dangerous situations.
"Can I get you anything to drink, maybe an appetizer?" Edge politely wondered as he clasped his hands behind his back, prepared to take a mental note of their orders.
Cutting in at once, Zoro decreed, "I'll have a beer, the Sabaody Brew."
"My personal favourite." Edge piped up in order to supply them with his opinion.
Again, rushing forth, the determined first mate summoned forth every ounce of authority he held in order to ask, "Do you have any drinks that are made with tangerines?"
That question stalled their waiter, who was preparing to turn himself and face Nami just before he was made to recall a vague menu item. "Ah…a drink? Why yes, we have a vodka-based beverage."
"Perfect."
"One screwdriver?"
"Yes, that's what she'll have." It felt as if he had just landed a decisive blow in a battle – that's how amazing he felt.
Edge nodded his understanding, delivered a timely, "I'll go fetch those for you right away." Then, he took off for the bar. It was as if he was a demon that needed to be exorcised, and Zoro had warded him off for the time being with a need for alcohol. There was a definite feeling of an immaterial weight being lifted from his shoulders after handling the first of at least three orders he would have to place tonight, but nothing could steal away the small victory he had obtained.
Not even Nami's odd, devilish grin.
"What?" Was all he could think to say in response to her positive yet suspicious expression.
Without any sort of hesitation, she outright inquired, "You just ordered me a screwdriver?"
Assuming he imagined the emphasis at the end of her words, the swordsman bobbed his head in response, hoping that he hadn't committed some sort of folly in doing so. Thankfully, his date stretched her arms out toward him on either side of the table, appearing quite comfortable now, "Nothing, just a …lucky guess. Safe one, thinking I wanted a drink made with tangerines."
"There's vodka, too." Unintentionally, he had made a quip. His mood had clearly brightened, and the pulling desire to reach out for hands – to have some part of her to hold onto while they endure the bewildering experience that was their first date – was almost overwhelming. He refrained himself though, due to his inexperience with such intimacy.
A second laugh came from those rose-coloured lips, only this time, it wasn't a polite sound; her amusement was genuinely a result of his words. The look she gave him then, the warmth in her big brown eyes soothed him in a way he never knew that Nami could before, considering the terror she usually wreaked on the Thousand Sunny. Although, what did that say about him, given that he still fell for her regardless of her violent and scary tendencies? He wasn't so sure, but while sitting in silent admiration of the woman seated before him, Zoro remembered his captain's final words to him and found it to be the most helpful tidbit he had received above all else:
"You and Nami? You guys always have a great time together, so just have some fun! It'll be funny to see which one of you knocks the other one out first!"
She did. He'd never admit it to anyone with words, but it was as if she had won him over all over again.
Yeah, no matter the number of rules, Zoro knew he made the right choice by asking her out tonight.
Author's Notes:
I'm really into writing fluff lately – as you will see in the theme ficlets to come! – but this one felt so perfect for today~ Short, sweet (literally) and a little silly, I thought a ZoNa first date was a nice little breather after yesterday's story. And who doesn't love a romantically nervous Zoro!? I hope you did, and I hope to see you again tomorrow!