"So, you like my skirt?"
Connie asked, buttoning up her coat as she stood behind her desk.
"Your skirt?"
Rita grinned and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, I like your...skirt."
She said, glancing to the other woman's legs. Connie narrowed her eyes, watching how Rita tilted her head to one side to get a better look.
"What're you thinking?"
She asked, buttoning the last button and moving slowly around the desk, stopping just before her and pushing her hands into her pockets.
"I'm imagining running my hands up your skirt..."
"Nurse Freeman!"
Connie exclaimed with mock shock, and Rita bit her lip against a laugh, her straight white teeth making perfect indentations in the soft pink flesh.
"Well, perhaps we can do something about that tomorrow evening."
She said quietly, removing her hands from her pockets and slipping them about Rita's waist, pulling her closer so that she could smell the other woman's hair, and her perfume, a smell that had the ability to make her realise that nothing else mattered...
"Tomorrow? Are you sure that's not too early?"
Rita asked, her face raised to meet her eyes.
Connie drew in a breath. They were both painfully aware of how difficult it would be to spend that night apart after spending so many together. It would be their first night alone, in their own beds, in their own houses, and the thought of it made both women nervous.
"Grace will have to meet you eventually."
Connie said slowly, thinking.
"There's a circus at Trinity Park tomorrow afternoon. I could invite one of Grace's friends..."
She paused, looking down at Rita. How beautiful she was, even now, with her make up mostly worn off after a long shift, and her brown eyes tired.
"And you could come?"
She added, noticing the flicker of a smile behind Rita's eyes.
"As your friend?"
She asked, with mild amusement.
"I will tell her..."
"Oh! No I didn't mean...I wasn't pushing you to tell her. I just..."
Connie kissed her gently on the lips, stopping her mid-sentence.
"I know."
She murmured, her lips brushing Rita's as she spoke, and with a sigh she pulled away and let her hands fall from Rita's waist.
"Walk with me?"
She asked, reaching out for her bag that she had placed on her desk and Rita gave a slight nod of her head, mortified to realise that she felt a lump within her throat as she realised that she was going home alone.
Connie adjusted her bag onto her shoulder, smoothing out the straps before glancing back to Rita whose face was lowered.
"Rita?"
She touched her arm and Rita smiled and shook her head. She could never seem to speak when her throat ached like this, instead she had to wait until it passed.
Connie drew her close and wrapped her arms about her, holding her tightly.
"Is there a friend you could ask to come and keep you company?"
She asked quietly, knowing full well what it was that was causing the glassy eyed look within her dark eyes.
Rita cleared her throat twice and swallowed hard against the lump, but even when she did speak her voice still sounded thin and strained.
"I'll be fine."
She whispered, unconvincingly.
"I'll just miss you..."
She added, her voice breaking and she sighed at herself, realising how ridiculous she looked. Connie squeezed her closer and kissed the side of her head, brushing her lips back and forth against her hair.
"I'll miss you too."
She murmured, frustrated that she couldn't think of a way around this. There was no reasonable excuse as to why Rita would have to stay with her tonight once she had picked up Grace, and she didn't want Grace to find out about them so soon after arriving...
"What will you do?"
She asked, feeling the sting of tears within her own eyes.
Rita shrugged within her arms and laughed slightly.
"I'll probably just curl up on the sofa in my onesie, eat my weight in chocolate and watch 'You've Got Mail'. The DVD's a bit scratched up and in parts it goes at double speed and makes Tom Hanks sound like a hamster..."
She paused and leant back to look up at Connie, noticing how glassy her own eyes had become.
"But that and a glass of wine will cheer me up."
She added, and it was her turn to stand on tip toes to kiss Connie who smiled against her lips.
"I'll ring you when Grace is in bed."
She whispered, feeling her own voice catch, and Rita nodded.
They stood for a moment, just holding one another and thinking about how they would miss this, when they crawled between the cold sheets of their separate beds later, until finally Connie cleared her throat and Rita knew it was time to leave.
Walking side by side they left the office, moving in step with one another, so close together that their arms never broke contact, and Charlie couldn't help but watch them and smile as he glimpsed them leaving through the double doors.
Outside the wind still wailed and shrieked around the corners of the hospital, blowing cigarette packets and the plastic lids of disposable coffee cups scuttering up and down against the curb.
Rita walked Connie to her car, and stood with her arms folded about her chest and her head bowed, her chin beneath the collar of her coat as she watched Connie open the door and fish about in her bag for her keys.
"I'll see you tomorrow?"
Connie asked, looking up once she had located them.
Rita nodded, pushing her hair back behind her ears that whipped about in front of her face.
"The circus."
She confirmed, with a forced smile. She knew that once she woke up tomorrow she would be looking forward to it, but now, watching Connie leave she felt as though her heart were falling out of her body.
Connie swung her bag into the passenger seat and ran her hands down the front of her coat, glancing about them, spying Max and Zoe by the entrance, heads bent together as they shielded a lighter from the rain, and Cal who was standing just inside the entrance, his phone raised to his ear as he scanned the car park with his eyes.
"I wish I could kiss you..."
She whispered into the wind, and Rita barely heard her, but she saw the move of her lips and instinctively she knew what she had said and she tightened her arms about her chest, worried she might reach out for her if she didn't.
"Tomorrow."
She said instead, and Connie gave a purse of her lips and a brief nod of her head.
"Tomorrow."
She repeated, and with a glance back she slipped into the drivers seat of the car, pulled the door shut behind her and clipped her seat belt into place.
Rita stepped back as she reversed from the parking space, raising a hand in return as Connie pulled off and she was left to exhale a breath into the air, a breath that clouded and dispersed before her as Connie's car disappeared and she turned to walk home, head bowed, grateful for the rain that disguised her tears.
Connie could feel the wind buffeting against all sides of the car as she drove, and she had to narrow her eyes to squint through the wind screen despite the wind screen wipers working as fast as they possibly could.
With one hand she turned on the radio, desperate for something to take her mind off of Rita, and the nervousness that she felt building up within her chest.
The radio blinked yellow and music she couldn't identify began to play. She adjusted herself in her seat. She wondered if Grace would have changed in the short time she had been away...would she be glad to see her?
She glanced out of her side window as a Land Rover over took her, and she was caught up in the slip stream, the body of her Mercedes shuddering, the tires hissing against the water on the road.
She wondered, as she drove, who all these people in their cars were leaving behind, or who they were driving toward, and if they knew that in the distance, the echo of their tires on the tarmac sounded like a river, and that to someone like her, it could all seem like a dream, driving in the mist that sprayed from the tires in front.
She shifted again in her seat, leaning forwards, willing the rain to lessen. The music had stopped and she could hear the drone of a man's voice, though she couldn't make out the words. Instead she thought of Rita, and their relationship. Never before had she imagined she would find herself in a relationship with a woman. She smiled to herself, she had never imagined it would be so different...so much more than she had ever felt before.
She turned off the main road, following the signs to the airport and glancing to the time. It seemed oddly surreal that she was about to welcome Grace home, and she couldn't help but let her mind wander, imagining everything that could be, splayed out before them – the road, the clouds, the sky, all the elements of a future, the sort that you have to put together by hand, slowly and carefully until the world was hers once more. But surely she could do it, surely if she worked hard enough she could convince Grace that this was where she wanted to stay? She would be better this time, she convinced herself, now she had Rita, she felt calmer, more in control, more able to be a Mother now that she had somebody by her side.
She sucked in a breath. She knew she would have to think about telling Grace about her relationship with the nurse eventually. But right now, she was sure that it was best to keep it from her. After all, people hid their truest natures from their children all the time, didn't they? What sort of world would it be if people bled all over the streets, if they wept under trees, smacked whomever they despised, kissed strangers, revealed themselves? It would do no good to tell her so soon, she was convinced of that. She would allow them to get to know one another first...
She rolled her shoulders, relaxing herself. She had thought she would feel tense, but instead the nerves seemed to ease and she felt an odd calmness take her over. Was this the way people felt at the instant they leapt into rivers and streams? Was it like this when you stood on the train tracks, went to a country where no one spoke your language? That was the country she was in most of the time with Grace, a place where Grace heard what she said but not what she meant, a place where she wanted to be known, but no one knew her.
She pulled up into the car park, in a space as near to the airport entrance as possible. She parked and glanced into the rear view mirror, checking her reflection, running her fingers through her hair to smooth it despite knowing that the wind would do as it wished with it as soon as she stepped out of the car.
She opened the door, having to force her weight against it as the weather threatened to push it closed again. Once out the wind knocked the breath from her body. It was ice cold and shocked her through the warmth of her coat. She shivered and lowered her head as she made her way as quickly as she could to the air port and in through the doors.
She pushed her hair from her face, feeling the warmth of the overhead heaters blow her hair from her face, and the doors opened and closed behind her. She stood for a moment, gaining her bearings and glancing about herself.
A board in the distance showed the incoming flights and she made her way over to the screen that blinked up yellow writing that flickered as she stared up at it.
Flight BA0180 from JFK landing at 18:00 blinked up as having arrived on time. She glanced at her watch, it was one minute to six. She looked up again. Gate 6. She repeated it to herself as she moved through the crowds of people, all swarming in different directions, pushing against her and pulling her with them all at once.
Eventually she reached the gate. Men, women and children were lined up about the barriers, talking, laughing, some crying as they waited.
She stood back, her arms folded across her chest, watching the various passengers as they began to make their way out. They all had that look about them, as though plane journeys left behind a residue that was obvious to those waiting for them, it stuck to them and made them feel disorientated and sluggish.
She pressed her lips together and raised herself up out of her heels to try to see over the heads of the women in front of her, and then, all of a sudden, there she was, running towards her, her hair loose, whipping about her shoulders, her arms out stretched, her face flushed and smiling.
Her little girl.
-1-
A long chapter as promised! I hope you all enjoy it. Once I've put the children to bed I will update again :) xxx