Remi Alc-sid: Despite how great a man he was, Remi Alc-sid is still horribly under-recognized in the world of fan fiction. In fact, it's because of him that we're even able to write fan fiction at all.

Whence upon reading the tale of the mighty King Arthur, Remi was inspired to construct a masterwork of his own: the exact same tale, but featuring a strange wizard named Merlin who saw everything backwards (seing as Remi's own name is contained in Merlin, scholars of fandom assume that Merlin was, in fact, the first Gary Stu).

The original author, however, sought legal recourse against Remi, for intellectual property infringement (which they did in fact have in the middle ages, because otherwise everyone would be drafting up their own version of the Magna Carta and toting it around as their own.)

As he was being strung up on the gallows, however, Remi said something that would alter the course of literary history forever: 'Forsooth! It was not mine intention to claim his story as mine own! In fact, I hereby state that the vast majoritae of this story doth not belong to me!' Satisfied, the author agreed to let Remi live, unaware of the future consequences the decision would have.

You see, the case of Remi vs. That-Guy-Who-Wrote-About-King-Arthur would serve as the historical precedent for protecting all writers who wanted desperately to see two of their favorite characters shack up. Eventually, a story was deemed perfectly legal to be distributed (for free, naturally), simply by invoking Remi's name at the very beginning. And because his greatest character, Merlin, saw everything backwards, so too did authors decided that the most fitting way to invoke the first and greatest fan fiction writer in history was to name him backwards as well.

And that, my friends, is where the word 'disclaimer' comes from. Remi I don't own Pokémon.

…

…

What? Yes it's all true! Look it up. It's legit. I swear. Really.

Chapter 26: Oft Go Awry

Detective Jenkins

"Did you honestly believe that the actual police would authorize sending a lone civilian deep into criminal territory?" I asked as I strolled into the room with a smug grin that was meant to seem menacing.

Axel was struck silent for a moment, stewing in the boiling broth of his own idiocy (though with how damn hot it was getting, he could have just been stewing). "I have to ask," he finally said, "how long have you been bent, Detective?"

"Bent? I'm not bent," I stated, cracking my knuckles as I crossed over to him. "That would imply that at some point, I wasn't a 'Musketeer'." I shrugged. "Which isn't the case, I'm afraid. Aggie got me young."

"Oh, hush," my wife blushed, trying to maintain her composure in front of the boy we were supposed to be threatening.

"Oh, so you're his wife!" Axel said excitedly. "Ah, that's just great! Let me see… you guys have to be in your late forties, early fifties so it's what… twenty-five years?"

"Thirty-two," I corrected without even thinking.

"Thirty-two! That's amazing, really!" Axel said, smiling wider than a mobile home on the freeway. "That's really encouraging to see, especially in this day and age, you know? Just great, congratulations to both of you."

"You're not small-talking your way out of this, kid," I asserted.

"What? Oh no, no, I meant it!" He asserted back, actually seeming genuine. "It's uncommon to see a couple stay together so long these days, what with divorces, annulments… people getting murdered." He smiled. "In fact, I'll make it official: of all the people that have ever handcuffed me, threatened me with violence, and tried to rob me, you guys are my favorite."

"This happens often, I take?" Aggie couldn't resist adding.

"Don't get drawn in," I warned her. "We already like him too much as it is; any more, and we won't be able to finish the job."

"If it makes any difference to you guys, I'm perfectly ok with that." Axel jumped in. "I won't tell anyone, promise."

"Shut up," I growled loudly. "Now hold still and let me take that gauntlet."

"No," Axel said simply, backing away. "I won't. I can't. Professor Redwood trusted me."

"I don't give a damn what Professor Redwood thinks about all of this. Hand over that gauntlet!"

"I don't think so," Axel grunted, jumping back away from me. "Medici! I know you can hear me, get out here now! I need you!" Pathetic. I waited, just to humor him, as he looked around for his Pokémon, baffled at how they weren't coming. "Qwill? Inigo? … Anyone?" His mouth hung open stupidly.

"They won't be coming, Mr. Jackson," Aggie said, cutting the fun short. "We've got frequency emitters set up that prevent Pokéballs from opening."

"Uh… oh." Axel said slowly. "So… um…" he paused. "I guess I… don't have an ace up my sleeve, huh?"

"Unless you consider flailing around and kicking wildly an ace, no," I answered. "In fact, just to make sure you don't decide to do that…" I pulled from .44 from its holster, setting the sights on his head. "Get down on the ground, now. Aggie, take his Pokémon."

"What?" My wife said in shock. "We just need the BBUTTON, dear, there's no need to…"

"I don't want to take any risks. We've come this far." We looked at each other a minute, and she nodded. She went over to Axel, lifted his jacket up, and removed four Pokéballs from his waist.

I blinked. Something wasn't right. "Look again, dear? I think he's hiding one."

"No…" Aggie disagreed. "He's got four Pokémon. The Treecko, the Cyndaquil, the Squirtle, and the Meditite."

"And Deathwing." I reminded here. "He's got that dragon-Skarmory now too."

"Oh! Right, of course. Silly me." She stooped back down, looking around Axel's waist, then in his pockets, then through his backpack… oh no.

"It's not here," Aggie said, confused. "He's only got these four Pokémon with him, Mag."

Damn it. "Where is it?" I growled, moving closer and pressing the barrel of the gun right against his head. "WHERE IS IT? What did you tell that Pokémon of yours to do?"

"I just… left it at home," Axel tried to lie. "It was still tired from capturing Deathwing, so I let it skip out on this."

I saw right through this, of course, and drew my hand back, striking him across the head with the butt of my gun. He grunted, slid across the floor, and I crossed over to him. Of course he was still conscious. I placed the gun to his head again, this time pulling back the safety to make that ever-so-threatening 'click'. "WHERE IS IT? What did you have it do? Tell me NOW!"

"Listen…" Axel said, turning to look up at me. "I wouldn't worry about that right now."

"And why the hell not?" I screamed.

"Because it's… really the least of your problems," he answered.

And then, somewhere upstairs, an explosion went off.

Shelligan

Maestro! Cue the Mission Impossible Theme, immediately! Although James Bond will due quite well in a pinch.

Infiltration might not strictly be covered in the entertainer's code, but there are a few rules that help on the whole 'secret mission' front. Rule 4, for instance, is 'never let the audience see what you're hiding' and Rule 15 is 'always have a way out'. That last one is more in case of obsessive fans or in case of accidentally offending royalty but it is rather applicable here, no?

I have to admit, the instruction 'get into the ducts and mess with the central heating system' are a bit vague, and certainly up for interpretation, but then again: Axel. I'm surprised he had any sort of back up plan whatsoever, actually. Perhaps my knack for strategic thinking is rubbing off on him?

While I hadn't counted for the central thermostat to be under lock and key (someone must be particular about the temperature settings around here), it wasn't anything that couldn't be bypassed with a hairpin and some talent. This facility is about to get hotter than a Blaziken barbeque!

No time to dawdle, though. On to phase 2!

Lexi

One of the hardest decisions a girl has to make (other than which Pokémon to choose as her first, of course) is which to use: the M40 or the Barrett M82 50 Cal?

Granted, the Barrett M82 does have a greater overall effective range but it's not… technically a sniper rifle. Not only that, but there's just something… classy about the M40 that the very mechanistic look and feel of the M82 doesn't have, you know?

Maybe you don't know. I'm going with the M40, though, and I'll be sure to get good use out of it if and when Axel's friends get antsy waiting for him and try to stage a 'daring rescue mission'. I'd almost feel kind of bad doing it, but anyone who honestly thinks that they can do what they see in the movies… they kind of deserve what they get. I mean, c'mon, you're telling me that the idiot who takes a crowbar to a zombie during the inevitable apocalypse didn't earn getting infected?

I… am coming off far geekier than I really am right now. Or perhaps more hillbilly than usual. I blame The Walking Dead.

It would explain why my first reaction to being grabbed suddenly from behind (even by someone I knew was a coworker) was to throw myself down and away quickly and draw my weapon. My fellow Musketeer (I believe his name is Andrew… not sure, though), laughed at my reaction, and told me to come into the security room. There was something I needed to see.

The entire security team was gathered around one monitor, which seemed kind of dumb, but I didn't judge. Andrew pointed to what was on the monitor, peeking over our coworkers' shoulders to get a better view. I looked, and groaned, knowing full well why the entirely male security team had decided to abandon their posts. Axel's friends had indeed started coming up the mountain… and were currently in the middle of the most ridiculous catfight I'd ever seen. The redhead tore the jacket off of the other girl, and I swear half of the room drooled. Gross.

As long as this keeps up, though, I won't have to shoot them, so I suppose I (and Axel's friends) should be grateful this happened. A loud hoot and a few wolf whistles rose out of my Team-mates (the redhead's shirt was in the midst of being pulled up) and I sighed. Typical men, I suppose. I wonder if Skyler would be so easily distracted? I hope not…

And then, out of nowhere, an explosion went off down the hall, and the sound of running feet filled the hallway. I gasped, checking the alarms to make sure I just hadn't missed something. But they weren't going off. How had the heat sensors not picked this up?

"Everyone freeze!" came a voice over a megaphone. "You're all under arrest for aiding in the production and distribution of illegal goods and weaponry! Put your hands in the air, Team Musket, and no one gets hurt!"

This was ridiculous. There wasn't any possible way that they could have known we were Team Musket before barging in here! I wasn't amused, and neither were my coworkers, who quickly drew Pokéballs from their hips and threw them. Flocks of Zubat were soon sweeping through the ranks of the police, causing general confusion and leaving bite marks. Not one for training Pokémon, I reached instead for Tommy… my mini-gun, conveniently tucked under a desk.

I yelled for everyone to clear out of the way, and my coworkers dived to the sides of the room, leaving me a clear line of fire. I'd only ever used one of these to tear down a tree before… was I really going to tear through people? I guess I didn't have much choice: what we're doing here's just too important.

I let the bullets fly, but instead of the carnage I'd expected, an enormous Bastiodon appeared as of nowhere, it's large shield-shaped head reflecting my bullets as if they were made of paper. I swore, tossing the gun aside and darting away before it could pin me down.

"How the hell did we let G-man in?" I screamed at my coworkers as they tried desperately to avoid being detained. "We're practically dead now!"

"I don't know!" Andrew screamed back. "But we can't worry about that right now! Find Chief Aggie and get her out of here, hurry! We'll buy you time!"

I nodded quickly, rushing out the back door even as a tranquilizing round whizzed past my ear. Don't you dare mess this up, Lexi!

Chief Aggie

"How? How is this happening? How did our sensors and security team let such a large group in?" I'd pulled up security footage on a nearby computer, and was now gasping as I saw my coworkers fight desperately to keep the lab safe. I was touched… and horrified at the same time.

"Well, um…" Axel offered. "Your heat sensors probably didn't go off because of how damn hot it's gotten in here." He shook sweat from his brow, just to emphasize the point. "As for your security team, I… think they were distracted by what must have been one hell of a hot catfight. There may have even been some stripping involved, but… I don't know. Amber wasn't entirely sold on that idea."

"YOU!"Magnum screamed into the boy's ear. "You turned the fake sting we set up to sting you into a real sting to sting us when I wasn't looking?"

"Um… maybe?" the trainer gulped. "I hope that doesn't… sting too much."

"You are not James Bond!" Helen yelled, bursting through the doorway and kneeing Axel aside for good measure. "Boss, we need to go," she yelled at me. "Forget whatever it is you're doing, we need to make sure what we've worked for doesn't go to waste!"

"Oh no," Magnum asserted before I could say anything. "We pulled him in to this for a reason, and we're not leaving without that BBUTTON. Even if it means dragging him along with us!"

"Which isn't going to happen!" Axel yelled, pulling himself up to his feet. "Not as long as I cling to consciousness, anyway."

"Maggie, honey, let's not get carried away!" I yelled quickly. "Mr. Jackson, I don't know how you were able to set this up, but…"

"It was easier than you might think," Axel explained. "A note for the future: if you want you're undercover cop to blend him, don't knit him a scarf with the Team Musket Logo on it. It helps."

"Mr. Jackson…" I began to explain.

"We don't have a logo!" Lexi yelled, correctly wondering why we were having this conversation instead of running.

"Huh?" Axel asked dumbly. "It's not a blazing musket over an M, like on his scarf?"

"That's…" I paused, suddenly inappropriately embarrassed. "That's supposed to be a snake with its tongue out… Maggie really likes snakes…" For some reason, I felt wounded, and it showed, because Magnum became even angrier.

"That's the last straw," Magnum growled. "You're dead, Jackson. I was going to let you live, but now… you've just done too much."

"Maggie, please, calm down!" I pleaded. "There are other ways we can…"

"If we let him go now, the police will just see as an organization they can play around with. That random kids can just raid willy-nilly and come out unscathed! You don't want to turn into another Galactic, do you? Or an Aqua?"

That did the trick. "Well, no…" I agreed hesitantly. "But…"

"It's what's best Aggie, I promise," Magnum assured me, knocking Axel down to his knees and placing the gun behind his head. "I'm sorry about this kid, really. But I've got the world to think about, and it sure as hell doesn't end with you."

I saw Ms. Alexis gulp, but she made no movement whatsoever. Ashamed, I turned away, not wanting to see what happened next.

When did we turn into this?

Author's Note

Hey all! Guess what? It's time for a reader poll! Huh? Huh?

This is coming from necessity more than interest, I'll admit, though I am interested in what you have to say about it. You see, I've been planning out the Pokémon League for the Salvout-Ginli region, and I'm quite indecisive about what to name the Badges. The only one I've got nailed down is Vanna's Pulsar Badge, and she made that decision more than I did.

So here's a list of competing names! You'll note that there are more than seven categories. This is to confuse you! And because I'm really REALLY indecisive. Vote on all of them! Or some of them. Or make up your own! Or don't do anything. The choice… is yours. Use it wisely. That didn't make sense. I don't care.

Possible Badge Names (Comparisons)

Glitch Badge/Haywire Badge/404 Badge

Glamour Badge/Ritz Badge/Madonna Badge

Gravel Badge/Avalanche Badge/Landslide Badge

Larva Badge/Inchworm Badge/Caterpillar Badge

Badge Badge/The Badge/Badge Badge Badge

Light-speed Badge/Flurry Badge/Spring Badge

Colossus Badge/Titan Badge

Apprentice Badge/Journeyman Badge

X Badge/Z Badge

Conqueror Badge/Omega Badge

Tornado Badge/Maelstrom Badge/Hurricane Badge

Rhythm Badge/Cadenza Badge

Wisdom Badge/Prudence Badge/Foresight Badge

Dust Badge/Ashes Badge

Wyrm badge/Wyvern Badge/Hydra Badge

Gambit Badge/Risk Badge/Chance Badge

That's more than I thought! It's actually frightening, seeing all the possibilities lined up like that. See if you can guess which ones I just made up on the spot to confuse you!

And now to make good on some question answering!

Reader Zoeten asked… many questions, actually, so let me answer them in order.

You said that Orre fell three hundred years ago: I was wondering how did Orre become part of the Antebellum region?

- I'm not sure if I wrote this unclear…ly, or if 'Antebellum' is throwing you. Antebellum is a term than refers to a time 'before a war' (Ante being before, bellum being war). In America, we use this term to describe pre-Civil War events, but in Salvout and Ginli, it refers to the Great War. Meaning that, really, it covers any time period more than eighty-five years ago. That's why Orre falls in that time period.

In chapter 16 you said you were taking character suggestions. Can you get in to more detail about this?

- Sure! I'm looking for random filler characters. Townsfolk, roadside trainers, that sort of thing. I know some stories ask for the character's family history and back-story and favorite Spice Girl, but I'm really just asking for a name and a few personality traits. Heck, even just a name would be good. Names are always the hardest part in making characters, in my opinion… you've got no idea how many other names I had just for Axel. I might give you a list in a later author's note.

And as for the last question:

Did Axel really get laid?

- I actually like to keep things like this intentionally vague, so the reader can make up and explanation as pure or corrupted as they want. Did Axel and that nurse really get it on? Perhaps they were just making out, or talking very loudly. They could have been composing poetry about kittens. Hell, Axel always carries a copy of Risk with him, so they might have just spent the night fighting over the Kamchatka Peninsula.

As the reader, you're allowed to see any of these interpretations as the truth! Or none of them. Or all of them at once! Actually, on second thought, don't do that. That's just weird.

Also, as for posting on forums to get more reviews… that's a thing? That you can do? Huh. I mistrust all forums as a rule, so I probably won't be doing that but… you guys are welcome to direct people over here if you feel like it. I'm not writing this in secret or anything.

Viva la feminism?