Disclaimer: Seeing that Skyler is now working full-time as a character, the highly sought after position of disclaimer writer at Amaxing Fan Fiction Inc. is open!

No, none of you readers may audition. The position is only open to fictional people. It's… it's a union thing.

Please bear in mind that as we search for candidates worthy of filling this position, the disclaimers will be almost laughably bad. Probably. Depends on the candidate.

Let's get started then!

Audition 1: Nathan Amarillo

-Current Occupation: AFFI Janitor. Responsible for clearing out junk ideas.

I am not doing this for any sort of glory
I don't own this story
It is kind of gory
Actually, I do own this story
But I don't own Pokémon… ory.
Isn't my oratory… full of glory?
No wait… I already said that…

THIS IS HARD!

Chapter 33: Mind Games

Medici

I've been freaking out lately.

I think it's perfectly normal for me to be freaking out, though. There's a serial killer in our party. At any moment, it could just burst out of that ball and skewer Amber right through the chest! Or Steel Wing Vanna's head off. Or use its Psychic powers to cripple Gardevoir.

I know Skarmory don't usually have Psychic powers, but I can't be too careful with this one, now can I? Who knows what kinds of heinous things Death does when he's turning her Pokémon into ruthless killing machines? I wouldn't be surprised if that thing can Self-Destruct.

So I've actually taken up meditating again. I know, right? Inigo was almost appalled, like actually training was worse than the lack of training I usually do.

It kind of makes sense, though. Even if I'm strong enough to beat back anything that tries to kill us, I have to be able to Detect it before it can get away with anything. Meditating helps increase my focus and sharpen my senses… though I can feel myself get dangerously close to evolving with each session.

If I make it to Maxilla, I'm buying myself an Everstone. I really should have done that in Severna, but… you know me. Why do something today that you might not have to do ever?

Then again, if I do evolve, I'll be close to Gardevoir's height. Still about a foot shorter, mind you, but at least my crush won't be literally more than twice my size. It probably wouldn't improve my chances at all, but you never know.

Still… those ridiculously huge legs… and that mouth. It makes me shiver thinking about it. It's not fair, you know? Qwill, Inigo, and Shelligan will just turn into larger, more awesome looking versions of themselves when they evolve. If it happens to me, I'll look like a cross-dressing yoga instructor. Where is the justice in this world?

I sighed, jostling the stir-fry I was preparing with a quick flick of the frying pan. Looking over the campsite, I saw Shelligan drearily carrying a bucket of water back to the site, poor guy. I saw Amber and Vanna finish setting up the tents, saw Gallant return with some freshly cut firewood, and saw Axel trailing just a little behind. He stopped, bending down to pick up a few more sticks off the ground.

As I looked at Axel and the forest behind him, a twinge like an electric shock ran through my mind. I walked up to Amber, asking her if she could hold the frying pan for a moment. She took it, confused, and I burst forward, intercepting a Scizor's incoming attack with my foot just as it shot from the forest, Metal Claws aimed at Axel's head. I kicked again, knocking aside its claws and throwing it off balance, before Force Palming it in the face, sending it careening back into a tree.

Meditation justified, I suppose. It's important to have someone who can do this 'see without seeing' stuff when Inigo's not here. And I've got to admit; I feel pretty damn awesome right now.

"There is an old saying," the Scizor said, hauling itself off the ground. "That a bad trainer attempts to teach Pokémon to protect him, but cannot." It nodded, acknowledging Axel with… respect I think. Steel faces are hard to read. "Conversely, a good trainer never asks his Pokémon to defend him; yet they do, without question."

"That was a pretty nice compliment," I addressed the Scizor. "Were you… were you expecting me to translate that for him, or…?"

"You speak the language of men?"

"It's really not that hard. A curl of the tongue here, a puckering of the lips there; I suppose the worst part is all the times you have to shut your mouth unnecessarily, just to make a sound. Muh, puh, buh, vuh, fuh, what is that, I mean really?"

The Scizor stared at me. It thought to itself: what an annoying creature, and I'm fairly certain it knew that I'd heard it. Aloud, however, it just said: "you were going to translate my message?"

"Oh, right," I remembered, turning to Axel. "It says that you're a good trainer because I don't want you to die… or something like that."

"Oh," Axel said, blinking in surprise. "You sure it didn't say anything like: 'leave now, or I will be forced to cut you and your human companions to shreds for trespassing on the land of my people?"

"Nah," I shrugged. "It hasn't said anything like that yet. Are you planning on saying anything like that?" It shook its head solemnly, thinking now that I was wasting its time. "Nope. Nothing doing. What do you want, then? Or do you just randomly attack people for shiggles?"

"I'm not even aware of what that word means… nor do I have the time or desire to hear of its origins." It walked forward slowly, and I instinctively hovered in front of Axel, ready to lash out if it pulled something else. "I am here because my compatriots and I have come into contact with a certain Treecko named Inigo, who identifies himself as a servant of this Axel."

I relayed the message word for word: it seemed to be kind of important now. Axel, upon hearing the word 'servant', slumped visibly. "Is he still calling himself that? I've told him not to think that way. Just… he didn't call me 'Master', did he?"

"I do not believe so," the Scizor responded.

"Good," Axel said, sighing relief. At this point, the rest of the group had realized what was going on, and Axel caught them up as they walked over.

"Is Inigo ok?" Vanna asked, leaning on Axel as she asked. That never gets old, somehow. "And what about that Dwebble? Don't tell me they're hurt!"

"They are both fine," the Scizor relayed. "The Dwebble's wounds are tended daily by our herd, and the Treecko is staying with us of his own volition."

I really just felt like a parrot at this point, relaying messages back and forth. Is this how all translators feel? Is it bad of me to want to spice the messages up a little?

"Your Pokémon seemed to believe that once you understood the situation, you would agree with his decision," the Scizor continued. "It has, however, made it clear that it will return should you command it to. Such is a warrior's loyalty."

"Well all right then," Axel urged. "Go on, I'm listening. How can we help?"

The Scizor flinched the tiniest bit on hearing Axel's last question. It gave me a questioning look, asking if I was sure I'd translated correctly, and I nodded with a smile. "It's kind of what he does," I explained. "He's going for 100% completion. In Life."

The Scizor smiled… I think. It doesn't… it doesn't really have much of a mouth, you know? It's thoughts softened for a moment, anyways. "Very well," it said. "I shall explain.

My compatriots and I, the four of us, have been contracted to defend a herd of Sawsbuck from Hunters. While they are not defenseless, the Hunters outnumber them substantially, and their numbers dwindle each year as they are slain. Little more than twenty of them were alive when we were first contacted… thankfully, we have been able to keep that number from falling any farther."

"A herd of twenty Sawsbuck? Are you sure you got that right, Medici?" Amber said, shocked, seeming even more flabbergasted when I nodded yes. "That's incredible," she muttered. "Sawsbuck are hugely endangered. The largest herd on record is only like… twelve."

"Which only drives their prices up more…" Vanna commented. "Winter Sawsbuck pelts go for upwards of ten million P on the black market."

"Ten…ten million P?" Axel yelled, almost stereotypically freaked out. "That's… that's ten bikes!"

Or, more impressive to me, two hundred gold nuggets. … The conversion rates in this country never quite sat right with me.

"As of late, however," the Scizor continued despite my ramblings, "the four of us have become overwhelmed. The last strike by the Red Horn Hunters left us worn out completely, and blasted open a hole in our defenses. With the coming of winter, the White Tuft Hunters will no doubt be upon us soon."

"And Inigo's decided to help you fight them off," Axel finished. "Well, of course he has. I'd almost be ashamed if he hadn't."

"Almost?" The Scizor queried.

"Well…" Axel explained, "Inigo's been through a lot. I don't know if I could be ashamed of him for anything. That'd be downright unappreciative, you know?"

The Scizor was startled, but played it off well. "I suppose so," it managed, examining Axel from head to toe, trying to make out his character. "Perhaps you could tell me just what he's been through? I'm curious as to why he seems so old when he's still so young."

"It's not my place to say," Axel said immediately, without even thinking about it. "His past is his past, and he's got the right to tell as much or as little of it as he wants."

That did the trick. The Scizor physically buckled, mind racing as he thought of the impossibility… or rather, the improbability of hearing what he'd just heard. He truly thinks this way, it thought. Incredible. I have been wrong.

It kneeled to the ground, showing its respect. "I had deluded myself into thinking that trainers like you were no more," it said quietly. "If it is your desire, I will lead you to our herd. Perhaps you could lend us your strength."

Axel, upon hearing this, turned red immediately. "Ah… don't say things like that, I'm just a normal guy, really. Any decent trainer would feel that same way… what's going on here is clearly wrong." He crossed over to the Scizor, urging it to stand, then extending his hand. "But I will help you. If I can, that is."

The Scizor took Axel's hands and shook it, and by the look on Axel's face I could tell that it had a pretty damn strong grip. As they were shaking, one of the Pokéballs on Axel's belt began to flash, catching us all off guard.

"Oh?" Axel asked, seemingly to no one. "Is now the moment? All right then." He cleared his throat. "I'll follow you in just a moment, I have something that needs taking care of." He glanced over at me. "Medici, come on. I'll need a translator… now more so than ever, actually."

I started freaking out again, but did my best not to show it.

Again, pretty sure that's normal, though.

Inigo

The fire was dying out slowly, but the night watch continued on. Even though I had explained that the humans the Dwebble had sighted were Axel and company, the warriors had still decided to move to high alert.

They knew what they were doing; enough so that, when I volunteered to go find firewood, they would not let me go alone.

"It's typically my job anyways," the Heracross (Hachi) smiled, bouncing up from his cross-legged position. "And besides, might as well get to know each other. May be together for quite some time."

I nodded in resignation, and the Heracross accompanied me, humming to himself despite the severity of our situation. We headed south, and I noticed that a particular patch of forest had been thinned out… systematically, so that not many trees were cut down from any one part, but noticeable to the trained eye. Hachi surveyed the area, looked a tree up and down, and with a single swoop of its mighty horn, sliced through the trunk as if it were paper.

My jaw hung open for the briefest of seconds. Enough for Hachi to notice, though. Catching the tree before it fell down, he gently laid it to the ground, looking at me with a look of amusement. "Haven't you ever seen anyone cut firewood before?" He laughed.

"You seem to enjoy it," I sputtered, not really knowing what to say.

"That's just the way I am," the Heracross chuckled. With a joyful cry, it felled another tree in a single Megahorn slice. I was beginning to feel a tad inferior.

"You are… quite good at this," I complimented.

"Nah… not really," he offered. "It's a lot harder than battling, I tell you that." He sliced down another tree. Wanting to feel useful, I began to chop the fallen ones into smaller logs, to make the trip back easier.

"You have battled a lot, I take it?" I asked.

"Not so much before I came here," he explained, wiping his brow with a smile. "Just one or two bouts during mating season, you know how it goes."

"I… do not, actually," I admitted. "I have never spent much time in the wild."

"Really? Ah, right…" he smiled. "You're what humans consider a 'starter' Pokémon, huh? Raised in captivity, I take it?"

"I would not know," I answered simply, continuing to chop apart the trees he laid down. There was something oddly restful about such methodological, tedious work. We were silent for a while, each performing his own task, until he turned around to face me.

"Is there something eating you?" it asked. "You seem very… tense."

"You seem quite relaxed, all things considered," I countered.

Hachi laughed. "You got me there," he admitted. "It's a quirk of mine, I suppose. I try not to let anything get to my head, you know?"

"That is a skill I would not mind mastering," I replied, wiping the sweat from my brow.

"Ah, come off it," the Heracross waved. "Anyone as diligent as you's got to be an Occlumency master."

"A… what?"

"You know…" he explained, placing yet another tree to the ground. "Mind shielding, raising a 'wall of will', that sort of thing. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

Of course I knew. I was more familiar with it than most, because it was the one thing that I lacked. Well, perhaps not the only thing, but a large portion of it.

"If I were to confide in you, Hachi, would you tell anyone else?" I asked.

He seemed caught off guard, and for good reason too. Even I was shocked that I was about to ask for help. It was not quite like me, but… it is hard to explain. It is almost as if it were preordained, so that I might grow stronger. Perhaps that book of Fictionist philosophy had had an effect after all.

"Only if what you tell me endangers what we're doing here," Hachi smiled, in answer to my question.

"I pray that it does not," I asserted.

"Well, go on then, out with it. It won't do you any good just to hold it to your chest," the Heracross urged with a smile.

"My thoughts…" I explained, almost thankful to finally have someone to talk to about it, "they… are like an open book. Anyone with a fraction of psychic power can enter them at will, yell at me, mess with my emotions, bend my spirit in ways against my nature… it is a weakness I have not found training to overcome." I looked him in the eye. "You seem to be able to ignore everything around you, if you should wish. I think I could learn from you."

"I could be offended by that, you know," he joked. "But it's always seemed silly to me to be offended by the truth, so I guess I won't be." He thought for a moment, idly chopping at one of the fallen lengths of wood, and then abruptly sat down, folding his legs into a cross-legged position.

"All right, then… let's see if I can figure out how to help you…" he scratched his horn as he mused, and I mimicked his position across from him, waiting for him to begin the training. "Well, we start at the beginning, I guess. The three most important factors that go into Occlumency are self control, self-discipline, and self esteem." He looked me over. "You clearly have the first two down, so I've gotta ask: do you like yourself, Inigo?"

I blinked. I had never considered the question before, and it caught me off guard.

"Well there we go," he chuckled. "I know you didn't answer, but it's one of those questions where anything but a yes is a no." He cocked his head, his horn jutting out at a comical angle. "We'll go with that, then. Any particular reason you don't like yourself, man?"

There was, of course, a huge reason why I did not like myself: twelve of them, to be exact. I shifted my gaze downward, trying to avoid the question, but the Heracross was adamant. "I…" I began. "I have done things that I am not proud of in my life," I put simply.

"And these things are…" Hachi pushed.

"I'd rather not…"

"You have to, man," he shrugged. "I know it sucks, but you can't keep people out of your mind when your spending energy trying to forget something." He sighed. "It's not gonna be pretty, but you just need to come out with it. Accept it. Make it your own, and use it to Megahorn people out of your brain."

I could already feel my subconscious rebelling against the idea, attempting to quell any desires I had to freely admit what I had done. I quashed this, however, because as much as I did not want to admit it, the Heracross was right. If I could not learn to like myself, who was to say I would not find other peoples' ideas of how I should act better than my own? It seemed like a plausible concern.

Remembering is painful, though. It only takes the briefest slip of will to see the faces again, to hear the screams and the cries for mercy. Even now, after all this time, it makes my insides burn with shame.

Could I really learn to accept something like this? There was only one to find out.

"I was a fisher of men," I whispered, locking stares with Hachi. "A child of Death."

Author's Note

Was anyone actually shocked by this revelation? There were hints in previous chapters, after all. Then again, everything seems obvious to me, seeing as I'm the friggin' author.

First off: wow. Have you seen the number of reviews jump? 34,000 points to Omega the Omniscient, who reviewed every. Single. Chapter. Sorry, adventurerXD, but we have a new leader! We can all learn from Mr. the Omniscient's example!

Or not, if you don't want to. It won't hurt my feelings. BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY. Or maybe I do. I should ask my girlfriend about that.

Answers to questions that have been asked:

This neighbor nation to Salvout, Ginli was it? Was it originally inhabited by a majority of Pokémon, or were those Pokémon Malick mentioned under a trainer's orders?

Ginli is a nation of humans, just like Salvout. I'm not doing a 'Dances with Wolves' thing yet. YET. Actually, maybe I am. I'm not sure? Yes. No.

That Xatu... Would arrogant be right? Is it really arrogance if you can back it up?

Yes. Yes it is.

I'm not quite getting whom Skyler represents. Is it Perseus?

Not quite! But you're on the right track with Greek Mythology.

And… I think we're done here. Cool.

Viva la feminism?