I listen to my friends compliment Christina and me on our hair as Tobias takes Tyler to get us each a plate of burgers with the works, bacon macaroni and cheese, seasoned green beans, glazed carrots, and applesauce. I didn't have a chance to get us any food when we first arrived in the cafeteria because Tessa decided to wake up and let me now that she was hungry. Hopefully she won't need me at 3 p.m. but I think she will. I'll tell whoever is in charge at the daycare to try a bottle first but to call me if necessary.
"These yummy," Tyler says as he eats his carrots and applesauce. He hasn't touched the rest of his food yet, which surprises me. He loves macaroni and cheese. He must be leery of the bacon in it.
"They sure are," I say. "Do you know what else is yummy?" He shakes his head excitedly. "The bacon mac and cheese." I take a bite to prove my point and spontaneously moan. Oh my, it's so good. I put a little more on my fork and let him try. He eats the mouthful then mimics my moan causing our friends to laugh.
"That yummy, too," he says. I watch as he digs into the rest of his food, and I can't help but feel a strong sense of accomplishment. I check on Tessa when I feel her stop nursing, and she smiles brightly when her eyes meet mine but she won't latch back on. I hand her to Tobias to burp while I straighten my clothes.
"Can I have cake with Wiah?" Tyler asks when he finishes his green beans. Uriah visibly panics when he asks that question, and a chorus of laughter rounds the table.
"I-I didn't … uh … he c-can but I didn't," he stammers. I think he's really worried about me carrying through with my threat from earlier this morning.
"Tyler, maybe you should ask Uriah if he wants to share his cake with you," I say. "If he does, you can have a little but not too much, okay?"
"Otay," he says. "Wiah, can I have bite of cake?" He puts on his puppy dog eyes and sulks like the champion pouter he is, and Uriah just can't resist.
"Okay, buddy," he says. "Come over here and you can help me eat the rest of my cake." Tyler gets down and runs to Uriah who happily puts him on his lap and shares his cake.
"What time do you except the first jumper?" Kirsten asks.
"Somewhere between 3:30 and 4:00, I think," Will says. "I should be heading to the Hub. I have to meet Tori. Harrison is holding down the fort while we're gone."
"Will you text me with updates?" I ask Will then I turn my attention back toward Tobias and ask, "That's not against some rule, is it?"
"Not that I'm aware of," he says.
"Are you looking for anything specific?" Will asks.
"I want to know what Avery's decision is," I say. "You can also let us know if anything else interesting happens."
"It's a Choosing Ceremony," Zeke says. "Nothing interesting ever happens." He looks at his watch and sighs. "I've got to get to the control room. We have extra patrols around the Hub, which is where Shauna is right now, and every monitor needs to be manned, watching for any signs of trouble. That includes me. It's going to be so boring. I'll feel better when today is over."
"It'll be over for you but it's just starting for us," Uriah says.
"That's the truth," I say. "Christina and I were looking over the schedule earlier. It's going to be a hectic nine weeks."
"It should make the last weeks of your pregnancy go by quickly," Marlene says.
"That's what I told her," Christina says. "I wish I had had something to make my time go quicker two of the last three months."
"I really hadn't thought about it until Christina mentioned it earlier but at the end of initiation I'll only have five weeks left until Four and I meet this precious sweetheart," I say rubbing my hands over my belly.
"You'll be holding that little pink bundle of joy before you know it," Ciara says laying a hand over her flat tummy. We decided to wait and tell our friends what we named Peanut until she's born but they all know we're expecting a girl.
"When are you due, Ciara?" Lynn asks, noticing her hand also.
"January 14," James says and she giggles.
"One of the most important dates in our lives and I can never remember it for the life of me," she says. I notice more of our friends checking their watches and see that it's nearly time to take the kids to the daycare center for the afternoon.
"Well, I'll see you guys later," Lynn says.
"Are any of you coming to watch the jumpers?" Uriah asks.
"I am," Lynn and Marlene say at the same time right before Kirsten says, "Stefan, Trevor, and I are going to be there."
"As much as I'd like to," Ella says, "I'm making up for the crank call I pulled on Bailey Saturday night and letting her go."
"I've got a meeting," Ciara says.
"I'll be watching the festivities from the control room," James says. "I better get going before my boss beats me there."
"I hear ya," Zeke says with a smile. He gets up, and we say goodbye as they take off. Soon Tobias and I are walking the kids into the daycare center, and I see Tyler tug on Tobias' hand. He kneels down and listens to what Tyler has to say.
"I'm very proud that you remembered that," he says, affectionately ruffling his hair.
"Hello, Mrs. Wheeler," I say when the daycare teacher on duty walks up. "We're dropping off Tyler and Tessa, and as per our arrangement, we will be back to pick them up no later than 6:30. We appreciate you allowing us the time we need during initiation."
"Of course, Tris. It's no trouble at all."
"Mrs. Wheeler, can Tyler please speak to Zane, Mia, Emma, and Elliott?" Tobias says.
"Why of course," she says. She disappears down the hall and comes back a minute or two later with Tyler's friends. When Zane sees Tyler he sprints to him and gives him a big hug. When everyone is standing before us, Tyler looks up at Tobias, and his dad nods at him.
"I sowwy I taked you toys," he says. "I was actin' bad. I want fwiends." It amazes me that he remembered that from Friday. I'm going to have to ask Tobias later if he reminded him.
"It okay, Tyler," Zane says. "You my bestest friend."
"Okay, wanna play?" Elliott says. "Let's go!" Tyler starts to run after them but turns back and gives each of us a big hug and kiss.
"Have fun," I say. "We'll pick you up for supper as soon after 6 p.m. as we can. We love you, Tyler." He nods then runs in search of his friends. "There's something else I need to go over with you, Mrs. Wheeler. Tessa has double ear infection. She has refused a bottle for the past three days and is eating approximately every three hours. I packed two bottles but if you can't coax her to take it, just call. I'll come and feed her. You have my number?"
"Yes, Tris. We have both your number and Four's in your file," she says. "I'm sad to hear she hasn't been feeling well."
"Thanks," I say. I pick her up and hold her tightly against my chest while Tobias parks her stroller with the other ones. "Mommy loves you, little one. You be good and please try to take your bottle." She laughs when I start begging, and I shake my head.
"Are you ready, love?" Tobias asks, holding his hand out to me after he kisses Tessa and I hand her off to Mrs. Wheeler.
"I am," I say as I take his hand. "What do we have to do?"
"We have some doors to unlock," he says. The first place he leads me is the transfers' dorm. He unlocks the single wooden door and pushes his way inside. I follow after him, watching him turn on the lights, remembering all the time I spent in this room. I don't realize I sigh until Tobias turns with a questioning look on his face.
"You sighed," he says. "Want to talk about whatever's bothering you?"
"I was just thinking about the time I spent in this room," I say. I go to where I used to spend my nights and run my fingers along the metal bunk bed frame. "Yes, I had some pleasant enough times in this room. I got to know Will, Christina, and A…" The name disintegrates as it leaves my mouth. How can I lump him with two of my best friends?
"It's alright to think of Al and the good times you had with him," he softly says, knowing where my thoughts suddenly took me.
"It's still hard even after all this time. I'm not sure it will ever change," I say. "Anyway, most of the memories I have of this room are not pleasant: Edward getting stabbed in the eye and cleaning up the blood." The look on his face tells me he didn't know that part. "Peter exposing me to the other initiates; Peter spray painting 'Stiff' all over my bed and bedding; lying in bed at night, homesick, trying to accept that I made the right decision; listening to Al's near constant sobbing; having my friends doubt me." I sigh again. "Then there's the last night I spent in this room, the night you came home drunk and got all handsy. I was afraid everyone would be up and they would interrogate me on why I was there but no one was." I start to tell him I cried myself to sleep but why reopen old wounds.
"I have an idea," he says, mischief lighting his eyes. What's he up to? "We can replace all of the bad memories with a happy one." I catch on to what he's saying and I blush. "Of course, we don't have the time right now but I think the transfer's dorm room needs to be added to our lists." I look around, scanning my surroundings for a camera. "No cameras in dormitories or bathrooms." I go up on my tiptoes and draw his mouth to mine. I feel naughty kissing Four in the dorm room. I suddenly feel like his initiate again. We deepen the kiss, and he backs me up into the wall, his hands running their way to the hem of my shirt. I catch them before he can lift it, though. We stare at each other while we let our breathing return to normal.
"Wow," I pant. "There's a forbidden feeling kissing you here."
"I felt it, too, love," he says, moving his hands to cup my cheeks. He softly kisses me again then reluctantly pushes himself away from me with a groan. I smooth the wrinkles out of my shirt while he runs his hand through his hair. "Come on, we have more doors to unlock."
He next unlocks the men's and women's bathrooms in the dimly lit hallway that runs between the transfers' dormitory and the Dauntless-born's then he unlocks a hidden door that leads to the tunnel that goes to the net. This must be where the Dauntless-born went with Lauren after we split up last year. I've never been beyond the woman's bathroom before now. He unlocks the single wooden door leading into the Dauntless-born dorm, and we step inside where he turns the lights on. Although it looks exactly like the transfers' dorm room, it's larger to accommodate more beds since there are always more Dauntless-born than faction transfers. Next we head across the Pit floor to the set of double doors that leads up to the net.
"This will be the fourth time I've been in the tunnel," I say, making conversation as Tobias unlocks the doors.
"Fourth?" he asks, turning to look at me, sounding shocked. "Shouldn't this only be your third time?"
"I wanted to be alone one night after simulation practice was over to think," I say, shrugging my shoulders. "After wandering a little bit, I found myself heading toward the net."
"Hhm. Eric obviously forgot to lock it back up," he says. "What did you think about?"
"A lot actually," I say. "I thought about the two Erudite reports that had come out that week and how Will, Christina, Uriah, and Marlene did a good job of distracting me from dwelling on them. I thought about why I wanted to join Dauntless in the first place and why I wanted it so badly that I was willing to jump off a building not knowing what was at the bottom. I remembered carefully studying the Dauntless in school and feeling a strong sense of freedom that Abnegation denied and wanting to be just like them. I thought about what I had learned about myself up until that point, and I realized that I didn't jump to be like the Dauntless, I did it because I already was like the Dauntless. I found some peace that night lying in the net." He drapes his arm over my shoulders and kisses the top of my head. I wince and rub my belly.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Oh, she's just practicing her kickboxing on my kidneys or liver or something," I say.
"Can I feel?" he asks as we make it to the platform. He puts his hands on my belly eliciting memories of last night and I flush.
"I don't think you'll feel her," I say, covering his hands with mine. "She's kicking on the inside." His pouty face reminds me of Tyler's and makes me giggle.
"What's so funny?" he asks.
"You just reminded me of Tyler," I say, grazing my knuckles down from his temple to jaw. "Where are we going?" He leads me to a hidden doorway in the wall at the end of the platform behind the net. I stumble on a step in the dark and run into him.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asks, turning around to steady me.
"I'm fine, I just can't see a thing," I say. "Where are you taking me?"
"To unlock the roof access door," he says. "I asked Will if he wanted to jump and he said he'd rather not." He continues up the steep stairway at a slower pace, holding my hand tightly so I don't stumble again. After a minute he stops, and I hear him slide a key into a lock.
"Whoa," I say as we step out onto the roof, the sun blinding me.
"I hate it up here," he says under his breath, breathing heavily.
"I know you do, baby," I say wrapping my arms around him. I press my ear against his chest and feel his heart beating wildly. He tilts my chin up and presses his lips to mine. I get lost in his kiss as the sun beats down on us and a warm breeze wafts across our bodies. The buzz of my phone brings us back to reality. "Mmm." I swear I could make a fulltime job out of kissing Tobias. I pull away from him and take my phone out. "The first person just chose. Any other doors you need to unlock?"
"No, I got them all. Thanks for keeping me company," he says. "Maybe we should see if Christina needs help with the duffel bags." She's filling 25 Dauntless duffels with toiletries to be given to each of the initiates. Tori and Harrison are handing out clothes after supper along with a welcome speech.
"Why didn't you let someone else unlock that door?" I ask as he carefully leads me back down the dark stairwell.
"I guess I think that if I keep facing this fear head on that one day I will conquer it," he says.
"It might not ever happen," I say.
"It doesn't hurt to try," he says. When we exit the stairwell, I'm surprised to see that the first of the Dauntless have already gathered to welcome the new initiates. I guess they don't have anything better to do today. We walk to the boutique where Christina had the supplies stored and is assembling the bags.
"Hey, Christina," I say. "Need help?"
"Thank you," she says. "I swear if I ever see another bottle of shampoo, I'm going to scream." I try to stifle a chuckle but don't quite make it, eliciting a frown from her.
"Well, put us to work," I say. She has each of us count out 25 toothbrushes, toothpastes, and on and on until all the toiletries are in nice piles of 25. Next she hands us a large zipper top bag, and we put one of each item in it and then put that bag in the duffel. It's time consuming, menial work that I'm glad we don't have to do on a daily basis. "What if there are more than 25 of them?"
"It will never happen," Tobias says. Christina and I exchange a shrug then look back at him.
"Why not?" she asks.
"There have never been more than 15 Dauntless-born and 10 transfers at any one time," he says. "And that's straight from choosing. Never in the history of Dauntless have all the initiates made it to the compound." I momentarily remember the Erudite boy who never made it onto the train, the Amity boy who refused to jump onto the rooftop, and the Dauntless girl who fell jumping off the train last year and her sister Rita. Her heart ripping sobs sound in my mind, and a shiver runs through my body. I don't recall seeing her beyond that day. She must be factionless now. I can't believe that I never thought about her once this past year. My phone rings pulling me from my reverie, and I already know who it is.
"Hi, Mrs. Wheeler," I say.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Tris, but Tessa won't take her bottle," she says sounding desperate. I hear Tessa's cries in the background.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," I say. "I'm at the boutique so it won't take me long. Thanks for calling." I hang up and sigh. "I've got to go. Tessa won't take her bottle."
"Thanks for helping," Christina says.
"Should I wait for you?" Tobias says.
"No, you better go to the net just in case the initiates arrive before I'm finished," I say. "I'll be there as soon as I can. I love you." I kiss him on the cheek then wave at the two of them before I head to the daycare. Once again, I hear my sweet baby girl before I see her. I follow her cries to a back room and knock on the open door. Relief floods Mrs. Wheeler's face when they meet mine.
"Thank God, Tris!" she says. "You were right about her refusing a bottle but I didn't know she would get this upset."
"I'm sorry," I say. "I should have warned you." I take Tessa out of her arms, and she immediately calms down.
"I'll leave you two alone," Mrs. Wheeler says as she closes the door behind her.
"Did you just miss your Mommy? Is that why you were crying?" I ask her as I sit down in the rocking chair. I cradle her against my chest, and she starts nuzzling my breast. "Maybe you are hungry." Soon she's eating like a champion. "What am I going to do with you? What am I saying? If you need me, little one, I'm here for you. The initiates will always come second to you, your brother, and your Daddy. I love you very much, Tessa." I rock her as she nurses, relaxing us both. I close my eyes but don't fall asleep because every five minutes or so my phone buzzes with a new text from Will, I imagine. After half-an-hour, she seems sated, and I put her up to my shoulder to burp her. After I straighten myself up, I go in search of Mrs. Wheeler but find Tyler first. I'm getting ready to say hello when I see an older boy who's maybe 5 or 6 talking to him, and he frowns then goes over to his little friend Emma and takes her book away from her.
"Tris, there you are," Mrs. Wheeler says. Tyler freezes when he hears my name. When his eyes meet mine they flood with tears.
"Who's that boy standing by the bookcase?" I quietly ask.
"That's Bobby Ridinger," she says with a sigh. "Did you see him do something to Tyler?"
"I'm curious, how often is Bobby around when Tyler gets in trouble?" I ask.
"Every time, actually," she says after thinking about it for a moment.
"Can I take Tyler to that room I just nursed Tessa in?" I ask. "I just witnessed something but I'm not entirely sure what it was. I need to talk to my son." I kiss Tessa's head and hand her to Mrs. Wheeler who takes her into the infant room for a nap. I step through the open doorway and approach Tyler who is standing stone still with tears streaming down his face. "You better give that book back to Emma, young man." He holds it out, and she takes it back.
"Tanks, Ty," she says.
"Come with me, Tyler," I say, holding my hand out. He takes it, and we walk down the hallway.
"I sowwy, Mommy," he stutters between sobs. I help him onto my lap and hold him until he composes himself.
"I need to ask you some questions," I say. "I need you to be honest with Mommy, okay?" He nods his head at me. "Is that boy, Bobby, your friend?" He looks toward the floor, and refuses to look at me. I meet Mrs. Wheeler's eyes with a confused look on my face, which matches hers.
"Do you want me to bring Bobby in here, Tris?" she asks.
"No, I want to hear what Tyler has to say," I say. "I saw you take that book away from Emma after he said something to you. Why did you do that?"
"He made me mad," Tyler says, his voice small. Mad?
"How?" I ask.
"He say cause you dop me, you no love me. I not you weal son," he says, tears coming once again. Furry courses through my veins. How dare that little brat say something like that?
"Did you believe him?" I ask.
"He keep sayin' it," he says, sniffing. "I tell him stop by he no do it."
"But why did you take Emma's book away?" I ask.
"I want hew to feel bad, too," he says and my heart constricts. I wrap my arms around him and fight the tears wanting to escape my eyes.
"My sweet, sweet boy," I say pulling him back so I can look in his eyes. "I've told you this before." Suddenly what he said about being adopted and not being our real son makes perfect sense. "You are my son just like Tessa is my daughter. No, you weren't in Mommy's tummy like Peanut is but that doesn't mean anything to me or to Daddy. I love you so much, and it hurts me when you are hurting." A couple tears escape, and he reaches up and wipes them away. "Why didn't you tell me or Daddy that there's a boy here bothering you? We would have talked to Mrs. Wheeler and his parents if necessary. Tyler Aaron, you are loved by so many people. You know that. I. Love. You. Please don't ever doubt that. You are one of the most important people in my life. The first time you called me Mommy I was so thankful and it was one of the best days of my life. I wanted to be your mommy so bad. That is how much I love you." He wraps his arms around my neck and hugs me tightly.
"I love you, Mommy," he says.
"I know you do, my sweet boy," I say. "Please remember that no matter what hurtful words are hurled your way, your Mommy and Daddy love you and you are our son. That is what adopted means."
"Weally?" he says, sounding surprised.
"That's right," I say. "We adopted you making you our son and us your mommy and daddy. But you knew that."
"I know," he says.
"Do you want to go play with your friends?" I ask. "Don't take toys away from them to make them feel bad, okay? That's not being nice."
"Otay, Mommy," he says. I help him get off my lap, and we walk back to the playroom.
"I sowwy, Emma," he say.
"It otay, Ty," she says, giving him a hug. My eyes slide to Bobby who looks out of place with all the 2- and 3-year-olds in the room.
"Why is he in here?" I ask.
"He's big for his age," she says. "He's only just had his 4th birthday last week, and he's the only 4-year-old we have." That only cuts my rage minutely.
"Is he trouble?" I ask. "When I asked about him, you sighed."
"I'll be honest," she says. "We've had a lot of trouble with him but I hadn't noticed him bullying Tyler."
"I know we need to go through the proper channels to handle this situation," I say. "I'll let you talk to him, but if I hear that he's been terrorizing my son again, I'll take matters into my own hands." I glance at the clock on the wall and see that it's nearly 3:30. "I've got to go. They could be jumping already. I hate having to leave Tyler right now but I'm trusting you to take care of him. Please don't make me regret it, Mrs. Wheeler."
"I take my job very seriously, Tris," she says. "I'm sorry for the trouble with Tyler. I'll make sure that it doesn't happen again."
"It better not," I say. I walk into the playroom. "Tyler?" He turns around, a smile on his face and I smile back. He comes running over and I kneel down and give him a hug and a kiss. My eyes slide to Bobby's, and he looks genuinely surprised that I'm showing my son affection. "Mommy's got to go but I'll see you somewhere around 6:30. We'll have supper and then we'll go to the furniture store and look around."
"Otay," he says. "I be good."
"I know you will. I love you."
"I love you, Mommy," he says.
"Bye, Mrs. Wheeler. I expect a full report when Four and I return. He might want to speak with you also." I see the color drain from her face as she nods. "Thank you. Bye, kids. You all be good." I exit the room but before I leave, I turn around and look at Tyler. He's sitting on the floor with Zane and Elliott playing with the racecars. He looks up and smiles then goes right back to playing. Knowing he's alright now is the only thing allowing me to leave.