Chapter 38: Hope you guys like. I really really love that you guys like the story. Your reviews are amazing and so funny and helpful for where I want to take this. You are all great! Anyways. Happy reading and sorry for the long wait. I do have work and things that need to be done but writing this is a real stress breaker.

However much I tried to keep my eyes on Mr. Black while he was telling our legends, they kept on turning back to Jacob. The fire cast shadows on his face but his eyes lit up his eyes to an intense golden brown. They were smoldering while they held my own, fierce, daring me to deny my own feelings. Daring me to let go and submit to this force of nature that was consuming my life at this moment and would consume me for eternity. Suddenly Mr. McBride`s words echoed in my head 'What`s a girl like you doing with the son of the Chief?' What is a girl like me doing with Jacob? Was I strong enough to handle imprinting? Was I strong enough to stick by him?

Every flicker of the firelight across his face made him look every bit the warrior he was. Brave, fearless, courageous. He was doing what he was born to do tomorrow. He would not fail. The way he was looking at me made me nervous. He was still, watchful. His face showing no emotion, his eyes doing all the talking. Yes he loved me. I didn`t need to be told that again. He would come back to me. Remembering Kim and Jared earlier made me ache with a longing I had repressed for too long. I missed him. I missed our physical intimacy. It wasn`t just the sex I missed or yearned for. I wanted to become one with him again. I wanted to feel him lose control in my arms. Feeling the ache build deep inside of me I dropped my eyes to the fire. Control yourself Sonia...Listen to Mr. Black. Ignore the feeling.

"Generations passed. Then came the last great Spirit Chief, Taha Aki. He was known for his wisdom and for being a man of peace. He was known for his wisdom, and for being a man of peace. The people lived well in his care. But there was one man, Utlapa, who was not content."

A feeling of dread I couldn`t explain set me on edge. Utlapa...I knew he betrayed the tribe from what I could remember but... that name... I wrapped my arms around my legs and hugged my knees to my chest. I felt suddenly unsafe. Staring into the flames I listened to Billy continue on with the story. I listened to know Utlapa wanted to use the spirit warriors powers to enslave the other nearby tribes, and how Taha Aki was angry at him for it.

"Utlapa had no choice but to leave. The furious outcast hid in the forest nearby, waiting for a chance to get revenge against the Chief." Billy continued. Old memories, bad memories fought their way to the surface of my mind. As I stared into the flames I could easily picture Utlapa plotting his revenge against the Quileutes. '...the whole tribe will deal with my wrath.' NO! NO! It was just a crazy, stupid nightmare. It wasn`t real! I gulped and forced myself to listen to more. The story went on but got unfamiliar in some places. Nana never told me about Utlapa taking Taha Aki`s body or taking liberties with the tribe. I listened on even though I didn`t want to listen to anymore. It was all getting too real...it was too raw.

"Being bodiless was disorienting, uncomfortable, horrifying. Taha Aki had been away from his body for too long at this point that he was in agony." Shit, why did I ever want to be a spirit warrior? Poor Taha Aki. Mr. Black started to talk about how Taha Aki asked to share the body of the big wolf. And how the rage his felt at his peoples oppression was too much for the wolf and how the wolf turned into a man. The first shape-shifter.

And so the story progressed. Taha Aki crushed his old body that was inhabited by Utlapa so his soul couldn`t jump out of it. I felt relieved at that. If the body was killed with the soul still in it then he would be in the spirit plain. He wouldn`t be haunting some cave out in the woods. The short relief swiftly turned back to nervousness. What if he jumped out in time? What if that`s why Taha Aki forbade the rest of the spirit warriors from leaving their bodies? Stop it Sonia! Don`t let your imagination get the better of you. It was just a dream...a dream Kim dreamt on the same night...of the same thing. I looked over at her. She looked so small with Jared wrapped around her. She was stroking his forearms and looking into the fire. Deep in though. We needed to talk about that...but some other time. I didn`t want to burden her with it now or in the next couple of days.

"In her Taha Aki found his true spirit wife." Mr. Black said. I was taken back to reality. The story of the third wife. My eyes involuntarily found Jacob`s again. He held my own. My heart was telling me to go to him...go to where I belong, by his side. Then we would be two halves that made a whole. I stayed where I was though, so did he. A movement to his left made me snap out of it a little. I almost forgot about Bella. She shifted closer to Jacob but he didn`t seem to notice, he stayed put, still holding my eyes, telling me not to look away. It felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest...why were we always playing these games with each other? Why were we so afraid of each other? We just keep on looking at each other. Letting our eyes do the talking. Telling the other what we were both afraid to say out loud. Sonia...Sonia...Sonia...

"Sonia!"

"What...what? Sorry...what?" I shook my head a little and looked over.

"Did you smoke something before you came? You seem spaced." It was Paul. He was smiling at me knowingly.

"No...the fire...I was just thinking." I stuttered out feebly.

"The fire...or Jacob?" He whispered in my ear before laughing loudly. Rachel shoved him and rolled her eyes.

"Don`t listen to him Sonia. He has some serious growing up to do." She said kindly.

"Ah babe. Why you gotta hurt me like that?" Paul pouted, using some weird cutesy voice that was totally gross.

"I better head home." Getting up and dusting off the sand from my butt and legs I glanced over at Jacob`s direction. He was talking to Sam but I caught Bella`s eye. She looked pissed, jealous. I decided to just ignore her. She would love it if I caused a scene. I understood now that she was no competition for me. She didn`t hold Jacob`s heart now and she knew it. She gave me the stink eye before taking his hand and giving me a smirk. Uggh she is such a loser. It amazed me how she could act so childish when she had an army of vampires coming after her. Then I became afraid. She was so dumb...so stupid...even with all this shit coming after her she had the ability to fuck things up more. If Jacob found out before the battle...no! Surely she couldn`t be that stupid. Could she?

"Need a ride?" Rachel asked me.

"Kim`s taking me...but thanks anyway." I smiled at her. Rachel was so lovely. So cool and in charge of herself. Paul was one lucky wolf. I mean...she`s a hot college graduate...and Paul was...Paul.

"I`ll see you tomorrow anyway." She said hugging me. I spotted Paul over her shoulder. He looked oddly jealous.

"Tomorrow. See you in two days Paul. Kick some vampire butt." I hugged him too. He had his faults but who didn`t? Overall he was a good guy. A worthy guy.

"Sure will. I would bring you back some vampire rock but that shit has to be burnt. You know they can reassemble themselves?" He gave a shudder before pulling Rachel into him for a long kiss. I decided that was my cue to leave them. Paul, Jared, Leah and Sam were leaving tonight to go train again with the Cullen`s while Embry, Quil, Jacob and the three younger wolves stayed in La Push to patrol. The next morning they would switch roles.

After saying my good lucks to the rest of the guys I left with Kim.

"You didn`t talk to Jacob." She said, driving towards my house.

"I didn`t need to." I stared out the window.

"I know he`s put you through hell but..."

"You misunderstand me. I didn`t need to because..." I couldn`t finish. I couldn`t find the right words.

"Your eyes said it all." Kim whispered, smiling.

"With you and Jared too?" I asked.

"For us too. Sometimes we don`t need to say anything...be constantly reassured about our love. It`s enough just looking at one another." She sighed.

"You guys are great together."

"Thanks Sonia. I had my doubts at the beginning you know." She laughed and pulled into my drive.

"Really?"

"Eh yeah! Gosh...I had the biggest crush on him for so long, but who would have noticed me? Shy mouse my dad used to call me. And then there was Jared. Even before he changed he was hot...impressive. The girls he used to date...I never thought I could ever compare."

"But you are beautiful and sweet and smart!" I said outraged.

"Thanks. You are too you know. Bella is so fucking jealous of you it`s unreal."

"Let her be."

"Exactly. Let her be. She doesn`t compare to you. Never can and never could."

"Thanks for everything Kim. I mean it."

"No probs. Gotta go now. My tits need milking and I`m sure Noah is missing his mommy."

"Give him a kiss from me?" I asked, getting out of the car.

"Sure will!."

"Night!"

"Night night."

I checked in on my mom before heading to bed. She was snoring away peacefully in bed which meant that she had knocked herself out with a sleeping pill. Poor gal. She was so worried. Maybe I should take one before going to bed? I didn`t want to be tossing and turing all night cause I was so worried. Sneakily, I shook one of the pills into my hand before carefully replacing them in her night stand drawer. I hope she doesn`t count them. Giving her a kiss on her forehead I tip toed out of her room and into my own.

I was reading Jacob wrong earlier tonight? Was I imagining everything? Sitting on my bed in my undies I sighed. I hadn`t spoken to Jacob the whole night. He hadn`t made a move to speak to me either. What if I never saw him again! Don`t be stupid Sonia! He`ll come back. He`s like a cold sore. Once you`ve had one it never goes away.

I was so certain that he would make the first move. That he would come to me tonight. That he would try to see me alone. No eyes on us. No one listening. Was I reading that wrong too? Have faith Sonia. He will come. You know he will. Feeling that strange pull that was a forewarning of Jacob`s arrival I hastily scrambled into my pjs. I knew it! I knew he would come! Tap tap tap. With a fluttering heart I opened my bedroom window and backed away so he could come in. A sudden bashfulness overcame me as I stared at my own feet. Neither of us spoke for a long time.

"You were never this shy before...one thing I`ve always loved about you is that you are so bold." Jacob said, stepping in closer to me. I swallowed and looked up at him, into his eyes.

"I don`t think I ever really saw what you really are until tonight." I whispered up at him. Confusion written across his face he asked.

"What did you see?"

"I saw you. All of you this time. The real you that you try to keep hidden. I saw the man that you are...not the boy."

"What type of man did you see?" He asked softly, his expression still serious.

"The warrior that you are. I saw a brave man. A man who isn`t afraid...to fight for what he believes in." I wondered if he picked up the real meaning of my words.

"You saw all that? What else did you see?" He took another step closer and he looked utterly determined. I lifted my chin up in attempt to look confident.

"I saw you asking for understanding."

"That is a lot to ask of you. I`m sorry." He stroked my hair and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"What did you see?" I countered.

"I saw you too. Perfectly. I saw what I have been afraid to see all this time." He bent down and kissed the top of my head.

"What was it?"

"Happiness. Pure, simple happiness." He murmured into my hair, wrapping his arms around me. I let him hold me. I couldn`t push him away. "After...after my mom died...I felt I could never be happy again...without feeling guilty. I saw what her death did to my dad...how he was torn up...he still is. If true love does that to a person then..."

"You didn`t want it." I finished for him.

"It`s the truth. I can`t lie to you anymore Sonia. I can`t deny you anymore." He held me tighter.

"Are you still scared?"

"Terrified...and you?"

"Scared shitless."

"I love you Bluebird."

"Jacob!"

"I love you Sonia. After the fight...after this mess is cleaned up...I`m gonna fix everything." He released me caressed my cheek. I took his hand and placed it over my heart again.

"I love you too Jacob. I know...I understand you need to leave...Promise me you`ll make it out of the battle in one piece."

"I promise. I`ll come back."

"I believe you."

Jacob slide his arms around my waist and lifted me up flush against him. The kiss that started out gentle slowly turned into one of hunger, one of need. I don`t remember us taking our clothes off but we ended up in a heap of limbs on my bed. Jacob asked me once if I really wanted it. I told him yes. The lovemaking was so natural. Like two halves we really did fit together perfectly. But this time it was different. Jacob was so gentle, so aware of me that it took my breath away. He kept his eyes on me throughout. Watching in love and not lust this time. I whimpered as his powerful strokes brought my building ache into an earth moving orgasm. One that sent waves of undiluted pleasure coursing through my whole body, sending my soul flying.

After we had finished we just lay there, unwilling to move or to break the mood. Jacob was softly stroking my back with his long fingers before letting out a frustrated huff of breath. I understood.

"You need to go.." I picked myself up off him and sat up.

"I need to go...I`m sorry." He kissed me before getting reluctantly up. "I made a promise to myself...before I came here...that I wouldn`t try anything...that I would control myself. I know...since I`m...with Bella that..." He sighed again and put on his underwear and cut offs. "I know that you are hurt, and mad at me. I know that this doesn`t mean we are back together as a couple. I need to prove myself a lot...make amends before you will let me back into your heart. Believe me Sonia. I don`t want you just for this." He sat back down and pulled me into him. "Tonight made me realize how much you are worth. This...what happened now...this should have been our first time. Not what I gave you before...not what I took from you." He lent his forehead against mine and stroked my cheek before getting up and going to the still open window.

"Jacob!" I called out, not wanting him to leave...not wanting to let him go now. He turned and waited for what I had to say. I couldn`t find any words though.

"It`s okay `kay. I`ll see you soon." With that he left. I hopped off the bed naked and watched him disappear into the night.

Remember to review. It makes the story better you know. Besos. I know some of you will kill me for making them sleep together but... I needed to do it.