A/N: So, everyone who mentioned it in there review were glad that Callie was started to open up, however I did get a PM from someone who thought that Callie was opening up to quickly so, I just wanted to clarify something before I carry on. There are a lot of issues that Callie has to work through so it won't be as simple as Callie now being able to open up as if there has never been any issues. She will start trusting them more but it won't be straight away. Anyway, thank you for all the reviews, I really enjoy reading them so please keep them coming. Also, sorry if there are any mistakes, I didn't proof read due to pure laziness.
CHAPTER 4
Despite the fact that Callie had hardly slept that night, she still was willing to go into school so she could talk to Monte. Stef and Lena would much rather her stay at home until she was feeling better but Callie was adamant that she wanted to do it today.
That meant that there morning arrangements had to change, with Brandon driving everyone to school in Lena's car while Stef and Lena were going in later on with Callie in Stef's car. Once they had spoken to Monte, Stef was taking Callie home while Lena stayed at work until the school day was over.
Stef and Lena, despite being in the bathroom and nowhere near their alarm, still managed to wake up with time for them to cook breakfast before everyone needed to leave for school. When they woke up, they also woke up Callie and helped her to her room where she would be able to sleep for a little bit longer as she didn't have to leave as early as the others. They then woke everyone else up and reminded them to be quiet as Callie was sleeping before making their way downstairs to make breakfast together.
While cooking, they didn't hear any arguments about the shower or how long anyone was taking in the bathroom and Stef wondered if anyone was actually up or if they had all gone back to sleep the minute her and Lena had come downstairs. She told Lena she was just going to check to make sure everyone was up and getting ready for school before she walked up the stairs. As she did so, she found everyone up and getting ready, just at a much quieter level than they used to.
It made Stef realise how much they had all grown up over the past couple of weeks, how much they had all had to grow up. And Stef was sad that she hadn't realised it before now. She had been so focused on Callie and making sure she was alright and making sure everyone else was thinking about Callie and what was best for Callie. She and Lena, although checked that everything was okay, hadn't really thought about how everything was going to affect them, they had been so focused on Callie that it hadn't occurred to them that the others would have been affected so much. She assumed that if they were having a hard time, they would come to them. And sometimes they did. Jude would come to talk to them about what was going to happen and Mariana would tell them how worried she was and Jesus would shrug, not really okay but not willing to talk to about it. Aside from Brandon, who was always telling them that he was fine, they had all spoken to them about something.
But this was different, it was almost natural for them to start acting more mature and Stef wasn't sure if they even realised they were doing it. And although Stef was grateful that they were taking Callie into consideration, she didn't expect them to be mature all the time and she knew it was important that they still got a chance to do something fun and act the age they were, rather than the age they felt they should be to deal with this. She made a mental note to talk to Lena about something they could do together as a family before returning downstairs.
The rest of the morning went without a glitch and everyone set off with enough time to get to school without being late. Lena went to Callie and Mariana's room while Stef got dressed. She knew that Callie would still be asleep and she hated that she had to wake her. But Callie had wanted her to, she had wanted to go today to talk to Monte, despite her not feeling great, which meant that someone would have to wake her at some point because it was likely she would sleep through most of the day.
Stef and Lena had reasoned that going in the morning would mean they could come home and Callie could spend the rest of the day in bed and it was also less likely that any of the other students would see her, which they knew she wanted. So, Lena knew it had to be done. But looking down at her sleeping she looked so peaceful and calm, knowing how much she needed the sleep after she was up all night long along with it being one of the large, common side effects of her chemo to be tired afterwards, made it almost unable for her to wake her.
It was the simple fact that she knew they had to go that made her bend down next to Callie's bed and place her hand on Callie's back. She spoke quietly, hoping that it would mean Callie was woken up better than if she went about waking her in a loud manner. It took a while, but eventually, Callie was awake and, although slightly groggy and annoyed that she had to been woken up instead of allowed to carry on sleeping, once she realised that she had been woken because she was going to the meeting with her principle, she was thankful that Lena had woken her.
Stef had managed to get dressed and make Callie something to eat and bought it upstairs so Callie was able to stay in bed while eating instead of having to get up. Callie tried to tell them that she wasn't hungry, however they told her that she had to eat something and Stef placed the food down. It was only a slice of plain toast and a glass of milk, but the thought of eating made her stomach flip slightly.
But she knew that Stef and Lena were right when they told her she had to eat something, especially after she had lost everything she had eaten yesterday during last night. So she drank some of the milk and she had a couple bites of her toast. And she didn't complain that Stef and Lena sat on the end of her bed watching her. And she didn't put up a fight about this meeting that she really didn't want to go to.
Because she had already put Stef and Lena through enough without her complaining to them about something that she had to do anyway. They had already helped her enough and were worried enough without her arguing about them making sure she ate. And she knew they weren't doing it to annoy her, they just cared a lot and to Callie that felt really good, because no one had really cared about her like Stef and Lena had in a long time. And they might decide that they didn't want her anymore and that she was too much work if she put up any arguments now. And, despite what they said about her still being their daughter even though she wasn't adopted, she wasn't really, and they could change their mind about wanted to foster her at any time and she could be put straight back into the system. So she was trying to make it easier on them. Before now, she wasn't sick, and she knew how much harder it was to look after someone who was sick.
Once she had eaten and Stef and Lena had stopped trying to get her to eat anymore, realising that it wasn't going to happen, Callie got dressed in a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans and went downstairs. She found Stef and Lena doing the dishes and she felt instantly bad as she knew it was her turn to be doing them this week.
"I'll finish the dishes," she told them stood in the doorway.
Neither Lena nor Stef had realised she was stood watching them and jumped slightly when they heard her voice.
"Don't worry about it, we're almost done. And we're going to be leaving in a minute anyway. Are you ready to go?" Stef asked, turning around with a dish in her hand, drying it.
"Are you sure? It my week to do the dishes," Callie informed them.
"Of course I'm sure, you can do chores when you feel better," Stef told her.
Callie resisted the urge to mutter out the word if. If she felt better. If she got better. They didn't even know if the chemo was going to work or what would happen afterwards if it didn't and it was all bound to get worse before it got better. She appreciated the optimism from them, but sometimes it got too much, as if they were trying to protect her from the truth. Or maybe they were just trying to protect themselves. Callie had no idea what it was like for them to have a daughter who was sick, and she was surprised that neither of them had broken down crying yet, but perhaps they were telling themselves that she would be okay so they didn't break down. She knew that they knew she might not, but she wasn't sure if they had truly accepted it. She wasn't sure if she had either, if it had really sunk in, after all she hadn't been upset over the thought of never getting better, she hadn't even been upset about being ill, and she didn't really know if one day everything would suddenly sink in and she would start crying and not be able to stop.
"Okay, I'll go put on some shoes," she told them, then turned to go and find some shoes.
Once she had left the room and gone upstairs, Lena and Stef shared a look. They were making progress with Callie but they didn't feel as if Callie trusted them that much or realised that they didn't blame her for getting sick or that they didn't mind if she couldn't do her chores. They weren't sure how they were going to get her to understand that, they just hoped that she would realise before she got really sick. They finished doing the dishes and made their way to the front door where Callie was waiting for them.
The car ride to the school was pretty silent, aside from Lena and Stef trying to make small talk with each other and trying to get Callie to join in so she wasn't busy worrying about the meeting, however Callie gave them short answers, or nothing at all, instead pretending to be much more interested in her phone. She thought she would be okay, and that she would be able to do this without feeling nervous. But she could feel the nerves building, and once they pulled up in the car park, Callie didn't really want to get out of the car.
But she didn't want Stef and Lena to think she couldn't do this, so she got out the car and walked behind them to Montes office. Lena had called to say that she had to talk to Monte, but she hadn't given a specific time so they had to wait a while before she was free to talk. That made Callie even more nervous. And she wasn't really sure why. She could probably get away with not saying anything or even paying attention to what they discussed. Perhaps it was because this would make it more real, it would start affecting her life properly now, and she didn't know if Monte would allow her to stay at school.
Her doctor had told her that at some point she wouldn't be able to go, either because she was too ill or because her immune system was so weak it wasn't safe for her to be around so many people every day where she could easily get ill, and everything would be a lot more severe for her compared to other people who weren't having chemicals pumped into their bodies. But that wasn't yet, and she hoped Monte would be able to see that she was okay for now and that she was still able to come in and do the work. And she hoped that this would somehow put Stef and Lena's minds a little bit to rest about her pushing herself every day to make up for her school work.
Stef saw Callie picking at the seat out of the corner of her eye. She could tell she was nervous, and she was surprised that she was showing it, when she first came into their house she didn't show nerves or how scared she was, but the way she acted told them that she was nervous and scared. Now she wasn't pushing them or being rude, she was just nervous and it was nice to see how much she had progressed since she first arrived. How much more comfortable she was around them.
Stef placed her hand over Callie's and gave it a light squeeze, hoping she was able to pass some support by the touch, or let her know that this would go okay and that she wasn't alone. Callie looked up and offered Stef a small smile, hoping she would be able to tell her that she was okay. She knew it wouldn't work, she knew that Stef and Lena were able to read how she was feeling much easier than they used to, but that didn't stop her trying. She was just glad that Stef hadn't told her, again, that it would be okay. She was able to interpret her action as one of support, rather than one that told her things would be okay. Because they might not be, and she wanted to scream that at them whenever they tried to tell her that.
Monte arrived shortly after that and apologised for keeping them waiting. Callie tell she was surprised that she was there as well and assumed that Lena hadn't told her what this was about. Her stomach was doing flips while they followed Monte into her office, and she regretted eating any of the breakfast Stef and Lena had bought up to her that morning.
Stef and Lena did most of the talking while she sat looking down at her lap. She didn't know why, but she felt embarrassed, and they thought of Monte looking at her like everyone did when they found out she was sick, with so much pity in their eyes, prevented her from doing so, because she didn't want their pity and she didn't want them worrying about her, because it wasn't their job and it made her feel bad because she had made them worry.
Listening to Stef and Lena explain the situation was hard, because, even without looking at them, she could tell that they were trying so hard not to cry. She could tell that they were trying to avoid the word, they had all been trying to do so since they found out what was wrong, but she wasn't sure how they were doing to tell Monte what was wrong without them actually saying it. And they didn't either. They hadn't planned out what they were going to say, and nothing they were saying really made much sense or followed on from what they had previously said, they couldn't finish their sentences and they hadn't really told Monte anything.
That was why Callie decided to speak, because it was unfair that they had to explain her situation and feel so uncomfortable and unprepared for this, because they didn't deserve that. She should have told them that she would go by herself and she would talk to Monte and that she would sort it out. She was sat between the two, so took their hands to grab their attention and when they looked over to her, she nodded and smiled. They had both stopped talking, confused with what Callie was trying to tell them, so in that moment she took the chance to speak to Monte. She had no idea what she was going to say, but at least she was taking that away from Lena and Stef.
"I don't know what Lena told you about why I have been missing lots of school and why I haven't been catching up on my work, but, uhh, I'm sick," Callie said, without looking at Monte.
She knew that didn't really explain much, she was sure that Lena had already told her that she was ill, which was why she had been excused from missing school these past two weeks. It only then occurred to her that she hadn't been the one to explain to anyone that she was ill, and that she didn't really know how to go about this, Stef and Lena had told the others as well as their own parents, while she had completely avoided talking about it. Perhaps talking about it was a good way for her to get used to the idea, to actually accept that she was ill.
"I have bronchogenic carcinoma, more specifically a type of adenocarcinomas, which is called, uhh," she paused, trying to think of what it was called. The doctor had explained it a few times, and she had been working on remembering it all but some of it was really hard for her to remember how to say, and before now she didn't have a need to remember how to say it because she hadn't had to explain what was wrong to anyone.
However, Stef and Lena had both done research on what type of cancer Callie had and they both knew what it was so were able to fill in where Callie didn't know how to explain.
"It's called bronchioloalveolar carcinoma," they said at the same time.
Monte had no idea what any of that meant, so Stef and Lena took to explaining it, which they found much easier now that Callie had started for them. They still tried to avoid saying that Callie had cancer, but they eventually had to, which resulted in some tears. After that, Callie stopped listening to what they were saying. They had started discussing what was going to happen and how the school could help, and Callie really wasn't interested in that. Stef and Lena could tell her later, as they had with other things that they had discussed with doctors when Callie hadn't really been paying attention there either.
She was focusing on trying not to be sick. She hadn't felt well since they had arrived, and it had only been getting worse as she sat here. She was hoping that she would be able to not throw up until they got home. She didn't want to interrupt the conversation that was going on between Stef, Lena and Monte and she hoped that they would be finished soon, and she really didn't want to throw up at school, she would have no control over who might see her and that was something she didn't want anyone else to know about.
Stef, who was listening to Lena and Monte discuss school, was getting slightly bored. She didn't really understand how it worked, and she was glad that her wife worked at the school so knew what Monte was talking about. It was much easier for her to stop listening to what they were talking about now, rather than if she had to pay attention. She also knew, that if there were any questions or concerns they could ask Monte and Lena would be seeing her every day, so decided that it didn't really matter that much if she stopped paying attention and instead looked around the office.
She tried not to make it to obvious that she wasn't paying attention, so didn't turn around to look at anything and didn't stand, as she didn't want them to think that she didn't care about anything that was going on or what was going to happen, because that wasn't the case. She did care, it was just that she would much rather get Callie home so she could rest and she didn't know what they were talking about when they were discussing different parts of the subject courses that Callie would miss if she left school now and how hard it would be for her to catch up with them. She looked down at Callie, who had remained silent through the meeting aside from when she spoke earlier to Monte and noticed that she didn't look great. She hadn't looked well when they had left that morning, but she had put that down to nerves and Callie had assured them that she was fine.
However, now it was different, she was pale and she looked as if she was sweating as her forehead reflected the lights that were on the ceiling above them. She also had her eyes shut tightly, as if she was trying to block out the light or get rid of a headache. Stef moved from the chair she as sat in so that she was knelt in front of Callie on the floor. The movement gained both Lena and Monte's attention and worry set in both of them.
Lena turned herself so that she was facing Callie rather than Monte and placed her hand on the girl's forehead. She was hot to touch but she was shivering slightly.
"Callie, what's wrong, do you feel sick?" Stef asked, making sure she kept her voice down.
If Callie did have a headache, her shouting and being loud was just going to make it worse, and she really didn't want to do that now. Callie wanted to mutter out an "I'm fine," however that seemed like a lot of effort and that made her change her mind about what to tell them, so she nodded her head. Although, that made her head pound so she stopped.
Stef looked up at Lena hoping she understood what she was trying to tell her. Luckily they had perfected their ability to communicate without actually talking, so Lena was easy able to understand what Stef was trying to ask her. She knew how Stef felt about these situations so it was easy to try and understand what she was trying to ask her, and she knew Monte so it wouldn't be awkward for her either, they could easily continue this conversation over email or when Lena was working one day.
"Sorry to cut the meeting short Monte, but we need to get Callie home. We can continue this another day, perhaps, I should be in tomorrow," Lena said, not wanting to make any promises about her ability to come into work.
If they had to take Callie into the hospital during the night or she got any worse she would probably stay home to look after her along with Stef. She knew Monte would understand, but she didn't want to make any empty promises.
"It's no trouble, can I do anything to help?" Monte asked, a little overwhelmed by the whole situation.
She had gotten to know the two women and how much they cared for their children. She didn't exactly understand how they were able to care and love a child who wasn't biologically theirs as much as they claimed to, but she saw it in them while they were all in that office. She had seen the fear and worry and concern like she would expect with any other parent who was talking about their ill child. She had no idea how they managed to both have full time jobs as well as look after 5 teenagers, one who was sick, but she admired it.
"Could you fetch a glass of water?" Stef asked her from where she was positioned on the floor.
She knew Callie was unlikely to drink any of it, but she knew that Lena would try and tempt her. Monte left the office and made her way into the staffroom which was right next door to get a glass of water and when she returned Stef was nowhere to be seen and Lena had taken her place on the floor in front of Callie. She handed the glass of water to Lena, who answered the question that hadn't even graced her lips yet.
"Stef went to bring the car out front, so Callie doesn't have to go very far," Lena told her, never taken her eyes off Callie.
Monte nodded and returned to her chair, not really knowing what to do with herself. She wanted to offer some sort of help but she really had no idea what she could do or even if they would want her to help them. She didn't know if she should offer some words of comfort or remain quiet. She could hear Lena whispering softy to Callie, who hadn't opened her eyes of replied to anything yet and Monte couldn't begin to imagine how this must be for all of them. She made a mental note to talk to the teachers of all their children, just to make sure they were all aware of what was going on and to ensure that the children wouldn't get into too much trouble if they didn't complete their homework on time or they missed a couple days off school.
Stef came back into the office, and Callie, who had heard their discussion about Stef moving the car stood so she would be able to walk. She wobbled slightly, which she hoped went unnoticed by Stef and Lena, however she wasn't so lucky.
"Callie, I'm going to carry you to the car, there is no way you can walk all that way," Stef said.
Callie who was about to make a comment about Stef's inability to lift her was surprised when she felt herself being picked up off the ground. She felt ridiculous but it was much better than having to walk all that way and despite herself, she leaned into Stef.
They all left the office with a small bye from Monte, who was still shocked about what had happened and got Callie in the car. Stef wanted to drive quickly so that Callie was able to get home and to bed as soon as possible, but from the groan from the back seat as she began driving, she drove slowly the whole way.
She ignored the words yelled at her and the car horns that were honked at her all the way to the drive way. Because she didn't care about anyone else. Because she wanted to do what was best for her daughter. And she hoped that seeing Callie had persuaded Monte to not allow her back to school, because at the moment she was sure that would make Callie worse rather than better.
A/N: So, I didn't want to include the whole conversation with monte, as I felt that would be kind of boring to both write and read, I just put in parts that I haven't already talked about and wouldn't give anything that might happen later on away. And I know that I didn't include anything on how they found out Callie was sick, like I said I might do in this chapter, but I promise that I will later on, I'm still trying to figure out where I should write it in and whether I should do it as a flash back or as a conversation between someone. Also, it feels as if I haven't updated this in forever, for which I am sorry about, but hopefully this is okay. Please leave a review and let me know if you're enjoying this, because I do kind of feel this is boring at the moment, although it should get a lot more interesting and there will be more mentions of the rest of the family, rather than just Callie, Stef and Lena soon. But I think this chapter was pretty crap, it didn't really go how I wanted it to and I just feel like it dragged on forever. Thanks! Also, if anyone wants to know about any of the stuff I wrote about to do with the cancer, I'll explain here, it's pretty sciencey and I'm not sure if it is 100% correct, I'm not a doctor:
Bronchogenic carcinoma is just science talk for lung cancer. This is classified into two types; small cell lung cancers (SCLC) and non-small cell lung cancers (NSCLC). I've written it so that Callie has NSCLC, which is most common and has three main types which are; large cell carcinomas, squamous cell carcinomas, adenocarcinomas. Adenocarcinomas is the most common and is seen in non-smokers. They arise in the outer areas of the lungs and can spread to the lymph nodes and beyond. Bronchioloalveolar carcinoma is a subtype of this which frequently develops at multiple sites in the lungs and spreads along the pre-existing alveolar walls.