Christian's POV
I've never believed in Christmas miracles. Sure the holiday became more special when Ana came into my life, and even more so when we had children. All of the time and work we've put into having the house decorated, buying and wrapping all of the presents, all of the planning that has gone into this holiday has been worth it every year to wake up and see the joy in their faces when they rush to the tree and see what Santa has left for them. But this holiday tops them all, because Ana came back to us.
I don't want to fall asleep. If I do, will I wake up and find out it's all been a dream? I've wanted so badly for my wife to come out of her coma. What if my mind has been playing tricks on me and I imagined the whole thing? Ana waking up, talking, laughing, holding and feeding our babies, hugging and comforting our kids, what if it's all in my head?
"Penny for your thoughts?" I hear the sweetest voice and feel her gentle touch. She is running her fingers through my hair. My head is rested on her chest, and I can't remember how I ended up this way. It should be the other way around, she resting on me and me providing comfort.
"Ana" I manage to choke out. And I realize that I've been crying.
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Ana's POV
Poor Christian. I can't even imagine what these past few weeks have been like for him. I know that I'm his biggest weakness, me and our kids. He is the strongest, most competent, most confident man I've ever met. But if anything were to happen to me or one of our kids, there is no consoling him. We cause him to be vulnerable, something he's never been comfortable with. To this day he still feels that he needs to be in control of himself and everything and everyone around him. Me being in a coma, he had no control over that. There was nothing he could do to help me.
He didn't want to leave me tonight, no surprise there. The kids didn't want to leave either, but Christian assured them that they can come back tomorrow. Teddy took the lead and convinced his sisters to leave with him and Collins. Teddy, he had grown into such a wonderful man. I am so proud of him. He has the perfect combination of my sensitivity and Christian's ability to lead. Christian told me how Teddy has stepped up and helped with his sisters and the twins. This is his winter break, and he has chosen to spend it taking care of the family. I just hope I can leave this place soon so that I can spend some time with him before he leaves to go back to school.
After the kids left we were moved to a private hospital room. The nurses offered to take care of the babies in the nursery during the night, but Christian and I both agreed that we wanted them in the room with us. I have so much to make up for with them. They were without their mother for the first two weeks of their lives. I won't be able to nurse them. That makes me sad, the thought of never nursing again. I loved nursing Teddy, Phoebe and Natalie. And Christian certainly benefited from those experiences. I cried when the doctor told me I wouldn't be able to nurse them. That was a big blow for me. Christian just held me and allowed me to cry.
When I was calm, I let him go to change the babies and then we fed them. Watching Christian feed our children helps with the pain of not being able to nurse. I've always loved watching him with our kids. He was rarely ever able to bottle feed them when they were this little, so I know this will mean a lot to him. He caught me staring at him a few times, but I couldn't help it. I love this man more and more every day.
Once they were asleep, I moved myself to the side of the bed and welcomed Christian to sleep next to me. I could see the exhaustion in his face. He gently slipped in next to me and we just stated into each other's eyes. We didn't need any words. I could see so much emotion in his eyes. Pain, sadness, joy, love…. fear? He brought his hand up and gently stroked my cheek, and then I saw the tears. "Ana" he choked out, and then he started to cry. I moved so that I was sitting up and I pulled his head toward my chest.
I know exactly what this is. He could have lost me. He could have lost our babies. He had to go through that alone because I wasn't here for him. He doesn't talk to anyone but me, so he was alone in all of this. He carried this pain and fear with him while taking care of our kids and taking care of me. I'm sure he didn't have time to see Dr Flynn. I lean down and plant kisses in his hair as he continues to cry. I know he needs this so I don't stop him. I allow him to cry as long as he needs to as I stroke his beautiful hair.
I continue to hold him and stroke his hair as he calms, grateful that he allows me to do this for him. My husband rarely ever cries. But with everything that's happen, who could blame him?
"Penny for your thoughts?" I ask him.
"Ana" he chokes out. He clears his throat and moves so that he is sitting up next to me. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be" I say to him gently as I rub his back. "Everyone needs a good cry once in a while."
He snorts. He's said that line to me plenty of times. "Is that right? I don't even know where that came from."
"Are you kidding me? After everything you've been through, it's understandable, Christian."
"I can't go through that again, Ana." He turns to face me and takes my hand in his. "The kids and I need you." He looks over at our sleeping babies. "The babies need you." He brings my hand up to his lips and plants gentle kisses before letting out a sob. "I was so scared we were going to lose you."
"You didn't lose me. I'm right here" I try to assure him.
"You're really here."
"Yes" I say with as much enthusiasm I can manage. Oh this man. "I am here, and I promise I will follow doctor's orders, I will stick to whatever recovery and rehab plan they set up for me, I will take care of myself and do whatever our security team needs me to do to keep our family safe."
He lightly smirks at me. "Really?"
"Yeah, if it means I never have to see this pain in your face again." I reach up and caress his face. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. He then releases a sigh and appears to relax. "I'm so sorry you had to go through this."
"You did nothing wrong" he says softly. "You brought our miracles into the world. I love them so much Ana, and I can't wait until we can all go home."
After Christian composes himself, he brings his laptop into bed with us and we skype with the Greys. Everyone is still at Bellevue for the Christmas celebration. My mother and Scott are also there. There are cheers and tears on both sides as Christian and I explain the events of the past couple of hours. Kate is upset that we didn't let them in on the news sooner. I told her it is my fault, that I needed time to adjust to what has happened and to be there for my kids. They all plan to come and visit tomorrow. Grace wants to come and check on me now, but Christian is able to talk her out of it and convince her to wait until tomorrow.
We shut down the computer, and all I want to do now is fall asleep in my husband's arms.
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Christian's POV
Ana had to spend a few days in the hospital before I was able to bring her home. Normally I would bully the staff into letting her recover at home before they are ready to release her, but I decided not to do that this time. I think my mother and Ana are surprised with how I've been able to restrain myself. I know I am. I have good reason. What's happened to Ana has scared the fucking shit out of me. I am not going to do anything that could jeopardize her health.
Teddy and Phoebe have been a huge help with Natalie and the twins. Now that we're home, we have taken over the care of the babies and Teddy and Phoebe have been taking care of Natalie. I've insisted that they get out and spend time with Rebecca and Trevor, that we can handle things at home. But Teddy and Phoebe had decided to rotate their time in and out of the house. They make sure that one of them is home at all times. My kids are the best.
Ana cannot walk yet, so I've insisted that she and the twins stay in our bedroom until she can. I only leave her side to go and get our meals and the babies' bottles. A nurse is here twice a day for her rehab. It's hard work, but Ana is doing great with it. She is determined to walk again sooner rather than later. She is determined to be a full time mother to our kids again. I keep telling her that there's no rush, but she won't hear it. "I've missed so much time, I don't want to miss any more" she keeps telling me. The nurses insist that she's not doing anything harmful or dangerous, so I'm doing my best to be supportive.
After putting the twins down we hear some commotion outside our bedroom door. It's Natalie, and it sounds like she's giving Phoebe a hard time. I kiss Ana's forehead and gently tell her that I'll take care of it. She needs to sleep when the babies sleep.
When I open the door I look down and see Natalie on the floor having a crying tantrum. "I wanna see Mommy" she says a few times through her sobs. She's only in her underwear, so Phoebe was likely trying to get her ready for bed. I squat down and gently lift her so that she is standing in front of me.
"I'm sorry, Dad. I was starting her bath and she just started screaming" Phoebe explains to me. She sounds frustrated. Teddy has been putting Natalie to bed most nights, but tonight he is at the Seattle Seahawks playoff game with Rebecca.
"Its okay" I say to both of them. "Natalie, Baby, what's wrong?"
"Weaw's Mommy?" she cries, tears rolling down her face. I hate seeing her like this.
"Mommy's resting" I say to her gently as I push her hair out of her face.
"Nooo, I wanna see Mommy" she screams and starts to cry harder. I lift her into my arms and rub my hand up and down her back.
"Shhhh, its okay Sweet Pea." I look down at Phoebe and can tell that she's lost. She doesn't know how to handle her sister when she's like this. She shouldn't have to. That's my job. I manage to get Natalie to calm and then I squat again to have her stand in front of me. "Don't be sad, Baby. Mommy is just resting. We can have a visit with her later."
"I wanna see her" she says as she rubs her eyes. She's getting tired.
"I know. How about I give you your bath tonight? Okay? And then I can read a book to you."
"Five books" she says as she holds up five fingers. I raise my eyebrows and look up at Phoebe. All she does is shrug her shoulders. I'm sure this is her doing. She's probably allowed Natalie to run the show and given in to her demands just to placate her. I can't say I blame her. But that doesn't mean I have to let it continue.
I look back to Natalie. "I will read two books to you."
"Five" she says again. I let out a sigh and shake my head. It's not easy saying no to her. Especially after the way she's been crying.
"Three books, and no more than that. Otherwise we won't have time to visit with Mommy."
I watch as she thinks it over for a moment. "Okay" she finally says, and I can't help but let out a chuckle. I pick her up and take her towel from Phoebe.
"Are you sure, Dad?"
"Yes. Why don't you go and give Ava a call? See what she's doing tonight."
"But what about Natalie?"
"I'll take care of her. You go have fun." I smile at her and pinch her chin, and she returns the smile.
"Can Ava come and spend the night?"
"Of course. Ava is always welcome here. You know that."
"Thanks Dad" she kisses my cheek and disappears into her bedroom.
Once I have Natalie in her tub she is completely turned around, perfectly content with playing with her toys. You would never know she had a crying tantrum just five minutes ago. I take three of her cups and line them up for her. "How many cups?"
"Fwee" she says as she continues to play with her Ariel doll.
"Very good. And what happens when I take one away? How many cups?"
She looks over and counts the cups with her eyes. "Two"
"Okay. So, three take away one is….."
She thinks it over for a moment. "Two"
"Very good, Sweet Pea. Do you know what two take away one is?"
She takes a moment to think again. "One"
"You're so smart." She continues to play as I wash her hair and her skin. I haven't been able to do this for her since the babies were born. I gave her a bath on Christmas, but Teddy and Phoebe have been covering the other days. I realize that I can't allow that to continue. I need this time with her. And when Ana is up to it, she'll need this. "Sweet Pea, I need you to listen to me okay?" I wait for her to look at me. Those big gray eyes of hers just crush me. "I love you very much, and I'm so sorry that I haven't been spending a lot of time with you."
She looks away from me and starts to play again. "Its okay Daddy."
"No, no it's not okay." I run my fingers through her wet hair while she continues to play. "I promise I'm not going to let that happen anymore. I'm going to be spending more time with you, and taking care of you." I'm not sure if she is listening to me now, or even understands what I'm talking about, but it needed to be said. She deserves to have both me and Ana. "Are you ready to get out?" She nods and reaches her arms in my direction for me to lift her. I dry her off and put a diaper on her before letting her pick out her pajamas.
"These ones" she says as she shows me the purple Jasmine pajamas. I guess Jasmine is her favorite this week. I get her dressed, dry her hair until it is just damp and then carry her into the master bedroom. I tell her that we need to use hushed voices since the babies are asleep. I open the door and peek in before entering just to see if Ana is awake. She looks in our direction and a big smile crosses her features. Natalie's face lights up when she sees Ana. I know she badly wants to scream "Mommy", and I'm grateful that she doesn't. The babies should sleep for at least another two hours, and I want Natalie to have our full attention.
I carry her over to the bed and have her sit between Ana and me. The smile hasn't left her face. She is so happy. "Hi Mommy" she whispers before leaning against Ana for a hug.
Ana wraps her arms around her and squeezes. "Hi Baby. Mommy loves you so much. Are we reading a book?"
I hold up the books that Natalie picked out. "Three, actually."
"Three?" Ana whispers with surprise and humor. "Three it is."
Natalie falls asleep before we finish the third book. I start to lift her into my arms but Ana stops me.
"Wait, not yet."
"Ana, you need to rest."
"No, I need this. Let her stay in here with us for a little bit. You can put her to bed when the babies wake up."
Ana settles into the bed and snuggles Natalie close to her. We don't allow our kids to sleep in our room. That's always been a rule, and we only had to break it once for Phoebe. I sigh and settle back into bed. "Okay, but we can't let this become a habit."
"Yes Sir" she whispers, and I can't help but smile. Smart mouth. "How about a movie? We can keep it low."
"Good idea. You choose."
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Ana's POV
I can't wait to get out of this bed. My rehab is not moving fast enough for me. I'm starting to feel cabin fever. If I didn't have the babies and Christian in the room with me I think I would lose my mind. Right now I am sitting up in bed and Monte is lying in front of me. I am playing with his hands and feet. I love when he grabs my finger and squeezes, such a tight grip. Christian and I had just fed the babies and Maddie went right back to sleep, but Monte is wide awake. I told Christian to just leave him in the bed with me while he has breakfast with our kids.
He quietly opens the door and saunters over to me with a tray of food for me. Food! I realize that I'm hungry when I smell the pancake batter and the greasy bacon. He also brought tea, orange juice and milk. "You realize you are going to be helping me to the toilet five times in the next hour" I joke with him.
"You know I don't mind. As long as you are eating and drinking properly." He takes Monte into his arms and spends some time with our son while I eat my breakfast. I take my time and enjoy each bite. "How are the kids?" I ask him.
"The kids are great. They're fed and they are getting ready to venture out to the park. Barlow and Markson will be going with them." I nod and continue to enjoy my breakfast. "Ava spent the night."
"Did she? I'm glad. I know she's been down since her boyfriend's been away."
"That she has. She's even put on some weight."
That surprises me. I stop eating and look at my husband for confirmation on what he had just said. "You stopped eating" he says with disapproval in his voice.
"Should we worry? Do you think she's so upset she's stopped taking care of herself?"
"I don't know" he says as he lifts Monte up and kisses his head. "She seemed to enjoy her breakfast. Even took seconds. I would never complain about the girls eating more."
"Don't I know it" I say as I take more delicious bites of my pancake."
"Good?"
"Delicious!"
After I finish my breakfast, Christian puts a sleeping Monte back in his bassinet. "They should be out for a few hours. How about a bath, Mrs Grey?"
"If you join me."
"I'm not going to turn down that offer."
I'm not very comfortable with my post pregnancy body, and the fact that I'm stuck in this bed is just adding to that misery. I am eager to walk and exercise again so that I can get my body back in shape. Christian has said over and over again how sexy my body is while I'm pregnant, but he can't possible feel the same about my post pregnancy figure. My stomach has gotten smaller while I was in the coma, much to my relief. My stomach was bigger than it ever has been this time around. Before Christian helps me from the bed I look over at our sleeping babies. It was totally worth it if it meant bringing them into the world.
"What's wrong?" he asks me
"Nothing's wrong." I smile at him to show him that it's true. "Let's have that bath."
Fifty Chapters and over 1,000 reviews! You guys are the best. I apologize for not updating more often. Life is so busy especially during the holidays. I enjoy the time that I have to update chapters whenever I can, short and long. Thank you for continuing to read and review. Happy Reading!