Chapter 33. Hope you guys enjoy! Thanks so so so so so much for all your great reviews from the last chapter! You are all great. Anyway. Here`s the next part. Sunday there will be another chapter or two. Anyways, remember to review at the end. It makes the chapters come quicker and better. Happy reading.
I`ve had it. Fuck him! Fuck the whole lot of them! Every one of them can eat shit for all I care. Fucking hypocrites! The bunch of them! Sam, Quil, Embry, Jared, Emily and Leah! They all had to know! They all knew! They betrayed me as well as Jacob. I hate them. All of them! Fucking liars! Fucking freaks!
I furiously wiped away my tears and tore through the woods and onto the main road to head home. Jacob was seriously twisted. Why was I dealt this hand of fate being imprinted on by him of all people. Why couldn`t it have been one of the nice ones. Like Embry for example. I had always preferred him over Jacob and Quil. He was the cute one and the funny one. Jacob fucking Black. With a heart as black as his name it seems.
"Sonia!" I heard Sam yell after me. Fuck him! Mr. Nice Guy. I ignored him and kept on walking. My tears of anguish dried up until I was left with a fury slowing smoldering to life inside of me. I heard him running up behind me and I turned and faced him full on.
"What Sam? What?" I snapped.
"I`m sorry about the way that turned out."
"You are are you? Well, I don`t need your fucking apologies and I don`t need you!" I turned and started walking with renewed vigor.
"You are not supposed to be out on your own. Jacob`s gone, come back to the house. I`m sure Emily can make you something..."
"My problems can`t be solved with a stupid fucking muffin and a valerian tea Sam! I`m going back to my house! I`m never setting foot in your shack again!"
"I wasn`t the one who hurt you Sonia!"
"You did hurt me! All of you did! You all knew what was going on and none of you had the balls to tell me. Bros before hoes I suppose. Tell me I`m wrong Sam. I fucking dare you."
"We knew. I admit it. But it was not our place to tell you. You are Jacob`s imprint."
"I`m not his anything! You all act like I belong to him. This isn`t the middle ages. It`s the 21st century. If you tell me to get over it again I`m gonna rip you a new one."
"I didn`t mean it like that! Sonia...just...talk it out."
"Talk it out. And then what? Come to some sort of arrangement? I get Jacob during school hours and Bella the rest of the time? Give me a break. I`m done with it."
"You can never be done with it."
"How do you know? The imprint can never be broken and all that malarkey. Jacob`s my soul mate. So what? That doesn`t mean I have to sit around pining after him."
"You can`t be away from him Sonia if you are thinking of running away."
"Running away? You think I`m that pathetic? If I want to go I will tell you. I`m not a coward."
"Then what are you going to do?"
"Live Sam. I`m going to live. Jacob has sucked the life out of me. I suppose I should send Bella a thank you card. Now I can do all the things I planned to do before he ruined my life."
"She will never hold him. He`ll come back to you."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? I should wait it out? Like a good little girl just twiddling my thumbs waiting for my one true loves return? Fuck that shit. I`m gonna get over him. I`m gonna make something of my life."
"It`s more complicated than that. This is no normal break up. You know it."
"Yeah I know...that`s why I plan on getting some normality back into my life."
"Listen Sonia..."
"I`m done listening. Why won`t anyone listen to me? Why won`t any of you take my feelings into account? I`m finished with this! I`m finished with Jacob and I`m finished with the pack! Don`t worry, I won`t leak your secrets to anyone. Just leave me the hell alone to get on with my life!"
"So you would abandon us? Cut us off too?"
"It seems like that doesn`t it? Why should I torture myself being reminded of the person who broke my heart? Why should I be around him and his little girlfriend if I can help it?"
"We can work something out."
"Why is this so important to you Sam?"
"Because you are like the little sister I`ve never had. Not only that but you are part of us. I feel protective towards you. I`m sorry I didn`t lay it out straight about Jacob but I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought he would come to his senses. Why tell you months ago when Jacob was starting to fall for you? Why tell you when you lost your nana? It would have been heaping more shit on your plate. I know I did a cowardly thing. We all did. It was a mistake. No one is infallible Sonia. Least of all me."
"I just need to deal with this in my own way. Talking won`t help Sam. Just let me get on with my life. It`s the only healthy thing to do. Jacob has made his decision. I`ve made mine."
"What is your decision Sonia?"
"I am never taking him back. Ever!"
Sam walked me home and we didn`t speak the whole time. He insisted on waiting until my mom came back to tell her what had happened. I heard them from my bedroom. My mom started to shout about Jacob and Bella and how he is never coming near me again and if she ever saw Bella how she would give her a piece of her mind. When she came in to check on me I pretended to be asleep. I didn`t want to talk to her. She was so mean to me before. I honestly feel like I don`t have a friend in the world that won`t judge me.
When I was sure that my mom was asleep I got up and turned on my desk lamp. I needed to come up with a plan of action and I had a few ideas mulling around in my head. Ripping a page from my notebook I began to write.
Step 1: Let Jacob do whatever he wants. He`s a free agent and so am I.
Step 2: Get back into dance class. Guilt trip mom if needs be.
Step 3: Diet and workout. I`ve been eating too many muffins.
Step 4: Find a dance company or programme and audition.
Step 5: Look sexy as hell.
Step 6: Find and fuck another guy. Robbie?
Step 7: Kick Bella`s ass.
Step 8: Juilliard.
All in all not too ambitious. Folding up the page I hid it inside my wallet. I made a vow to myself to look at it every morning when I woke up and every night when I went to bed. I would tick all of these goals off my list. I can do it. I just need to get my act together. I put on my pointes and sat on my bed admiring them. I loved ballet. It was my passion. The one thing I was good at. I am never ever going to give that up.
When I got out of my car at school the next morning I bypassed Jacob, Quil, Embry, Paul, Seth, Collin and Brady with out a backward glance and flounced off in my tight ass jeans towards my real friends. Ollie was dozing in his car and Bernie and Chris were copying each others homework.
"Hey guys." I greeted brightly.
"Hey Sonz. Nice outfit." Bernie said with a hug.
"Sup Sonz." Chris said, looking at my chest a little.
"I`ve been trying to get through to you all weekend." Bernie exclaimed.
"I`m grounded. No phone." I told her.
"Seriously? Why?"
"I snuck out and met a guy. Then, Jacob ratted me out to my mom."
"Ooooh. Seriously uncool." Chris shook his head and looked over at Jacob and his gang, who were, by now, watching us.
"Seriously." I nodded in assent.
"Jerk!" Bernie yelled over my shoulder at him, then her face changed. "Oh God he`s coming over." I rolled my eyes.
"Bernie." Jacob said nastily from behind me.
"Jacob. Who was the girl I saw you kissing yesterday on first beach? I knew it wasn`t Sonia. She was too pale and had no ass." Ollie had come out of his car by now and stood real protective beside Bernie.
"None of your business!" Jacob growled.
"It was his new girlfriend Ollie. Right Jacob?" I said sweetly, finally turning around to face him. He looked haggered. Older it seemed.
"That`s right." He answered, looking down at me.
"What do you want?" I snapped.
"To apologize." He grumbled.
"Oh? For what?" I asked innocently.
"You know what." He stepped in closer.
"Fuck off Jacob." I said bitchily. Bernie and Chris giggled.
"Take a hike Black. You`ve fucked over Sonia one time too many...dog." Ollie spat. Dog? Jacob`s face changed from anger to shock. He and Ollie stared the other down until the bell rang not ten seconds later. Did Ollie know something?
"That was fucked up." Muttered Chris.
"Sure was." I muttered back.
"Hey Bernie." I held her back a little and let the two guys walk ahead of us.
"Yep?"
"I know you have cousins over on the Makah rez. Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure. What?"
"Remember that Robbie guy?" I asked hesitantly. I saw Jacob stop his heated conversation with Embry and Paul and look over at me.
"The older one. The cute one?" She asked, full of glee.
"That one. I want you to help me find him." I said. Giving Jacob a defiant stare. I saw a muscle twitching in his strong jaw.
"I`ll do what I can!" She said excitedly. "Shit Sonia. You can do light years better than Jacob anyway. Maybe he was good to start out with but he`s...a bit...toxic don`t you think?"
"He`s toxic waste. I need a man now." I caught Jacob`s eye again, he looked furious. "Time to move on I think." I smirked at the expression on his face before heading off to class with Bernie.
"You`re playing with fire Sonia." Embry said quietly as he took a seat next to me in maths. We were both in the dumb class and the teacher wasn`t too interested in what we did and who we talked to during it.
"Am I?" I asked, taking out my homework and opening the text book.
"You are. Jacob will kill him." Embry whispered furiously.
"Kill him? Oh God! Really? He would kill another human being?" I asked with mock concern.
"Sonia! I know that it`s..."
"Hypocritical?"
"Yes. But...being who we are. We are territorial. Jacob would go on the rampage if you sleep with another guy."
"We`ll see."
"Don`t be so stupid. Take this seriously! I know it`s unfair. I`m pretty angry at him for treating you the way he does. But we do have anger problems."
"Go to anger management then!" I snapped.
"Jacob can morph into a giant fucking wolf! If he smells sex on you...shit Sonia. I don`t want you or some other guy to get hurt."
"Jacob won`t hurt me."
"What about when he grabbed you outside Emily`s? That was just a taster."
"Then what do you expect me to do? Let him screw Bella while I remain celibate for the rest of my life? Give me a break!" I scoffed.
"No. Just...don`t use sex as a weapon against him. You`ll just hurt yourself in the long run. You are worth more than that."
"I`ll do what I want."
"Go on then. But when the shit hits the fan don`t say I didn`t warn you."
"I won`t."
"I`d like to say that Jacob never set out to hurt you but..." He picked up his head and listened for a couple of seconds before muttering 'jerk off' under his breath. "I`m sick of defending him. The whole thing with Bella is just crazy. I`m convinced there`s something more going on there on her side and on the leeches. When Edward called you...it was the day that Jacob wanted to ask you to get back with him."
"What?" My mouth went dry. Embry nodded sadly.
"He was so pissed. Then Bella...comforted him. Told him that she had fallen for him. He...fell for it. The shit she feeds him about you. Real insidious you know. He fell for it. Jacob needs to feel useful. Like he can help his girl. Like he`s needed. You are so tough Sonia. You`re too proud. With Bella he feels like he can actually help her."
"So it`s all my fault again." Fuck sake. This was a lot of information to digest.
"No! It`s not your fault! And it`s not only Jacob`s too! Although he caused nearly all of it. Crap! If I had a girl like you, I`d never let her go. The fact that Jacob can get so crazy over the mere thought of you sleeping with another guy goes to show you that he isn`t over you. There is no way he ever could be."
After school I went straight home and started on dinner and homework. That morning I had told my mom out straight that there was no way in hell I was being baby sat over at Emily`s. To my surprise my mom agreed with me and told me that she was just too angry to think straight the other day.
When she came home from work she gave me back my phone and said I could get my job back if I wanted to. I told her that I wanted to stick with the elder programme but wanted to remain in dance class.
In the end we made a compromise. If I kept my grades high she would pay for more classes during the week. I told her it was a done deal. I could strike one thing off my list now. After dinner I got a call from Bernie.
"Sonia! I found him!" She said joyously.
"You did! That`s great!" I bounded into my room and shut the door.
"Robbie Tallchief. He`s friends with my cousin Vinnie. He`s single too!"
"This is too good to be true." I gushed excitedly down the phone.
"I know right. So anyways, here`s the plan. Next Saturday we are going down to the Makah rez for a bonfire. He`ll be there and you can seduce him and then let me watch you guys have sex." She giggled down the phone.
"Why do you get to watch me have sex when I haven`t seen you and Ollie in action?" I laughed.
"All in due time sweetie. God this is so great. It`s like a soap opera."
"I wouldn`t go that far."
"What are you going to wear?" Bernie asked. "Can I do your hair?"
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