Thanks for all the positive reviews from the last chapter. I try to update as fast as work and life permits me. Anyway, here is chapter 17. Hope you enjoy.
Oh hell what was that noise? Urghh it is splitting my head in two. Why won`t it stop? I rolled over in my bed and opened a heavy eye. Oh crap my head! It was my alarm clock. Is it time to get up for work already? No please...let me sleep. Before I could even turn off the alarm clock a giant arm appeared from beside my bed and smacked the clock so hard that it smashed. Holy Shit! I yelped and sat up. A bleary eyed Jacob popped his head up from beside my bed and smiled sleepily at me. What the fuck was he doing here? His sleepy gaze travelled from my face down to my chest. I could have sworn his eyes turned darker as he regarded me hungrily. I looked down and squeaked as I realized that I was just in my panties. I hastily covered myself up with my duvet. Oh crap, he had just seen my breasts. I felt my face burn.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I whispered to him. His eyes travelled back to my face before he answered me.
"You asked me to stay." He said simply, laying back down on the floor and vanishing from my view. I peeked over the edge of the bed and saw him laying here on top of a pile of my clothes, morning boner threatening to peak out of his boxers, with my bra in his hand. Oh sweet Jesus.
"I would never!" I snarled, ripping the bra out of his hands and boxing him on the chest.
"You would and you did. Last night. You asked me to stay with you." I looked at him with narrowed eyes. So I wasn`t dreaming. And Jacob had seen me almost naked. What a pervert.
"Nothing...happened...did it?" I didn`t feel sore and my panties were still on with was a good sign. Jacob looked pissed.
"I would never take advantage of a drunk girl...no matter how much she begs." He said scornfully, hopping up and putting on a pair of cut-offs.
"I would never beg." I said nastily. Oh shit. Did I beg him to make love to me? That sounded like something I would say when I had my guard down. I looked around my bed and floor for something to put on. Jacob picked a t-shirt from the floor and threw it at me.
"Turn around." I commanded.
"Nothing I haven`t seen already." He sniggered at me but complied anyway. I put on the t-shirt and got out of bed.
"Your room is a mess." He commented. Looking around him with interest. We never really stayed in my bedroom before, it was too intimate and I didn`t trust myself around him in here. He picked up a pair of my pointe shoes and studied them.
"Don`t you have somewhere to be?" I said pointedly. I was still angry with him.
"Nope...all yours." He smiled and put the shoes neatly on my dresser. He picked up my jewelry box and looked inside.
"I need to get ready for work." I said, grabbing my dressing gown and slippers.
"Go ahead. I`ll be ready to take you when you`ve finished." He still thought that he was driving me to work after what had happened the other day?
"Jacob. You`re not driving me anywhere anymore. Understand?"
"It`s not safe!"
"Don`t give me that! God..."
"I`m sorry about what I said yesterday." He whispered.
"Okay so you`re sorry. Doesn`t mean that I forgive you though." I opened the door of my room and stomped down the hall to the bathroom with Jacob hot on my tail.
"Listen...let me make it up to you `kay."
"How? By teaching me to add and subtract?" I asked sweetly. His face turned hard.
"You`re impossible you know that!"
"I`m not a push over you mean!"
"I don`t mean that! I would never want you to be a push over." He placed his warm hands on my upper arms and massaged a little. Damn that felt good.
"No, you want me to be Bella." I said bitterly. She was so the type to forgive easily.
"I don`t want you to be her Sonia! How could you even think that!" I looked anywhere but into his eyes. "Please look at me. Please Sonia." I met his eyes. He looked angry. I probably looked hurt.
"Because it`s true Jacob." I pouted like a child.
"It`s not true. You drive me insane you know that?" He pulled me into a warm embrace, resting his head on top of mine. I wanted to hug him back but I couldn`t. He was lying. He wanted me to be Bella. "I`m sorry Sonia. Please let me make it up to you." He begged again. The imprint bond was making him feel guilty about what he said to me yesterday. He meant what he said.
"I dunno Jacob. Let me shower first `kay." I whispered into his chest before gently pushing him away. He let go of me hesitantly. As soon as I was alone and under the hot shower shampooing my hair I thought about what he said. If I let him make it up to me, if I trust him again, he would only end up hurting me another time. I decided I would broach the subject of me dating someone else when I finish my shower. It was only fair since he was dating Bella in a weird round-a-bout way. I needed something normal.
"Hey Jacob?" I said as I sat down with a coffee at the kitchen table. He was demolishing a doughnut and had a giant glass of juice in his hand.
"Mmm?" He said with a mouth full of doughnut. I looked at him for a couple of seconds. He swallowed and said "What?"
"I was thinking of getting a boyfriend." It came out so correct and business like that Jacob just looked at me shocked for a couple of seconds before startling me by gripping his glass too hard and shattering it. I looked on as the orange juice dripped off the table and onto the floor. We looked at each other for a couple of seconds. Jacob`s face showed no emotion but in his eyes a storm was brewing. I was scared.
"A boyfriend? Who did you have in mind?" He said in a flat voice. I knew he was angry. He had no right to be. He didn`t want me as his girlfriend.
"Nobody in particular." I said in a light voice that betrayed my fear. I got up and got a wash cloth to clean the mess from the table.
"I don`t believe you." He said with a dangerous calm. Why did I have to say it to him now?
"Why not?"
"Because...because look at you." He waved his hand vaguely in the direction of my body. "You`re...you`re so beautiful! Any man would fucking give an arm to have you." He thought I was beautiful?
"Jacob listen.." But he cut me off.
"Yeah..go ahead. Go date someone. Some dick." He started to pace the kitchen. Oh man here it comes. "If he touches you though..." He looked at me threateningly before almost pouncing on me with such speed that I squeaked. "You`re mine." He said in a low growl. "My imprint. No one else`s." Oh God. I felt my heart beat harder out of fear. I had never seen him this way. So bestial. So possessive. So fucking dark. So wolfish.
"Jacob...snap out of it." I whispered. He looked like he was going to ravish me right here in the middle of the kitchen. He didn`t move his body or his eyes away from me. "Stop it Jacob!"
"If that`s what you want." He whispered before slowly moving away from me. I was shaking a little. He went and stood at the sink, facing away from me shaking as well. Oh no. Please don`t phase. Not here. I had never seen him do it since the incident although I had seen his wolf a couple of times when I was at Sam`s and Emily`s. "Jacob...I don`t know what to say."
"Don`t say anything more Sonia...please." He faced me with hurt written on his face.
"We...me and you...we agreed to be friends didn`t we. We agreed that we didn`t have anything...romantic going on." I said carefully.
"We did. You`re right. You can...date whomever you want...see who you choose." He said indifferently. The change was shocking. I looked at him steadily.
"You`re okay with that?"
"Why shouldn`t I be? Afterall, I don`t think of you that way. I have Bella." But you don`t have Bella Jacob! I wanted to scream at him. She doesn`t want you! She wants Edward! She only gives you pain and hurt and you suffer it all because you`re an idiot!
"Yeah...you have Bella." I said instead.
"I need to go now...go home...get changed." He said quickly. So he didn`t want to drive me to work today?
"Okay. See you later then." I said. Grabbing my keys from the key bowl. I wanted out of here and away from him.
"Be careful...driving and stuff." He said as he exited through the back door. It seemed like he didn`t want to look at me.
"Yeah..course..don`t worry." I said brightly. Could I sound anymore fake?
"Yeah right." He muttered under his breath as he finally left. I watched him run into the woods at the back of my house and vanish from sight with a tight knot of pain in my chest.
As I was getting into my car a horrible, anguished howl ripped through the air, frightening me so much that I whacked my head against the door frame. Shit man! Was that Jacob? I knew it was him. Look like he phased already. And he was pissed for sure.
Driving to work gave me time to think. With all the scary shit that happened today I totally forgot about my hangover. Fucking Jacob. What a mentalist! I understood that he had this possessive streak because of the imprint. But that didn`t mean I had to play by his rules. If it were up to him he would be fucking me and still seeing Bella. He would be thinking about her while making love to me. Fulfilling all his sick fantasies. I wasn`t going to let that happen. I was worth more than that. What the hell was I getting out of my relationship with Jacob? Fucking nada. He got all moody and sullen when I didn`t stroke his ego or give him what he wanted. He found new and inventive ways of hurting me when I talked back. He would wave Bella in my face because he knew that I was jealous of her. Screw him! I was going to get me a boyfriend! I was going to forget Jacob and have a normal life while he was running after Bella like the love sick idiot that he was. I am confident. I am beautiful. I am independent.
I parked my car outside the bakery with five minutes to spare before my shift started. I tried to calm myself down enough to get through the next six hours of work. Think about bread. Think about cakes. Think about coffee. Think about anything but that dipshit.
All in all work passed by without any incident. No cute guys came in that I could talk to, only middle aged couples looking for croissants and pastries. At least today is payday! When my boss Jim gave me my paycheck and wished me a good day I decided I would go shopping. A bit of retail therapy always cheered me up. I got a coffee to go from the bakery and headed towards the limited number of shops that Port Angeles had to offer. I bought new panties and bras. Two sweaters and a dress plus a load of new make-up. Jacob said that he liked me to look natural, that I didn`t need make-up, well I didn`t need him, and I wanted to wear make-up.
Exhausted and feeling a bit sluggish from lack of food I headed to Starbucks to get another coffee and a muffin. I sat down with my bags, coffee and muffin and opened the new Game of Thrones book that I bought on impulse. I lost myself in the world of Westeros. After a while I noticed a guy sitting a little way away looking over at me. I frowned at him before trying to concentrate back on my book. I knew he was still looking at me though. When I looked up again I was proved correct. He was good looking. Native American but not from La Push. He looked to be about twenty-one or twenty-two. He smiled at me and I smiled back. Oh man! What luck I have. He motioned to whether I wanted him to join me. I nodded my head and removed my bags from the extra seat. He came over with his coffee and book and sat down. He extended his hand.
"Robbie." He said when he shook my hand.
"Sonia." I replied. He smiled at me warmly when he sat down. He eyed my book.
"Game of thrones, nice. I`m on Dance of Dragons now."
"I`m only on Clash of Kings. Don`t spoil anything for me." I giggled. Oh Sonia, you old flirt.
"I won`t. So...you from around here?" He asked. He had nice eyes. Soft eyes.
"From La Push. You?"
"A Quileute. I`m from the Makah rez." Nice, so he would be close at hand.
"Cool. I love it up on the Makah rez. You guys have great beaches."
"I know right. So, just finished shopping or something?"
"Yeah, got my paycheck today so I thought I`d treat myself."
"I know what you mean. Got mine today too, hence the new book." We laughed at that. He was so nice. This was so nice. Just plain normal. What a break!
"So, how old are you?" Robbie asked, a bit unsure. Crap.
"Seventeen." His eyes widened a bit. "I`ve scared you off huh?"
"Nah, I`ve just turned twenty." He smiled widely at me.
"I guessed you were around something like that."
"So Sonia."
"So Robbie."
"Would it be too soon to ask for your number? I`m on my break and I don`t want to take the chance of not meeting you again." YES! PLEASE! YES!
"Yeah..sure...here." I said, I hope not too desperately. We produced our mobiles and swapped numbers. Robbie left waving goodbye and I was left happy with a cute guys number. Take that Jacob. At least somebody likes me.
When I drove home, the feeling of excitement slowly drained away. Jacob would be mad. So fucking mad. I learned from my time around these wolves that their tempers are mercurial. Ready to snap or change at any provocation. It had almost happened today. I knew Jacob had to use every shred of self control he had not to phase then and there. Dare I risk poking the sleeping wolf again? Honesty would be best with Jacob. He wasn`t that complicated. Just sit him down. Tell him how I feel. What I wanted. What we would do. I drove on to the Black`s house. I hoped Jacob was in. I prayed he was. I was taking the biggest chance of my life here. Should I just back out now.
When I got to his house I steadied my nerves and knocked at the door. I heard heavy footsteps approach the door before it was flung open. Jacob looked at me impassively.
"What do you want?" He said indifferently.
"I`ve come to talk to you." I said as nicely as I could.
"I can`t handle any more from you today." He shut the door in my face.
"Jacob. I...I...love you." I said into the closed door. Oh God! I had to say it. I needed to say it. He had to know how I felt! Why hadn`t he come back yet? I knew he heard me. He could hear a fart before it left ones ass. I heard his footsteps thread back to the door. He opened it again. This time he looked confused. We stood there looking at each other for a while. Why isn`t he saying anything?
"You...love me?" He asked softly.
"Yeah." I was so lame. But I needed to tell him how I felt.
"Really?" He asked again. I looked up into his eyes and took his hand.
"Yes Jacob." He cupped my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb. Please kiss me. I need to know how it feels.
"Why are you telling me this? To make me forget about Bella?" There was a hint of an accusation in his voice.
"No Jacob. I`m telling you this because I got a boys number today. I`m telling you because I need to know how you feel about me. I`m telling you so that if you tell me you want to be with me then I can delete his number." Jacob pulled me inside of the house and into his tiny bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Before I had time to react his mouth descended onto mine. Oh GOD! Yes. Yes. Yes. It was so right that it ached. It was so perfect that I moaned into his mouth with joy. Our tongues battled it out before I submitted to Jacob`s ferocity. I let him push me onto the bed and lay on top of me. It felt wonderful like this, his hot body brushing against mine sent me into overload. I wanted more of him. So much more. I wanted to make love to him. One of his hands found its way under my sweater and under my bra. He caressed me the way a teenager would. Greedily. I knew he was a virgin too, but I was probably more experienced than him in the fondling department. He pinched one of my nipples gently which made me grow slick. My roaming hands found their way to Jacob`s button and fly. Slipping one hand into his boxers I grasped his gigantic hard on and stroked its length.
"Ohhh ahh Sonia..." He moaned on top of me. He sounded so...vulnerable? He made to undo my jeans but I stopped him.
"Jacob...tell me that you love me too. Tell me you feel the same way." I whispered up at him smiling. I wanted him to say it before we made love. He kissed me for a long time instead. I broke away and made him look at me again. I searched his eyes. Troubled eyes. Please no.
"Sonia I...I do love you. I want you so bad."
"But are you in love with me?" I asked. I already knew the answer.
"Sonia I...I can`t lie to you..." I didn`t let him finish. I fought my way out from under him sickened.
"Sonia..come on...please." Jacob groaned into his hands. He tried to pull me to him again but I smacked his hands away.
"It`s fine Jacob. It`s just...not the right time now is all..." I corrected my bra and sweater and did up my jeans. I glanced over at Jacob who looked...sad.
"I do love you Sonia...you have to believe that."
"I know you do...the forced love...the imprint love. I get it."
"You don`t get it."
"I took a very big chance Jacob, telling you...what I did. Just don`t hold it against me in the future." I asked him.
"I would never do something like that." He vowed.
"You would Jacob. The next time you don`t get what you want from me. This will be waved in my face along with that bitch you`re always running after."
"You can`t be angry with me for being in love with her."
"I`m not that selfish Jacob." I took his face in my hands and made him look up at me.
"I know you`re not Sonia. I.."
"I think...I deserve to be loved Jacob. I want a boyfriend. I want someone to make out with and have fun with."
"We can do all that stuff." Was he not getting it?
"No Jacob, we can`t! I can`t...not with you...not with my feelings and your lack there of."
"I don`t think I could handle you being with another guy. I know I couldn`t."
"You`re gonna have to try. How do you think I feel? With you constantly going on about Bella."
"I was doing it to make you jealous."
"Why?"
"Dunno."
"Shit Jacob. We need to..."
"Sort this out."
"So..what do we do?"
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