I grab ahold of Tobias' arm to steady myself physically and emotionally. I can't believe I'm hearing what I think I'm hearing. Faith is dead. Sam killed her? No, that's impossible. She is … was our strongest female fighter, the best female transfer. Hell, she beat Alec and gave Brody a run for his money so categorizing her as just another female is completely unfair. I look up into Tobias' eyes, realizing that I have to say the words I don't want to, and his expression goes from concerned to horrified in a split second. I don't know what my face is betraying but it must be bad.
"Tris, are you still there?" Zander asks after he rendered me speechless.
"Yeah," I choke out.
"I'm getting ready to do an autopsy to determine exactly what the cause of death is. Is there anything you can share with me about her fight?"
"Sam hit her in the jaw and knocked her out. When she fell, she hit her head on the edge of the mat," I say.
"Was it a hard blow?"
"It didn't seem like it was," I say. "It seemed more like a lucky punch."
"When she fell, did her head hit the wooden floor?"
"The way it looked to me, it hit on the very edge of the mat but it's possible," I say.
"Okay," he says. "Thanks, Tris."
"Thanks for calling, Zander." I turn my phone off and look at Brody who's still sparring with Grant. This is going to be very hard on him. Hell it's going to be hard on everyone.
"What is it, love?" Tobias asks, full-fledge panic setting in.
"Faith," I whisper, trying not to alarm the initiates. "She died."
"What?" he says much too loudly, stunned by the news. Everyone stops what they're doing and looks at us. It's obvious by the looks on our faces that something's wrong.
"Zander doesn't know why but she never regained consciousness and died a few minutes ago," I say. "He's getting ready to do an autopsy." I turn my back to block out the stares of the misfits, especially Brody's. "I don't know what to do, Tobias. How are we supposed to tell them?" He transforms into Four, eliminating all visible emotion and steadies himself for what he needs to do.
"Transfers, gather round," he says, his voice deceptively calm and cold. The ones who are still in the training room gather around us. "We just got some information from the infirmary, and I'm afraid that I have some bad news. We don't have any details but Dr. Parrish just called and informed us that Faith died." Confusion dominates the expressions on the transfers' faces, and they all look toward Brody who starts slowly shaking his head.
"This is some sort of sick joke, right?" he says. Grant puts his hand on his shoulder in a show of support but he shakes it off. "This has to be a joke. She can't be gone. She just can't. She's all I have left in this godforsaken world." He runs both his hands through his hair and falls to his knees, an anguished look contorting his face. "No, not my sister." Sister? A hushed gasp sounds in the room. I didn't know they were related. I look at Tobias to see if this is news to him but he's staring at the transfers with his Four mask firmly in place, and I can't get a read on him.
"You can all go for the evening," Tobias says. "We'll have additional details first thing in the morning. Sam, Brody, please give us a minute."
"I killed her?" she whispers. I can tell she is desperately trying to hold back tears. "Oh, my God! What have I done?"
"Sam, you didn't do anything wrong," I say.
"What do you mean she didn't do anything wrong?" Brody wails. "She killed her." He gets up off his knees and charges toward her but Tobias steps between them. His hard look stops Brody in his tracks.
"I don't know why she died but what I do know is that it was an accident. We all stood right here and witnessed the fight, even you. Nothing about it was out of the ordinary. I never would have guessed this would happen or I would have stopped it myself," he says. "I'm sorry for your loss. The death of a loved one is never easy. I didn't know she was your sister. We're you twins?" That seems unlikely.
"No, we have different mothers but we're just as close as twins. Or we were," he says. "I'm three months older than she is … was." He turns his back on us and screams at the top of his lungs. It's a visceral, primal sound that cuts right to the heart of me. The mother in me wants to wrap my arms around him and comfort him but I know he wouldn't want that.
"Sam, you need to remember that you didn't do anything wrong," Tobias says.
"If you need to talk, please come to me, okay," I say to her. "You're not alone." I can see crushing guilt on her face before she hangs her head and her long brown hair conceals her remorse. "Go see your friends. Lean on them." She heads toward the door then stops and looks back at us.
"I'm so sorry, Brody," she quietly says then runs out into the hallway.
"I need to see Faith," he says.
"I'm afraid that won't be possible for a while," Tobias says. "Dr. Parrish is performing an examination so he can determine what killed her." I pull out my phone and quickly send Zander a message asking if he's started already. He responds almost immediately telling me that he hasn't. I ask if it's possible for her brother to see her first, and he consents to waiting.
"We'll take you to the infirmary, Brody," I say. "Dr. Parrish will wait for you. Four and I will go with you. Just give me a moment." I jog to the other side of the training room where Uriah and Christina stand, oblivious to the drama that's been unfolding right behind them. "Christina!" I have to yell to get her attention. "We have a situation. Faith died after her fight. We just found out that she was Brody's sister. We're taking him to see her. The transfers were released for the night since the fights were pretty much over. I'll tell you more when I have some answers." She's speechless, which is totally out of character for her. She nods and I hurriedly return to Tobias and Brody. "Let's go."
We walk to the infirmary in strained silence. Even though it only takes us a few minutes to exit the training room, cross the Pit floor, and enter the infirmary, it feels like an eternity passes. I'm surprised when all the transfers including Kevin who was sent here after his fight are in the waiting room, and I see that Brody is, too. Zander is waiting at the intake desk for us. He immediately takes Brody to see Faith. Tobias accompanies them but I stay in the waiting room. After they disappear through the set of double doors, I'm bombarded with questions I don't have answers to.
"Like Four said earlier, we don't know what happened," I say. "We'll know more tomorrow morning. What I do know is we all need to pull together and support each other now more than ever. Brody is going to need all of you even if he acts like he doesn't. So is Sam."
"You didn't do anything wrong, Sam," Alec says, reinforcing what I told her earlier. He drapes his arm over her shoulders and pulls her close to him. All the other misfits gather around her and give her warm words of encouragement. Where is the jealousy and backbiting that went on last year? I wish my class could have pulled together like these guys are doing right now. I guess it was the limited number of slots that bred that tension-filled atmosphere.
"Tris," Christina says as she walks into the waiting room, pulling me from my reverie. "What happened?" I quietly tell her everything I know. "Holy crap! That's awful."
"I have to go get the kids. They have to be picked up by 6:30. If I don't leave soon, I'm going to be late," I say. "I tried to get Stella to watch them but she's still in Erudite. Will you tell Four where I am if he comes out while I'm gone? I'll be back as soon as possible." I hurry to the daycare center and get there just in time. "I'm so sorry I'm late, Mrs. Wheeler. We've been dealing with a tense situation this afternoon, and I lost track of time."
"It's okay, Tris," she says. "I'll get Tyler and Tessa for you." I get Tessa's stroller out of the corner and ready it for her.
"Mommy!" Tyler says as he comes running to me. He looks around and frowns. "Whewe Daddy?"
"We'll meet him soon, buddy," I say. Mrs. Wheeler puts Tessa in the stroller for me as I tuck her diaper bag under her seat.
"Tessa had a bottle at a little before 6 p.m., and I just changed her into a clean diaper," she says. "You guys have a good night."
"Thanks," I say. "We have to go to the infirmary, Tyler. That's where Daddy is." His eyes get really big and his bottom lip starts quivering. "Oh, honey, he's not hurt. He's with the transfers, working."
"He otay?" he sniffs.
"Yes, buddy. I'm so sorry I scared you. He's fine. Are you alright?"
"I otay," he says. When we walk into the infirmary, all the misfits turn as one and look at us. Tyler grabs ahold of my leg and hides his head. I sit down, and he crawls up on my lap. He buries his head in my chest, being shy. Christina takes Tessa out of the stroller and sits down next to me. It feels like 10 sets of eyes are boring into me.
"This is Tyler," I say, smoothing down his hair. "And this is Tessa." I glide my hand down her cheek and she grins at me. "Have Four and Brody been out?"
"No," Christina says. We wait for an additional half an hour and still hear nothing. Tessa falls asleep against Christina's chest and Tyler starts getting hungry and restless.
"Tyler needs to eat," I say to Christina.
"So do you," Tobias says, coming into the room. He's a sight for sore eyes. Brody, red eyed and blotchy nosed, is beside him.
"Why don't we all go to supper?" he says. "It's getting late, and there's nothing more we can do here. I've been assured that we'll have answers in the morning."
"I'd like to thank all of you for coming. It means a lot to me," Brody quietly says. "Faith wasn't just my sister, she was my best friend, my only friend. It's not going to be the same without her." His eyes search the crowd and land on Sam. He tenses but doesn't make a move. "I know it was an accident." Tyler pats my tummy, and I look down at him.
"My tummy hungwy," he says.
"I think Four is right," I say. "We need to eat. Come on." Tobias picks up Tyler who wraps his arms around his neck and lays his head on his shoulder. We head out of the infirmary with the transfers on our heels and go across the Pit floor, into the cafeteria, and straight to the nearly empty food line. We are later than normal but all of our friends are still at our table itching for information. After getting each of us a plate, we sit down. I expect an inquisition but the table is suspiciously quiet. We eat in near silence and finally it gets to be too much.
"You all are very quiet tonight," Tobias says, reading my mind. This opens the floodgates. They fire question after question at us, and we give them as many details as we can, as many as we know.
"Guys! The truth is ... We. Just. Don't. Know. It's a tragedy pure and simple. She was one of our best initiates. She would have don't great things for Dauntless but she's gone." I'm tired of talking about this sensitive subject in front of Tyler. He's paying close attention to everything that's being said, and now he's very clingy. "We need to get the kids home."
"Come here, buddy," Tobias says. "We'll see you guys later." He picks up Tyler, and we head toward the Pit but we don't make it very far.
"Four!" Tori yells, capturing our attention. She comes jogging through the thick crowd, which parts like the Red Sea. "I'm glad I caught you. I'm sorry but I need you for a couple hours tonight."
"Meet me in my office in an hour," he gruffly says. "It's been a very long day, and the kids need to get to bed."
"One hour," she says and turns and walks away and I sigh.
"Something wrong?"
"Isn't she supposed to be doing your job during initiation? Now you're doing your job, her job, and you have your family to think about. What does she want anyway?"
"I guess I'll find out when I meet her," he says. I frown. It's been such a long day. I just want him at home with me and the kids. It's probably selfish but I don't care. "Come on, let's go home." We unhurriedly make our way up the path to the Pire then go up to our apartment. Tyler doesn't make it half way home before he falls asleep while resting his head on Tobias' shoulder. He immediately takes him upstairs and puts him to bed as I sit down on the couch with Tessa who woke up on our walk home. She's all smiles tonight, which makes me feel better. I take my blood pressure, and it's high just like I expected it to be. Hopefully, playing with the baby will relieve some of my stress.
"I don't want you to go," I say when Tobias comes into the living room. He sighs as he comes and sits down next to me.
"Love, you know I have to," he says. "I may have turned the reigns over to Tori but I'm still the leader of this faction, and I have responsibilities."
"I know but I don't like it," I say. He furrows his brows at me.
"This isn't like you," he says. "You're usually very understanding when it comes to Dauntless business."
"We had an initiate die today, Tobias," I say. I take a deep breath and start to say something then stop. "Never mind." I don't even know what I want to say right now. He's right this isn't like me. "I'm going to bed."
"Don't be angry with me, Tris," he says.
"I'm not," I say, although it doesn't sound like I mean it. I get up off the couch, kiss his cheek, and head upstairs without looking back. I know I'm being irrational right now, which adds an additional layer of guilt to the plethora of emotions I'm already feeling. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones or the stress of the day but I'm not feeling very well. I go into Tessa's room, change her diaper, and put her in a fresh onsie. I sit down in her rocking chair and rock with her until she falls back to sleep then I gently lie her in the crib. I take her baby monitor with me into the bathroom and fill the bathtub. I put a little coconut oil in the stream then slip into the relaxing hot water. I close my eyes and try to relax but it's useless. I'm wound too tight.
"May I join you?" Tobias asks from the doorway.
"I'd like that," I say, a small smile crossing my face. He silently strips off his clothes and deposits them in the hamper then slides into the tub behind me. He wraps his arms around me, and I relax into his hard body. How does the simple touch of his body to mine calm me so? "I'm so sorry, Tobias. I was being selfish and grouchy earlier. I know your job is important."
"It was so unlike you, love," he says, kissing my exposed neck.
"What did she want anyway?" I ask.
"Honestly, nothing that couldn't have waited until morning, and I told her so," he says. "I think because she doesn't have a family she forgets that others do."
"I'm still sorry. I should never try to make you choose between me and your duty," I say.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything," I say.
"Are your hormones running wild again?" he softly asks after a moment of silence. "And before you tear my head off I just need to know."
"Did they ever go away?" I chuckle.
"Thank God you're laughing," he says, kissing my shoulder once again. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I say. "Have you heard from Zander?"
"No," he says. "Have you checked your blood pressure?"
"Yeah," I say. "It's elevated, which doesn't surprise me. We've had a lot of stress today. That's one of the reasons I'm taking a bath. I'm hoping it relaxes me."
"It has been one hell of a day," he says. "I'm glad you didn't go in with Zander, Brody, and me. It was very emotional. Did you have any idea she was his sister before his announcement this afternoon?"
"I knew they were close, and I could see it wasn't romantic but I had no idea that they were actually related. Do you think he's going to make it?" I ask, worried about how Brody is going to deal with life in general without his sister by his side.
"I don't know," he says. "There hasn't been one day since they found out they share the same father that they haven't seen each other, and that was when they were 5 years old. Can you imagine that? Having someone ripped out of your life because of a lucky punch. I'm having a hard time justifying continuing fight training, and I told Tori that. She doesn't understand my point of view. She looks at Faith as just one initiate who didn't make it through the rigors of training. I see it as a failing on my part."
"Why is that?" I ask, confused. "You just said that it was a lucky punch. That has nothing to do with you."
"I've never told you this but I didn't revert initiation to its original state," he says. "I left some of Max's and Erudite's influence intact, and maybe if I hadn't done that, she'd still be alive."
"What are you talking about?"
"Not that many years ago, initiates used to wear protective gear during the fights," he says. "I'm sure it's still here in Dauntless somewhere. I can't see Max throwing it out since he didn't agree with Erudite's plan. Maybe we should look for it."
"I don't know, Tobias," I say, turning to look into his face. "I think we should see why she died before we change things midstream. There's already next year."
"Maybe you're right," he says. We sit in the cooling water, me wrapped in his arms not saying anything for the longest time. He moves his hands down to my tummy and cradles it lovingly. "How are you doing now?"
"Better," I say, feeling blissfully relaxed. "We should probably get out though. I'm getting cold, and Tessa will be wanting fed shortly. You need to check your phone for a message from Zander." We get out of the tub and dry off. I slip my robe on as he drags on a pair of sleep shorts. Tessa's lying in her crib whining around the fist that's in her mouth. "Are you hungry, little one?" I pick her up and carry her into our bedroom. I prop up several pillows against the headboard then sit down, leaning against them so I can nurse her. Tobias comes in and lies down beside us and puts his phone on the bed.
"He hasn't called yet," he says. "This waiting is frustrating."
"Try not to think about it," I say. "Concentrate on something else." He picks up his phone, puts it on the night stand, and moves closer to me. We stare down at Tessa as she nurses. He kisses my shoulder and sighs.
"I love you, Tris," he says. "You're a wonderful mom. Our kids are blessed, and so am I." I rest my head against his.
"I love you, too, Tobias," I say. "We all are very fortunate to have you." He kisses my neck, making me close my eyes and moan. "Please don't do that. Not when I'm feeding her."
"I'm sorry, love," he says. He sits straighter and puts his arm around me and kisses my temple. The only sound in the room is Tessa's suckling until his phone rings. He immediately answers it and listens carefully, only interjecting an occasional uh-huh or grunt. "Thanks for calling, Zander. Please send him to the dorms. We won't enforce his curfew tonight. He hasn't been disruptive, has he?" I hear Zander's voice coming through the receiver. "I didn't think so. Thanks again." He tosses the phone to the side and turns back to me.
"Faith had a preexisting aneurysm, and when her head hit the ground, it burst. He's surprised she didn't die instantly. He said any one of the fights could have killed her. She had a ticking time bomb in her brain and didn't even know about it." The mention of an aneurysm makes me think of my dad and all the problems he's had since his beating earlier this year. I'm so thankful that nothing like this happened to him.
"Maybe initiates should have a physical before they can start training in the future," I say. "Maybe the aneurysm would have been found, clipped, and this tragedy could have been avoided."
"That's an intriguing idea," he says. "I'll talk to Zander about implementing that program. It wouldn't hurt to give this year's initiates one just in case. Are you sure you want to go to part time? I like you being my second, Tris."
"Tobias," I say, a little whiny. "I thought we already agreed on this subject."
"I know. I'm sorry," he says.
"Are you having second thoughts?"
"You could still be my second in command and work reduced hours," he says after he's quiet for a while. "I should have been honest with you from the beginning. I don't mind you working less hours. I really don't. Our kids deserve as much attention you can give them but you have such a unique way at looking at things. You've done so much for Dauntless and the city in the 10 short months we've been leaders. Imagine what you could do throughout your lifetime. Just promise me that you'll think about it."
"As long as I don't have to leave the Pire very often, I don't have to think about it," I say. "I love my job. I just love you and the kids more."
"Good. I don't want Tori to be my second," he says. I slowly narrow my eyes at him. I know I was irritated with her earlier but this seems out of character for him. He and Tori have always gotten along so well.
"Is something going on with you and Tori?" I ask.
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"Is everything okay between you two," I ask. "Things seem ... strained."
"If I'm being totally honest, I'm having a hard time letting go of my anger over the Olivia thing," he says. "You and Peanut could have died, and she acted like she didn't care. If the roles had been reversed, I would have kicked the person out no questions asked."
"I think she did the right thing," I quietly say. I know this could cause him to explode. "Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful on so many levels that she's not here anymore. Until today, things have been so much better but you were too close to that situation. I was, too. You couldn't make an unbiased decision and she could."
"I'm still pissed," he mutters.
"And that's fine," I say. Tessa releases my nipple, and I hand her to Tobias so he can burp her. He likes having a hand in her feedings, too, plus it gives them extra bonding time. It's my turn to stare at him while he tends to our daughter. He looks at me and I smile. "You look really good doing that."
"Burping our daughter?" he says with a chuckle. I'm glad his bad mood seems to have vanished.
"Yes," I say. "She loves you, Tobias."
"I know she does," he says. He pats her back until she burps loudly, and he kisses her head. I try to nurse her some more but she won't latch on. She lies in my arms and stares up at us. Soon her eyelids start fluttering, and she yawns a perfect little "O." "Go to sleep, Pebbles."
"Mommy and Daddy love you, little one," I say. She closes her eyes and starts suckling in her sleep.
"We have something in common, she dreams of your breasts, too." Oh, Tobias! I laugh to myself and shake my head. He carefully lifts her out of my arms and takes her to her room. I hear him talking to her through the baby monitor and I smile. Who would have thought that a curly, black-haired little girl would bring him to his knees? I certainly wouldn't have dreamt that when I first met him. I take my long, pink robe off and slip between the sheets. The long day has me dragging, and I can't wait for my head to hit the pillow.
"Are you tired?" Tobias asks as he slides into bed beside me. He glides his hand down my arm as he kisses my neck. My body comes alive due to his close proximity but my mind is still weary and craving sleep.
"I am, baby," I say. His face only falls slightly. He caresses my face and leans in and gives me a soft goodnight kiss then I roll over, and he molds his body to mine, wrapping me in his loving embrace. I close my eyes but sleep eludes me. After 15 or so minutes, I roll in his arms to find him awake also. "I think I need some help falling asleep."
"You too, huh," he says. "Do you want some warm milk or maybe a massage?"
"I'd rather have you," I say, scooting myself up so that we're face to face. I move to kiss him but he puts his finger against my lips.
"You said you were tired, love," he says.
"I changed my mind," I say, capturing his mouth in a possessive kiss.