What's going on around here? First Murphy has a full-fledged nervous breakdown during weapons training, then the bitch goes off the reservation and makes a play for my husband, Faith is accidentally killed during a practice fight, and now one of our initiates has taken their own life by jumping into the chasm. My heart rate picks up in my chest, pounding painfully as it reaches a rapid pace. My breathing becomes shallow and quick, and my eyesight grows dark around the edges. All of a sudden I'm transported back in time one year to when a suffocating feeling overtook me as I watched another initiate pulled out of the chasm.
"Hey, Tris, are you okay?" Will asks, sounding very far away. I can tell everyone is looking at me but I'm not really seeing them.
"Shit," Tobias mutters under his breath. He puts his hands on either side of my face and stares deeply into my eyes. "You've got to calm down, love. Think of Peanut. Breathe with me." He coaxes me into the relaxing deep breathing exercises, and I finally feel a tranquility envelope me. "Are you okay?"
"Sorry, flashback," I murmur, not only embarrassed by my absurd reaction but by the fact that so many witnessed it. "Who jumped, Will? Was it Brody?"
"Actually, I didn't wait around to see who it was," he says. "I left Simon and Tony in charge of getting the body out of the chasm and to the infirmary and came to find all of you." The four of us purposefully walk from the daycare center, across the Pit floor to where a large crowd of Dauntless has gathered by the chasm edge near the railing.
"Back up," Tobias forcefully says using his public Four voice. "Everyone, back up … now!" The gawkers finally move out of our way just in time for us to see Purple-Hair zip up Sam in the large black body bag. Absentmindedly, I think we must only have one size of body bag here in Dauntless. It was too small for Al but it's entirely too large for her.
"We should have checked on her," I mutter, mainly to myself. We were so focused on Brody that we didn't think twice about what she was going through. "I know she was upset but I didn't know she was this upset."
"Will, do you know where Uriah and Christina are?" Tobias asks.
"We're right here, Four," Uriah says as they push their way through the onlookers, reaching our side. "Who is it?"
"Sam," Tobias says.
"She's the one who fought Faith, right?" Christina asks.
"Yeah," he says.
"Why'd she do it?" she asks. I feel the same irrational annoyance I've been feeling the past couple of days creeping up on me, and I don't want to snap at anyone else, especially my best friend so I take a long, deep cleansing breath.
"I doubt we'll ever know," I say as we watch Purple-Hair and Snake-Tattoo pick up the body bag and carefully move through the throng of people toward the infirmary. "We've got to get to the training room."
"Why don't you four go ahead and continue with the initiates," Tori says, taking charge. "Will and I will accompany the body to the infirmary."
"Sam," I say. "Her name was Sam."
"Of course, Tris. I didn't mean any disrespect," she says.
"We'll do that, Tori," Tobias says. We split up after the crowd finally disperses. Tori and Will head off in the direction of the infirmary while Uriah, Christina, Tobias, and I make our way to the training room. We're all quiet on our walk. I'm worried about having to break the news to the transfers that yet another one of them is gone, and Tobias is preoccupied with his phone, messaging someone I assume. I don't know what's on Uriah or Christina's minds but they're somber, too. Maybe what happened this morning reminded them of Al, too. When we enter the training room, everyone is gathered around talking to one another, transfers mixed with Dauntless-born, except for Brody who is standing off by himself. I notice Ana stealing glances at him from time to time. I didn't see it earlier but I think she likes him.
"Can we have everyone's attention please?" Uriah says. The room goes silent, and all the initiates look our way.
"This morning a body was pulled out of the chasm," Tobias says, showing little emotion. I know him well enough to know that something is on his mind but he hasn't shared his concerns with me yet. "It was Sam." Bethany gasps and turns to Alec who takes her in his arms, whispering in her ear while running a hand comfortingly through her hair.
"What happened yesterday with Faith was a tragedy," I say. "And Sam's death only adds to it."
"I don't want to sound callus but we're on a tight schedule, and we need to continue with your training," Tobias says. Dauntless-borns are used to death so they don't seem phased but the transfers look appalled that there won't be a break in the initiation process. I remember that feeling. "Dauntless-born with Uriah and Christina, transfers here with us." Alec releases Bethany whose nose is running and eyes are red-rimmed. "We're going to continue with long gun training this morning. Everyone grab a gun and a target and get…"
"Would we be talking about weapons training if it was one of your friends who just died?" Bethany defiantly says, interrupting Tobias. He doesn't like being interrupted and takes a step toward her but I put my hand on his forearm, stopping him.
"Yes," I say, "we would." I step closer to the misfits and meet each of their gazes before I continue. "Do you remember during your tour of the compound on Choosing Day? Four and I took you to the chasm, and I told you a reckless jump off the ledge would end your life. I warned you that it happened before. I wasn't lying. Last year during initiation, Four gave my class the same advice but not everyone listened." I pause to steady myself. "My initiation was a lot different than yours. All the initiates had to fight tooth and nail for 1 of 10 spots in Dauntless. A friend of mine obviously wasn't going to make it, so he chose the chasm over becoming factionless." I stop and look directly at Bethany. "So, yes, I know exactly how you are feeling right now." I don't mention my guilt, which has reared its ugly head today because they don't need to know what lead up to Al's death. "Like Four said, we're not being callus. We're being realistic. There will be a funeral and time to say goodbye for Faith and Sam later. Right now, we have work to do." Without a word, the misfits all go to the table, pick up a weapon and some ammunition, then stand in front of the targets and begin unloading the shotguns. With the tension I'm feeling, I wouldn't mind getting my hands on a weapon. Maybe I can talk Tobias into coming back after hours to blow off some steam.
"Why don't you sit down, love," Tobias says against my ear. I go to sit down on the usual uncomfortable black metal folding chair but it's not there. In its place is a comfortable-looking brown leather chair. "I told you I'd get you a chair. I keep my promises." I sink into the supple leather and sigh. This is a wonderful chair.
"Thank you," I say. He kneels down beside me and reaches for my hand.
"You're welcome," he says. "You know, you're so good with the transfers. I was going to get into Bethany's face and basically tell her to shut her mouth. You made them all understand by sharing a part of yourself. I can't do that."
"You share parts of yourself every day … with your friends … with your kids … with me," I say. "There's no rules saying you have to act a certain way, you know." He gives me a quick kiss on the temple then straightens up and takes his phone out of his pocket. It must have alerted him to a message. He reads a text and a concerned look covers his face. "What is it?"
"Nothing yet," he says, mysteriously. I furrow my brows at him, and he bends down and whispers in my ear, "As soon as I know something, I'll let you know. There's no need for you to worry." That's easier said than done but I agree to keep myself calm for Peanut's sake.
The morning flies by. To get my mind off whatever Tobias is keeping from me, I carefully evaluate each of the transfers as they practice with the long guns. Once again, Brody is an absolute natural. The determination he displayed just before he left our apartment earlier is still evident on his face. The girls all seem to be off today, especially Bethany and Ana but I'm not holding it against them. It seems their minds aren't in the training room. On the flipside, the guys don't seem to be letting the deaths distract them at all. They're acting like it's any other day.
"Lunchtime," Tobias yells over the sound of the gunfire at a little before 12:30. The transfers immediately stop, and after securing their weapons, head for the cafeteria. "Let's grab a couple slices and have lunch in our old apartment. I don't feel like answering the millions of questions I know our friends will have for us."
"Sounds good to me," I say. Within 10 minutes we're sitting on his old bed eating slices of sausage, onion, and green pepper pizza. "This is really good." I moan appreciatively around a bite. "Peanut approves."
"I'm glad to hear that," he says with a chuckle. "I have to say that I approve, too. I thought about getting pepperoni but I'm glad you talked me into this."
"It looked good," I say. "I'm glad the chefs decided to do pizza slices at lunch all the time. It's quick and easy." I push my empty plate away and lie down on the bed to relax. "Will we have to give up this place when it comes time to assign apartments to the initiates?" He slides down on the bed beside me after putting our plates on the floor and props himself up on his elbow.
"I doubt it," he says. "We have several empty apartments."
"Good because I like having this as a little escape," I say. "It holds a lot of memories for us."
"Yeah, it does," he says. He smiles then a far off look settles over his face.
"Penny for your thoughts," I say, pulling him from his reverie.
"I was just thinking about you," he says.
"Me?"
"Yeah," he says. "How are you? Sam's death made you think about Al, didn't it?"
"Yeah. I had that same suffocating feeling this morning I had the night Al was pulled out of the chasm. It was overwhelming. I felt the guilt overpowering me." Talking about it brings the familiar feeling to the surface again, and my heart once again starts to race.
"Hey. Calm down, love," he says. "I wish you didn't feel guilty over his decision. It's not your fault. You can't live your life wondering 'what if.'"
"I know," I sigh. I move my mouth to his for a quick, tender kiss but the minute his lips meet mine the tension of the last 24 hours causes desire to explode deep in my belly, making me want him this instant. I wrap my arms around his neck and press my body to his the best I can with my pregnant belly between us. I know we don't have a lot of time so I slide my hands down to the button of his jeans and move it from its home then slip my fingers inside his boxer briefs, gently rubbing his burgeoning erection. He moans into my mouth then starts shaking his head.
Dragging his lips from mine he says, "Hey, we don't have time for that, love." He grabs my hand, pulls it out of his pants, and laces our fingers together, probably in an effort to settle my roaming digits.
"Yes, we do," I say, cupping the back of his head with my free hand and staring into his eyes. "Please, baby. I need you. Please love me, Tobias."
"I can never tell you no," he growls.
"You don't want to tell me no," I say. I free my hand and move it back to the rigid bulge in his pants. "You're so hard. You want me just as much as I want you. Please, I want you inside me … now."
"We'll have to be quick, love." We sit up, and after he gets off the bed, I pull his jeans down over his hips, bringing his boxer briefs with them. As he steps out of his pants, I take his throbbing manhood in my mouth and tease him with my tongue. "We definitely don't have time for that." There's always time for this. But I release him from my mouth and stand up. He falls to his knees before me then tugs my maternity jeans down my legs and kisses my belly. "I love your growing tummy. I find it sexy." He slides my panties down as he talks to me. When I'm standing in front of him partially clothed, he buries his head between my legs. I feel his hands gliding up and down my legs as his tongue lightly dances over my nubbin. I throw my head back and allow myself to enjoy his ministrations.
"You're right, we don't have time for this," I say. He gets to his feet and captures my mouth, thrusting his tongue through my parted lips. When I can no longer breathe, I push him onto the bed then climb up and onto his body, straddling his hips. I position him at my entrance and ease myself down onto every hard inch of him. "Oh. My. God. I love how you feel so deep inside me." I look down into his eyes and see love and lust radiating back at me.
"We have to hurry," he roughly says. I lift myself off him then forcefully press myself back down as he thrusts his hips up to meet mine.
"Uh." We move against each other at a frantic pace. He positions his hand between us and circles my throbbing nubbin with the pad of his thumb using a light pressure.
"Shit," he groans as he shifts his hips, thrusting himself deeply inside me. He increases the pressure on my aching bundle of nerves and his other hand moves from my hip up to my breast. He kneads the swaying flesh, occasionally rolling the extremely sensitive nipple between his thumb and finger.
"Ah," I say as I force myself down on his upward thrusts, harder and faster. "Oh, baby. You're gonna make me come." He moves both his hands to my rapidly wriggling hips and makes me call out with each powerful thrust. "Oh. My. God!" I quit breathing as wave after wave of overwhelming pleasure washes over me. I gasp for air when I resurface as he continues to thrust into me urgently, seeking his own release. After a few more thrusts he lets go, shuddering and convulsing beneath me.
"Aaahh, Tris!" he moans as he spills himself into me. We stop moving, gasping for much-needed air, and I collapse on top of him. He pulls out of me then rolls us on to our sides. I gently caress his cheeks before pulling his mouth to mine for a long, lazy kiss. "As much as I'd like to lie with you like this all afternoon, we should jump in the shower and get back to the training room."
"You're right," I sigh, not wanting to move an inch.
"Duty calls." We get up after another leisurely kiss and head into the small bathroom. We've never showered together here and quickly realize that it would be much easier to just take separate showers. He lets me go first, and I'm in and out in record time. As I'm getting dressed, his phone sounds, alerting me that he has a message.
"Hey, baby, you have a message on your phone," I say. I'm in front of the small mirror, making sure my hair is presentable as he steps out of the shower. I watch as he dries himself off, and he furrows his brows at me. "What?"
"You have a sort of goofy look on your face," he says as he starts to get dressed.
"You are a very sexy man," I say, letting my eyes roam over his body. "I'm a very lucky girl." A blush steals across his body, and he stares at me blankly. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I seem to have frozen him in place. "Earth to Tobias. We have like five minutes to get back to the training room on time. Unless you want to cancel this afternoon and stay here for round two, three, and maybe four." One second we're standing in the close confines of the small bathroom staring at each other, and the next he has his tongue shoved in my mouth, violently tangling it with mine.
"You think I'm sexy?" he pants against my mouth.
"You know I do, baby," I groan. "Come on." I break away from him, throw his shirt at him, and walk out of the bathroom. He follows me, pulling his shirt on over his head, covering his perfect chest. I pick up his phone and the empty plates then head out into the hallway. I don't check to see if he's following me, I know he is. Within a couple strides he's by my side. "Here's your phone. Thank you for a diverting lunch hour."
"I should thank you," he says with a sideways glance and that cocky grin of his. He finally looks at his phone and his smile vanishes.
"What is it?" I ask.
"I'll tell you once we get the transfers going," he says, opening the training room door for me. When we walk in, the misfits all turn and look at us with accusing eyes. Yes! We're late. They don't say anything about our tardiness and neither do we. Tobias just points to the punching bags and goes to get my chair while I throw our plates away. The misfits hesitate for a moment before turning to the bags. Until today there has been a clear separation of the genders during fight practice with girls to the right and guys to the left. They have done that since day one but today Bethany is right next to Alec, and Ana, Sadie, and Zoey are flanking Brody. "Here you go, love." Tobias puts the leather chair down by the large green board so I can see the practice area clearly, and I sit down. He leans up against the wall and watches the transfers.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" He looks down at me and sighs. "Well?" He kneels down by the chair, still staring at the misfits. It's obvious he doesn't want to talk about whatever's going on in front of them.
"I had Tori ask Zander to do a thorough inspection of Sam's body and an autopsy if necessary," he says.
"And? That's standard with any death. Isn't it?" He shakes his head at me.
"I don't think she jumped, Tris," he quietly says. I can't help my sharp intake of air. What? "I have no evidence. Just call it a hunch. I also messaged Zeke to have him look through the surveillance footage to see if Sam can be seen jumping into the chasm."
"Did he find anything?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says sounding exasperated. "We have entirely too many blind spots in the cameras by the chasm. All he saw was a hooded figure with their head down making sure they can't be identified walking into and out of camera range at the approximate point of entrance at around 4:30 a.m. Until we have a time of death we won't know if that is significant or not."
"Why didn't you want to tell me this earlier?" I ask, knowing full well what he's going to say.
"You're to have zero stress right now," he says. "I can tell this is very stressful for you. I should send you to the infirmary to have your blood pressure checked."
"I know you're worried about Peanut and me but don't shut me out … please," I plead. "Don't you realize that keeping me in the dark just causes me even more stress?"
"I'm sorry," he sighs. "I'm trying to do what I think is best for everyone involved."
"I know," I say.
"I don't like what's been going on around here since initiation started," he says. "It's not supposed to be this stressful." An odd look crosses his face, and he finally looks at me. "You know, with Faith's death yesterday afternoon I totally forgot about the offer I made to whomever was helping Olivia. Obviously they didn't take my generosity seriously. When I find out who was helping her, so help me I'm going to..." His sentence drifts off, and he takes some deep breaths. I watch as he gets up and wanders through the misfits, watching their practice, distracting himself.
I forgot about his offer, too. He gave the perpetrator until curfew last night to come forward for a free pass. When he finds out who was helping the bitch, they're going to wish they had taken him up on his generous offer. I watch each transfer carefully, not evaluating their progress but wondering which one was helping her. My money is on her minions, Grant and Jesse. I can't imagine that it's Ana or Bethany who also hail from Candor. Neither one of them associated with her any more than they needed to.
With about an hour left until training is over for the day, Tori, Will, Harrison, Purple-Hair, and Snake-Tattoo walk into the room at the exact same time that Tobias pulls his phone out of his pocket and answers it. He pales as he listens to whoever it is on the other end of the line. Slowly the transfers stop practicing when they notice the strong showing of authority behind them. It's obvious that Tobias' suspicions were correct. When he gets off the phone, he nods at Tori who steps forward.
"For those of you who do not know me, my name is Tori," she says. "I am one of your five faction leaders. This morning, it was brought to our attention that an initiate took her own life by jumping into the chasm. As unfortunate as that act may be, the truth is far worse. Sam didn't jump into the chasm. She was murdered and thrown into the chasm." Bethany's knee's buckle, and she nearly falls to the floor but Alec grabs ahold of her, steadying her. One by one, the rest of the initiates turn and look at Brody.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks, his face turning red from either embarrassment or anger, I'm not sure which. "I didn't do anything to Sam."
"You're all dismissed for the rest of the night," Tobias says. "Brody, I need you to come with us."