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WHAT THE THAT MEME IS SO OLD AND WRONG I DON'T EVEN.
Chapter 8a: A Flirt
I have no illusions about my situation, and I'll be the first to admit that I'm probably the luckiest person alive. In the tri-county area, at least.
For example: once, when I was five, I tripped and fell out of our apartment window… ten stories above the grounds. Yet, not three stories into my fall, I landed on a Fearow's back. Not only is a Fearow sighting pretty rare in the town of Woodale, but this particular Pokémon decided that, instead of pecking at me or shaking me off, it would fly down to the ground gently and allow me to get off safely.
A lot of people saw this as me being really good with Pokémon, and they put me on the fast track to being a Gym Leader (another stroke of luck, I might add). But I was there, and if I'm honest I agree with the Redwoodian interpretation: the Fearow, having lived in a world where humans and Pokémon have cooperated for centuries, actually understood I was a child in danger in responded accordingly. Either way… pretty lucky, right?
What was also pretty lucky was that two years ago, when I became a Gym Leader at the ago of sixteen, they decided to rise the age for travelling trainers from ten to eighteen. Not only did this mean that I wouldn't have to deal with bratty kids who couldn't understand why their Sandshrews couldn't defeat a Lotad, but it also meant that, all of a sudden, my gym was being flooded by hot, eighteen year old guys.
It's perfectly understandable to see me as shallow here, seeing as the reason the age was raised was because of Death's rampaging. But I don't have to just focus on the horrible parts, you know? Isn't it actually healthy to look on the bright side? I like to think so.
The name's Vanna, by the way… pronounced Vah-Na, not 'Vanna' like the girl from Wheel of Fortune. It rhymes with Madonna. And Lonna. And with Karma if you're willing to stretch it a little. Then again, karma is kind of like the opposite of luck, so we probably shouldn't go for that. Doesn't really make much sense, does it?
I'll be the first to admit to being a flirt. Can I help it if I enjoy it? To make a trainer's palms sweat and his face flush red before the battle's even begun… it's a thrill in and of itself. It also helps weed out the men from the boys… a real trainer would never go easy on a girl just because she was cute. That'd just be plain wrong.
Yes, I know. Chivalry is dead because girls like me killed it. And you know what? I'm proud of it, too. Armor's never been the most flattering thing to look at.
It's fall now, so I've been taking Gardevoir out for walks by the pond a few blocks away. Since Attraction is one of the key moves in a female Pokémon's arsenal, I've been trying to get her to act a little more flirtatious but… she's always been Shy natured. Then again, that's often enough to get the attention of a few Pokémon (and guys… creepily enough), so maybe I shouldn't push it.
Still, when a Meditite comes up to you strumming a guitar and cooing classic Sinatra ballads, it's all right to go with it, Gardevoir. It's almost a waste to not flutter your eyelashes and toy with him a little, you know? Charge in, wielding the raw power of your own femininity!
Oh my. The Meditite has a trainer. A cute one with an adorable Cyndaquil riding his shoulder, at that. And he's already blushing.
"Sorry…" he began, semi-hustling towards the Meditite. "Medici kind of has a tendency to… get carried away… with everything."
"Oh, don't worry about us," I said, consciously reddening my cheeks ever so slightly. "It's actually very sweet…. How long did it take you to train him like that?"
"Whoa, whoa, gorgeous," 'Medici' interrupted. "If there's anything certain in this world, it's that Axel will never learn guitar." He smiled widely. "Believe me, I've tried training him. The results weren't great."
"Sorry, but…" 'Axel' responded. "I believe your method of teaching me was… 'Think the notes and your hands will know what to do', am I wrong?"
"That's how you play guitar, Axel," Medici responded.
"That's… uh… not how humans play guitar, Medici."
"Well then you're all doing it wrong, aren't you?" The Pokémon concluded smugly.
I laughed. In earnest, believe it or not. "I'm sorry…" I ventured. "But… which one of you is in charge here, exactly?" By this point, Gardevoir had actually begun poking her head out from behind me.
"Well, I mean… it's technically me… I guess," Axel said, looking over and receiving an affirmative nod from Medici. "But… I kind of like doing a… mutual respect sort of thing, rather than a chain of command." The black-haired trainer shrugged. "I mean, I've always done that, but I've especially always done it after reading Redwood's research on the anthromorphization and personality development of Pokémon species. If he's right, it's basically the way trainers will have to treat all Pokémon in the next fifty years or so… um…" he paused. "But here I am going on about that and I don't even know your name…"
Just to recap: a cute, seemingly single trainer with adorable Pokémon that reads Redwood. There are times when I think my lucky star is the sun.
Half an hour of harmless flirting later and we were in Luvdisc Corner, a small coffee shop a few blocks downtown. I have no illusions about my actions… I know I come here with guys more often than I should. But it's just for fun… it's not as if I'm letting them get anywhere. Well… except once.
"So in conclusion," Medici finished with a flourish. "That is who we are, that is what we're doing here, and that is why Amber 's staying at the hotel with Inigo, Shelligan, and Toto keeping her company. Let's hope she gets well soon, yeah?"
"She's not even really sick, Medici…" Axel tried to explain. "She just wanted to rest seeing as… you know, we were walking all day to begin with."
"But fatigue is one of the tell tale signs of illness! Honestly, you should know this Axel. All that time working in a grocery store hasn't taken away from your knowledge on everything else, has it?"
"I… it's not…" Axel sighed, smiling slightly. "Just forget it. I'm sure she'll be feeling better tomorrow."
I laughed again. It'd been a while since I'd actually been this amused. "Does he always do all the talking for you two?" I asked.
"Not exactly, it's just…" he paused. "As you can see, he's quite a bit better at it than me."
"Which I've always found weird, seeing as I'm pretty sure I learned it from you," Medici pointed out.
"I think you probably learned from Mr. Munson more than me, actually…"
"Is that why I always come off as condescending? Figures. Ah well, at least it's not my fault, right?"
"Yeah…" Axel nodded slowly, clearly amused. "That was… definitely the most important thing to get out of all that."
"Hell yeah! I've been on fire recently!" He pumped the air with his fist, and a small ball of fire burst from his hand (startling the heck out of Frankie, our poor waiter.) "And speaking of on fire, that Gardevoir of yours, Lily? The one that hasn't said a single thing either out loud or psychically since we've all met? Very, very hot. Good on you if you bred her or trained her to be that way because… well, damn."
This is the part where you blush and put a hand on your chest, Gardevoir… not hide under the table. Honestly, what am I going to do with you? (Incidentally, the reason Medici called me Lily? Let's just say I didn't want Axel to realize who I really was. Otherwise he'd be less inclined to agree to… well…)
"Hey… Axel…" I began, doing my best to sound like a damsel in distress. "It's… well, it's absolutely horrible of me to ask this of somebody I've just met but… I've been busy lately and you seem like such a strong trainer… could you do me a favor?"
"WE ACCEPT!" yelled Medici, striking a fearless pose.
"QWILL QWILL QWILL QWILL!" yelled the Cyndaquil, striking an equally fearless pose on top of Axel's shoulder."
"Guys… calm down, we haven't even heard what the request is…" he tipped his visor. "Though, if Professor Layton's taught me anything, it's that a gentleman never refuses a request from a pretty lady."
"Oh!" I blushed, pretending to be startled by the compliment. "You're almost… unbearably sweet, Axel; I… I don't nearly deserve…"
"Nonsense," he 'reassured' me. "We're not planning on heading to the gym right away anyway, so… what do you need?"
8b: What Even a Warrior Fears
I may not have said much about myself during the time I have narrated this story, but I would like to think that I have shown an inspiring amount of courage throughout the course of recent events. A true warrior never yields to anyone or anything unless it is absolutely necessary for the good of other people.
That being said, I would like to assure you that, while I am truly afraid of Amber when she flies into a rage, such does not indicate cowardice on my part. Rather, it falls into the category of prudence that I mentioned earlier.
"You agreed to do WHAT? For WHO again?" Amber yelled, causing Shelligan and I to duck for cover behind the hotel's bed.
"I'm… not sure what I said that confused you…" Axel said, not a bit of sarcasm lacing his voice. "But ok, I'll try again… we met a nice girl named Lily who took us out for coffee and asked us to check up on someone in town who she hasn't heard from in a while."
"And by took you out you mean, of course, led you to the coffee shop and then had you pay?" Amber said, slightly more contained.
"Well… yes, come to think of it I suppose I technically took her out, but… the point is…uh…" Axel paused, looking over to Medici for help. "Um… what was the point, again?"
"She and her Gardevoir were hot," the repugnant Meditite said without so much as batting an eye.
"No but… besides that."
"There was a point besides that?"
Amber, showing incredible self-control in not slapping both of them, sighed heavily. "This is exactly why I knew I should have gone with you two. It's so obvious you're being used right now it's painful." She leaned closer to Axel's face, ensuring he was looking her in the eye. "You do realize how painfully obvious it is you're being used by this 'Lily', yes? Please say yes."
"Yes, yup, yeah," Axel said, quickly nodding. "Completely. Couldn't be clearer." He backed away slowly. "But, you know Amber, I still don't see what could be so terrible about just… doing it. I mean it's not exactly a bad thing to be nice to people, you know? Even if they are… um… 'using' you."
Amber sighed heavily, sitting down dramatically on the bed, before smiling slowly. "Well… since it isn't anything like lending money or getting something back from an ex-boyfriend… I suppose we might as well help out. But only if you understand how damn lucky you are that the favor she's using you for is so tame, got it?"
"Don't worry, Amber," Axel said, walking slowly out the door and towards the safety of his own hotel room. "I understand perfectly just how lucky I am that today turned out the way it did."
Amber was off the bed, at the doorway slapping Axel, and back in the course of only 1.5 seconds. Is it acceptable to be afraid of her now?
Author's Note:
To any women who are offended by my characterization of Vanna… good, I guess? Do keep in mind that she is a character… not a metaphor for every single woman I've ever dated. That would just… wait, what? Shut up, Amaxing, your girlfriend's not like that at all!
… She really isn't, I should add. Just to be clear.
But back on… topic, I guess? I was trying to make her seem flirtatious but not, you know, slutty. Did she come off that way? Let me know. Just to let you know that I did consciously attempt to do that, the line that reads "Armor's never been the most flattering thing to look at" was originally "Armor's pretty hard to get a man out of" so… there was indeed some scaling back.
As a final side note: being a straight male attempting to write using the voice of a flirtatious girl that's approximately my age? Super weird. Especially the part about how lucky it is to have your Gym be suddenly flooded with hot teenage guys. It's just… what? I don't know.
Viva la feminism?