Tessa has me up at 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. sharp wanting to eat. She doesn't seem cranky, just not quite her content self. I hope this isn't an indication of what my day is going to be like, feeding her every three hours. I'll have to miss some of the initiate jumps or giving the transfers the tour. I imagine if I talk to Tobias, I could bow out of today but the truth is I don't want to. I've been looking forward to this day since I chose to stand beside Four and train the transfers, and this year it's with Dauntless' old rules in play. There will be no cuts unless an initiate displays the kind of behavior we're trying to eliminate in Dauntless as a whole. If we'd have been in charge last year, Peter and Drew would have been factionless and Edward and Myra would be Dauntless members now. All fights will be monitored closely for unnecessary brutality, and initiates can concede if and when they see fit. Teamwork will be a part of the training. Capture the flag will be used as a larger part of the first stage rankings, and this year we're adding another team building exercise, basic elimination paintball, to the mix. Tobias and I got together with all our friends a couple weeks ago at a park near the Pier and had an excellent time. It was very messy but really fun.
I pamper myself this morning with a long, leisurely, hot shower instead of one of my trademark two minute ones. It feels nice to take my time and not rush through the process. When I finish, I carefully dry and then style each strand of hair until it's laying perfectly against my head. With my towel wrapped tightly around my naked body, I head into my bedroom. I put on a black lace nursing bra and matching black lace maternity boy shorts then open my closet and start sorting through the numerous items trying to decide on what I want to wear. I finally pick out a simple pair of black acid wash boot cut maternity jeans, a form fitting black maternity/nursing tank top with a sheer overlay that has a high boat neck, and a pair of black ankle boots with a 2-inch heel.
I stand in front of full length mirror taking in my appearance. There's so much going through my mind right now. Am I tough enough? Do I have what it takes? Will they respect me? Can I make a difference? Should I be doing this? As the hopeless feelings start to envelope and overwhelm me, I notice Tobias casually leaning up against the doorjamb staring at me.
"Hi," I say, meeting his blue eyes in the mirror.
"Hello, beautiful," he says. "Whatcha doing?"
"I was thinking about maybe getting some streaks in my hair, blue or purple perhaps," I say playing with the fringe, which is sexily hanging over my left eye. "I want to look as tough, as Dauntless, as I can for the initiates. Christina has some washable chalk so they wouldn't be permanent."
"You look tough as nails, Tris," he says, his expression deadly serious.
"Yeah, me and my big belly," I grumble under my breath but I can tell he hears me by the look on his face. He saunters over to me, and I have the sudden urge to rip his clothes off and take him right here on the bedroom floor in front of my closet. He puts both hands on my pregnant belly and leans down and kisses it.
"I love this belly," he whispers, his voice full of reverent wonder. "That's our little peanut in there." He kisses it again, and I leisurely run my fingers through his hair.
"That's not a very Four thing to say," I mutter with a smirk and a deep chuckle escapes from the back of his throat. He straightens up and pulls me into his embrace. His mouth finds mine, and his kiss is searching, sizzling. When he pulls away, I'm breathless and in a daze.
"I doubt you were just contemplating your hairstyle," he roughly says. "Tell me what's on your mind."
"I'm nervous about today," I finally say after a silent moment. "I'm not sure I have it in me to be tough like you. I've tried numerous times in the past but no one took me seriously. I'm afraid the initiates will walk all over me." He takes my hand and leads me to the bed where we sit down.
"Do you remember when Uriah and Peter were face to face in the Pit, and they wouldn't listen to me but they listened to you?" he asks. I nod. "There have been other times I've seen you handle guys twice your size with just a stern look or a quiet reprimand."
"Yeah, I remember," I say, my brows furrowed with confusion.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is don't act like me. Just be yourself, and you'll do fine," he says. "I learned early on that I didn't have what it took to be the kind of leader Amar was. I didn't have his natural charm so I knew that if I wanted the initiates to take me seriously I needed to be tough on them from the very beginning. That's how the Four persona was born. Before that I was backward, shy, and to be honest a little standoffish but I was only protecting my secret. I learned that for me it was easier to have people fear me than open up.
"You're different though, Tris," he says. "You have a way about you that, to tell you the truth, reminds me of Amar. He was personable, friendly, and knew how to put you in your place with little as a glance. Those are the qualities I fell in love with in you. You are the perfect person to be my partner … in all things. So please try not to stress about the initiates. I'll be bad cop and you can be good cop, okay?" I giggle at his reference but I nod in agreement. "Let's go have some breakfast with our friends after we get your blood pressure checked." Ugh. I bet it's high today. Then another thought crosses my mind, and I hesitate when he tries to lead out of the room. "What's wrong?"
"We haven't seen our friends, except Will since the Candor or Dauntless party," I say. "There's going to be questions, if not from the entire table at the very least Christina, and she can be relentless."
"I'll shut everyone down with my scary Four look," he says, making a face that's not so scary, which makes me laugh. "See, it comes in handy once in a while."
"Alright," I say. Tobias gets Tyler ready while I tend to Tessa. Within 45 minutes, we are sitting at our regular table in the cafeteria after a quick trip to the infirmary. Thankfully my blood pressure wasn't any higher than it's been the past couple weeks.
"Hey, guys," Marlene says. "How's Tessa feeling?" She's sleeping in the stroller by Tobias.
"She always seems to feel better after taking the antibiotic," I say. "She had her last dose at around 6 a.m. and has been all smiles this morning. She can be cranky though."
"Double ear infection, right?" Uriah asks. "How did that happen?"
"Apparently, she had a minor cold at the beginning of last week, which settled in her ears," Tobias says. "According to Dr. Wilson and Zander they're unfortunately common."
"Well, well," Zeke says with a grin on his face. "I'm surprised to see you guys this morning."
"If you start in on them again, Zeke," Shauna says with her hands on her hips, "I'll make good on my threat." His mouth flies open as he stares at her.
"You wouldn't dare," he quietly says.
"Go ahead and try me," she simply says. "Oh, and apologize." If anyone wonders who wears the pants in this relationship, they're blind. It's Shauna all the way.
"I'm sorry Four, Tris," he looks at each of us as he says our names, "for all the teasing, jokes, and inappropriate questions Saturday night. It was wrong of me." I bite my lip to keep from smiling. He sounds like he's reading straight from a script and doesn't mean one thing he's saying.
"Tell me how you really feel," Tobias says, teasing his friend. Zeke smirks but Shauna frowns. "Sorry, Shauna. Tris and I accept your apology but only if you promise never to bring it up again." Zeke tries really hard not to lose it, and I roll my eyes. So juvenile.
"What are you, 12 years old, Ezekiel?" Shauna asks. "That wasn't even a good pun."
"Fine," he says getting to his feet and putting his hand over his heart, drawing the attention of neighboring tables. "I promise to never bring it up again."
"Thank you," I say. By this time the entire table is full except for Will and Christina. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll escape her interrogation.
"Hi," Christina says from over my right shoulder. No such luck.
"Hi, guys," I say as they slide in beside me. I see that Will's attention is on Liam but Christina is focused on me.
"We need to talk," she says, leaning in so only I can hear. "Ferris wheel, seriously!" Leave it to her to not let it go.
"I was actually going ask you to put some blue or purple streaks in my hair with that chalk you talked about," I say. "We'll talk then, okay?"
"Okay," she says, appeased for the moment. I swear all I have to do is promise to talk about embarrassing things to tame the lion.
"The Candor or Dauntless party was awesome," Kirsten says. "We had such a good time. Did you have a good time, James?"
"If you're expecting me to bark, you're out of luck. I wasn't dared to do it for life," he says and the table erupts in laughter. No one else speaks of Tobias' and my admission of having sex on the Ferris wheel or why Zeke was relentless in his questions for Tobias. Hopefully, the nightmare in the fear landscape room is behind us but then I glance at Christina and realize that it isn't over yet.
"Christina, Tris, are you as nervous about training the initiates as Uriah is?" Marlene asks.
"Hey! That was private," he says, wounded that she shared a confidence.
"Don't be a baby, Uriah," she says. "It's perfectly natural to be nervous about doing something new. Just promise me one thing, don't fall in love with one of the new tarts you have to instruct."
"Tarts?" he asks. "What's gotten into you today, Marlene? As you know, I'll be training the Dauntless-born, and I've known those girls forever. You have nothing to worry about. There's only you."
"I'm excited about putting the fear of God into them like Four did to me last year," Christina says.
"Yeah, good times!" Tobias says with a chuckle. Christina rolls her eyes at him and I giggle.
"If I remember correctly you thought Four was a jerk, Christina," I say. She scowls at me. "Do you want the Dauntless-born to feel that way about you?"
"I'm not a jerk," Tobias pouts, which is totally out of character. I turn and look at him, brows raised. "Sorry to interrupt your question but did you agree with her?"
"You were easygoing and dare I say nice when you helped me out of the net but the moment you spoke to Christina that way, I thought I needed to be cautious," I say.
"I didn't mean I thought he was a jerk just that he was being a jerk," she clarifies.
"Is there a difference?" Lynn scoffs.
"Yes!" Christina says, rolling her eyes. "As for your question, Tris, yes I'd like the initiates to fear me."
"I just want to get through without making a fool of myself," I say, "but Four gave me some excellent advice this morning, and I plan on taking it."
"What advice?" Ciara asks as she pushes her nearly full plate away. I imagine morning sickness has something to do with that.
"He told me to be myself," I say.
"I think that's wonderful advice," Ella says. "You have the perfect blend of ferocity and amiability that makes you the perfect leader. It's one of the reasons we all love you." Tessa starts crying so I get up and get her out of the stroller. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tyler crawl under the table to Uriah where he gets a bite of thick frosted chocolate cake. I pull out a blanket and cover Tessa so that I can feed her.
"By the way, Uriah, I know what you're doing," I say never taking my eyes off of Tessa. It only takes mild coaxing to get her to latch on and nurse. I smooth the blanket over us then look up at the idiot who is feeding my 2 year old chocolate cake at 9 in the morning. I should remember this feeling when I have to deal with a problem initiate because he visibly flinches away from me.
"Tyler Aaron, no cake for breakfast," Tobias says and Tyler frowns. "Come here." He slips off the bench and slowly walks around the table, head hanging low. Tobias picks him up and sits him between us.
"I'm sorry I got you in trouble, buddy," Uriah says. "I shouldn't have given you cake."
"Maybe I'll have a talk with the chefs and have them quit the morning cake," I say.
"I'll never give him cake ever again," Uriah whines. "Please don't take my cake away." Everyone starts laughing heartily.
"You'll have no problems whatsoever with the transfers," Will says. After I finish feeding Tessa, Christina and I decide to take the kids to her apartment for the morning.
"Christina and I are leaving now," I say to Tobias. "Would you like to walk with us?"
"Tori, Harrison, Will, and I are going to have a meeting here in a few minutes," he says. "I'll meet you here at noon. We'll take the kids to daycare then head to the net to wait for the jumpers."
"Okay," I say. "I'll see you later." I go up on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck. I draw his mouth to mine for a lingering kiss then move my mouth to his ear. "Happy anniversary, Mr. Eaton. I love you."
"I love you, too, Mrs. Eaton," he whispers against my lips. "Happy anniversary."
"Come on, Tris," Christina says somewhat exasperated. "We don't have all day. Bye, Will. Say bye to Daddy, Liam." Will gives Christina a quick kiss and then kisses Liam's head.
"See you guys at lunch," he says. "Love you. Bye, Tris."
"Bye, Will," I say. I suddenly grab him and Christina up in a big hug, and they look at me like I quite possibly lost my mind. "I met you two one year ago today also. It's all our anniversaries, not just mine and Four." I don't know how I could have forgotten that. Maybe I'm more selfish than I thought.
"We'll celebrate later," Christina says. "Right now I need some girl talk."
"Bye, guys," I say to Tobias and Will then I look at my son. "Come on, Tyler." Christina and I walk up the path pushing our strollers with Tyler walking between us. We talk about our new apartment on the way up to the Pire. The more I talk about it, the more excited I get. Tyler even told her how excited he is that he gets to decorate his own room and that we're going to the store tonight to look around. She leaned close to me and asked if the furniture store has Cars stuff, and I told her that I didn't know but hoped not.
We arrive at the stairs that lead us to our apartments in record time. I'm sure that it actually took the same amount of time that it always does but the smooth flowing conversation between Christina and I just made the time go faster. At first I was nervous that she's start in on the one topic she knows I shy away from but she hasn't broached my admission of sex on the Ferris wheel or what Zeke was up to. We carry Tessa and Liam upstairs after I promise to come back down for the diaper bags when I go to my place to get Tessa's swing.
"What color do you want in your hair?" she asks when we walk into her apartment.
"I was thinking blue or purple," I say watching her put Liam into his bassinet. "I'll be right back." I put Tessa on the floor then go to our strollers and retrieve both our diaper bags then get the swing. She opens the door for me on the second knock.
"I help," Tyler says taking both diaper bags from me.
"Put them by the table, buddy," Christina says. "We'll need them when we leave again." I set the swing up behind the couch but out of the way then put Tessa in it and set the timer. "Tyler, how would you like to watch something new I bought? I got it for Liam but he's too young to watch it yet." He follows Christina to where she gets a DVD out of a drawer then to the couch. She puts the movie in and soon he's absorbed in something called Paw Patrol.
"Nice one with the movie," I say. "At least it isn't you know what."
"Well I want to be able to talk and maybe this way he won't listen to us," she says.
"Don't count on it," I say. "He may act like he's absorbed in something but many times he later repeats something Four or I have said." We sit at her island and she gets out a fresh set of chalks. She picks up the blue and the purple but it's the neon pink that really catches my eye. "I want this one."
"Okay. Here put this on," she says handing me a dye stained dark gray silk robe. I slide it on over my clothes and tighten the sash. She has me sit down on a barstool and brushes my hair.
"So are you going to tell me what Zeke was up to Saturday night?" she blurts out as she is preparing my hair for the chalk. "He was relentless with Four, and he had this crazier than usual look in his eye when he was teasing him."
"I'm surprised anyone actually noticed that," I mutter.
"I did," she says.
"Why did you take his side in getting us to confess to … you know what," I say.
"The Ferris wheel?" she says with a smirk. "By the way, you could have knocked me over with a feather when you said that. I'm not sure what it was Zeke thought he knew but you blew him away, too."
"I still don't like talking about this," I say crossing my arms across my chest in frustration.
"I know," she cheerfully says as she applies the bright pink chalk to strategic strands of hair from the root to the tip. "Spill it."
"You can't tell anyone and that includes Will," I say. "Do you understand me? I'll know if you tell him just by looking him in the eye. Promise?" She actually weighs what I'm asking her. I thought she would jump at the chance to hear this.
"Okay, I promise," she finally says. "I won't repeat any of what you are about to tell me."
"The day of the fear landscape mapping after Four went through his, we got … carried away … in the fear landscape room. Zeke saw us." She furrows her brows in confusion before the realization of what I just said slams into her.
"On camera? Oh my, God, Tris! He caught you on camera." She's laughing so hard that she chokes herself with saliva and starts coughing.
"I'm glad that you, too, find my horror amusing," I spit.
"I'm sorry," she says, trying to stop the laughter but failing miserably. "What did he do?"
"Locked the cameras so no one else could see what was going on and then he erased the footage," I say. I forgo telling her that he offered to make us a sex tape even though I'm sure she'd love to hear it. "He's been teasing Four every chance he gets but this morning he promised to quit."
"Why would he do that? Not that I'm not pleased for the both of you but Zeke doesn't usually give up in his pursuits that easily." The thought of Shauna's ultimatum puts a smile on my face.
"Shauna threatened to cut him off if you know what I mean if he didn't quit it," I say. "Something tells me that he told her why he was asking all the prying questions into our sex life, and she took pity on us. I should thank her but then I'd have to talk about it and honestly I don't want to think about it anymore."
"The Ferris wheel, really?" she asks. "Is that true?"
"Yes," I slowly say.
"I don't know," she says. "I have a hard time believing that."
"Why?" I ask, my tone a little on the hateful side. "Because we were both born in Abnegation and Abnegation don't have sex?" I take a deep breath and look toward the couch to find Tyler asleep. "Four and I love each other very much. We enjoy a very active sex life together. Sometimes we take our lovemaking out of the bedroom." Added color floods my cheek with each admission. "He and I are very close on every level. Simply put, sometimes we just … can't … wait."
"Wow," she says, leaning against the island staring down at me. "I think I see you and Four in a new light. I've known since that morning he gave us his background just how much he loves you but I'm only right now seeing the depth of your feelings for him. It makes me a little jealous."
"It shouldn't," I say. "Don't you see how Will looks at you? He's over the moon for you, Christina. Maybe it's time you believe in that love."
"Why won't he marry me then?" she pouts.
"Have you asked him what the holdup is? Communication is key in a partnership. If you don't feel that you can talk to him I think that's more on you than him. Sit him down and ask why he wants to push back the wedding date. Maybe there's a good explanation. Explain to him what you want then talk about it." She pulls out her straight iron and runs it over each section of hair she chalked to seal the color.
"Thanks for the advice," she says handing me a mirror. "I appreciate it." I hold the mirror up and love what I see. She basically gave me neon pink highlights in my fringe and the hair that frames my face.
"Thank you for this," I say. "Once the baby is born, I might have to do something more permanent. I didn't think color could be this fun."
"We still have time before we have to leave for lunch," she says. "How about I walk you through putting some red streaks in my hair."
"Okay," I say. What she just did to my hair didn't seem that difficult. She gives me detailed directions, which I meticulously follow while we relive some of the best truth and dares from Saturday night. She tells me Kira was wonderful with Liam, and they have worked it out that she will be their exclusive babysitter. I make a mental note to call upper levels and start the process of finding a sitter all over again.
"I hope we see Avery jump today," I say.
"Afton, too," Christina says. "That's Kira's sister. I don't care about the others, well except for Callen. He's finally started opening up. He's a funny guy."
"I saw that side of him Saturday night, too," I say. "It was surprising. I think he must be really shy. Alright, now what?" She gets up and gets a hair instrument I've never seen before and plugs it in so it can heat.
"You're going to run this through the streaks," she says.
"What is that?" I pick it up and look at it.
"It's a ceramic spiral curling iron," she says. "I'll show you how it works." She demonstrates its proper technique on one of her curls then hands it back to me. I run it through her hair, setting each chalk streak. When I'm finished I stand back and admire my handiwork.
"Not bad if I don't say so myself," I say. "Maybe I found a new calling." I giggle as I hand her the handheld mirror.
"You did a wonderful job, Tris," she says with a huge smile on her face, turning her head this way and that. "Thank you so much!" I get Tessa out of her swing and let her nap in my arms while I sit on the couch next to Tyler, relaxing. Christina quickly cleans up the kitchen then nurses a crying Liam.
"Tyler, buddy, we have to go pretty soon," I say as I rub his back, trying to wake him up. "You're probably getting hungry. We need to go see Daddy soon."
"Daddy?" he asks, still half asleep.
"You want to see Daddy?" I ask. He nods his head but still doesn't open his eyes. "You know Mommy can't carry you. You have to be a big boy and walk so you better wake up." He finally opens his eyes and stares at me.
"You got pink in you haiw," he says.
"I know," I say. "It will wash out if you don't like it."
"I don't know," he says still staring.
"That's okay," I say. "Shall we be going? We've got to meet Daddy and Will." We take Liam and Tessa down to their strollers after I put the swing back in the apartment then Christina goes back to her place to get the diaper bags. Once again, conversation fills the journey from the Pire to the Pit and it doesn't seem like it takes any time at all. When we get to the cafeteria, we find we're the first to arrive at our table. I pick up Tessa who lets me know she's hungry again, so I give her the medicine then try to give her a bottle but she refuses it. I'm nursing her when Tobias and Will finally join us.
"Daddy, I miss you," Tyler say when he sees his father. Tobias picks him up and hugs him tightly then sits him down. He gives me a quick peck.
"Sorry we're late, love. I like your hair," he says, taking in the pink streaks. "The reigns of Dauntless have officially been handed over to Tori, Will, and Harrison. For the next nine weeks, we don't have to worry about anything, except for training the initiates."