Crazy trouble with love
Cihuacoatl and Jackie
Series: Jackie-Chan Adventures
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-Mexico, Aztec Silver temple-
"You know, I'm actually gonna miss the guy." remarked Jade as they walked out of the room.
"Not me." Jackie frowned. "I don't need anymore fireballs being thrown at me."
"Si. It will be much more better going back to the hotel and taking a little nap to refresh ourselves." spoke El Toro.
As they spoke they didn't realize that the floor was about to give way from their combined weight.
Crack.
"Did you hear something?" Jade asked.
Crack...crunch.
"Uh oh." spoke Jade and Paco at the same time at seeing the cracks under them.
Crunch….crack...CRASH!
"AAAHHH!"
"BAD DAY! BAD DAY!" cried out Jackie as all of them fell down the a dark hole while Jade's grip on the cage slipped and they were engulfed in the darkness.
-unknown room-
As they fell, they landed into another room, Jade became the unfortunate one as she became the 'pillow' of the group.
"Ow...that's gonna be bruised in the morning." she groaned under the other males.
They groaned before seeing that the room was covered in solid gold with Aztec writing on the walls similar to the temple above.
"Wow."
"Si. Wow…"
They all stood up with Jade realizing the cage, and the rat, were gone.
Said rat, whose name was Mickey, scurried away and right towards a gold statue of a woman with dragons feet, a robe of feathers and snakes, with two large snakes on her shoulders, long hair formed into a bun with a shell necklace on her person, two long gem like earrings, two human hearts that covered her breasts, and some out stretched hands on her shoulders and below her breasts was a human skull decorated her midsection as some of the snakes held it.
"Squeek squeek."
"Mickey! Come back here!" called Jade running towards the rat.
This caused the rat to activate the Rat Talisman's power as the stature started to lose its gold color as it was replaced with colors of dark brown, red, green, black and blue.
"YAWN!" It said while stretching with the snakes shaking their heads and dropping the skull. "By the gods, that was one long nap."
"Oh no, not again." groaned Jackie under his breath.
She looked at them with confusion. "Who are you, gods, demons or just some of my creations that I made from the third world's human bones?"
"Uh, I think the real question is, who are you?" asked Jade.
"What? You don't know me, Cihuacoatl, the goddess of fertility, motherhood, and the maker of this world's humans?" She said with a shocked expression.
"Who?" spoke Jade as Jackie and Toro covered her and Packo's eyes.
"What have the priests been teaching these children lately?" She grumbled in annoyance.
"No, what should really be answered, is why you don't have any clothes on." spoke Jackie looking away. "There are children in the room."
"What? Now there's a law on clothing? By the gods, did Quetzalcoatl decree something while I was gone….stupid serpent man."
"Ok, the snake lady is really confusing me now." spoke Jade.
She then noticed Jackie more closely. "Hmm. Interesting."
"What is?"
"Your body and soul," Cihuacoatl said while walking closer to the group. "It's like a god but...it's human...most interesting."
"Uh, that's nice of you to say, but could you please...um….go back to being a statue?"
"Statue?" She frowned. "If I was a statue then Tezcatlipoca is a woman."
The snakes on her shoulders hissed and spotted Mickey on the floor.
"Oh? Is that a friend of yours?" She asked as the snake on her right shoulder picked the rat up by the neck. "If not I think my pets need something to eat."
"No!" Jade got away from Jackie's hands and ran over before jumping and latching onto the snake. "You put Mickey down you….you...dumb snake!"
She frowned. "That's really bold of you," she then gave the rat back to Jade. "Foolish but bold, something I like with humans. Especially children that are nice to their relatives."
Jade was set down and walked back over to Jackie while Cihuacoatl walked over and looked him over closer.
"Hmmm." She said before looking him over and studying Jackie with calculative eyes. "Strong willed, good looks, a fear of magic, and handsome to boot. I have to say your more God then human."
"Umm, thank you again." he spoke blushing while backing up from her. "But we really should be going home, and you should go back to….standing."
Cihuacoatl looked at him before her left shoulder snake wrapped around his body. "I think not, you see I have finally found someone I like and that someone is you~"
"El Toro, what does she mean?" asked Paco with his idol still covering his eyes from the statue's rather risque clothing.
"Señora Cihuacoatl never had a husband in the myths, but she did have a son named Mixcoatl, but never a husband."
"Woah, so if she gets with Jackie, I'll have a statue for an aunt?" spoke Jade. "Now that's what I call weird."
"I'm not a statue child." She said while still holding Jackie with her snake. "And I think that being your aunt is a wonderful idea."
"Uh, miss Cihuacoatl, I hate to tell you this, but it's true. You're a statue that was brought to life because of that rat."
Said goddess looked at the rat then back at Jackie. "Even if that was possible I think you would make a great husband~"
Jackie gulped while trying to move a finger and started moving it back and forth against the snake holding him.
"...are you trying to tickle my pets?" She asked. "If so it's not going to work, Tezcatlipoca tried and got himself eaten by a anaconda for a few centuries."
Jade and Paco grimaced while Jackie tried using brute strength this time.
"How interesting," She grinned as the snake squeezed tighter. "But save that energy for the bed, dear."
Jackie blushed at the meaning. 'Think Jackie, tickling and strength won't work, what else can I do?'
Cihuacoatl smiled as a small spider on a web appeared next to her face, causing her to scream. "AAHH! SPIDER!"
The four humans watched as she let Jackie go and ran away from the spider.
She then did something shocking, she summoned human bones from the area and used them to create a huge club of femurs that started attacking the spider as the group ran out of the room.
"DIE YOU DEMON DIE!" She yelled as the spider finally died. "Those things should have died in the second world where it flooded….right husband?" She turned and saw that they were gone.
-with the group-
"HUSBAND!"
"Oh snap one ticked off goddess!" Jade said as Jackie panicked. "Sounds like aunt Cihua-whatever, needs her husband."
"Not funny Jade!" He yelled as they ran out of the cave system only to find that an army of undead Aztec warriors, all without skin, rose up from the ground and looked ready to attack them. "Bad Day!"
"Looks like we'll have to deal with these warriors first." spoke El Toro cracking his neck.
As he said that, a huge giant of a skeleton rose up, obsidian blade in hand, and 'glared' at the group.
"I don't think that's gonna work." spoke Jade gulping nervously.
"Husband." Called out a familiar voice from behind them and it sounded really pissed off. "How dare you run from me before the wedding."
"Uh….oops?"
Cihuacoatl walked up to Jackie and pulled him into a hug as her voice calmed down. "Well if it was a mistake, let's start with the wedding."
"Uh, little problem with that?" spoke Jade seeing they were outnumbered and outgunned.
"Oh these," she chuckled as they also laughed in unison. "They are the humans that served me in the past, don't worry they are real nice once you get to know them."
"No, I mean don't you need a priest or someone?"
Cihuacoatl snapped her fingers as a skeleton with Aztec robes fit for a high priest rose up. "Now we have one, and he's the best at weddings."
"Uh, well what about guests? Those are always needed." spoke up Jackie, hoping that'd change her mind.
"Not a problem." She laughed as various skeletons of dead Aztecs rose from the ground. "These are the citizens of Teotihuacan from when I was around."
"What about members from the family?" spoke up Paco. "They are just as important."
"...my son hates me and well…." She shrugged. "Most of the gods and goddess don't see me as a family member plus they died when they sacrificed themselves to light the sun."
"Alright, but Uncle's gonna be mad." spoke Jade shrugging her shoulders.
"Isn't he your uncle?" She asked while looking at Jackie.
"Well yes, but everyone calls him that."
"Oh. That's strange and I have seen Quetzalcoatl in a woman's robes." She said while chuckling at the long forgotten memory. "Ah good times."
The skeleton priest opened the book as Cihuacoatl stood in the position with Jackie beside her.
"Dearly beloved. We are gathered today to bring together our lady, Cihuacoatl, with her selected husband…." It looked at Jackie. "Who are you by chance?"
"Uh, Jackie-chan." he replied.
"And this man, Jackie-chan, as husband and wife for all eternity." It turned to Cihuacoatl. "Do you have the rings?"
"Of course." She chuckled as two skeletons with a gold tray with two rings of pure obsidian came up as she took them. "Here they are."
Jackie gulped as she picked one up and slid it onto his ring finger. 'Very bad day.'
"Now do you lady Cihuacoatl," it said as the goddess placed the ring on her finger. "Do you take Jackie-Chan as your husband, in sickness and in health till the end of time?"
"I do." She smiled as Jackie blushed at how beautiful it was.
"And do you, Jackie-Chan, take Lady Cihuacoatl as your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health till the end of time?"
Jackie gulped as he tried to think of something that might get him out of this situation.
"Jackie?" The goddess asked. "Are you ok?"
"O-Of course." he spoke feeling even more nervous.
Jade noticed her uncle getting cold feet and saw Mickey sitting beside her and started brainstorming. 'If I can get Mickey to turn her back to gold, these bone dudes should go away at the same time.'
Cihuacoatl looked at him and sighed. "If you don't want to marry me it's ok. I won't get mad…." 'But heartbroken.'
Jackie looked at her in surprise. "Really?"
"Yes...I can't just see you forced into marriage." She said while turning her head to her side. "It's your life and….I can't bear to see you unhappy."
Jackie and the others were surprised with Jade looking at her and Mickey while rubbing her chin before a lightbulb lit up.
"Uh, maybe there's an easier way."
She looked at Jade. "How? I know I love Jackie but I can't just force him to love or marry me." 'Sigh...looks like I'm husbandless again….'
"Well, before you were a statue, and no one bothered you. But it just so happens Uncle's shop sells a lot of antiques. Some of them never really get sold."
"And? What are you suggesting?"
"If you came with us as a statue, we could say we 'found' you in some ruins, and then Mickey here can bring you back to life, then we explain the story to Uncle."
Cihuacoatl looked at her in surprise. "Really? But what about Jackie? He doesn't like me. Especially after this wedding."
Jade gestured the goddess to lean down and whispered in her ear when she was close enough. "Look, he's not exactly a ladies man, but you came on a bit strong. Maybe give him some time and space to get to know the real you."
"...that's a good idea," she smiled. "But if I'm turning into a stature, let's just let me fly over to your Uncle's home then turn me into a statue. Sound fair niece in law?"
"Wait, you can fly? I didn't know that."
"I am a goddess." Cihuacoatl said. "Plus how do you think I got out of those caves? By walking?"
"Good point."
"Oh and Jackie." She said turning to the man before kissing him. "My feelings are true, I do love you a lot."
He blushed while the skeletons, El Toro, Paco, and even Jade clapped for the kiss, even though the marriage was pretty much null and void now.
(Two days later, Uncle's shop)
The elder chi master was currently lifting a stack of heavy books to the back while feeling his weak muscles start to give out on him.
As he felt his bones breaking, the door opened revealing Jackie and Jade with a huge box in a dolly.
"We're back!" Jade grinned while holding Mickey's cage in one hand.
Uncle groaned as he set the stacks down and cracked his back. "That is nice Jade, but right now Uncle must get Tohru to give back massage."
"Well we also brought a little something you're gonna love." grinned Jade.
Jackie opened the box with a wrench as the statue of Cihuacoatl was revealed to the Chi master.
"Hmm, very impressive." he remarked walking over and looking closer. "Where did you find this?"
"In a silver mine, under a Aztec temple." Jade said before opening up Mickey's cage and took the rat out. "But that's not the best part."
"Jade! Do not bring him near the statue. Are you wanting this statue to come to life?"
"That's the plan." She grinned as Mickey's eyes glowed as Cihuacoatl became real once more.
"By the gods! That's really bad for my back!" She grumbled before seeing Uncle. "Oh you must be Jackie's uncle, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Cihuacoatl, goddess of Fertility and motherhood."
"AIYA!" screamed Uncle with wide eyes before turning to Jade. "Jade! Do you know how dangerous it is to bring a statue of a goddess to life?"
"Oh don't worry." Cihuacoatl smiled before her snakes grabbed Jackie and kissed his cheek. "I'm just here to ask you for your approval."
"Approval of what?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"To date and eventually marry Jackie ." She smiled as her snakes nodded in approval.
"You wish to date my nephew and get married?" he asked with wide eyes and surprise.
"Of course. Why else would I be here?" She chuckled. "To steal your collection of demon artifacts or those 'talismans' that my niece in law told me about?"
"Are you aware of who my nephew is?" he asked in seriousness.
"Yes. And he's a handsome crime fighting archaeologist." She then laughed. "Plus he faced a demon dragon with a god complex and won so I'm really proud of Jackie."
"Hmm, very well, but if you are going to live here, you must also help take care of shop."
"Sounds agreeable." She smiled before some mummified remains came to life and helped move the heavy books that Uncle was trying to lift. "And with my powers, it will move ten times as fast."
"Hmm, very good. Just try not to give Uncle heart attack, my heart is old and seeing the undead run shop might make Uncle croak over."
"If that happens, I can always bring you back as a undead uncle in law." She said with half teasing and half seriousness.
"You have lot of spunk, I approve." he nodded with smile. "Besides, it good to see Jackie finally start dating. Uncle was worried he would never find right girl."
"Jade told me." Cihuacoatl chuckled before frowning. "Especially when she told me about that Viper woman." 'If she comes anywhere near Jackie, I will rip her heart out and feed it to my pets!'
"Well, seeing as how you have the shop going decently, Uncle will go take nap. Make yourself at home, neice in law."
Cihuacoatl smiled as the chi master left the room before turning to Jackie. "Want to see the town?"
"Well, maybe after I finish taking notice of a few-"
"He'd love to." interrupted Jade.
"Jade, let your uncle speak." She said sternly. "Now what is your answer Jackie?"
Jackie looked at the skeletons doing most of the work while rubbing his chin and nodded. "I suppose a nice walk around couldn't hurt."
Cihuacoatl smiled. "Thank you!" She then kissed him on the lips before the snakes wrapped around Jackie.
"Try not to be out late you crazy kids." teased Jade walking upstairs with Mickey.
"Squeek." The rat said as Jade looked one more time at the couple with a grin. "Squeek."