A/N: Bold quote directly taken from the book Four.
Tobias and I pack up the red blanket, numerous pillows, and ice bucket after disposing of the food trays, candles, scraped up wax, and rose petals. No one will ever know we were up here tonight, except for the two of us. We leisurely make our way down the dark tunnel to the Pit floor, which is unusually empty tonight. This must be what it looks like the night before the Choosing Ceremony. I'm used to the hustle and bustle of a rowdy crowd. Right now it's kind of depressing. We walk up the path side-by-side, each carrying a bag of supplies talking about what the past year has brought us. It's a nice conversation covering love, loss, joy, heartache, and so much more.
When we walk into the apartment, we find Avery sitting on the couch staring straight ahead, silent tears streaming down her pensive face. I secretly worried about finding her like this on our way home. She's so caught up in what's on her mind that she doesn't realize we've come home.
"Avery, we're home," I say as I put my bags down next to Tobias' by the door. She jumps to her feet, frantically wiping her tears away.
"Hi, guys," she says, a fake smile plastered on her face. "Tyler and Tessa are both upstairs asleep. They were perfect little angels like always. Tyler changed into his racecar PJs before I started Cars. I wonder if he'll ever get tired of that movie. He fell asleep before it ended so when I was 100% sure he was out, I carried him upstairs and put him to bed. Tessa was good all night but right before she fell asleep she got a little cranky but she didn't act like she didn't feel well, just like she was fighting sleep. Thanks again for letting me watch them. I'll go ahead and take off now."
"Actually, Tris and I would like to talk to you about something," Tobias says. I can tell this peaks her interest. Tobias speaks to her once in a while but it's me who mainly communicates with her about the kids. "Please sit back down." She slowly returns to her place on the couch, somewhat confused, and he sits next to her while I sit down on the love seat facing them. "Your parents stopped by yesterday afternoon. They were very upset." Her face falls at the mention of her mom and dad.
"They're worried about you, Avery and, by the way we just found you, rightfully so," I say.
"Zander and Stella asked us to talk to you," Tobias says. "The first thing I'm going to say is I don't want to influence your choice tomorrow. This isn't what this conversation is about. I want you to weigh what your aptitude test told you against what your heart is telling you and leave any unnecessary fear you're feeling out of it. We don't need you to give us any particulars of how today went, we just want you to listen." He gets up off the couch and starts pacing back and forth in front of the entertainment center like he does when he's anxious or upset so I take his place next to Avery.
"What did my mom and dad tell you?" she asks, her voice nervous and her eyes wide.
"They told us that they suspect you're Divergent," I softly say after a short pause. No one ever wants to talk about this difficult subject. It's never known how it will be received. I put my arm around Avery's shoulders and feel the tension rolling off of her in waves. "They told us they had a conversation with you, wanting to prepare you for what might happen during your aptitude test. They're rightfully concerned if you're Divergent. I wish someone would have had that conversation with me. I never even heard the word until Tori said it when my test results were … not as expected." Her head whips around, and she stares open mouthed at me.
"My father coached me," Tobias says, gaining Avery's undivided attention and mine. He's never told me about this. "He wanted to make sure I would get an Abnegation result on the test. He told me I might be aware during the simulation and that someone would question me about it, which I was and they did. He told me to pick the food over the weapon and to throw myself in front of the dog to sacrifice myself for the little girl. He made sure my test wasn't inconclusive." How did I not know any of this? I wonder what faction or factions he would have gotten if his father hadn't intervened. He meets my eyes with an apologetic gaze and mouths, "sorry." I give him a smile back.
"You're," she stops, takes a deep breath, and shakes her head. "You're both Divergent, and you chose Dauntless over staying in Abnegation?" she whispers, dumbfounded. "But it's not safe here."
"Avery, the truth is Divergents aren't 100% safe anywhere," Tobias says. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to frighten you. I'm just being honest. If a Divergent is going to be discovered it can happen in Abnegation or Amity just as easily as it can happen in Dauntless, Erudite, or Candor.
"If you choose to leave us, we wish you well in your life but if you choose to stay, Tris and I can help guide you through the initiation process so you aren't discovered. I did it with three individuals two years ago and two this past year, including Tris, of course. My mentor, Amar, helped me to not be detected. There is always danger but there are always people willing to help."
"Four and Tori both helped me," I say. "I thought I was on the verge of being found out but they both gave me some great advice and tools to keep myself hidden."
"How do I choose?" she says. "Choosing where to live my life is a difficult task in itself but to have the burden of divergence suddenly thrust upon me." She buries her head in her hands and shakes her head again. "I don't want to let fear dictate my choice but I'm scared."
"Tori administered my aptitude test. She gave me the best advice that day sensing I wasn't happy with my results," Tobias says. "She didn't mean it in the context I'm giving it to you but this is what she told me. 'You're the one who has to live with your choice. Everyone else will get over it, move on, no matter what you decide. But you never will.' Her words are absolutely true and they've stayed with me. I can't tell you what to do, and technically we shouldn't even be having this conversation but if you follow what your heart tells you to do, you will have a wonderful life."
"I wish that Four and I could tell you what to do, to help take the pressure off but you are the only one who knows what's best for you. We both know from experience that the choice is scary, especially with divergence thrown into the mix but it doesn't have to mean the end of your life as you pictured it."
"I hope we alleviated some of the fear you've been feeling and didn't add to it," Tobias says. I feel as all the tension leaves her body, and she wilts into my side.
"Thank you so much, Tris, Four, for talking to me," she says. "You're really good friends and not only to my parents but to me, too. I should get home and go to bed. We all have a big day ahead of us tomorrow." She turns and gives me a big hug then gets up off the couch to give Tobias a quick one. She abruptly lets him go and heads to the door. She pauses with her hand on the doorknob. When she turns back toward us, the look on her face is more peaceful than I've seen it the past couple of days. "Thanks again, you guys. You've helped a great deal. Bye."
"Goodbye, Avery," Tobias says as I say, "Bye, Av." She smiles a brilliant smile then walks out our door for what might be the last time.
"I sure hope we see her tomorrow," I say.
"Me, too," he says.
"Why didn't I know Marcus coached you on what to do at your aptitude test?" I ask.
"I guess it never came up," he says. "You're not upset with me are you?"
"No, of course I'm not mad," I say after thinking about it for a minute. "I realize that we still don't know everything about each other. I can't hold that against you any more than you could hold it against me. I look forward to millions of conversations getting to know you better. We could have one right now. I'll tell you everything leading up to my Choosing Ceremony if you tell me about yours."
"Okay," he says. We lounge on the couch in each other's arms, and I listen to him tell me everything about his choosing process. We've talked a bit about it in the past but never in this much detail. He tells me more about how Marcus gave him all the information needed to not be detected as Divergent, although he doesn't think it was done out of concern for him. He thinks Marcus did it for his own unknown selfish reasons. His theory is it would have reflected badly on Marcus if anyone knew his son was Divergent. My thought is that he was worried about his own divergence being exposed but either way it was all about Marcus. He tells me that his father found him in his room after he had been looking at keepsakes he kept in a chest his mother gave him and beat him severely then destroyed everything including the chest. He tells me about the blue glass sculpture his mother gave him that survived his father's rampage and how he left it on his desk as a small defiance. He's spoken of it before and once again I wonder if it's still on his desk. He tells me how he didn't think he was going to be strong enough to resist the pull of Abnegation but the urge to get away from Marcus was stronger. He tells me how as Max was going through the usual spiel of our city's birth that he pictured how each faction made him feel, deciding which to choose. He thought Erudite would suffocate him. He didn't think he could live through Candor's initiation. He thought Amity was too perfect and too kind to be tainted by the rage and fear that drove him to another faction. Abnegation was out of the question because that's where Marcus was. That left Dauntless as his safe haven and even today as he talks about wanting his choice to hurt his father his face twists with rage and determination. "When I dripped my blood onto the hot coals, I knew I was finally free from him. I smirked a little when I saw how stunned he was that I went against his plan." After we've been quiet for a while, he asks, "What about you, love. Tell me what was going through your mind one year ago."
I tell him how confused I felt when Tori explained how I did on my aptitude test, ruling myself in and out of multiple factions. I tell him that being told I was Divergent didn't scare me at first, I just longed for someone to really tell me exactly what it meant and why it was considered dangerous. I tell him about my dinner conversation that evening with my parents: Marcus and the Erudite reports that, at the time, we didn't know were true. I tell him that I actually thought of him briefly when Marcus' name was first brought up but I unfortunately didn't have any memories of meeting him. I tell him although Caleb and I didn't break the rules and talk about our results, that he gave me some advice. "He told me that I should think about the family but that I needed to think about myself, too," I say. "It startled me … a lot. Up until that moment, I'd never witnessed my perfect Abnegation brother being anything other than selfless. Boy was I wrong." I tell him that I didn't consider my choice to be between two different factions but to be more between two separate people, two separate selves: Selfless Beatrice and courageous Beatrice. I confess that much like he did when Max was talking, I reconsidered each of the factions while Marcus was giving his speech. I easily took it down to Abnegation and Dauntless. "My choice was transformed when Caleb chose Erudite. In those couple minutes between my name being called and dropping my blood in one of the bowls, I no longer felt like I was choosing for me alone. I felt like I was choosing for my mom, my dad, Caleb, and even for Abnegation. They almost won even though I didn't feel selfless enough to last a lifetime in Abnegation but at the last second what I wanted crossed my mind and hearing my blood sizzle on those coals is when I realized I'd made my choice. It made me feel free for the first time in my life."
"We both felt free but for entirely different reasons," he says, a look of wonder on his face. "I'm glad we did this but I think we need to get to bed. Avery was right earlier. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
"I need to check on Tessa," I say, getting off the couch. "I don't hear her but she'll be wanting fed pretty soon."
"I'll clean up the kitchen and see you upstairs," he says.
"Okay," I say. "I'll see you soon." I turn to walk away from him but he grabs ahold of my wrist and gently pulls me to him. He cups my cheek with one hand while the other moves to my back and lowers his mouth to mine. He tenderly kisses me until we both find ourselves in desperate need of oxygen.
"It's after midnight," he breathlessly says. "Happy anniversary of the day we met, Mrs. Eaton. I'm thankful every day that you jumped into my life."
"And I'm thankful I took the leap," I say. As I put my arms around his neck and pull his mouth back to mine, I hear whimpering coming through the baby monitor. I sigh against his parted lips. "I told you she would be hungry soon." I reluctantly release him after a quick peck and head up the stairs and into Tessa's room. She's lying on her tummy near the edge of the crib with her fingers in her mouth making little mewling sounds. "Are you hungry little one?" She rolls over on her back and looks up at me but she doesn't smile. "You still don't feel well, do you?" I pick her up and change her diaper before I sit down in the rocking chair. I gently stroke her head and face as she nurses hoping that tomorrow, or should I say today, is better for her. She doesn't eat as much as she's been eating lately, which tells me that she'll be up early. I put another fresh diaper on her and rock her to sleep. After I'm sure moving her won't wake her, I put her back in her crib. Before I go to bed, I decide to check on Tyler after I use the bathroom. I sit on the edge of his toddler bed and stare down at him for a few minutes.
"What are you doing?" Tobias whispers from the doorway. "I was wondering where you were." I kiss Tyler's head and tuck his covers snuggly up against him.
"Goodnight, buddy," I whisper then I turn his nightlight on. I meet Tobias in the hallway, and he takes me into his arms. "I love watching him sleep. I hope I didn't worry you."
"No, you didn't," he says. "Come on. Let's go to bed." He leads me into our room after a slow, long, tender kiss. He starts to get in bed but I shake my head.
"I have something for you, Tobias," I say. I retrieve the package from my top dresser drawer and hide it behind my back as I approach him. "I was going to wait and give this to you in the morning but since you gave me such a nice gift earlier I thought I'd reciprocate. Hold your hands out in front of you and close your eyes." I take my hands from behind my back and place the small black wooden box in his outstretched palms. "Okay, you can open them." I watch as he opens his eyes and focus on his gift. His head jerks up and he looks at me when he recognizes the gift box.
"It can't be," he says, astonished.
"Open it and find out," I say with a huge smile on my face. He flips the hinged lid on the little black box and starts laughing. Inside is a matching bracelet to the one he gave me earlier tonight right down to the exact same engravings on the closure. The only difference is his is a wider cuff, making it look manly next to mine. "Great minds think alike!"
"Yes, they do, Mrs. Eaton," he says with a chuckle. His eyes darkens as they take in me putting his cuff on his right wrist. "Thank you, Tris. This is amazing." I hold my arm up against his and admire our matching anniversary gifts.
"You're welcome, and thank you again for mine," I say. "I know you offered round two earlier but do you mind if we go to sleep? Your wife and daughter are absolutely exhausted." He wraps his arms around me, kissing my head then runs his hands down to my bump.
"Of course, I don't mind," he says. "I'm tired, too." He turns the light off as I slide between the sheets. He then gets into bed and pulls me close to him. We quickly fall asleep after a long, eventful weekend.