Hello everyone!~ I know this next chapter is fast! But I REALLY wanted to post it as soon as I can. I know it's weird, but I wanted to clarify something that came up in a review. In the previous chapter, Kasuka had seemed to be detached and almost like a dick for just leaving Shizuo. And after thinking about it for a while, I realized I had written it wrong, and wanted to go back and change it. But since it was already posted on the kinkmeme, I couldn't do much to change it. So I decided to rewrite this entire chapter to hopefully explain what was going on in my head when I wrote the last chapter. I hope this satisfies everyone! :3 Enjoy!
Shizuo shoved his hands in his pockets, and started walking back toward his apartment. He sighed, upset that his day with Kasuka ended off on such a bad note. After walking halfway to his apartment, while stopping at a local store to buy a bottle of milk to nurse on the quick trip home, he thought over what his brother had said.
It had slightly bothered him, how Kasuka seemed detached. But he had always been like that; not too open about his emotions and thoughts. And deep down, he knew Kasuka did care about his well being. He wouldn't have offered to pay for his expenses that were piling up the more Shizuo was off work.
Shizuo sipped at his milk, stopping to lean against the side of a building to watch the cars drive by. He concluded that he would prefer not getting Kasuka involved. He wouldn't be able to pay him back, and he didn't want that. He knew that Kasuka was sending him small amounts of money every month to help him out, and that was already more than he thought he deserved.
Sighing, Shizuo gulped down the rest of his drink, and tossed the bottle into a nearby garbage can that was in the alley next to the shop. He decided he would follow Kasuka's advice, and call Celty. It would be best to keep his mind clear and rant about the things that bothered him. He wrote a text, slowly due to his issues with his phone, and walked to the park where he would wait for her.
The macabre bellow of a horse echoed through the late evening. As the sun slowly set, and the stars began to peek out in the darkness, Shizuo sat silently underneath the light of a street lamp, waiting for Celty.
The headless rider whipped around the corner like a shadow, dark and silent except for the periodic whinny of her horse. The blonde watched as she pulled up to the curb, and walked toward him. She hopped up onto the ledge he was leaning against and swiftly typed on her PDA.
[Sorry it took so long. The job took longer than expected.] She apologized quickly. Shizuo shrugged a bit and smiled.
"It's fine. I don't mind sitting out here."
[You needed me?]
He nodded and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He reflexively moved to grab a cigarette, but Celty's shadows wrapped around it and yanked them away before he could grab them.
[You're not supposed to be smoking.]
"I know, just habit." Shizuo grunted as he sat on the ledge next to Celty. "Anyways, I was with Kasuka earlier. He said I should come talk to you."
[About what?]
The blonde shrugged, "Everything. This entire situation I guess." Celty nodded and sat quietly, waiting for him to continue. Shizuo leaned back a bit and stared up at the pink and blue cotton candy sky, watching as a plane flew over head; leaving a white trail of exhaust in it's wake. He collected his thoughts for a moment.
"I guess I'm just stressed out about all this. I mean…It's kinda scary I guess to get sick like this. I've never gotten really sick before. Injured yeah, but not like this."
The black clad woman tilted her helmet a bit, questioning his logic. He furrowed his brow a bit, trying to reword everything.
"When I get angry, or when the flea is around, it's scary cause I don't know who I'll hurt. But I know I can control myself, even just a little bit. Like when that group of freaks with the knives were fighting us. I managed to stop myself."
Celty shuddered, and her shadow wavered a bit. She also remembered that haunting night. All those innocent people, possessed and deadly.
"Yeah…scary, right? But I knew it'd be ok. And if I got hurt, it's no big deal. Not like a few cuts could really kill me. And besides, it wouldn't be scary after, cause I know what caused it. That's what makes this whole thing scary." He breathed, feeling a bit less tense as he let his thoughts wander.
Celty typed on her PDA and held it out for him to take. Shizuo took the PDA and read, [Because you don't know what's making you hurt. That's why it's scary.]
He nodded, "Yeah. That's exactly why."
She rested her hand on his knee, and watched him as he continued to stare up at the sky. They sat in silence, living through the calm moment. Neither had anything to say or add. After a few minutes, Shizuo started to cough a bit, covering his mouth with his fist. Celty jerked upright and patted his back, the shadows around them flickering in a panic.
Chuckling, Shizuo waved his hand and shook his head. "Celty, it's ok. These don't hurt much. Just a cough."
[Have you been smoking recently? Shinra wants to know.]
Shizuo shook his head, "No. I do admit though, I sometimes hold a cigarette in my lips for nostalgia." He decided to not tell her of the one cigarette he had just had. Celty squeezed her hand around his. Shizuo understood the gesture.
"No, I don't think that holding a cigarette in my lips will make my breathing worse. I think it has to be lit. But I'll try my best to not do that either, ok? I don't want you to worry."
If Celty could smile, she would have. She patted his knee and bit and hopped off the edge, typing swiftly on her PDA.
[Anything else?]
Shizuo thought for a moment, before frowning, "Yeah. Something small to do with Kasuka."
Celty tilted her head a bit in a questioning manner. Shizuo sighed and looked up toward the sky in thought.
"He told me to come to you. I'm not sure why really. I mean, yeah, talking to you calms me down and such. But I don't know why he didn't want to talk more about it. I know he cares and stuff but…I wonder sometimes."
Celty rubbed Shizuo's back silently before balancing her PDA on he knee, and typing a response with her free hand. She picked it up and held it for Shizuo to read.
[Kasuka knows you really well. He knows that you don't like to be seen as weak, and would rather take care if yourself.] Shizuo nodded with understanding, as she erased her reply and typed a new one.
[He probably suggested me, because even though you are close to him, he knows you open up better to me. Because as much as he cares, he can't vocalize it. It's better to have someone who can listen and respond rather than someone who can't.]
"When you put it that way, it makes a lot of sense. Why he'd leave without really asking more on the subject." Shizuo smiled a bit, before growling with anger. "But none of this would have happened if the louse didn't butt in…" he grunted.
[What did Izaya do this time?]
Just thinking about it made Shizuo's skin crawl. He grit his teeth and stood up stiffly, pacing back and forth next to Celty and her horse.
"The shitty louse followed me and Kasuka to the aquarium. And then he starts pissing me off like always and next thing I know I'm ready to punch his face inwards!"
Celty rubbed her hand on Shizuo's back, urging him to calm down. He clenched and unclenched his fist, desperate for a smoke. He growled again and spun to dig his fingers into the concrete ledge. He bent forward and growled loudly, crushing the stone beneath his hands. Celty stiffened as she watched him tear chunks from the ledge, letting them crumble between his fingers.
He let out a tense breathe and stood up, staring at the mess of dirt, rocks, and dust around him. Sighing, Shizuo turned away and wiped his hands on his pants, glancing toward Celty.
"Thanks for listening…but I think I should just go home and get an early nights sleep."
She nodded and sat back on her horse. She tilted her helmet toward the road.
[Need a lift?]
Shizuo shook his head, "Thanks for the offer, but I'd rather walk. Some exercise would probably do my body good." With a curt nod, she sped off into the evening as her horse neighed hauntingly, leaving Shizuo to walk back to his home, feeling a little bit better than he had before.