WARNING! READ THIS BEFORE YOU LOOK AT THE CHAPTER!
Ok, while this doesn't contain any spoilers, some of you are going to hate me for this chapter because...it's essentially Rising Tides/Crashing Skies...I'm really sorry, but I really liked that episode and I enjoyed writing this way too much! If you can't stand Ronaldo and his antics, or take Ronaldo very seriously as a character, then you probably won't like this chapter and you might want to skip to the end with the Z fighters reactions to the video. Sorry guys! ^^;
A large teenager with curly blond adjusted the camera before sitting back down in his seat. "Hello people of the internet," he recited, "As you know, I have been planning a very special project for a long time, and now it's time for me to reveal the terrible truths I've uncovered." He pulled up a title card reading "Aliens Among Us" with a crude drawing of three figures. One of them was green and the other two had spiky hair and monkey tails.
"In our society, there are many secrets. From Big Government Glow Stick take overs, to skies all over the world randomly going dark," Ronaldo continued, walking over to a screen and projector. "But the most dangerous of all, is that of," he stated before turning on the projector, "the SNAIL PEOPLE!" He pointed at the screen to an image of Piccolo at the Big Donut buying a box for Steven and Gohan who stood at his feet. The slide changed again to another crude drawing of Piccolo. The anatomy was horribly incorrect with the upper body being too big for the legs to support, the eyes and pupils enlarged to comical proportions, and a single fang tooth sticking out from the caricature's mouth being the most notable examples.
"As you can see, the sail people, or sneeple, are characterized by their green skin, pointy ears, and antenna. Although they appear to have evolved passed having a shell, they still have heavy weights within their shoulders, most likely as a form of protection!" Ronaldo explained, pointing to the different poorly draw body parts.
"While they may seem peaceful, their true purpose is much more sinister," he said before changing the slide again to a picture of Piccolo carrying a heavy load of boxes from Greg's storage unit with a superimposed stock photo of the earth over the boxes. "Total world domination!" Ronaldo stated darkly, before playing a dramatic sound effect.
"They are quiet and reclusive creatures, keeping their operations secret from the masses," he continued. The footage cut to another recording of Piccolo on the beach meditating.
The camera turned to face Ronaldo. "Are you sure we should even be here? The sign on the fence said-," the camera man whispered.
"Relax, Peedee, We'll be fine. I've got this entirely under cont-" he assured.
"What are you two doing here?" a gruff voice interrupted. The two jumped and turned to see Piccolo standing in front of them with his arms folded. "I know both of you are school age, so you should know how to read, and the sign on the fence clearly states this is private property," he said, "So you two better fess up or-"
"It's on to us!" Ronaldo cried before running, "Run PeeDee, run!"
"Ronaldo wait!" PeeDee cried, dropping the camera. It aimed upwards at the Namekian and he glared at it before picking it up. The clip then cut to the camera sitting in a trash can as Piccolo walked back to the fence, wiping his hands.
The footage then cut back to Ronaldo and the screen. "They have close ties with the corrupt local governments, allowing them to hid under everyone's noses," he accused.
The footage cut again to Piccolo walking along the boardwalk with Gohan and Chichi and helping carry shopping bags. "No wait! My speech!" a voice called. A piece of paper fluttered in the air and Mayor Dewey chased after it, a large stack of more under his arms.
The free page got caught on Piccolo's shoulder weight, and as he stopped to pull it off, Mayor Dewey caught up to him huffing.
"This yours?" the Namekian asked, showing him the piece of paper.
"Oh thank you! You're a lifesaver," the Mayor graciously replied as he took the piece of paper from Piccolo, "Here have a glow stick!" Dewey handed him said glow stick and a vote for Dewey button.
"You do realize I can't vote right?," the green alien called after him, "And even if I could, there'd be no point! No one ever runs against you!" However, the mayor was already gone. "Whatever…" he muttered as he turned and continued on his way, dropping the glow stick and button in a trash can as he passed it.
The footage once again cut back to Ronaldo. "They've been here for decades, with papers telling stories of the attacks orchestrated by a 'King Piccolo'," Ronaldo said, projecting the image of an old newspaper clipping from the twenty second World's Martial Arts tournament entitled 'Attack on World's Greatest Warriors', "Although no one had seen him and he mysteriously disappeared after targeting several martial arts champions with his henchmen leaving calling cards behind, the survivors of said attacks described his henchmen as 'green, otherworldly beings.' Coincidence? I think not!"
"I have determined they're the ones behind the World Martial Arts Tournaments. What better way to find the world's most powerful fighters and gather them into one place to eventually pick them off one by one?" he explained, before flipping to an image of a blond man with sunglasses and a microphone, "Also, why else would King Piccolo's henchmen have left the official of the tournament alive as a witness to the attack? Or have the tournament just after the disappearance of King Piccolo be the last one for several years? Ladies and gentlemen, we have traitors in our midst." The slide changed to another picture of the blond man, but with green antenna drawn on his forehead.
"And it's not just sneeple we have to worry about," he announced, looking at the camera seriously, "The sneeple have allies: a group of extraterrestrial agents they've hired to do their bidding. That's right. I'm talking about…" The slide changed to a picture of Steven, Vegeta and Goku sitting at an outdoor restaurant table. Goku was gorging himself on impossible amounts of food and Steven was enjoying his own meal, but Vegeta was hunched in his seat and holding his head in one hand, looking away from Goku in disgust. "THE MONKEY MEN!" he shouted. The then played the dramatic sound bite again.
The slide changed again to a picture of the three Z fighters standing together talking. "As you can see, the ratio of monkey men to sneeple demonstrates their hierarchy, with a snerson ranking high above any single monkey man," Ronaldo explained, tapping the image with his pointer, "However, what is not explained is the role of a monkey man. Are they designated as spies due to their more homo sapien appearance? Or are they simply foot soldiers? I attempted to find out."
The footage cut to Vegeta and Goku dislodging a piece of the hand ship wreckage from the side of a building when Ronaldo runs up to them. "Excuse me but can you explain your roles as underlings to the sneeple empire?" he bluntly asked.
They both stopped and looked at him in utter confusion. Then the look of confusion on Vegeta's face turned to rage as he stopped what he was doing, marched up to Ronaldo, and picked him up by his shirt. "What did you just call me?" he demanded.
"Uh…" Ronaldo stuttered before being thrown through the wall of the next building over by the irate prince of Saiyans.
"I am no one's underling," he growled, wiping his hands before turning back to his work.
The camera panned back over to Ronaldo as he crawled out of the hole in the wall. "Did you catch that?" he asked weakly, looking at the camera.
The footage cut back to the room with the projector. "And to make matters worse, they're multiplying!" Ronaldo exclaimed, playing a dramatic stock sound effect as he flipped to a slide with Steven and Connie sitting and eating ice cream with Goku, while Gohan sat on his lap, enjoying his own ridiculously large cone. A large red MSpaint circle with arrows had been drawn around the five year old half Saiyan, before the camera jump cut zoomed in, before replaying the stock dramatic sound several times. "You heard me right. Monkey men families have been assimilating into our culture, learning our ways so they know our weaknesses when they start the take over!" he explained, flipping to an image of Chichi, Goku and Gohan at Funland waiting in line for a ride. Several arrows on the image were pointing to Chichi with the words 'monkey woman?' written next to them.
"They spend their every waking minute prepare for the invasion. For them, even everyday tasks are training exercises," he continued. The video then cut to someone hiding in the bushes focusing the camera on a house. Gohan appeared running along the street huffing, a heavy bag of newspapers dragging behind him. When he reached the house, he reached up onto his toes and pressed the doorbell.
A moment passed before Ronaldo suddenly jumped out of the bushes next to Gohan, armed with a potato and shouted "WHAT IS THE INVASION PLAN?!"
Gohan screamed in surprise and slammed his fist into the heavy set teen's stomach, sending him flying back into the bushes and onto his back. One foot stuck out of the foliage. Once Gohan had recovered from his surprise, a look of worry crossed his face. "Oh no! Mr. Ronaldo? Are you alright?" he cried. He poked the exposed foot and the owner groaned in pain. Gohan looked around awkwardly before slowly setting a newspaper at his foot and running away. "Sorry!" he shouted back as he continued with his routine.
The footage cut to a cheap iMovie effect of question marks appearing and disappearing on the screen. "But the real question is not if the invasion is happening, but when," the teen's voice called cryptically over the effect, "and the answer is NOW!" The word 'NOW' appeared in big bold letters before the footage cut to a blurry iPhone recording of the sky. A green hand ship was coming down from above. "A few weeks ago, this green ship appeared out of the sky," Ronaldo's voice spoke over the footage, "Most Likely reinforcements for the sneeple by the color, but the biggest fact that they were behind it, was that a few days before the ship arrived, the local monkey men and the snerson had disappeared." The dramatic sound bite played again.
The footage cut to Kiki working at Fish Stew Pizza. "So, did you see where those three aliens that hang around Steven were during the invasion?" Ronaldo asked from behind the camera.
"Nope," she responded, not looking up from folding pizza boxes, "I hadn't seen them at all that week. But Steven did come in with a few other strange guys. Said they were looking after him for a few days."
"AhHA! I knew it!" Ronaldo cheered, starling Kiki before the footage flipped to an image of Yamcha, Tien, and Krillin. "All would have been lost for us...if it had not been for these three brave warriors," he narrated, "They stayed behind to face the sneeple menace and defeated them. But how long until-"
Before another word could come out from the speaker, Vegeta pressed the stop button on the video. The Saiyan burst out laughing, almost falling over. "Alright, Tien I'll believe. But Yamcha and Krillin? Stopping an invading army?! What is this kid on?!" he wheezed between laughter. Piccolo, Steven, Goku, and Gohan all looked at him in confusion.
"Hey, Krillin and Yamcha are great fighters," Goku defended, "Don't make fun of them…even if you are kind of right…"
"I didn't think you'd find this that funny, Vegeta," Steven observed as he closed the laptop, "If anything I was worried you'd be mad."
"Oh, I'm furious!" Vegeta said, wiping the tears from his eyes, "Absolutely livid! Next time I see the curly haired freak, I'm beating the crap out of him for calling me a monkey AND a lowly foot soldier. But dear Kami that was hilarious! I can't even count everything he got wrong! Sneeple?! Are you serious?!" "And honestly, I could replay the clip of your kid knocking the wind out of him all day, Kakarot," he continued.
"I still kinda feel bad for hurting him like that…" Gohan muttered.
"Aren't you worried if someone sees this?" Goku asked, "Couldn't this get us into serious trouble."
"Don't be stupid, Kakarot," Vegeta waved him off as he walked towards the temple, "The kid's a nut. No one will believe him. And if you're really so worried, we can just have Bulma hack his account and delete it."
"Well, ok then," Goku said brightening up. He then turned to look at his son in his lap, "How about we go get some ice cream. I'm sure you mom would like us to bring her back a strawberry sundae."
"Yeah!" Gohan cheered as his dad set him up on his shoulders.
"Wait for me guys!" Steven shouted as they walked out the door.
"Steven, wait," Piccolo spoke up. The half gem turned towards him. "Just...Stay away from that kid for a while," he said.
"Why?" Steven asked, "He doesn't mean any harm…"
"Look, just trust me on this," he stated, "Just keep Gohan and yourself at a distance from him until he cools down about this...sneeple...thing…"
"...Ok," Steven said, "See you later!" With that, the door closed and Piccolo was alone in the house. He sighed as he got up and watched from the window as Steven ran across the beach to catch up to the Saiyans.
'He may not mean any harm…' Piccolo thought, 'But that sure as heck doesn't mean he isn't capable of causing it. Especially when he thinks he's in the right like this.'
Again I'm sorry to anyone who despises Ronaldo. I probably won't write another chapter featuring him...unless the writers do something I find extremely funny with him, and then I might not have any choice. Still, to those who read the whole thing, and even to those who didn't, Thanks for reading and tolerating this dumb chapter. I really appreciate all of your support! :)
BTW I'd like to thank agenderenegade from tumblr who made a wonderful piece of fan art for me! It really made my day, so thanks again!