Some Things You Just Don't Lick

Summary: The last thing Gajeel ever thought he would be was the dragon in distress. But there she was, the damsel, saving his sorry butt.

It had been a very long time since he had taken a mission alone. Levy had needed to stay behind at the guild due to another mission that required her brand of expertise and due to Gajeel's near obsessive compulsiveness, Lily was required to stay behind with her because what if something happened to her while he was gone and what if she got hurt and what if she needed someone and he wasn't going to be there so Lily stayed because out of everyone, Gajeel knew that he could trust Lily and Lily knew that Gajeel wouldn't shut up until he agreed.

It still took Lily two days to convince Gajeel that the end of the world wouldn't come if he left for one over night mission and yes they would still be there when he came back.

However, Gajeel had made no such promises about coming back in one piece. And that is where we find him now.

Cursing up a storm, impaled by a sword made of fucking fire (Gajeel didn't care that it was stupid, he was going to wallop the Salamander by association if he got out of here alive), and more or less pinned to the ground by a crazy laughing chick.

This mission was not supposed to be this hard, but when crazy chicks got into the mix… well…

Gajeel knew best. After all, he had gone and fallen in love with his own crazy chick whom loved him back even through he had once beat her to a pulp and had pinned her to a tree. Yep, you never knew what you were getting when messing with those crazy chicks.

"I heard that a handsome man was coming after me, I wasn't expecting you Kurogane," the woman nearly growled in what Gajeel remembered as something that would normally be considered sensual, but this kind of behaviour wasn't what he associated sensual with anymore.

No. Sensual to Gajeel was the smell of ink and old paper, the feel of tiny hands and soft hair, the light voice of extreme shyness paired with an unfathomable tenacity to surprise him. Gajeel shook his head, that was not where his mind should be right now.

"Get the fuck off of me you bitch!" Gajeel snapped ignoring the fact that he was pretty sure that his kidney was roasting due to her flaming sword. Eh, he had been through worse… he was pretty sure.

Instead of just doing what Gajeel was demanding she do, the evil fire sword lady leaned in closer to him and…

Gajeel nearly screamed at the feel of a long wet tongue running down his jaw.

"Solid Script: Water!"

Now Gajeel was wet, but at least he wasn't roasting anymore. He coughed at the smoke that was produced, as flaming crazy chick pulled her sword out of him. "Oh! So you did come with back up!" And at the look of absolute confusion on the face of crazy lady at the complete non-threatening image of his midget partner, Gajeel let out a weak chortle and tried very, very hard not to worry. It was not working. If he wasn't sweating buckets before from all the fire, he was now.

"Get away from him!" Levy shouted as she waved her fingers through the air, "Script combine: Solid Script: Ice-Solid Script: Speed," Gajeel watched as a giant iceberg careened at the crazy lady faster than he could blink and the lady went flying sword and all.

Not being able to particularly move from his sprawled position on the floor Gajeel shifted his head to see a sea of blue and brown and worried frowns descend on him. "Are you okay Gajeel?"

"I've been better Shrimp," Gajeel hissed as he moved his hand to poke at his wound.

"Stop that!" She whacked his hand away.

"I'm fine Shrimp."

Levy nodded quickly, "Script combine: Solid Script: Aloe-Solid Script: Bandage," she slapped the giant, mushy thing on his torso and he let out a loud, displeased grunt before she appeased him with a lovely (haha) block of iron. "I'll be right back!"

"Wait Shorty," Gajeel muttered as he tried to sit up, not at all liking that she was ignoring him and gearing up for a fight. She was like a pissed off cat, hair puffing up in all directions. Though that analogy would actually make her threatening, because god knew that Lily was awesome. Levy was awesome too… but more like a pissed of hamster… ah that's right. Levy was puffed up like a pissed off hamster.

"You stay Gajeel, I saw what that bitch did. No one fucking licks my dragon but me," Levy bit out as she rounded on the opponent that was making her way back. Gajeel swallowed hard at the look in Levy's eye and tried not to be too shocked at her use of language and just flopped back. He was only just realizing that he had never known fear before seeing that look in her eyes. Fire sword chick was screwed.

About five minutes of screaming later and his Shrimp was back at his side. "What did you do to her Shorty?"

She just gave him one of her big innocent smiles, "Nothing much." Levy had a warm cloth in her hand and was vigorously scrubbing at his jawline.

Gajeel didn't look at the body.

Levy could be damn scary when she wanted to be.

Meanwhile, only a couple meters away from where Gajeel lay was Lily, cowering in fear amidst a storm of Solid Script: Thunder and Solid Script: Lighting. Levy had learnt from past experiences and nothing, including Lily, was ever going to keep her from Gajeel again. Levy never made the same mistake twice.

Author's Note:

I will reiterate, these are supposed to be silly and unrelated to each other. You think Juvia is scary when you try to taint Gray? I think Levy could be worse haha.

The last line is just a reference to Levy's and Gajeel's fight with Bloodman :).

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