Hey guys! Thanks so so so so much for all your kind reviews from the last chapter. I promise I`m going somewhere interesting with this story.
Also, if you guys are fans of Jacob and OC fics I highly recommend Legacy by Wolfasaurus. Her OC Aurora is supercool and the story line is really great!
Anyways, happy reading and remember to tell me what you think at the end.
"Sonia! I don`t ever want you to hate me. Please believe me!" Jacob made to step closer to me but I stepped back and into Sam.
"What a crock of shit! Why are you still seeing her? Why are you lying to me? You knew I would find out."
"Please...not here."
"Why not. They all know anyway. They know everything we do, everything we say."
"Sonia, just go with Jacob. It`s the best thing now." Sam told me. That pissed me off beyond belief.
"Fuck you Sam. Don`t tell me what to do! You`re not my fucking father."
I stormed out of the kitchen with Jacob hot on my heels. I could hear Kim starting to shout at Jared and Sam but I couldn`t make out what she was saying. As I got to my car Jacob took hold of my arm and spun me around to face him.
"We have to talk. I`m not letting you go until we do. Until you hear me out. And don`t think for one minute that I`m going to let you drive in your condition."
"My condition? Please spare me the concerned imprinter spiel. You couldn`t care less if I live or die. You told me before remember?" His fingers dug deeper and painfully into the flesh of my upper arms. His face was a horrible mask of fury as he glared down at me angrily.
"You really think that?" He whisper spat, giving me a small shake. "DO YOU?" He shook me again, but this time harder. "After everything...you still believe that? Christ...one week, just one fucking week."
"One week Jacob. And you had to go and fuck it all up didn`t you?" I taunted, pushing him, pissing him off even more. He shook fiercely, causing me to shake along with him. We locked eyes, whatever he saw in mine, fear? terror? must have caused him to get a grip.
"I did, didn`t I? I seem to fuck up a lot when you are involved." He said in quite a flat voice, he still hadn`t let go of my arms.
"No Jacob. I fucked up. That`s the truth. I should have never have told you how I felt in the first place. Knowing...knowing that you still loved her. I pushed this."
"You didn`t push me into anything. I want you. I need you." He said in a soft yet adamant voice. I started to cry now.
"No...no..no Jacob. Please just stop this. Stop it now. Don`t lie to me. Don`t be one of those guys because I know you are better than that."
"It`s not a lie."
"We are a lie. This relationship is a lie."
"We could never be a lie." He insisted. I rolled my watery eyes, causing more tears to roll down my cheeks. "We are the real deal." He added passionately.
"How can you say that? Jacob, maybe we were never meant to have this type of relationship."
"We are." He insisted.
"Then what about Bella? Why are you still seeing her? One week Jacob. You can`t stay away from her. I can`t be in a relationship like this."
"I`m sorry Sonia. But I do want to be with you."
"But you want her more. You love her more! You always will!" Jacob let go of me and backed away a couple of steps. He looked in so much pain.
"Oh God Sonia...you can`t imagine...I love you, I really do. But...I love her too...no matter how hard I try...I can`t stop loving her. I can`t. I thought being with you would help me get over her...but it didn`t."
"I can`t be with you anymore Jacob. Not like this, I don`t want it anymore."
"You`re breaking up with me?" He started to shake again. I spied Jared, Sam and Leah leave the house and stand a little distance away. "You can`t."
"I can, and I am. I don`t want to be with you anymore." I said with more strength this time. "You got what you wanted." I said bitterly which caused Jacob to growl. Oh crap I was so afraid.
"Then go! GO! GO TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE!" I flinched back at his words like they were slaps. Jared and Sam had moved in closer.
"Calm down Jacob. That`s an order." Sam said steadily. "You don`t want to hurt Sonia now do you."
"I just want to be with her."
"I don`t want to be with you Jacob." I stated again. "I can`t trust you and I can`t be with you knowing that you love her."
"I LOVE YOU!"
"Stop saying that! STOP! STOP IT! You are full of shit. How can you even think that we can work? We can`t!"
"Don`t do this. I don`t want to lose you."
"You can never lose me Jacob. You know it. If you love me like you say you do then you will understand. This is the best thing for us."
"It isn`t." He said coming towards me. I sighed and took his face his my hands.
"I love you Jacob, but I`m not backing down on this. You are not ready for me yet. I don`t deserve being lied to, to be strung along."
"Just give me a second chance Sonia. I`m begging you."
"No Jacob."
"We belong together."
"Do we really? Maybe we are just supposed to be really good friends or something?"
"Yeah right." He said dryly, his mouth set in an angry pout.
"Why are you doing this Jacob? Are you that selfish?"
He stared down at me long and hard. He eyes unmoving as they bored dark brown into my darker ones. His hands cupped my face as he leaned down and kissed me with desperation. I allowed myself to kiss him back for a couple of seconds before breaking off and turning my face away.
"Do you really want this?" He asked. His face was buried into my hair. I nodded. He sighed."Then I guess I have to let you go." He said and backed away from me again. I found that I couldn`t look at him. With the loss of contact I felt horribly cold. Despite the fact that he hurt me I hated hurting him.
"I going home." I said in a broken voice. I went and nobody stopped me thank God. I didn`t dare look back either. If I did then I would feel everything that I had been suppressing the whole time before. That had to come for later. For when I was alone and there was nobody to witness the mess I would become.
Oh Sonia Sonia. What the hell? The only man I could ever love I turned away. I told him I didn`t want him. What bullshit. Of course I wanted him. He knew it too. How was this ever going to work? When was I going to crack and go back to him? When was I going to lose all my self respect and sleep with him because I was too weak to stay away, to say no?
I couldn`t remember the drive home. I was actually mildly surprised to find myself parked in my driveway. My mom`s car was gone as was my nana`s. They were probably out shopping or something.
I let myself in and went to the kitchen. Picking up the receiver I dialed information and asked for a number.
"Name?"
"Swan."
"Location?"
"Forks Washington."
"We have one listing."
"Could you put me through?"
"Hold please."
It dialed for an eternity before it was finally answered.
"Hello? Swan residence." Charlie Swan answered.
"Hello Chief Swan. Is Bella in?" I asked, trying to sound normal.
"Who am I talking to?"
"Sonia Mara."
"Hold on." I heard him yell for Bella. I waited for about a minute before she finally came to the phone.
"What do you want?" Her annoying, obnoxious voice sounded down the phone.
"You`ve won Bella. I`ve called to congratulate you."
"What?" She really was dumb.
"You have him okay. You have Jacob. But I am telling you this now so you will know well in advance. When you break his heart, and I know you are going to break his heart, I am going to break you. You told me before that I didn`t deserve him. Well, you don`t deserve him, and I hope he realizes this sooner rather than later." I hung up with this and took a long drink of water.
Where were the tears? Where was my mental breakdown? That`s what was supposed to happen no? When you lose the love of your life you are supposed to scream and tear at your hair and just freak out. I felt horrible. No doubt about that. Then what was wrong?
I didn`t lose him. I could never lose Jacob. Like he could never lose me. We were bonded for life. Soulmates. Something that could never be broken. Never be lost. Something that survived death and persisted into eternity. We were forever. We didn`t need to rush things. We are just seventeen. There were still things I wanted to do. Things I wanted to experience. I didn`t want to be like Emily. Acting like a middle aged housewife before my time. Looking after a group of overgrown boys. She was happy doing that. And Kim. Kim was pregnant at nineteen. Jared would never leave her though. He would make sure she had everything she needed or wanted. Kim had confessed to me on messenger that she had been crushed when she had to give up a scholarship to NYU. Something that she had never admitted to Jared.
We had all the time in the world to become a couple. I wanted to be able to trust him first. To be able to feel confident that I was his number one. Was that selfish of me? Was I pushing Jacob away when he needed my support the most? Sex wasn`t support. I was broken out of my thoughts by a light tapping at the back door of the kitchen. It was him. It was Jacob.
"Come in." I said, refilling my glass at the sink for something to do.
"We need to talk. Properly this time." He said with no emotion. I nodded at turned to face him. He was wearing a fresh pair of cut offs meaning he must have shredded the last pair he was wearing.
"We do. You`re right." I sat down at the kitchen table and traced the rim of the glass with my index finger.
"You don`t really want this Sonia."
"You`re right. I don`t. But it needs to be done."
"Don`t give me that. What`s the point in hurting yourself?"
"I`m protecting myself! Didn`t you listen to anything I said before?"
"You don`t need to when it comes to me! Please Sonia..." He knelt down in front of me and took my hands, looking up at me imploringly.
"I do need to. You`ve shown me that I need to."
"You don`t!"
"What about Bella? She is not going to let you go. You won`t let her go either. How is that fair to me? Or her leech boyfriend for that matter?"
"He isn`t even alive!" He stood up and shook his head, clearly pissed off.
"That doesn`t matter! He is what he is and she loves him! More than she loves you. More than she loves anyone!"
"She doesn`t really!"
"Who are you to judge that Jacob? What is it about her that you can`t stay away from her?"
"I...I love her. I want to see her happy is all."
"Do you want to kiss her? Do you want to sleep with her?" He looked down at me horrified and guiltily.
"What the fuck Sonia!" He paced the kitchen.
"Do you?"
"Do I? You asked for it. Yes I do. I want to kiss her. I want to fuck her. I always have." I felt the tears coming. "And now you`re crying again. Now I`m the bad guy again."
"Go away Jacob." I sobbed out. "Leave me alone."
"NO!" He bellowed. "You are my imprint! I`m not leaving you alone. I want to stay with you."
"NO YOU DON`T!" I screamed at him. "I can`t be your imprint! Their is something wrong with this...with us. We just keep going around in circles...we are getting nowhere!"
"I told you the truth! What more do you want?"
"You know what I want from you. You know how I feel. I just want your love."
"You have it!"
"Not all of it. I`m not your number one. She is." I said sadly.
"She could never replace you."
"I could never replace her you mean."
We stared each other down, losing ourselves in the others eyes. Jacob was the one to break off first this time.
"It`s like you can read me like a book. You saw it all along didn`t you?" He asked quietly.
"Yes." I whispered back.
"If you knew then why...why tell me that you love me? Why start this?"
"Because I couldn`t lie anymore." The tears rolled fresh down my cheeks. "Because I wanted you too much. And I knew...I knew you wouldn`t make the first move...because you were content with the way things were."
"I wasn`t though! I wanted you too."
"You wanted me?"
"Yes! How could you think otherwise?"
"You wanted my body. You are confusing lust with love Jacob."
"Don`t tell me what I feel! Yeah I want your body...but I want your love more."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Yes why? If you know you can`t love me fully yet...then why do you still want my love? Why not just say you want a fuck buddy relationship? Why not just call a spade a spade and not lie."
"And you would have been content with that? Just fucking? Give me a break Sonia. I know you."
"I wouldn`t. You`re right."
"I can`t go back to being just friends. You can`t either."
"Then what do you suggest? We continue on, while you see Bella? Fuck me and think about her?"
"I never think of her while we make love. NEVER!"
"Jacob please...we have to try."
"We need to try to make us work. I know we can."
"Maybe...in the future. If that`s what we both still want."
"Both? I know I will."
"Are you really sure about that? What if Bella leaves Edward and chooses you? You would choose me over her?" I said kindly. Please say you would. Let me see it in your eyes.
"I...I..if she did...then I.." He looked odd. Like that thought had never crossed his mind. I took a deep breath and put my hand over his heart.
"I`ll always love you Jacob. The love I feel now...it won`t change. You can never lose that. But don`t think for one minute that I will be content with anything less than your full love. If she chooses you, you will go to her. You will ask her to be your girlfriend...and then one day maybe your wife. She would have your children and you will be happy. But...this won`t ever happen...unless her leech boyfriend leaves her again and never comes back. That`s what you don`t understand about her Jacob...you are her back up. You will never be first in her heart, but you will always be first in mine." I placed his hand over my heart now. "This will always belong to you."
"Sonia..I.."
"I understand Jacob. Don`t think that breaking up with you was easy. But it had to be done. Just one word of warning Jacob. Don`t think that I will be waiting here twiddling my thumbs until Bella breaks your heart, until she eventually turns into a vampire."
"You are so confusing. I have already chosen to be with you!"
"You haven`t! There was no choice between me and Bella because you never had her!"
"Fuck sake Sonia!"
"This is what I want. I want you to be happy. If you are happier with her then be with her. If you fall in love with me one day...then perfect for me. But...you will have to prove it. I am not waiting around here, pining after you."
"So what? You are going to leave or something?"
"No, I`m not leaving. I`m going to be here for you. I`ll always be here for you if you want me to be. I want to be your friend."
"We can`t work as friends."
"We will have to." I moved away from him and crossed my arms. I knew deep down that he was right though.
"You would step aside? You would tell me to go be with Bella?" He sounded angry.
"If she is what you want...then yes."
"I don`t deserve you Sonia." He said sadly. "I don`t think I ever will."
"You told me before that the wolf would be whatever the imprint needs them to be."
"I did."
"I want you to be my friend."
"For now."
"For until I say any more or less."
"What about what I want?"
"I already gave you what you wanted and you threw it back in my face." I spat at him angrily.
"So...so what now? I need you to be in my life. I don`t want you to hate me Sonia. I mean it."
"I know you don`t Jacob. We need to be in each others lives. Friends. That`s it. I...I need you to go now. I want to be alone."
"I should stay.."
"You should go! Please Jacob. Just go."
"I`m sorry Sonia." Jacob crossed the kitchen in one long stride and looked back at me from the kitchen door. "I never meant to hurt you. Just remember that. I wish I could be the man you want me to be." And with that he left.
Remember to review and criticize. I need to know what I`m doing good and bad. Besos.