I've managed to upload another chapter for you all! T-minus 11 days until we move, so I am pretty concretely sure that this will be the last chapter before we're settled in our new place. Between chasing a nearly-walking 10 month around and packing, I don't have much time to write.
I will be packing my laptop soon, anyway, so it is safe to assume this will be the last update before May.
Please bear with me.
I also just wanted to thank you all for your lovely reviews. It makes me so glad to know that many of you see this fic as one of the best you've read of Christian's perspective.
That makes me very proud, and inspires me to write even more!
I appreciate you all so much!
Without further ado, here is chapter 19!
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Friday, May 27 2011
The email reaches my inbox a few minutes after I sit down with the board, to discuss the futures market. It's very dry, and I am glad to have her email as a distraction.
…
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Assault and Battery: The After-Effects
Date: May 27 2011 8:05
To: Christian Grey
Dear Mr. Grey,
You wanted to know why I felt confused after you—which euphemism should we apply—spanked, punished, beat, assaulted me. Well, during the whole alarming process, I felt demeaned, debased, and abused. And much to my mortification, you're right, I was aroused, and that was unexpected. As you are well aware, all things sexual are new to me—I only wish I was more experienced and therefore more prepared. I was shocked to feel aroused.
What really worried me was how I felt afterward. And that's more difficult to articulate. I was happy that you were happy. I felt relieved that it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. And when I was lying in your arms, I felt… sated. But I feel very uncomfortable, guilty even, feeling that way. It doesn't sit well with me, and I'm confused as a result. Does that answer your question?
I hope the world of Mergers and Acquisitions is as stimulating as ever… and that you weren't too late.
Thank you for staying with me.
Ana
…
I feel a lot of conflicting emotions reading her email. Some of them irritate me, other parts please me. She was pleased that I felt pleased, and that is the part that sticks out to me the most. She likes it, and she's taken it in stride quite well. She can't leave now, just when she's become mine—I'm willing to say anything to make her stay.
"Mr. Grey?" Mr. Hanson asks, and I glance up from my Blackberry. "Still with us?"
"Of course, Mr. Hanson," I tell him, "Continue."
Underneath the table, I surreptitiously reply to Ana's email.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Free Your Mind
Date: May 27 2011 8:24
To: Anastasia Steele
Interesting… if slightly overstated title heading, Miss Steele.
To answer your points:
-I'll go with spanking—as that's what it was.
-So you felt demeaned, debased, abused, and assaulted—how very Tess Durbeyfield of you. I believe it was you who decided on the debasement, if I remember correctly. Do you really feel like this or do you think you ought to feel like this? Two very different things. If that is how you feel, do you think you could just try to embrace these feelings, deal with them, for me? That's what a submissive would do.
-I am grateful for your inexperience. I value it, and I'm only beginning to understand what it means. Simply put… it means that you are mine in every way.
-Yes, you were aroused, which in turn was very arousing, there's nothing wrong with that.
-Happy does not even begin to cover how I felt. Ecstatic joy comes close.
-Punishment spanking hurts far more than sensual spanking—so that's about as hard as it gets, unless, of course, you commit some major transgression, in which case I'll use some implement to punish you with. My hand was very sore. But I like that.
-I felt sated, too—more so than you could ever know.
-Don't waste your energy on guilt, feelings of wrongdoing, etc. We are consenting adults and what we do behind closed doors is between ourselves. You need to free your mind and listen to your body.
-The world of M&A is not nearly as stimulating as you are, Miss Steele.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
…
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Consenting Adults!
Date: May 27 2011 08:26
To: Christian Grey
Aren't you in a meeting?
I'm very glad your hand was sore.
And if I listened to my body, I'd be in Alaska by now.
Ana
P.S.: I will think about embracing these feelings.
…
Her response makes my eyes narrow, though I can't deny the amusement brimming inside. I also note that she will be late for work if she doesn't leave now.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: You Didn't Call the Cops
Date: May 27 2011 08:35
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele,
I am in a meeting discussing the futures market, if you're really interested.
For the record, you stood beside me knowing what I was going to do.
You didn't at any time ask me to stop—you didn't use either safeword.
You are an adult—you have choices.
Quite frankly, I'm looking forward to the next time my palm is ringing with pain.
You're obviously not listening to the right part of your body.
Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you.
I can track your cell phone—remember?
Go to work.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
…
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Stalker
Date: May 27 2011 08:36
To: Christian Grey
Have you sought therapy for your stalker tendencies?
Ana
…
Stalker tendencies! I don't dwell on the thought long. I'm more worried about her being late for work. As each minute creeps past, she gets closer and closer to being late; and punctuality is something I take pride in.
You're one to talk. I chastise myself silently. I barely made it to the start of my own workday.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Stalker? Me?
Date: May 27 2011 08:38
To: Anastasia Steele
I pay the eminent Dr. Flynn a small fortune with regard to my stalker and other tendencies.
Go to work.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
As I await her next reply, I glance up at the men around the breakfast table, taking a sip of my coffee. If I have to be honest, I'm a little lost. I hope there haven't been large decisions discussed—because if there have, I'm not aware of them.
…
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Expensive Charlatans
Date: May 27 2011 08:40
To: Christian Grey
May I humbly suggest you seek a second opinion? I am not sure that Dr. Flynn is very effective.
Miss Steele
…
Oh, now she's being formal.
Inwardly, I sigh, knowing this conversation has the potential to drag out even further, and it's twenty to nine now. She will need to speed, in order to make it to work on time, and I do not approve.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Second Opinions
Date: May 27 2011 08:43
To: Anastasia Steele
Not that it's any of your business, humble or otherwise, but Dr. Flynn is the second opinion.
You will have to speed, in your new car, putting yourself at unnecessary risk—I think that's against the rules.
GO TO WORK.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
…
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: SHOUTY CAPITALS
Date: May 27 2011 08:47
To: Christian Grey
As the object of your stalker tendencies, I think it is my business, actually.
I haven't signed yet. So rules, schmules. And I don't start until 9:30.
Miss Steele
…
My anxiety over her being late abates. She's got more time than I thought. I find myself amused at her teasing about not having signed yet. Oh baby, just wait until Sunday. We'll see what she has to say about the rules then.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Descriptive Linguistics
Date: May 27 2011 08:49
To: Anastasia Steele
"Schmules"? Not sure where that appears in Webster's Dictionary.
Christian Grey,
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
…
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Descriptive Linguistics
Date: May 27 2011 08:52
To: Christian Grey
It's between control freak and stalker.
And descriptive linguistics is a hard limit for me.
Will you stop bothering me now?
I'd like to go to work in my new car.
Ana
…
Control freak? Stalker? Bothering her? Oh, I could show her how hot and bothered I could make her, and that fine, fine behind. Alas, I am glad she is heading out.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Challenging but Amusing Young Women
Date: May 27 2011 08:56
To: Anastasia Steele
My palm is twitching.
Drive safely, Miss Steele.
Christian Grey,
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
I slip my Blackberry into my pocket, and return my attention to the meeting at hand.
.
In between meetings I can't but help to think about how much more open Ana is in her emails. I want her to be able to communicate that way with me at all times and that ancient phone of hers lacks email capabilities, not to mention security features. I make a call to Taylor and inform him of what I want. Things are sorted quickly, and he tells me they'll have it delivered to Miss Steele's workplace by noon.
"Good."
"Will that be all, Sir?" he inquires.
"Yes." I hang up. I compose a quick email to Ana.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Blackberry ON LOAN
Date: May 27 2011 11:15
To: Anastasia Steele
I need to be able to contact you at all times, and since this is your most honest form of communication, I figured you needed a Blackberry.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
.
I am just walking onto the launchpad when I receive Anastasia's response email, and, of course, she is upset about my buying her something else. I roll my eyes at her petulance. Get used to it, Anastasia.
…
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Consumerism Gone Mad
Date: May 27 2011 13:22
To: Christian Grey
I think you need to call Dr. Flynn right now.
Your stalker tendencies are running wild.
I am at work. I will email you when I get home.
Thank you for yet another gadget.
I wasn't wrong when I said you were the ultimate consumer.
Why do you do this?
Ana
…
At least she's said 'thank you'.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Sagacity from One So Young
Date: May 27 2011 13:24
To: Anastasia Steele
Fair point well made, as ever, Miss Steele.
Dr. Flynn is on vacation.
And I do this because I can.
Christian Grey,
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
After I finish my response, I climb into the pilot seat of Charlie Tango, secure myself, and complete the pre-flight checks before contacting air traffic control and taking off.
I have mixed feelings about my return to Seattle. On one hand, I'm excited to see Mia. It's been too long, and I've been worried about her. God knows how much trouble that one can get into, gallivanting off in Europe. On the other, I don't like to be leaving Anastasia so far behind.
But then I remember that she moves tomorrow, and relief comes quickly. It will only be for today that I need to worry about her.
.
It is past ten o' clock on Friday evening, and Anastasia has not replied to my confirmation email I sent early in the afternoon. I'm pacing the floor, enraged.
The anxiety has morphed into anger. I'm past the fact that she could be in danger—she has, in fact, done this before.
Now, I'm mad. Really fucking mad. I'm her Dom. She has no right to act this way with me. I know she got off work hours ago, and she promised me she would email me when she got home. I've called her numerous times, and left a message. She hasn't answered me. I have half a mind to fly back to Portland, but that's not very practical, now is it?
I stalk over to my Blackberry, snatching it up off the kitchen island, where it sits next to my glass of wine.
…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Where Are You?
Date: May 27 2011 22:14
To: Anastasia Steele
"I am at work. I will email you when I get home."
Are you still at work or have you packed your phone, Blackberry, and MacBook?
Call me, or I may be forced to call Elliot.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
…
I sit back and wait for her reply, raking both my hands through my hair. I am nearly shaking with anger. I don't know where she is. She's left me in the dark again. I thought this would all change once she agreed to our arrangement, but it hasn't. She needs to learn her lesson...
My Blackberry rings suddenly, it makes me jump. When I glance down at the screen, I see its Anastasia, and relief floods my body so abruptly, it leaves me weak. My anger dissipates into thin air, and I realize that I've been worried about her—not so much angry with her.
"Hi," I answer, and my voice is quiet with respite.
"Hi," she replies.
"I was worried about you," I tell her.
"I know. I'm sorry I didn't reply, but I'm fine."
Suddenly, I'm irked that she's fine. There's no excuse. She doesn't have a reason for why she's been ignoring me, and I'm hurt.
"Did you have a pleasant evening?" I ask her. I'm aware I sound a little crisp.
"Yes," she says, "We finished packing and Kate and I had Chinese takeout with Jose."
I feel my entire face tighten at the sound of that name, but I force myself not to say anything.
"How about you?"
There are so many things I could say about her spending time with the photographer. I don't like it. Not one fucking bit. Now that I'm her Dom, I could order her not to. I want all of her time, all of her, all of myself. I don't like sharing; and I know that this boy has feelings for her. Who's to say, he won't pull that bullshit he pulled at the bar that night, again?
I sigh, releasing the breath I didn't realize I've been holding. "I went to a fund-raising dinner," I tell her, recalling the long, tense, boring evening. I spent most of it out in the corridor trying to get ahold of Anastasia. I barely participated in the proceedings, which is very unlike me. "It was deathly dull. I left as soon as I could."
It's very quiet for a moment; I wonder what she's thinking.
"I wish you were here," she whispers finally.
"Do you?"
"Yes."
Why don't I believe her? Why would she want me? After this evening, I know she has the capability to have enough fun without me. What the fuck do I have in me that she'd ever miss or long for? There's so much about her that I miss right now. Her beauty, those wide blue eyes, her scent, her quick wit, the disarming nature of her charm… To have had her at my side this evening would have been—I stop myself, alarmed at the direction my thoughts have taken.
I exhale slowly. "I'll see you Sunday?"
"Yes, Sunday," she says quietly.
"Good night," I tell her.
"Good night, Sir."
I gasp, shocked at the way she's addressed me, surprised by the thrill it zaps through my body. I can feel myself stirring in my pants. Shit, why does it turn me on so much when she calls me 'Sir'?
"Good luck with your move tomorrow, Anastasia," I say, forcing composure. There's a beat of silence.
"You hang up," she whispers, and her words make me grin—I can't help it.
"No, you hang up," I reply, feeling the way my smile threatens to crack my face in half. We're like a couple of teenagers.
"I don't want to," she says.
"Neither do I," I tell her honestly, and something tightens in my chest. I suppress the unfamiliar, frightening feeling.
"Were you very angry with me?" she asks me now.
"Yes," I say, honest once more.
"Are you still?"
"No."
"So you're not going to punish me?"
"No. I'm an in-the-moment kind of guy." Sunday is light years away from now, and though I wanted to punish her for most of the evening, the urge has disintegrated upon hearing her voice, knowing that she's okay.
"I've noticed," she says dryly.
I smirk. "You can hang up now, Miss Steele," I tell her, simply because I don't know if I'll be able. I'd like to sit on the phone with her all night.
"Do you really want me to, Sir?"
Internally, I groan. That word… Fuck, what it does to me. "Go to bed, Anastasia," I order her.
"Yes, Sir."
I can't bring myself to hang up, and apparently neither can she, even after I've asked her to. "Do you ever think you'll be able to do what you're told?" I demand of her, and though I'm annoyed, I'm entertained at the same time.
"Maybe," she says, "We'll see after Sunday."
The line goes silent. I pull the phone away from my ear, staring down at it for a moment. Yes, Sunday…
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Saturday, May 28 2011 – very early morning
I see Mia before she sees me, but when she does, her grin nearly splits her face in half, and she's rushing toward me, looping her arms around my neck, hugging me tight.
"Welcome home, Mia," I tell her, smirking at her enthusiasm as I pull back from her embrace.
"Oh, I'm so glad to be home!" she enthuses, pulling back. "I've missed you, Christian. I've missed everyone!"
"And everyone has missed you. Shall we get your baggage?"
"Aw, Christian—that's the closest you've ever come to saying you missed me."
.
The IHOP smells of pancakes, bacon, and maple syrup—as always. It's early—too early—as a waitress directs us to a booth in the back.
"Can I get you two something to drink?"
"Coffee for two," I tell her. She trounces off to get our mugs.
"So," I say, propping my elbows on the table and appraising my little sister, whom I am very fond of. "How was Paris?" As a little boy I was lost until Mia showed up when my parents adopted her. 'Mia' was my first word, once I started speaking again. She's always been my constant.
Before Elena, she was the only reason I considered stopping fighting. But it was the only way to sate the hunger, the clawing emptiness I felt inside me. Though I loved Mia, she wasn't enough to stop it.
"Paris was amazing!" Mia raves, and she's babbling about everything she did between landing there and taking off to come home. I listen to her intently, only because she's my sister. It's not the topic I'm interested in, really.
The waitress returns with our coffees, and I take a sip. I slept a bit before having to wake to leave for the airport, but not very deeply, and by no means long enough. It seems I'm starting my day at 3am. I'm going to need more coffee.
"Christian, you seem distracted," she tells me now, as she stirs sugar and cream into her coffee.
I shake my head. "Do I?"
She nods, eyeing me suspiciously. "Have you met someone?"
I groan. "Have you talked to Mom?"
"No!" she cries, wide-eyed and sincere. "Not a word." She points at me, her eyes narrowing as she nods her head. "A sister knows. You've met a girl, and she's important enough to occupy your mind."
I snort, shaking my head indulgently. If only she knew.
She lifts her eyebrows at me, daring me to deny it.
"Anastasia is an amazing woman, there's something about her…" I trail off, staring down into my coffee.
"Anastasia. What a beautiful name. What does she look like?" Mia inquires.
"Long brown hair, big blue eyes, gorgeous alabaster skin. She's always blushing. She's beautiful, Mia." My smile falters when I realize what I've said. Since when do I become such a gossip? I don't volunteer information about my private life like this.
She's grinning at me now, like the Cheshire cat. "Oh, Christian."
"Do not 'Oh, Christian' me," I snap at her. "She's just… It's new, and I've never done anything like this before."
To Mia, this is reasonable. I've never brought a girl home before, so what's it to her? For all she knows, this could be my first conquest ever. Deeper down, I'm thinking about the 'More', and that word is rolling itself over in my mind again, and again, and again…
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