Here's a nice long chapter. I'm so sorry for the long break in between. I was on vacation and it was difficult to find time to write. I'm back now and I hope you like the extended chapter. Your reviews are definitely appreciated and I'm so humbled by them. I like writing this story, and it is even better knowing that someone is reading it and enjoying it. Thank you so much and Happy Reading!
Christian's POV
It's Friday evening and I am at the gym with Ethan. We've started working out together a few weeks ago. Normally, Friday nights are reserved for family time. I work hard at GEH all week and look forward to just being home with Ana and our kids, but tonight I'd asked Ethan to join me for a workout. My little girl is turning eighteen tomorrow. Eighteen! I'm just not fucking ready for that to happen. I've been doing my best to hide my fears and frustrations from her. She's excited for her birthday and the last thing I want is to take that away from her. Tomorrow is her day I am going to do everything I can to make sure she enjoys it. Hopefully after kicking my ass with an intense work out I can sort myself out and enjoy it with her.
Right now I am benching and Ethan is spotting me. He takes this opportunity to ask me about last weekend.
"Now that it's just the two of us, do you mind telling me how my kids really behaved last weekend?"
I let out a few grunts as I press the bar up a few times. He helps me guide it back to the rack when I finish. I remain in the lying position since I plan to go another round. After a few breaths I am able to answer him. "What the fuck, Kavanagh? It's like we said last week, the kids were fine." I lift my hands to go again, and he spots me as I bring the bar off of the rack. As I bench he continues his questioning.
"You mean to tell me there were no incidents? Other than Lizzie not wanting to play soccer? No tantrums, no back talking, no disobedience?"
I let out another grunt as I finish and lift the bar back onto the rack with his assistance. This time I sit up and towel the sweat off my forehead. "Ethan…. Ana and I looked after your kids last weekend and everything was fine. Why can't you just accept that?"
"Because I know my kids. I find it hard to believe they were perfect angels for more than two seconds. I need to know any time they've misbehaved."
"What good would it do? I tell you about any and all incidents and you, what, punish them for it a week later?"
"Ahh, so there were incidents" he catches me.
"I didn't say that" I say as I stand and motion for him to take a seat on the bench. He lies back and I spot him as he lifts the bar.
"My kids aren't saints. Mia and I….. did warn them to be on their best behavior… but I refuse to believe they didn't….. slip up." He grunts out the last two words and I spot him as he lifts the bar back onto the rack. He sits up and I sit on a bench next to him. "So let's have it."
"You really want details?"
"Yes, I want details" he nods. He's being very controlling about this. I guess Ethan and I have more in common than I thought.
"Okay. Well, Christopher took Sophia's doll from her and made her cry. Ana and I put a stop to it and he was in time out. Sophia slapped a girl in dance class, and then she wet herself at the soccer game. She had a meltdown when I tried to convince her to wear a pull up until we were back home and closer to a toilet…. and then at dinner Christopher put up a fuss when I told him he needed to sit and wait for everyone to finish their dinner, so he found himself in time out again."
"And?"
"And what?"
"You mean to tell me that's it? Grey that's nothing." Hmmm, I guess my sister and brother-in-law have to put up with much more antics than what we've seen last weekend.
"Yes, Kavanagh, that's it. But did I mention I was carrying Sophia when she wet herself?"
He starts laughing. Fucking Kavanagh. "She peed on you? I'm sorry."
"Laugh it up" I tell him and start to stand. "Time for boxing."
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Phoebe's POV
I am in my bedroom with Ava and we are indulging in all of our favorite girly stuff. Pedicures, manicures, facials, and of course some unhealthy snacks and a marathon of some of our favorite chick flicks. Right now we are watching the Hot Chick, and next we will watch Mean Girls.
Ava has been off crutches for a few days now, but the bad memories are still there. Some of our classmates were killed a few weeks ago when Rachel came to our school with a gun, and Ava knew some of the girls from cheerleading. She and Nathan went to their funerals. I still can't believe that happened to us, to our school. Every once in a while it will come up on some of the news shows. Some of the parents have been interviewed. They lost their child, and the media wants to hear from them. I wish they would just let them be.
We haven't been back to school yet. I know the media is talking about the decisions that are being made about it. My Dad has been trying to block me from everything, but I still hear things. I read some things online. Ava, Nathan and Trevor also talk about it sometimes when we hang out together. I'm not sure if they are going to renovate some parts of the school, or knock it down and rebuild. I don't think that I could go back into that building after what happened, so I'm all for rebuilding. Of course, that will probably take a long time and I would graduate by the time its ready.
We are still on our fast paced home school program. Even though we are not in school, sports and most activities are going strong. Trevor even thinks that our boys' varsity soccer team will make the playoffs. Nathan has started training for varsity basketball, and I think Ava will be able to do cheerleading. Speaking of which, she hasn't really mentioned it. She's off crutches so I'm assuming she'll be ready when it's time. I guess we'll see. Me, I haven't been involved in school sports or activities. Dance and volunteering keep me busy. That, and the overwhelming home school work that they give us.
I love when Ava sleeps over. She always sleeps over the night before my birthday, even if it is a school night. Our parents have always made the exception since we've gone to the same school and Dad would make sure we were in bed and asleep on time. But I've never spent the night at her house while we were growing up. I was always afraid of being away from my parents overnight. I've started conquering that fear this year, and I would have slept over around her birthday, but I was grounded.
"I like this color" I tell her as she paints a pretty shade of pink on my fingernails.
"Good, because I'm not starting over. Relax your wrist" she orders as she continues. She is being so careful and precise, making sure not to paint any on the sides or fronts of my nails. She is very good at this. When she finishes she blows softly to dry. "Keep still, just like that for twenty minutes" she orders again. Yes, my cousin is very bossy, but I don't mind.
"Thanks Ava, you're really good at this."
"Aunt Mia taught me a few things while we had some downtime at the store. You should come and work there too."
I shake my head and smile. "Nah, fashion really isn't my thing. It's more for you and Aunt Mia."
"And volunteering is your thing?" she asks me with a disgusted look.
"It really isn't that bad" I tell her. "I know you hear volunteering and you immediately think bed pans and vomit and dirty hospital gowns and towels, but it's more than that. The patients are real people and they need our help. I'm learning a lot and I'm really thinking about going into medicine."
"That's cool. I'm sure Grandma is excited about that."
I giggle. "Yeah, she's happy that I'm volunteering, but she doesn't know that I plan to go to medical school."
"You didn't tell her?" she asks as she looks up from my toes.
"No, I'm going to wait on that one. I don't want to get her hopes up in case I change my mind. I told Dad though."
"How did he react?"
"Proud. It was during a time when things weren't going so well between us. It was something positive in a really crappy time."
"Yeah, I know what that's like" she says as she finishes my toes. They look fabulous. "Don't move them" she scolds, which makes me freeze in my spot. "God, painting your nails is like painting Sophie's."
I giggle again. I'm turning eighteen tomorrow but I still feel so young. After my nails dry and the warden allows me to move, I shift on the bed so that I can paint her nails. I take my time and try to do a good job with hers. I have a few slip ups so the Q-tips come in handy. Ava is so good at this stuff, I'm certain she will remove the nail polish by tomorrow and redo the nails herself.
"I'm sorry, I'm not doing a very good job here."
"You're doing fine, Grey. Don't be so hard on yourself." I try to focus and continue with the second coat. As soon as I'm finished I look up at her nervously. "Stop it, they look great. I'll just touch up the sides a little and let them dry."
I start to paint her toenails the same shade of navy blue and find that I'm doing a better job. Maybe I just needed to warm up. It's not every day that I paint nails. Ava paints hers all the time. And she's started to paint Sophie's.
"I really should try to get better at this so that I can do this for Natalie" I tell her. Natalie is going to be three in a few months and she'll probably want me or Mom to paint her nails for her. Right now she's still breaking the habit of putting her fingers in her mouth so we should probably hold off for a while.
"Sophie is all girl" she tells me with a laugh. "She sees what Aunt Mia and I do and she wants to copy us. I love it when Aunt Mia brings her into the store. She is such a mini-Mia."
"She and Natalie are so cute together" I add. "Mom is so happy that they will grow up together. She hopes they will be close like you and me."
"We're close?" she asks me sarcastically.
"Shut up" I say as I throw the nail buffer at her."
"I'm learning a lot from Aunt Mia" she says as she lets her nails dry. "I'm going to study fashion and design. I'm so glad she moved here. Our Moms are great but I feel like Aunt Mia gets us, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. Sometimes I forget she is the same age as our Moms. She acts their age around them, but then when she's with us I feel like she's our age. Let's hope people our age don't have a seven year old. And a five and three year old." I look up and notice that Ava doesn't look well all of a sudden. "Hey, are you alright?" She darts into the bathroom and shuts the door, but I can hear her vomiting. I get up and slowly walk over to the door. When I hear that she's no longer vomiting, I lightly knock. "Hey, Ava, are you alight? Do you want me to come in?"
"I'm okay" I hear her say, but she doesn't invite me in.
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Christian's POV
As we spar, the Kavanagh inquisition starts again. I've never had a younger brother, but if I did I guess this is what it'd be like. The constant questioning is an annoying Kavanagh trait, but the teasing and harmless banter definitely fits in with a Grey sibling dynamic. That, and having no qualms about kicking each other's asses in the ring. I get a few good shots in, as does he. This is just what I need to tackle my anxiety about Phoebe turning eighteen. I swear it was nothing like this when Teddy turned eighteen. I was ready for that, and so was he. Phoebe, on the other hand is my little girl. She is smart and capable, but she doesn't have the same level of maturity that Teddy had at that age. Her sensitivity, often bad judgment and decisions make her vulnerable to the bad things that can happen in life. I want to protect her from that, but it will be more difficult when she's legally not a child anymore.
Ethan throws a punch and I dodge it as he spits out his next question. "So, did you do it? Did you get her a car?"
"I am not going to answer that question" I say as I throw a punch his way for him to block.
"So that means you did" he says and comes at me again. I block him and throw my own punch which makes contact with his stomach.
"Ana and I got her a special gift, but nobody will know what it is until Phoebe does."
"So when do you plan to give her the car?" he asks again. I go at him again but I miss.
"Enough about the car. We didn't get her a fucking car" I say as we end our session and start to take off our gloves.
"Yeah right. Come on, you expect me to believe that you would buy a car for your son and not your daughter?"
"Teddy had his driver's license at seventeen. Phoebe showed no interest in getting her license" I say but I'm not looking at him this time. I was actually relieved when Phoebe decided she didn't want her license. Sawyer drives me everywhere, why would I need a driver's license? I remember her asking me. I just let it go last year. No sense in changing her mind about something I wasn't ready for her to have in the first place.
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Phoebe's POV
Ava is lying in bed and I am sitting up next to her. We have been sitting in silence and watching Mean Girls. We haven't said more than two words since she got sick in my bathroom a half hour ago. I offered to get my mother but she said she wanted to lie down. We're at one of the scenes where Rachel McAdams' character is complaining about being fat. I let out a giggle and look over at Ava. She has tears in her eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing" she says as she roughly wipes the tears away. Of course I don't believe her. I have the remote control in my hand and I press the pause button. "Grey, put the movie back on."
"Not until you tell me what's up."
"Nothing's up" she says in a frustrated tone. "I'm fine, now will you put the damn movie back on?"
I make a face and do as she asks. I don't want to pick a fight with my cousin, but I'm worried about her. I also want to ask her about something that's been on my mind, something so personal and embarrassing, but now might not be the best time. She's in a mood, and she probably won't be able to give me her best advice in her state.
After some more silence and movie watching, she speaks up. "Your brain is too loud. What are you tossing around in there?"
Her question takes me by surprise, but it shouldn't. Ava knows me well. She knows when I am brooding even when she's not looking right at me. Maybe if I tell her what's bothering me, she will reciprocate.
"Ava I need to ask you something."
"What is it?"
I take a breath in and let it out heavily. It's now or never. "Do you think there's something wrong with me, you know, for not doing it with Trevor?"
"Doing it?"
"Sex, Ava" I say, irritated. She smiles and snorts at my response.
"I know what you meant. I just wanted you to say it out loud." She can be a real beach sometimes. "You can be a real beach sometimes."
"Yes, I know. But I'm trying to help you. You need to get out of your head and not be so embarrassed about sex."
"I don't know how to do that" I say sheepishly. The topic of sex does embarrass me.
"Sex embarrasses most people. It's personal and intimate and should only be discussed with people you trust. Have you and Trevor talked about it?"
"No, we haven't" I say. I start to feel shame. "I mean, I should be at that point with him now, shouldn't I?"
"You and Trevor have been together for eight months. But I don't think there's a rule that you have to have sex with your boyfriend after a certain amount of time. Especially at our age."
"What about you and Nathan?" She goes quiet, and I start to regret asking her about it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't…."
"No, that's okay. Nathan and I both wanted it and we did talk about it first. He knew he was my first and he was so wonderful about it. But just because it worked for us does not mean that it will work for everyone. I don't think there's anything wrong with you waiting."
"What if I make him wait too long?" I ask her, worry clear in my voice. "What if he gets tired of waiting for me?"
"I don't see that happening" she says as she looks up at me. The tears have disappeared from her face. You would never know she'd just been crying. "You and Trevor are good together. I see how he looks at you. He respects you. He's shown you that he's not just in it for sex and I think your relationship is stronger for that. Don't be in a hurry to have sex. You'll regret it if you're not ready."
"And when I am ready, any advice?" I feel silly for asking, but might as well since we are already talking about it.
"Talk to him about it first. Talk about contraception and anything you don't want him to do. Oh, and get a Brazilian wax. He'll appreciate that."
"Wax?" Ouch, that sounds too painful. I cringe at the thought of having my most sensitive area waxed.
"Or shave, but waxing lasts longer. I'll go with you if you want."
"You've done it?"
She looks up at me again and nods. "Yes. I won't lie to you, it's painful, especially the front. But it's worth it to not have to shave down there for a few weeks."
I continue to cringe. Waxing? Why do women put themselves through that?
"Anything else?" I ask her nervously.
"Yes, don't be discouraged if your first time isn't all that spectacular. You need to do it a few times before it starts to feel good and natural. You know, get to know each other's bodies and what you both like."
"So it does hurt."
She snorts again. "Yes, but don't let that scare you. It's worth it, trust me."
I cringe again. I don't do well with pain. I'm starting to believe the notion that sex is more for the guy than it is for the girl.
"Okay, Grey" I say as I reposition myself on the bed. "Your turn. What's eating you?"
She shrugs her shoulders and keeps her eyes on the movie. "There's nothing eating me. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me."
"Do you get sick like that often?"
"No, I don't. Only when I eat certain foods that I haven't eaten in a while. I promise, I'm fine."
I still don't believe her, but I decide to let it go anyway.
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Ana's POV
It's Saturday morning, and I am up early making breakfast for my family. Christian agreed to get Natalie up so that I could get a head start on making breakfast and having it ready before the girls get up. Its Phoebe's birthday, and we like to do breakfast in bed when the kids have a birthday. We started the tradition when Teddy turned ten and we felt the kids were old enough to appreciate it and not make a huge mess in their beds.
Speaking of Teddy, he is flying in today to be here for Phoebe's birthday party. We haven't seen him for seven weeks. I miss him so much, I can't wait to wrap my arms around him and just hold him. He's twenty but he will always be my baby boy.
I can't believe my little girl is eighteen today. It feels like just yesterday we were teaching her to walk, teaching her to use the toilet, teaching her to eat with a fork, teaching her how to read and write, washing and combing through her long beautiful but tangled hair. Time goes by so fast. I look down and rub my hand over my growing belly. We get to do it all over again with these babies, but that doesn't replace our memories with our other three children. Every moment with them is so special and I can't help but tear up at the thought of them growing up so fast. Christian walks into the kitchen with Natalie in his arms and catches me.
"You doing okay, Baby?" he asks me gently. He's been so good about catering to my pregnancy hormones and emotional outbursts. I cry at the drop of a hat. He puts Natalie in her booster seat and is by my side instantly. I wipe away my tears as he wraps his arms around me and my pregnancy belly from behind. I feel a gentle kiss on my shoulder and I release a giggle. "I love that sound" he says in his husky voice. I feel something poke into my lower back as he plants more kisses on my shoulder and neck. "Good morning, Mrs Grey."
"A good morning in deed" I agree with him as his erection continues to poke me. I pull away from him and turn so that I can face him. I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss his lips. His lips part and allow my tongue to enter his mouth. Our tongues dance until we are interrupted by yet another special moment. I pull my tongue out of his mouth and smile. I know he felt it too since my pregnancy belly is pressed up against him. "Our babies want to say good morning too, Daddy."
His hands move so that they are on my pregnancy belly. I place one hand there as well as we feel one or both babies kick. I'm not sure, but I'm happy either way. Our babies are in there and they are saying hello. I can't help but tear up again.
"Don't cry, Mommy" he says softly when he notices my tears. "You are giving us a warm, safe and comfortable home until we are ready to come into this world. You are eating right, getting plenty of sleep and doing everything Daddy tells you" he goes on to say. I can't help but giggle again. My husband knows just how to handle me, and at this point I don't mind being handled by this man. As long as it's done with love and respect.
I bring my hand up and place it gently on the side of his face. "Thank you"
"You're welcome, Baby" he says and then kisses me. He goes about getting cheerios and juice for Natalie since breakfast isn't ready yet. I'm making pancakes, bacon, eggs and toast. Once Natalie is settled he kisses her head and makes his way over to me again. "Can I help?"
"Sure. The pancakes are almost ready. Could you butter the toast?" He happily starts the task of buttering the toast. Since all of us like toast I have made ten pieces and set them aside on the warmer while the rest of the food cooks. Once the food is ready, Christian helps me pack it all up so that we can carry it upstairs. He only lets me carry one plate with a pancake that we put a lit candle in, while he carries everything else. We have Natalie walk up the steps ahead of us and we tell her to knock on Phoebe's door. When she allows us to go in, I open the door and we start singing "Happy Birthday" to her. She and Ava sit up in bed and Phoebe has a big smile on her face. This isn't a surprise since we do this every year, but I can see that she appreciates it all the same.
"Make a wish" Christian tells her. She thinks about it for a moment and then blows out the candle. We clap and cheer as we wish her a happy birthday. Christian sets the food down and is by her side instantly, giving her a hug and kiss which she happily accepts. I'm next, but I need to sit on her bed in order to hug her. Natalie is next to me and she is jumping up and down. Christian lifts her onto the bed and she gives Phoebe a big hug. She giggles when Phoebe squeezes her and twists side to side. The girls place her between them in the bed as Christian and I serve the breakfast. I pour orange juice for all of us as Christian puts food on each plate. We only give Natalie a pancake to start with so that we can control a mess in Phoebe's bed. Ava usually eats everything, but today she only opts for the toast and bacon. Phoebe happily accepts some of everything, which of course makes her father happy. We sit and enjoy breakfast together on Phoebe's bed, and I am so happy at this moment. I wish Teddy were already here to enjoy this. He had originally planned to fly in yesterday, but had to change his plans and fly in today. I didn't question it, figured it wasn't any of my business. Christian wasn't too happy about the change but I'd managed to shift his focus to me and planning today's party.
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Phoebe's POV
My parents went all out for my birthday party. I didn't expect this many people to be here. They have invited friends of mine from school and their families, and also the guys and girls on my dance team and their families. Miss Alana, Miss Jenna and Mr Jade are also here with their spouses. Most of Dad's security is here with their spouses, including Sawyer, Brooke and their son Lucas. Trevor's family is here, which really means a lot to me because our families never do anything together. I found out that my father contacted Trevor's parents a few weeks ago and arranged for him and my mother to have dinner with them. They didn't tell me because they wanted to surprise me with having them here. Trevor knew they were coming but kept that a secret from me. Jerk, but sweet jerk.
Teddy arrived a few hours ago, so I got to spend some time with him. He didn't bring Rebecca with him, which I thought was strange. When I asked him about it he simply said it wasn't a good weekend for her to travel, and then he changed the subject. That's Grey code for something's up and he's not talking. But I didn't press him about it. The last thing I want to do this weekend is fight with my brother when I rarely get to see him. I've missed him. We email, text and skype every once in a while, but it's not the same as having him here.
Trevor arrived before the guests because he wanted to give me my birthday present early. He gave me a necklace with matching earrings. They each have my pink birthstone. They are so beautiful. I quickly removed my jewelry so that I could put them on. He helped me with the necklace, and his gentle touch on my neck and shoulders sent shivers up my spine. I think he knew because he stopped and wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my hair. I feel so comfortable with him, but I'm still not sure I'm ready for sex. It's frustrating. Surely it is frustrating for him. Maybe I should talk to him about it, like Ava said. The thought of it all is just making me anxious. I don't know what's gotten into me. Things with Trevor have been comfortable, safe. Maybe that's what it is. It's too safe. Maybe it's the anticipation of Mom having twins. Or maybe it's turning eighteen. I don't feel any different. Eighteen is just a number after all. I can vote, and I'm legally an adult. But what exactly does this mean? I'll still live at home and I'll still live under Mom and Dad's rules. Those rules don't include having or abstaining from sex. Dad once said he wasn't going to forbid it or put a minimum age requirement on it. He said he trusted me to wait until I was ready and with the person I should be with. That doesn't sound like Dad, but he said it, and I think it means more to me now than it did a few years ago when we talked about it. A few years ago, I just wanted him to stop talking about it. Sex was not something that was on my mind back then, but it is now, and it terrifies me. I'm not scared of Trevor, but I'm scared to have sex. I'm scared of not doing it right. I'm scared of how I'll feel after. I'm scared I'll regret it and I'm scared of what it will do to our relationship. Trevor takes my hand and interrupts my thoughts.
"Hey birthday girl, you okay?"
I nod and offer a smile. "I'm fine. I'm just overwhelmed by all this." Okay, so I'm kind of lying to my boyfriend. Only because this isn't the time or place to discuss what is really bothering me. "I didn't expect all of these people to be here."
"They're here for you" he tells me and then kisses my cheek. "Your Dad was determined to make this birthday special for you. Just enjoy it."
I nod and take a look around. There are so many people here, yet I know all of them. These people have one thing in common, me, and that is a lot to handle. I never liked being the center of attention, so I'm grateful to have Trevor by my side, holding my hand as we mingle with everyone. We talk with some of the girls from my dance team and their boyfriends. I have only met a few of their boyfriends since they come and go with some of the girls, but the ones that have been around for longer than a few weeks have gone to competitions and dance shows with us. Trevor has been to a few so he knows most of the guys.
Next we spend some time with my aunts, uncles and cousins in our enclosed patio. We have chilly nights in October but Dad likes to use the patio when we have parties. There are caterers walking around with appetizers and drinks. This blows me away. This is such an adult party, and it's for me. I'm not old enough to drink of course, but that doesn't bother me. I'm not sure I'd drink even when I'm twenty one. We'll see.
One of the caterers announces that food is served, so Trevor takes my hand and we walk into the dining room where a huge buffet is set up with all of my favorite foods. Spaghetti Primavera, Chicken Marsala, Chicken Parmigiana, String Bean Casserole, Potato Casserole, Penne Vodka, Stuffed Chicken with gravy and stuffing, different kinds of salads and different kinds of vegetables. I try to sample a small portion of everything.
After we eat we spend some time with our friends from school. I take note of how some of the boyfriends interact with their girlfriends, and I start to feel anxious again. What is wrong with me? Why is this happening today? I'm supposed to be enjoying myself. It's my birthday, and everyone I care about is in my house. Trevor notices my discomfort and excuses us. He takes my hand and leads me into the foyer and up the steps. My mind is running a mile a minute and before I know it we are in my bedroom. He leads me in, switches the lights on and shuts the door. My anticipation and anxiety are so high right now I am finding it hard to breathe.
"Let's sit down" he says gently. I sit and stare ahead, the wheels are still spinning in my head.
"Why did you bring me up here?" I ask him.
"I thought you could use a break" he says. He is so calm and collected, while I'm a ball of anxiety. I start to feel his hand on my back and it startles me. I flinch and he pulls his hand back. "What's wrong Phoebe?"
I start to feel hot. It's still hard to breathe. I stand and start to pace. I'm not really sure what to do with myself but I know I can't keep still. Otherwise I just might break. He stands and positions himself in front of me so that I have to stop. He gently places his hands on my arms above my elbows and looks into my eyes. "Look at me" he orders, and I look at his eyes instantly. "Phoebe, relax. You are getting so worked up. Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"
"How do you know something's bothering me?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "Well, you're shaking, you're breathing heavy and you're sweating. And I think I know you well enough now to recognize when you are tossing something around in that head of yours. So talk to me. Let me help."
I start to feel guilty. He is being so sweet. Can I really do this? Can I talk to him about my insecurities and my feelings? "Please, Phoebe."
"Okay" I say while releasing a breath. He takes both of my hands in his and we sit down on my bed. I take a few breaths to calm myself down, and he just sits and waits for me. I nod my head a few times before I start. "Trevor, I really like being your girlfriend. I love spending time with you and I always look forward to it. I like how I feel around you. I still get butterflies when I get ready for our dates, and when you kiss me."
"But…"
"I'm afraid… that I'm making you wait too long… for sex."
I peek at his face and gauge his reaction. He doesn't look surprised. Was he expecting this? He looks down and shakes his head. "Phoebe…"
"I'm sorry" I say as I take one of my hands out of his and place it on my forehead. He reaches up and takes my hand back into his so that he is holding both hands again.
"No, you have nothing to be sorry about. Phoebe, are you still afraid that I'll break up with you if you don't have sex with me?"
I feel the tears coming and I have to work hard to keep them at bay. "Yes." It was nearly a whisper, but I know he heard me because I feel him squeeze my hands slightly. He lets out a sigh, and he sounds frustrated, but he doesn't leave go of my hands.
"Phoebe, one of the things I love about our relationship is that we haven't had sex. I feel like our relationship is stronger for that, and more real. If we have sex before we are ready it would be a huge mistake, and we would only regret it. I've seen so many people break up over sex and that's not going to be us."
I take a moment to let his words sink in. He said we. "You said we."
"What?"
"You said…. we. Before we are ready."
He looks down at our hands again and rubs his thumbs along mine. "Yeah. There's a we here. If you aren't ready for something, that means we aren't ready for it. And I will never pressure you, Phoebe. I care about you and I care about our relationship."
I breathe a sigh of relief, but I still feel a bit troubled. "When I see other couples, and how they interact, sometimes I feel jealous of their connection. I can tell they've had sex just by the way they are around each other. And it reminds me of what we don't have yet."
"I don't care about other people. I only care about us. It's not a contest. I don't want to compare us to other people. I just want to be that guy in your life. And when we are both ready for more steps in our relationship, we'll discuss it and we'll make sure it's something we both want."
"You are being so cool about this" I tell him as I lose the battle with my tears. He reaches up and dries them with his thumbs.
"You know I had a girlfriend last year. And you know we had sex. But, I didn't have the relationship with her that I have with you. This means so much more to me, and I won't ruin it. You are my girl and you are the one I want to be with. You are the girl that I am going to take to prom, graduate high school with, struggle through college with, and perhaps propose marriage to someday."
This stops my tears dead in their tracks as I look at him. Marriage, he's talking about marriage? I'm someone he can see himself married to? This just blows me away. He is smiling at me, and I can't help but return the smile. "I promise I won't make you wait until marriage" I say as I wipe more tears from my cheeks.
He reaches up and dries some of the tears with his thumb. "Well, if you do, I will wait with you. I want our relationship to grow at the same pace as us."
"How did I get so lucky?" I'm still crying but I let out a giggle.
"I think we're both lucky. Phoebe, I want you to feel secure in our relationship. I don't want you to feel pressured by what other people are doing or what you think I want. And I want you to trust me to tell you if I'm unhappy about something, just like I'll trust you to do the same."
"Okay" I say with a nod. "I'm really happy with you, Trevor. I'm just afraid of losing you. I let my insecurities get the best of me."
"I think you just need a reminder sometimes" he says with a smile. He leans in and kisses me. He takes his time as he gently places his hands on my face and head. I reach up and put my hands on his arms as our kiss deepens. Oh yes, I'll take this reminder anytime. He pulls out of the kiss and the butterflies are still there. I slowly open my eyes to see him smiling at me. "I have something else for you."
"Another present?" I shake my head. "Trevor you didn't have to…"
"It's…. not a birthday present" he interrupts me. "I was going to wait and give it to you another time, not on your birthday, but I think I need to give this to you now."
He seems nervous as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box. He hands it to me and I hold it for a moment before I open it. When I do, I am shocked by what I see. I almost don't believe it.
"It's a promise ring" he explains to me gently. "My promise to be with you and only you for as long as you'll have me. Will you wear it?"
I hesitate as I take in his words and this gorgeous ring in my hand. He really is serious about us, and waiting until I'm ready. I'm so overwhelmed, yet so relieved and happy at the same time. The tears come again, but this time I don't try to stop them. This boy in my life is so sweet and so caring. He wants me, and only me. And he wants me to wear his ring. I realize that I haven't answered him yet. I look up at him and he is looking intently at me. "Yes, I will wear it."
He smiles at me and takes the box from my hand. He takes the ring out, takes my hand and places the ring on my finger. "Thank you" I say to him, because I don't know what else to say. He leans in and kisses me again, this being the longest and most meaningful of any of our kisses.
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Christian's POV
We have a huge assortment of mini desserts since our family and friends like a variety of different things. And the women of course like the smaller portions. Before dessert is served, we gather everyone into the dining room to sing to Phoebe. I have her sit at the table in the middle of the room, and Natalie and Sophia immediately rush over to her. They want to sit on her lap. Ethan tries to get Sophia to leave her be, but Phoebe insists she is fine. She pulls both girls into her lap for the birthday song, while Trevor, Teddy, Ana and I stand behind her. We light the candles, shut the lights off and sing to her. She makes another wish and the girls help her blow out the candles. Before we cut the cake, several family and friends take our picture, some with Sophia and some without since she wanted down from Phoebe's lap. Ana and I were also able to get a few pictures taken with Phoebe, and then some with all three of our kids.
Most of our company leaves after dessert, leaving just immediate family for a few of the presents. Mia and Ethan gave her about ten new outfits that Mia designed. Carla and Scott gave her a gift certificate to a local spa that she likes. Kate and Elliot got her two pairs of shoes that she told Ava she wanted. Mom and Dad gave her a ticket to see the Christmas Spectacular in November, which she is very excited about. That was their birthday gift to me, Ana and Teddy as well but we didn't tell Phoebe about it. We wanted her to be surprised when she got the ticket on her birthday. Ana of course won't be able to travel with her pregnancy, so she plans to offer her ticket to Trevor. We're down to the last few presents, which are from me, Ana and Teddy. Ana has her open the first one which is wrapped neatly in a box. When she opens it, she doesn't know what it is at first. But when she opens it, the shock is clear on her face.
"You made an album?" she asks softly.
I am standing behind Ana and I have my arms wrapped around her. Ana nods and I can tell she has tears in her eyes. "I've been working on that album for a few years now, and my plan was to give it to you for your eighteenth birthday." Phoebe flips through the pages, and the surprise is still etched on her face. Ana used many photos starting from the day Phoebe was born. She included notes and phrases so that she could remember things and tell Phoebe about the photos.
"This is so beautiful. Thank you" she says as she stands and wraps her arms around Ana. They embrace for some time before I suggest to Phoebe to look through more photos later and open her next present. She happily agrees and opens the next present, which is from both me and Ana. It is a picture of something that she'll need to go outside to see. She looks up at me and has a funny face. "You got me a scooter?"
I laugh and have her follow me outside. She doesn't look amused. I start to second guess our gift to her, but it's too late now. We make our way outside and over to the garage with our family closely behind. When we reach the garage, I pull the tarp away to reveal her present, a brand new four door silver Audi. She gasps and covers her mouth with both hands, while the rest of the family claps and cheers. Trevor comes up behind her and puts his hands on her shoulders. Phoebe clearly was not expecting this, and I don't know if I should take her shock as a good thing or a bad thing.
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Phoebe's POV
They got me a car. A freakin car! I don't know what to say. I didn't want this, never showed any interest in this, but they got me a car anyway. I am feeling so many things right now, but unfortunately happy isn't one of them. I feel Trevor's hands on my shoulders and I welcome the touch. Trevor knows how I feel about driving. I have absolutely no interest. I don't understand why my Mom and Dad got me a car.
Dad walks over to me and I can sense the disappointment already. What am I supposed to say? I don't want to hurt him. Not again. And I don't want to lie and say that I like the car. The tears start to threaten again and I have a hard time stopping them. Dad sees this and wraps his arms around me tightly. I hesitate before I hug him back. "I'm sorry" he whispers to me. "Please don't be upset."
I pull out of the hug once I'm calm, and I notice that the rest of the family has left with the exception of me, Mom, Dad and Teddy. Even Trevor has left to give us some space. Dad runs his hand through my hair and leaves his hand on the back of my neck. "Phoebe, I know you said you didn't want to drive last year. I guess I thought you would have changed your mind."
I shake my head. "I haven't. I'm sorry, Dad. I just…. I don't even have a driver's license."
"You passed the written test" he explains gently. "And you have your learner's permit. You just need to take a few lessons and then take the driving test." He makes is sound so simple. Maybe it is. Have I been making a big deal out of nothing? "I can teach you if you want. We can drive around parking lots and private roads until you are comfortable with driving."
"Why is this so important?" I ask him. "I thought you'd be ecstatic with me not wanting to drive."
"I was" he says with a smile. "But… Peanut, you're eighteen now. And I don't want you to be afraid to try things. Even driving. I want you to try it, and if you still feel that it isn't something you want to do, then you don't have to."
"And the car?" I ask him
"This is your car, Phoebe. You can do with it what you'd like. You can learn to drive in it, you can keep it around until you are ready to drive it, or you can sell it. But I hope you at least try it. It is one of the safest cars on the road."
I think about Dad's words and I nod. I can't believe he wants me to learn how to drive. I don't even want me to learn how to drive. I don't see the point since security drives me everywhere. If I drive, they would just be following me in a separate car like they do with Teddy.
"Okay, time for my present" Teddy says as he stands next to Dad and hands over his present. I open it and see that it is an iPod deck. "It's for the car" he tells me. "So that you can program your music in advance and listen to it while you're driving." He says the last part while looking at Dad, since Dad was glaring at him. I can't help but giggle softly at their exchange.
"Don't worry, even if I decide to drive, my focus would be on the road at all times" I say to them. Dad runs his hand through my hair again while Mom comes over to me and hugs me from the side.
"That's my girl."
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Christian's POV
Ana turns in early after we put Natalie to bed. The house is quiet since our family and friends have left and the last of the caterers had just left a few minutes ago. I walk through the house and find Phoebe sitting on the sofa in the main room. She's looking through the photo album that Ana made for her. I pour myself some wine and join her.
"May I sit?"
She nods and offers a small smile. We look at some photos together in silence before she speaks up. "Dad, thank you for the car."
"You're welcome" I say as I stroke her hair. "I know it wasn't something you were expecting…."
"No" she interrupts me. "It's not, but I think it's a good thing. You were right. I need to try things and stop being afraid."
"I was right?"
"Don't sound so smug. Did you mean what you said? I can take driving lessons?"
I nod and purse my lips. "Yeah, I meant it, but I also meant it when I said that I could teach you."
She nods but she doesn't voice a response. We continue to look at photos together. Phoebe was a beautiful child, still is. I'm reminded of how much she resembles Ana. She always had long brown hair. She has Ana's eyes and nose, and she was always small and thin. Too thin for my liking of course. There are many photos with her and Teddy growing up, many of her and Ana, many of her and me, and then a few with us as a family with Natalie. Ana also included some photos with aunts, uncles and grandparents. There are also many with Ava since they spent a lot of time together. Most of the photos have them making silly faces or playing dress up.
"Where was this one taken?" she asks me. She points to a photo of me holding her on the beach. She was five months old. I didn't even know Ana had taken that photo.
"That was in Malibu. We vacationed there when you were five months old."
"It looks like the sun was setting, or rising."
I nod and smirk. "That was sunrise. You didn't sleep well while we were there." I remember it like it was yesterday. We rented a beachside condo for a few days when Teddy was two and Phoebe was five months old.
I wake to the sound of my baby girl crying. I'm groggy as I sit up and roughly wipe the sleep out of my eyes. Ana sits up too but I convince her that I've got this. I stand and walk around the bed until I reach the portable crib that we bought for the purpose of bringing our babies on vacation with us. I bend down and lift Phoebe into my arms. She is hysterically crying even as I hold her. Ana sits up again and we go through the list of things she could be crying about. She can't be hungry since Ana had just nursed her an hour ago. I check her diaper and she is dry. I check her mouth and gently put some baby orajel on her gums. After some time she is still crying, screaming even. I have to convince Ana a second time that I've got this. I decide to leave the bedroom so that Ana could get some sleep.
When I reach the downstairs living room, I walk around and lightly bounce Phoebe in my arms while whispering things to her. Normally this would calm her down, but it is not working at the moment. "You are going to be a challenge for Daddy, aren't you?" I look outside at the beach and an idea comes to me. I lay my screaming baby girl down on the sofa in front of me while I quickly drag my shirt off over my head, and I strip her of her pajamas and onesie. She is still crying when I pick her up and hold her against my chest, skin to skin. I grab one of her many baby blankets that we brought with us and walk outside as I wrap it around her back. It is warm outside, but I know that babies get cold a lot sooner than adults do. I'm not taking any chances. I slow my pace as I step out onto the sand and walk toward the ocean. She starts to calm and her crying stops. This calms me too since I've finally been able to calm my daughter.
I walk along the beach just where the ocean hits for some time while holding Phoebe to my chest. I think she's asleep, but I decide to keep walking back and forth along the shore with her in my arms. I kiss her head a few times and breathe in the lovely scent of baby shampoo. I am so tired, but being awake to care for my daughter is worth losing sleep over.
I feel a big smile on my face at the memory of Malibu. Once I wake from my daydream I notice that Phoebe has fallen asleep. Her head is rested below my shoulder. I carefully remove the album from her lap and set it aside. I then reach for the blanket hanging over the sofa and drape it over her. She stirs slightly but then settles, keeping her head on the spot below my shoulder. I'm able to get comfortable and I place a kiss on her head. "Good night Peanut."
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