Chapter 29! Hope you guys like and sorry for the wait. Work and Easter and a new nephew has been keeping me busy and away from writing. Thanks so so so so much for all the lovely reviews from the last chapter. You guys are awesome!

Anyway! Happy reading and don`t forget to tell me what you think at the end!

Nana died on the way to the hospital. I held her hand throughout, never letting go until we arrived and the doctor made me. She never regained consciousness. I felt like I was watching everything from outside my body, the reality not sinking in, expecting the doctor to tell me that they made a mistake. I was in shock, standing in the hospital like a lost soul, waiting for my mom to arrive, waiting to tell her own momma was dead.

Jacob arrived a couple of minutes after I did. I couldn`t hear a word he was saying, I didn`t want to look at him. My grief was overriding all my other emotions so that I couldn`t feel anything else. I just kept on looking through the swinging doors they rolled my nana through. I was vaguely aware of being pressed into Jacob`s warm body. Of his long arms wrapping themselves around me, rubbing my back, of kisses being placed on my face and head. Things I couldn`t respond to, I didn`t want to respond to. I didn`t want to. I didn`t want to...I didn`t want to!

I pulled myself out of Jacob`s arms and pushed him away. I looked at his face, his shocked face, his sympathetic face, his .FACE!

"Get the fuck off of me!" I spat. Punching him on his chest. It hurt. I punched him again. This time harder. "You stupid fucking piece of shit...how dare you even fucking touch me!" I made to hit him again but he snagged both my wrists in his hands and held them so I couldn`t move.

"I`m sorry...I know your upset...but you need to know I`m here for you." Jacob whispered, not releasing my wrists as I struggled against him.

"Stop making this about you! It`s about nana!" I said angrily, kicking him now. Nothing had an effect on him. If anything he pulled me in closer. "Leave me alone." I said against the brick wall of his chest.

"No Sonia. Just...just let it out." He implored, looking at me with that stupid sympathetic look that I hated seeing on his face. "It`s okay to be upset."

"It`s all my fault." I wailed, finally submitting and falling against him. His arms wrapped around me again, eagerly, and I cried into his chest, not caring if I used his shirt as a tissue.

"It`s not your fault baby. It`s not." He consoled me, kissing my head some more. I pulled my head away from his chest, wiping my nose on the back of my hand until a nurse came over and gave me some tissues.

"When`s my mom getting here." I asked, sitting down. I needed mom. She needed me.

"Soon, in about fifteen minutes."

"What hospital are we at?"

"Forks." Jacob answered, wrapping his arm around me again, pulling me into him.

"Jacob?" An naturally musical voice came from our left. I felt something inside me tense, shouting danger over and over. Jacob wrapped his arm around me some more. I looked up and saw who must be the Cullen doctor. He looked like some sick, made up china doll. Skin too pale, looks too perfect, eyes too gold and hair too blond. I shuddered in revulsion at the sight of him.

"Now`s not the best time." Jacob said angrily.

"Is this Sonia? Ms. Mara, nice to meet you, I`m Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I`m deeply sorry about your loss." He said, in that creepy voice again. "I can assure you that your grandmother was in no pain when she died." I didn`t answer him. She was in pain...I made her think about it.

"Just leave...she doesn`t want you around her." And I don`t want him touching my nana either, I thought. Dr. Leech gave Jacob a nod and me a smile and left us. "You need anything? Water? Tea?"

"No."

"Okay. You...you did everything you could...don`t blame yourself for this. It was out of your control." Jacob took my hands in both of his and kissed my forehead. I didn`t know what to feel anymore. This day...has been the worst of my life.

"I knew...I knew that one day I would lose her, that she would die but I didn`t expect it to be like this. So much left unfinished and unsaid. I just didn`t see it coming."

"You can`t sometimes, well a lot of the time." He said sadly. I looked at him. He lost his mom, in one of the most horrible ways, he had no chance to say goodbye to her.

"I just...I dunno Jacob."

"You don`t have to say anymore, you don`t have to talk about it if you don`t want to." He hastened to reassure me.

"I will have to. Sometime. It`s unhealthy not talking about these things."

"It is...when...when my mom..was killed in that accident..." He huffed out a huge breath. I was shocked. Jacob never talked about this. Nor did Billy or Rachel. "It was like we couldn`t talk about it. My dad got rid of her stuff pretty quick, not all of it, but the stuff that was too painful to be around. Rachel and Rebecca just cut themselves off from it, leaving when they got the chance."

"And you?" I asked gently. Jacob looked at me, eyes sad yet he gave me a small smile.

"I stopped thinking about it. It was hard. I don`t know if I can anymore."

"You don`t have to tell me this. I don`t want you hurting."

"It`s okay, and this isn`t about my grief. It`s about..."

"Mine and my moms. Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell the leech doctor not to touch my nana?" Jacob looked at me thoughtfully before nodding his head and getting up.

"I`ll tell him." He headed off, disappearing through a swinging door, leaving me on my own.

Oh nana. My little nana. So strong. So full of life...well she was...before I brought up those memories. Just this morning she was talking about Christmas, just two weeks away. She was so excited. She loved Christmas. She loved the turkey, the songs, decorating the house. Who knows when our time will be up.

Have I ever described myself as a spiritual person? I believe in God, I believe in the Great Spirit. So did she. She was never afraid of death. When my granddad Pat died ten years ago, I remember her saying that he was in another place now, he wasn`t gone, he wasn`t lost to us, he was just where we couldn`t see him, couldn`t reach him. Was my nana in that place? With granddad Pat? With her brothers and sisters? With her parents? With all of our ancestors? Like she said before. If wolves and vampires exist, why not other things? A place like heaven or the next plain. The thought was comforting a little.

"Sonia!" My mom`s voice carried across the waiting room. It sounded higher, more strained. I got up and ran towards her. Launching myself on her I cried and so did she.

"Just...thank God she wasn`t alone when she died. You were with her...to comfort her." She sobbed, which made me cry some more. Michael stood behind my mom, his blue eyes locked on her, rubbing small circles on her back. We made eye contact and he gave me an awkward couple of pats on the shoulder.

"I`m sorry Sonia...it must have been terrible, but you did a wonderful thing by being with her as your mom said, to be there for her, that`s the most and best you could have done."

I couldn`t answer him. Just cried into my moms shoulder some more. As horrible as it was, as disgusting as it was, I knew I would have felt indescribably worse if it was my mom and not nana. Or if it was Jacob...no! Don`t even think about that! I couldn`t lose them yet. Not yet.

The funeral was...a funeral. It was everything a funeral should be. Sad, somber, heartbreaking. Basically the whole tribe turned out for it. St. Anne`s Church in Forks was packed with people, some who knew her well and other`s who didn`t. I sat in the first pew with my mother. Michael sat behind us. Jacob kept his distance. After the hospital I found I couldn`t talk to him. I didn`t want to talk to him. I found that something had changed. I was sick of his bullshit, of this bullshit. Losing my nana made me realize that life is not meant to be lived in a constant stream of fights and arguments. What was the point anymore? What was I fighting for? Most of all, I didn`t want to look at him, in the eye, because I was afraid to. I was afraid to see if I didn`t love him anymore, I was afraid to see if I still did. It was something I couldn`t feel for him anymore, or if I could, it was buried, it was being suppressed.

When we got back to the house, it was packed again. People standing around in various shades of black and grey. Talking about nana and other things. My mom and me had set up a table with photos of her. My favorite stood in the middle. It was one of her back in 1964, looking all cool with a beehive, posing with my granddad during their honeymoon to New York.

Emily had outdone herself with the food. Every free surface held plates of sandwiches or cake, and I was grateful to her for doing it, because I couldn`t even think of food let alone feeding people, since the hospital.

I escaped outside with Ollie, Bernie, Chris and Lorraine. They were nice to me, trying to act normal and trying to make me smile. Which I did. Bernie even coaxed me into eating a ham sandwich, which I had to admit tasted delicious after not eating anything in almost two days.

"You know that Sam took my weed." Chris whispered to us, looking over his shoulder at the house. He looked like he was almost afraid of being overheard.

"Seriously? Why?" Bernie asked, annoyed. She enjoyed a good joint, and Chris was her go to guy for it.

"You know Sam. He`s all wholesome now. I remember him and Trent back in the day always hanging out smoking weed with Leah and Bonnie." Trent was Chris`s older brother, now going to university in Seattle, who was the same age as Sam. "What a fucking hypocrite."

"Sam`s not that bad. He`s really pretty nice some you get through the whole mean exterior." I defended. Chris snorted and shook his head.

"Okay Sonia." He said, stuffing his face with chocolate cake. I knew he wanted to say more but was afraid to, seeing that I was grieving. I let it go and rubbed my hands together. It was fucking freezing out.

"Sonia?" I heard Kim`s gentle voice come from the back door. I turned and motioned her over to us. She was wearing a black dress that looked like a tent. It did her no justice whatsoever, seeing how pretty she already was.

"Hey Kim." I said.

"Hey Kim." Bernie and Lorraine greeted.

"Hi Kim." The guys greeted her. Sure enough, Jared followed her out.

"It`s freezing out here babe, do you want me to get you your coat?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her.

"It`s okay Jared. Do you think you could give me a minute with Sonia?"

"Yeah, sure babe." Jared went reluctantly back inside. Kim took my hand.

"Do you think I can borrow Kim for a couple of minutes?" She asked my friends, who nodded their heads. "Thanks guys." She led me inside. "Where can we talk in private?"

"My room. Come on." I spotted Jacob from the corner of my eye but ignored him. I brought Kim into my messy room and shut the door behind us.

"Remember when we used to take ballet together?" She asked, smiling as she fingered a tutu hanging from the back of my door.

"Of course." I smiled a little. Kim was so cute back then, if not a little shy. She was two years older than me and quit ballet almost a year ago.

"How are you? I know it`s a stupid question but you know, I needed to ask." She said, sitting down on my bed and taking off her heels. She breathed an audible sigh of relief and stretched out her legs.

"Okay considering." I sat down beside her and took off my own heels. They were beginning to pinch my toes.

"I`m sorry Sonia. I liked your nana a lot. She was super nice, always."

"Thanks Kim." I looked down at my feet tight clad feet. There was a beginning of a ladder on my left big toe.

"Sonia...I needed to ask you something." Kim asked hesitantly, shooting a glance at the door.

"Shoot."

"On Sunday night I had this dream...and I don`t really know what to make of it." She looked suddenly so young, so unsure. And I felt scared, I think I actually stopped breathing a little.

"What kind of dream?" I asked, as normal as I could manage. I think I already knew what she would say.

"When I was little, I think about seven or eight, I wandered off on my own, into the woods. I got lost. I remembered seeing you there, it was you. You went inside." She whispered, smoothing her dress over her bump. Her hands were shaking a little.

"What?" I whispered. Kim looked suddenly pale.

"Oh Christ...I had never been so scared, I remember this voice...it knew my name, it was calling me to come inside too...then...then you screamed...and I ran. I ran away. I was just looking for Jingle, my dog, he ran off into the woods." Kim was crying now. The door was opened and Jared came inside hurriedly, worry etched into every line of his face.

"Kim...what`s the matter? I felt...you were frightened." He knelt in front of her and cupped her face. I wondered if he was listening in on the conversation before. That thought was lost as I processed what Kim had told me. She was there, she dreamed it too.

"Please Jared. Can I just have a couple of minutes? I`m fine." Kim promised, giving him a kiss and a weak smile. Jared sighed then relented. He shut the door quietly behind him and we were left alone again.

"I`m sorry for bringing this up now...but...I couldn`t wait any longer. I had forgotten, but now I remember. Little things. Not everything. I remember running home and trying to tell my dad that I saw you, I knew where you were. But he was so angry at me for going out into the woods by myself that he didn`t listen to me. I`m so sorry Sonia." She clutched at my hands.

"It`s okay Kim. Believe me. I just got lost." I lied, I didn`t want to remember.

"But...but the dream I had the other night...if you can even call it a dream...it had Jared run home from patrol it was that powerful...I saw you there, both little Sonia and you now. With it...something...a shadow. It told me...that..." Kim burst into tears at this stage, and Jared bounded into the room, this time picking her up and placing her on his lap. I was speechless. How could she have...what did she know? I left the two of them alone in my room and shut the door behind me. I felt light headed and I had the feeling I was suffocating with all these people here. All this noise. I felt sick.

"Sonia...what`s up with Kim?" Sam asked. Giving my bedroom door a stare.

"She`s just upset." I said, trying to get by him.

"Over what?" He pressed.

"Over something that...happened a long time ago." I needed air. I needed to think.

"You can tell me." Sam offered kindly but I shook my head.

"Please...I need to be on my own."

"Okay Sonia. I`m here for you if you need to talk you know."

"I know Sam. Thanks...really." I fled down the hall and on my way out I smacked right into Jacob. He automatically put his arms out to steady me but I backed away from him.

"Sonia...what`s going on?" He asked. "You`re scared."

"No...I`m fine." I muttered, searching for an escape but he had me cornered.

"You`re not fine! Please...let me help you." He pleaded and I snorted.

"You can help me by pissing off." I spat, still refusing to look into his eyes.

"Sonia...You know I`m not going to do that."

"It`s all about you isn`t Jacob? You`re so fucking selfish! Why can`t you just give me a break and leave me alone?" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my arm and dragged me into my mothers bedroom. "Get off!" I forced myself out of my hold and stood as far as I could away from him. This was too much. I was still processing what Kim had told me. I didn`t need more shit from Jacob to top it all off.

"I`m not leaving you alone! You`re my imprint!" He said with forced calm but I could hear the anger start to color his tone.

"I`m your imprint...I know Jacob. Tell me something new."

"And I`m here for you."

"What does that even mean? You`re here for me? What does that involve? What do you want?" I was pissed off now. Seriously!

"I want you to talk to me!"

"Like you talk to me?" I laughed and shook my head. "Like you tell me the truth? I know what you want."

"What do I want. Since you can read my mind you can tell me."

"You want me to be weak! You want to play the hero. You want me sad so you can sweep in and save the day." I taunted, and I believed every word of what I was saying.

"You`re crazy."

"Oh? Really? I thought I just needed some time alone to grieve. Time that you won`t give me. If I`m crazy it`s because of you."

"I`m not trying to be the hero Sonia. I swear it."

"You are Jacob. I don`t know why but you are. With me and especially with Bella. It`s not strange why you are paying me so much attention now." I stopped myself from going any farther. But it was all true. Jacob likes being the hero, saving the woman. Maybe it went back to his mothers accident but I was never going to use that against him. He has a hero complex and Bella just feeds it. "Just leave me be." I whispered.

"I will if that`s what you want. And by the way, I like that you are strong. I told you that before. Being weak is nothing to be ashamed of." He said quietly before leaving me alone in the bedroom.

I was left cold. And sad. Sad over my nana and sad because of Kim and sad because I realized what Jacob was offering me I didn`t want and I didn`t need. It was all too much. Did he really think that because we are soul mates that the normal rules of relationships didn`t apply to us? That I would run back into his arms because I lost someone that I loved? That I would forget everything? No! Never! There was too much shit going on already without Jacob complicating things.

I needed to be strong. I had to face my fears. I had to remember what happened in that cave. If Kim saw it and heard it then it was true. A shiver of fear ran down my spine with that thought. She saw it, she was scared...terrified She dreamed about it too! And nana...bringing it up made her have a heart attack...that`s what the fear did to her! What I did! I choked out a sob and looked out the window. I owed it to her...to nana...to find out what wanted to destroy La Push.

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