Disclaimer: If Pokémon's ownership were determined by how many hours of one's life that one has spent on the subject, than yes, I probably would own it. (Approximately two years of my childhood hold no memories other than a game boy with fantastic beasts flashing across it).

It's not determined that way, though, so I don't. Ah well. Win some, lose some.

Chapter 25: Of Lab Rats and Women

Skyler

Siderun's not a bad little town, though it is a bit lacking in the… um… ' having anything to do' department. There's nothing going on is basically what I'm saying here. The Bird Catcher who was selling the Fly HMs was operating out of a barn… a very well kept barn, but… a barn. Not exactly in the safest part of town either, though that seems a bit silly to say with Death running around.

You might think that's unfair to say, since I don't spend a decent amount of time in Siderun. But I did see a trainer getting mugged at knifepoint in an alley, so I think it's ok to say… not the safest place. Normally, I would have tried to ignore it… I'm not a hero, so I don't enjoy throwing myself into situations where I could be killed, but this time… I don't know. He was a little blonde kid, clearly out training far under the allowed age limit, and... Again, I don't even know.

"Hey!" I yelled at the dark-clothed man with the knife, causing him to whip around quickly. "Leave the kid alone, or things are going to get ugly."

"Why? You gonna bring out another picture of your face?" the man spat, edging the knife closer to the young boy.

I laughed. "I'm absolutely flawless and you know it random bad guy I've never met before." My hands moved to my belt quickly, pulling out Tangela's Pokéball. "Tangela! Get out there and put this guy under wraps, alright?"

The Pokéball clunked to the ground, rolling a ways, but not opening. As I stared stupidly at the ball, I heard a laugh come from further back in the alley, and… ah damn it. Two more guys came out, carrying a small machine that I knew all too well.

"You're not gonna be able t' use any of yer preshis Pokemans long as this thing's up," one of them spat. "It…"

"A Portable Musket Frequency Emitting Device," I finished for him, not wanting to hear the name butchered. "Yeah. I know. So you guys aren't just small time, huh? Or maybe you're trying to work your way up the crooked ladder?" I cracked my knuckles, trying to seem intimidating as I mentally went through my options. Do I fight? Try to switch out? Use an item? Run for it? Any other day, I probably would have gone for the last one, but… I'd sort of evolved recently, and was itching to try out my new move set.

First, the guy with the knife. Using speed that I definitely hadn't been born with, I flung myself through the air, bouncing off the alley wall before slamming into his face with the back end of my foot. He hurtled across the alley, his head cracking against the opposite wall and knocking him out cold. I smiled. "Acrobatics… check… though that probably would have done more if he hadn't been holding an item," I noted.

The other two thugs began freaking out. One began to draw a gun, but the other one (the stupid one), threw a smoke bomb down, hoping to escape to… where, exactly? It didn't matter how much Smokescreen he cooked up, however. I'd already seen him. Focusing, drawing on senses that I'd long forgotten, I felt my body hurtle across the alley, landing a sharp blow to his jaw with my elbow. A perfectly executed Aerial Ace, thank you very much.

This, of course, put me right next to the guy with the pistol. He pointed it directly at my head, but I wasn't worried. One Pluck later, and I was the guy holding the gun. In my mouth, yes… but it's easy enough to take it out and put in my hand. "Get out of here now," I said threateningly. "Before I bring down a Hurricane on you." A blast of cold wind shot down the alley, emphasizing my point all too well.

I should point out: I didn't actually know how to use Hurricane. That gust of wind was just really well timed. Two words: Absolutely. Flawless.

The guy got the hell out of dodge as quickly as possible. I smiled, chucked the gun in the dumpster, and kneeled down to the PMFED, smashing it to pieces with a well places Acrobatics session. Tangela launched out of her Pokéball almost immediately, raring to go, and I smiled, rustling her vines gently. "Not today, girl. Sorry to get you all worked up."

I strode over to the kid, now struck with absolute awe (or so I'd like to think), and asked: "you ok?"

"Uh… y-yeah," he stuttered, brushing himself off (even though he wasn't dirty). "Thanks a lot, mister. I thought they were going to take my Pokémon for sure!"

"Well, you shouldn't be out training this late," I lectured. "Actually, scratch that, you're what, ten? Eleven? You shouldn't be out training at all. What gives?"

"Um… I…" he looked away. "I'm sort of on a mission."

"Aren't we all, these days?" I chuckled. "And what sort of mission is this that you get to break the law?"

"I'm…" he paused. "You've got to promise not to laugh." I promised, and he sighed, still not looking me in the eye. "I'm going to be the one to get Death! I'm going to find him, and I'm going to beat him, and then I'm going to make him pay!"

Ah boy. It finally happened. I'd been hoping to go through life not having to talk down someone out for revenge on Death… unfortunately, there's too many of those people to count. How did I prepare myself to deal with this again?

"Ok, look kid," I said, putting a hand on his shoulder, trying to be comforting. "This isn't Dirty Harry, or For a Few Dollars More or… any movie starring Clint Eastwood, actually. You're not going to be able to get the bad guy at the end after holding a grudge for years on end. Death's… kind of above that. You're just going to get yourself killed."

"You don't know what he did," he said, surprisingly calm. "He practically leveled my entire town. I couldn't do anything." His lip began to tremble, but only slightly, I'll give him that. "I just had to sit and watch Axel take care of everything." He took my hand off his shoulder. "I'm going to make the world better, so that we don't have to be afraid any more! I'm trying to put a team together…" He smiled. "You seem strong, Mister. You want to join?"

"I'm already part of a team, buddy," I said smiling. "But thanks. I suppose there's nothing I can say to make you go home, huh?" He shook his head firmly, and I sighed. "Well then… at least take this with you, all right?" I rustled through my bag, pulling out one of the Musket Balls I kept, just in case. "Now listen to me. This is a very dangerous item, understood? It's only to be used for self-defense, like if you're in danger of being killed by a Pokémon, all right?" I set it in his hand. "If I find out you used this just to catch something more easily, there will be consequences, understood?"

The kid nodded. "Thanks a lot, mister. I won't let you down!"

I nodded as well, feeling good, and checked my watch.

ACK! Past midnight already? If I don't get back soon, I won't be able to get any sleep before my date with Amber tomorrow!

Chief Aggie

"In… touch?" Axel asked, giving me the blankest stare I'd ever seen. "I
thought I was keeping up pretty well but… you've lost me, I'm sorry."

"I suppose there's only a few of us who actually use that term," I said apologetically. "Perhaps you've heard of 'Throwbacks'? There was quite a big story last June about one of them."

The look on his face went from complete loss to careful contemplation, as he wracked his head for the memory. "That does ring a Chingling..." he comment. "But… where have I heard that before?"

"I'll give you a hint," I said. "Some could very well say that she was born in a stable."

"Growlithe Girl!" he said suddenly, face lighting up in sudden memory. "That girl who accidentally injected herself with a Flamethrower TM while tending one of her family's Ponyta! And then started breathing fire everywhere. I remember that; that was cool."
"It wasn't quite like that, but basically," I confirmed. "Normally, accidental injection doesn't do a thing to people. But 'Growlithe Girl's' genetic structure was similar enough to a Pokémon's that her body began to alter her genes' expression to allow her to use the move. Quite frightening, actually. Apparently, she went into a coma for weeks, almost died once or twice."

"Right… that part wasn't so cool," Axel said quickly. "You… you want to see if I'm like that? Wasn't she a really rare case? I mean, they didn't call her a genetic throwback for nothing."

"Well, we believe throwback to be a bit of misnomer, Mr. Jackson," I explained, sliding open a metal door at the back of my office and instructing him to follow. "Our research here has led us to believe that Pokémon and humans aren't as far separated as was once thought. In addition, the two species have lived alongside each other for so long that they've started taking on each other's qualities."

"So you read Redwood too!" Axel said excitedly. "Ah, that's great! We've got more in common then I thought. We should spend the rest of the day talking about the anthromorphization of Pokémon and not killing me!"

I stopped, turning around to stare at the boy and to wipe some sweat off my brow (it was getting hotter. No doubt someone messing with the thermostat because of 'how cold' it is.) "You honestly thought that would work, didn't you?"

"I had to try," he shrugged. "I kind of like living, you know."

"We're not monsters, Mr. Jackson," I assured him, opening the door at the end of the hallway. "As long as you cooperate, we're more than happy to let you go on your way."

"Really? I get to live and stuff?"

"Of course," I repeated. "It's actually in my interest to let you go... my bookie currently has the odds of you clinching the Pokémon league at 200 to 1, and I've got a feeling a sizeable wager on you would put me in very good position to retire early."

"WHAT?" he yelled suddenly, showing anger that I hadn't thought possible from him. "200 to 1? That's it?" He hung his head, possibly in shame. "I thought, ok, maybe since I'm late starting in the game I'll be at 80 to 1, or 100 to 1, but… 200… ugh." He shivered. "I knew I needed to train another year…"

"Mr. Jackson…" I comforted, "the average trainer who only has one badge this late in the competition has a rate of 400 to 1, sometimes 500. You've been noticed, don't worry."

At this point, we had reached my main research area. Several steel metal tables were scattered across the white tile floor, many of them holding the cages where I still kept a majority of the first rats we'd used to test on.

Axel's eyes widened. "Did that rat just use Thunderbolt?" He asked, voice shaking.

"Hm? Oh yes, that's Sparky." I explained. "He was one the first organisms we successfully introduced a trans-species TM on. Though my favorite still has to be Frosty." I brought Axel's attention to the snow-white lab rat, glass holding pen lined with ice from repeated Blizzard uses.

"So… you've made TMs specifically for other species then? Including humans, I'd assume."

"Of course," I said, pulling a syringe out of a nearby drawer. "We don't want everyone to go through a coma and grow fangs in order to learn new moves, now do we?"

"But those fangs look so cute on Growlithe Girl!" Axel mused. "I honestly wouldn't mind if OW!"

"Try to hold still, will you Mr. Jackson?" I commanded as I drew blood from his arm. "It'll be all the less painful for both of us. "

"You could have at least warned me," Axel complained.

"And have you tense up, messing with the results? No thank you, Mr. Jackson. We need to be as accurate as possible when sequencing your genome; don't want to miss any Pokémon homologs."

"Hold up… You're going to make me wait here while you sequence my genome?" Axel groaned. "Doesn't that take weeks? Months?"

"We'll have it done in little more than an hour, Mr. Jackson," I said. "You don't keep up to date with non-Pokémon scientific papers, do you?"

"I… don't tend to keep up to date with non-Pokémon anything, to be honest," Axel blushed. At least, it looked like a blush at first, until he struggled to wipe the sweat from his brow with his handcuffs still on. "It's getting hot in here, isn't it?"

"It is…" I agreed. "I'll need to talk with someone upstairs, it's not nearly cold enough outside to warrant this kind of heating expenditure."

"I could bring out my Meditite and have him run up and tell someone about it," Axel offered.

"… Still trying? Really, Mr. Jackson?"

"Again. I like living." Axel stressed. "Now, is that all? Can I just kind of… sit and wait now?"

"Well, there's one more thing," I said, already preparing for the backlash I knew was coming. "We need you to hand over the BBUTTON."

Axel's eyes widened in shock, but he didn't yell like I'd expected. "I… I can't give you that, I'm sorry."

"You don't get to kindly ask me not to take it from you," I lectured him. "That's not how stealing works, Mr. Jackson."

"Ok, listen," he tried to argue. "I've been pretty cooperative so far, you know? I haven't seriously tried escaping or sending signals to the police or anything, partially because I was kind of interested to see what you wanted." He leered at me. "But if you try taking the BBUTTON, I don't care if you're a friendly fifty year old lady. I'll take you down. You made the mistake of not tying my legs up too." He lashed out with a roundhouse kick, just to emphasize his point.

"I was afraid you'd do something like that," I said, pressing a button on a nearby intercom. "Sweetie? Could you come in and restrain Mr. Jackson please?"

"Absolutely, dear," my husband's gravelly voice responded.

I didn't think Axel had the capacity to go so pale.

Toto

Climbing Mt. Harrow was a lot harder than I'd thought it would be. The civilian walking paths for scaling it are clearly meant to accommodate humans more than Pokémon, and several times where a step that was supposed to make climbing easier only served as a place where I had to heave my body over it like a stupid human getting out of a pool. I mean; I can only rely on Superpower so much before completely run out of steam, you know! Needless to say, it wasn't exactly dignified, and I was glad that there wasn't anyone else out on the trail so late at night.

Anytime you want my help, just ask the friendly voice rang inside my head. Though you know I'll want something in return.

"No thanks," I said aloud. "I've got it, really." Even though the voice had never been anything but nice to me, I was still a bit wary of it. It might have taken me a bit longer than it could have, but at least I could take comfort in knowing I could make it up to the Team Musket hideout without selling my soul to the courteous, nice, and supportive… why am I fighting this again? Instinct, I guess, which is enough for me: it's one of the reasons we Pokémon have an edge over humans.

I rested, catching my breath, but couldn't rest long. Voices were coming from behind me, and using the last burst of energy I had left I dove into a nearby bush. Why aren't there any berries? I could really go for a berry right now. And look! I didn't even have to worry; it's Amber and Vanna, who never pay attention to me anyway. Tired as I was, I couldn't avoid listening to them even if I'd wanted to.

"I'm still not sure if I'm comfortable with this," Amber said nervously, as she hid behind a tree. "Detective Jenkins did say…"

"Oh buck up," Vanna chided her. "Aren't you the strong-willed feminine type, or is that only when Axel's around?"

"Hey!" Amber yelled, flinching immediately (she clearly hadn't expected to be so loud). "That was pretty uncalled for. And look who's talking, at least I don't throw myself at every man see," she continued in a whisper. I sighed. Humans. Even though they'd finally decided to try and do something useful, they still couldn't get over themselves.

"I knew you'd bring that up," Vanna countered. "And you know, you wouldn't have to constantly peel me away from Axel if you'd just get on with it with him already. Once it's official, I won't mind stopping."

"Axel and I aren't like that and you know it!"

"Then what's the problem?" Vanna asked bitingly. "If you're not interested, then why the hell do you have such a problem with me going there?"

"I just… Axel's very trusting and impressionable," Amber explained. "And I don't want…" she stopped. I knew what she was thinking, and I could see exactly where this was heading, and I'd be damned if I stopped watching now.

"You don't want what?" Vanna asked, almost seething with rising anger.

Amber was silent for a moment, and then, all at once, took a large step forward, standing directly in Vanna's face. "I don't want him to end up getting his heart broken by a tramp like you." It was out. If I'd felt any desire to protect Amber from harm, I probably would have come out of hiding at this point.

Vanna slapped my trainer, a fitting reversal of the norm. Amber was flustered for a moment, but responded likewise. Formalities completely breaking down, the two quickly pulled each other to the ground, grasping, scratching, name-calling… you know. What humans do.

In what world is it acceptable for such sentimental beasts to wield power over creatures like you? The friendly voice whispered in my mind.

"None," I spat, pulling myself up and continuing towards the hideout. I had no desire to continue watching; knowing that no matter who emerged victorious, nothing would change.

Author's Note:

In a very drastic change of tone: would you look at that? It's Christmahannukwanzcemberween already! You know what that means!

Actually, come to think of it, you don't know what that means. I'll tell you, though, so don't worry. It means that it's time, once again, for the first ever Shattered Illusion Christmas party! (That sentence… it does make logical sense. I swear.) Let's look in on how everyone's doing, shall we?

Amaxing Fan Fiction Inc. Proudly Presents…

A Shattered Christmahannukwanzcemberween Illusion

Ding Dong

"I got it!" Axel yelled, running to the door of the Amaxing Fan Fiction Inc. Fourth-Wall Break Room. Opening the door, a very familiar-looking red head came through, smiling as she dusted snow off her jacket.

"Sorry I'm late," Amber apologized. "Dad was a little late getting home from work, so we didn't start lighting the Menorah until later than I expected, and we can't exactly leave until the candles burn out."

"You could," Axel offered.

"It'd be a little disrespectful," Amber explained. "At least in my family."

"Well, whatever, you made it anyway," Axel smiled. "Just in time, too. The band's about ready to start playing."

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, fictional characters and readers of all ages!" Skyler yelled into the microphone, standing on a slightly elevated stage area. "We are 'Hastily Thrown Together'! Or 'HTT', as you'll see if you buy some of our merch. My name is Skyler Blue and I'll be on lead vocals tonight. Over on lead and rhythm guitar… andbase… is the incomparable Medici the Meditite!"

"Don't hate me just because I'm gorgeous and talented," Medici chimed in, peering over ridiculously large sunglasses.

"Yeah, whatever, and on drums, we have the beautiful Becky!" Skyler continued.

Silence, as everyone at the party searched through the story, looking for a character named Becky.

"I'm…" she explained, speaking into her mike. "I'm the girl from the pizza place in Cliffkiln? Axel and I used to date… sort of?"

"Hi Becky!" Axel yelled from the crowd.

"Hi Axel…" she said softly, turning red. After a slightly awkward silence, Hastily Thrown Together flew into an up-tempo version of 'Jingle Bell Rock', with Skyler occasionally breaking into a freestyle verse here and there. It wasn't bad.

"HO HO HO!" came a deep voice from the back of the room. Mr. Munson, dressed up as Santa Claus, burst out on the party, carrying a multitude of baskets with bows firmly tied on them. "Merry Christmas, everyone! Gifts for one and all!"

"How… surprising, Mr. Munson," Amber said. "I never thought of you as the type to dress up and bring gifts as office Santa."

"Well, you must not have gotten to know me very well in the few days you knew me, Amber." Mr. Munson smiled. "Happy Hanukkah, by the way. Here's your present."

"Oh boy!" Amber yelled excitedly. "It's…" she paused. "It's a bushel of apples."

"That's right!" Mr. Munson said, beaming. "A bushel of fresh, delicious apples! Only from Munson's Grocer in Cliffkiln, Salvout Region, down the street from the post office! Munson's Grocery, where our motto is: Getting Food From Here Will Make You a Better Person! Now under new management!"

Amber blinked. "I take that back. I should have seen this coming."

"Hey! Hey! Listen! Hey! Gallant! Listen! Hey! Hey!" Qwill yelled, running up to the Gallade by the punch bowl. "I've got a question and before I ask it I want you to know that it's a serious question but at the same time I don't necessarily care what the answer is even though I kind of want to know but I guess it's more that I don't want you to get the wrong idea and…"

"Just. Ask. The question." Gallant said impatiently, drinking the punch quickly and hoping to God it was alcoholic.

"Do you think that Death's going to come to the party? I mean I don't want him to come because he's really scary and he kills people but I figure that since this is sort of a non-canonical, fourth wall breaking segment that doesn't have anything to do with the story that he might show up and he might even have a completely different personality because he's 'off duty' or whatever and I want to know whether I should be scared or not because if I should then I need to go get my special blanket from my Pokéball and if not then I don't have to worry about it and I can enjoy myself and the indecision is killing me right now and so I need to know if…"

"Death declined his invitation," Inigo said, walking up to the two of them with a serious look on his face. "He said that he was going to spend the holidays 'spreading Christmas cheer… all across the ground.'

The three were silent for a moment. "You've locked all the windows, right?" Gallant asked.

"I boarded them," the Treecko affirmed. "I was actually going to ask if you wanted to take turns walking a perimeter."

"Switch off every half hour?"

"Sounds good to me," the Treecko nodded.

"I want to help, I want to help, I want to help! Death is scary but I'm pretty sure he's flammable because he jumped out of the way of that fire blast I chucked at him in the story so I think that means that he'd get hurt by it unless he just wanted to look threatening which is possible because he's Death and…"

"So why isn't Bertrand here?" Vanna asked, chatting up Axel and Percy on the other side of the room.

"Well he's dead, isn't he?" Percy said bluntly.

"Right… in story," Vanna reasoned. "But Skyler, Medici, and that pizza girl…"

"Becky," Axel corrected.

"Becky and them have never actually met in story, yet they're in a band together…" She paused. "You'd think Amaxing could have brought him back for the few hundred words that this special will span, you know?"

"He's pretty busy… probably didn't think about it," Axel suggested. "I'm pretty sure he's still in his office working, even though the party's literally right across the hall."

"Would you go talk to him Axel? Pleeease?" Vanna asked, pouting slightly and batting her eyes. "And don't just say that I want to talk to him, say… I've been talking about him all night and I'm just so excited to finally meet him. That should get him out here."

"Doesn't he have a girlfriend?" Percy asked.

"… And?" Vanna asked back.

"I'll be sure to tell him," Axel smiled, heading towards the door. "Keep Percy company, will you? We don't know if he's crazy outside the story or not."

"I'm not crazy inside the story you…" but Axel was already gone. Percy slumped over. "I'll get that guy one day, I swear."

"In your dreams, Percy," Vanna smiled. "Oh, by the way, have you seen Gardevoir?" (Just in case you're taking notes: this is what a forced transition looks like.)

In a bench near the back of the room, slightly obscured by the fifteen foot tall Christmas tree, Gardevoir sat, occasionally scribbling into her pad. Sometimes she'd look out at the people mulling around, chatting it up and laughing, but not for long.

"And what is someone like you doing sitting here by themselves?"

Looking up, immediately turning red, Gardevoir saw the blue, turtle-y countenance of Shelligan, hauling himself onto the bench next to her. "Don't you worry about me, I'm not about to make a fool of myself like Medici," the Squirtle reassured her. "I just can't stand to see anyone sit by themselves at a party."

I'm fine, really Gardevoir wrote. I'm more than occupied.

"Is that so?" Shelligan remarked. "You don't seem very occupied, dear. You've hardly made any marks in that notepad for the last fifteen minutes."

Gardevoir showed him the pad, which was covered in a fifteen-by-fifteen grid with numbers and letters dotted everywhere. Monster Sudoku she wrote down as an explanation. Very hard.

"Ah," Shelligan replied. "That would explain it, wouldn't it? Any particular reason you're not marking an 'A' in the upper right hand corner?"

Gardevoir looked at the pad quickly, eyes glancing over the grid, and sighed, tapping herself lightly on the head with her pencil. It was as adorable as you might think. Thank you she wrote meekly.

"Think nothing of it," Shelligan chuckled. "And do let me know if you need any help, yes? I'm not going anywhere, and there's no problem that the Magnificent Shelligan shouldn't be able to at least take a halfway decent crack at."

"Hey! Max!" Axel yelled from the door of the Head (And Only) Writer's office. "What are you doing still working? Get out here and enjoy yourself!"

"God only gets to rest on the seventh day, Axel," I told him, keeping my cell phone pressed firmly to my ear so I could hear the client on the other side. "It's only day Pi, so that means I've still got to work."

"But Vanna's out there… she's been talking about you all night. Seems very excited to finally meet you."

I apologized to the man on the other end, quickly diverting my attention to Axel. "One, because Vanna is a fictional character that I created and whose personality is subject to my whims, anything that happened between us would be very strange, possibly incest, and… technically rape. Two, I'm God to you people, so I already know exactly why she told you to tell me that, and third, I'm on the phone with a very important client. Possible deal for product placement in an upcoming chapter."

"Ooh! What product?" The trainer asked excitedly, not taking the hint that he needed to leave.

"ElectaBuzz energy drinks," I told him.

"Ooh! Those! Qwill loves those, they're his favorite!"

"No, Axel…" I sighed, slightly confused. "You can't say that. I haven't written that, so there's no possible way that it could be true yet."

"But it is true!" He continued on obliviously. "He drinks them all the time! They help him focus, even if they make him even more jittery than usual."

I paused, and then smiled. I could use this to my advantage. "Did you hear that?" I asked the representative on the other side. "Our main protagonist already uses your product. Any endorsement he'd make would be that much more believable! You've got to sign now. Yes? Yes? Good, that sounds lovely. Oh, I'll be certain to. Say high to the missus for me. Buh-bye." I snapped my flip phone shut, satisfied.

"Can you come out now?" Axel asked.

"Nah, I've got to call the people at AMPharos and tell them that we've found a better deal. It's always important to be courteous, Axel." He didn't look satisfied, and I rolled my eyes, letting out another sigh. "Ok, fine. I'll be out right after I make this last call, ok?"

"Good!" Axel smiled. "I'll just leave your gift on the desk, then." He placed the basket on my desk. "It's a bushel of oranges, yeah," he said.

"Really? I thought it was a bushel of stacks of hundred dollar bills." I edited.

"Huh? Why would you think OHMYGOD WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?"

"Again, Axel… God. To you, anyway." I said. "Now go have fun, ok? Try not to break too many hearts out there."

"I'll only break as many as you let me," he replied with a smile, showing uncharacteristic clarity of a thought for a fraction of a second.

I watched him as he left, looking at the basket on my desk, which now contained a Nintendo 3DS and the Phoenix Wright/Professor Layton crossover game as well as a pair of fuzzy dice shaped like the companion cube. I smiled. AMPharos could wait, I suppose. This party wasn't going to last forever, even if it was going to last as long as I willed it to. I got up my chair, walking across the hall. I had a group photo to be in.

"Everyone gather round!" I cried, as Lexi got ready to shoot… the photo. "And on three, shout the words that I just placed in all of your heads! Ready? One! Two! Three!"

MERRY CHRISTMAHANNUKWANZCEMBERWEEN FROM ALL OF US HERE AT AMAXING FAN FICTION INC.

Yes… even Death. Though he did want to remind all of you that she's watching, and urges you to be careful.

And also, on a completely unrelated note…

Viva la feminism?