Chapter 30: Eat Your Suit Out
The sun was shining. The Chatots were tweeting. Luigi woke up and stretched his arms. He looked about from his cozy bed, staring at the pictures of Rosalina, Daisy, Princess Eclair. He also had pictures of himself with E. Gadd, some ghosts, and a Polterpup in his lap, along with some screenshots from some of his latest game.
Luigi: Ahh, that was a good year.
Luigi rubbed his eyes and looked out the window. It was a desolate wasteland covered in ashes upon ashes.
Luigi: Oh yeah...the a island.
The chatots moved in circles abve the ground, saddened about the lack of forest life. Luigi then rubbed his mustache as he looked into the horizon.
Luigi: Who did a vote for me last night? It could have a been anyone. I don't want to start going against my alliance, but you a never know.
Luigi moved again, tripping over his long striped socks.
Luigi: Darn it!
Luigi got up again once again, only to hear a rumbling from the upstairs, presumably Falcon. Falcon was sleep running and weight lifting as he bolted downstairs still asleep while curling a barbell. It was quite a sight. Falcon slammed into the fridge headfirst as that finally woke him up.
Falcon: Ugh...what happened?
Falcon was next to the fridge with a barbell in hand. He chucked it aside as Meta Knight, who past out watching a documentary about exotic birds on tv, got up and tripped over the rolling barbell.
Meta Knight: Ooof!
He collected himself and glared at Falcon as his eyes glowed red.
Meta Knight: Falcon. Weights stay IN the weight room.
Falcon: Sorry Meta buddy! I was sleep curling! Ok, how for some grub!
Falcon opened the fridge, and there was nothing. He panicked and opened the rest of the cupboards, freaking out.
Meta Knight: Odd.
Falcon: Man! How can you relax?! The food is gone the food is gone! Emergency emergency!
Meta Knight: I am always calm.
Falcon's hollering woke up everyone else. Samus came barreling down the stairs with her cannon armed.
Samus: What's happening?! Evacuate the premises!
Samus scooped up Luigi and Fawful in her arms, chucking them outside and pushing the slow moving Bowser down the stairs and out the door. She then turned around, eyes frantic and saw Falcon in the house on the other side, waving at her.
Samus: Falcon I am high strung about sudden emergencies! Don't do that!
Fawful and Bowser grumbled as they returned indoors. Falcon was too unstable to explain so Meta Knight did.
Meta Knight: The food is gone.
Falcon: That's a big deal! See, I must get protein into my body 30 minutes after a workout, or I don't get the necessary vitamins for recovery!
Bowser snorted and rolled his eyes.
Bowser: Ever heard of a break for muscle regeneration? You'll never get muscles like this without breaks!
Falcon: Blastphemy!
Fawful: Wow! That Falcon flamer is more high strung that a cat who just gt a speeding ticket!
Samus told everyone to calm down and took a look around.
Samus: Ok, take a deep breath everyone.
No one was freaking out except Falcon.
Samus: Its only been a few hours. There must be some sort of logical explanation.
Meta Knight pointed towards the note on the coffee table.
Meta Knight: Look.
Fawful went over to pick up the note, but Bowser shoved him aside.
Bowser: Oh no, we'll never get the proper translation of this if you read it! You and your nonsenscial phrases. Says it's from Rosalina.
Bowser cleared his throat and began to read.
Bowser: "Dear Bowser and others. Especially Bowser, you sexy, muscular superior amongst all-"
Samus swiped the paper from his hands and began to read it.
Samus: "Hello All Stars! You may be wondering where the food supply went. Well, we are borrowing it for the challenge upcoming. You will be thanking us actually, wouldn't want to spoil your appetites! Sorry for not telling you in advance, I hope this note will suffice! "
Love,
-Rosalina
She crumpled the note up and threw it in the trash. Falcon dived for it and proceeded to eat it.
Falcon: I'm so hungry! I'm going to die of starvation!
Luigi: *Sigh* Falcon, it has only been a few hours!
Fawful: Fellow paper eaters! Let us find something else to occupy us during the wait for the challenge!
Everyone else nodded. Falcon bolted to the weight room. Everyone else just kind of went off to their own pairings. Meta Knight looked at the weight room and didn't worry to much, he knew that Falcon wasn't too hard to convince. But he also wanted Samus to be provided with an alliance partner she could drag on. So he approached her as she sat in her room, breaking targets with her blaster in the "training room" latched on to every room. Meta Knight stepped in and almost took a stun gun to the face.
Meta Knight: Samus!
Samus: Well, I startle easily. You could knock on a lady's room.
Meta Knight: Apologies.
Samus turned off the target simulation and peered down at the stout warrior.
Samus: So, what do you want?
Meta Knight: You need a new dummy.
Samus thought about the previous "Drag a Dummy" plan Meta Knight made and nodded.
Samus: You're right. Well, I'm going to have to turn someone from the alliance over there then to gain the numbers. I think Fawful and Luigi can be pretty sharp so that just leaves...
Meta Knight: Bowser.
Samus: Of course. I can probably do that.
Samus went and turned out of her room, ushering Meta Knight to do the same. She then stopped halfwway, confusing Meta Knight.
Samus: Take off your mask.
Meta Knight stood frozen.
Meta Knight: What?
Samus: If I can trust you, you will take it off and show me your face.
Meta Knight Samus-
Samus stomped her foot on the ground.
Samus: NOW.
Meta Knight sighed and slowly lowered his mask. There was his face. A few white lines. Samus looked and began laughing a little for the first time in a while. He shoved it back on in embarrasment.
Meta Knight Grrr...
Samus: Sorry. It's just so simplistic. Kind of like Kirby-
Meta Knight: Don't compare me to him!
Samus was taken a back by this, as Meta Knight hardly showed much emotions. Except when Kirby was involved.
Samus: Yeesh settle down! I'm going.
Meta Knight: Now take off your mask. If I can trust you-
Samus yanked off her mask and gave it to Meta Knight as he walked off.
Samus: I won't be needing it for right now.
Meta Knight signed and plopped the mask onto her bed before strolling off.
Meta Knight: You make it sound so easy...
Bowser was laying on his bed of spikes bored, reading a book on "How to lose weight in 90 days- by Impa!
Samus: Bowser?
Bowser threw the book in the trash and ran to the mirror, grooming his firey red mane.
Bowser: I did NOT expect you here. Where's your helmet thing?
Samus: Yeah, about that it's nice to take it off. It's hot in that suit.
Bowser: Not as hot as you.
Samus grimaced a little but shook it off.
Samus: Bowser, how would you like to take out one of your fellow allianc members?
Bowser: Done. Which one?
Samus almost facepalmed, but refrained from it.
Samus: Really? So easily?
Bowser: Well duh! I hate those guys! Also you have the numbers! You do the thinking, I'll do the voting! Also, I love betrayals! They are kind of my thing, like this one time with Antasma-
Samus: Ok ok, I'm glad you're on board. We'll decide to get rid of Luigi or Fawful after the challenge.
Bowser and Samus shook hand. Samus almost crushed Bowser's hand.
Bowser: Ow! I mean, solid handshake.
Samus smiled and walked out. He shook his hand in agony.
Fawful: Rat yolk! Your logic is more skewed than a hampster with tourettes! Camel tape! You smell like a cabbage who just took a shower!... I'm losing my touch!
Fawful was sitting in his room next to Bowser's reciting "Fawful lingo" as he called it to himself. He also performed a few dances and bows to his gigantic shrine to Cakletta in his closest, then started talking to it.
Fawful: Hmm...what if I, the great king of the beans, can take out my arch Green Bean rival Luigi? It'll be a betrayal! Or even Bowser? I could, with my wonderful motivational skills! They'll pay for ignoring my logic of removing 2D Pizza Buffalo instead of Falcon Flamer! They don't listen! They listen worse than a deaf person who just chewed a bottle!
Fawful sat there, then saw the Lumas coming from outside. He then saw Falcon rush outside, waving them down.
Fawful: Falcon Flamer is clearly a threat bigger than Donkey Kong on top of the highest building! Wait, that reminds me of another ape who did that...Diddy Kong! Yes, that's the one!
Fawful and the rest of the All Stars trudged outside, starving and weak from the lack of room. Well, except Falcon.
Rosalina: Sorry about any inconveniences All Stars! Let's get you all fed now!
Everyone cheered, and the All Stars were whisked away on Lumas towards a stretched table filled with food. Maximum tomatos, spicy curries, it was all there. The table was set up in a nice, grassy meadow in Dreamland. Meta Knight looked about with an almost dreamy look in his eyes.
Meta Knight: Home.
Eggplant Wizard was trying to scarf down the food to which Bandana Dee chased him off with his spear.
Rosalina: Today is a straight forward eating contest! For the most part I suppose. Every round, there will be a certain food item on the plate. Whoever can't finish their food will be out! Remember, if you fall back or get up out of your chair, that is the sign of giving up! Take heed to that!
Bandana Dee waved his spear in the air to add in the last bit.
Bandana Dee: There's a time limit too! So don't take forever guys and girl!
Falcon looked for a piece of paper in his pocket to write that down, but forget he ate it on the trip here.
Bandana Dee: And...that's basically it. Ready All Stars?
Falcon rubbed his rock hard abs in delight.
Falcon: Time to Falcon eat!
The contestants each sat at a table. Bowser and Falcon clashed forks and knives with each other, ready to start eating. Samus sat there re arranging her fork and knive, and tucked her napkin on her lap.
Rosalina: Samus has left her mask behind which is good, but Meta Knight...I'm afraid you're going to have to take yours off sweetie!
Meta Knight almost fell out of his chair.
Meta Knight: Why? Why is this the question of the day for me?!
Rosalina: Aww I'm sorry. But we have to see your mouth for the contest. How are you going to eat with your mask anyways?
Everyone leaned in anticipation. Meta Knight sighed and grumbled, before taking it off and chucking it to the side and covering his face.
Rosalina: You have a very handsome face Meta Knight, no need to worry!
Meta Knight heard this and ever so slowly lowered his hands. Luigi began to laugh.
Luigi: Ha! Oh a boy! Rosalina can even charm the super cool Meta Knight ha ha-
Luigi just felt Meta Knight's sword fly past his head and scrape a few hairs off his mustache.
Rosalina: Get ready All Stars! First plate, Maximum tomatoes!
Falcon's plate was clear before she even finished. Bowser also followed suit. Luigi managed to scarf them down too. Fawful sputtered and coughed, and Meta Knight struggled too. Being the smallest contestants, they had a hard time eating up.
Meta Knight: One...more...bite...
Meta Knight chewed the last piece of Maximum tomato. Samus finished up after wiping her mouth off.
Bowser: Come on now, princess.
Samus: Maybe I'm using some proper ediquette! Plus, I have time.
Fawful struggled to down the food with the time remaining, but did so in the nick of time.
Fawful: I...have...pains!
Rosalina: You've all made it through the first round! The next food, Star Bits! Made by yours truly!
Falcon also mauled these down no problem, with Bowser not far behind.
Bandana Dee: Come on now, TRY to make it look fair.
Samus, who was sitting there slowly enjoying her meal, also finished and dabbed her mouth again. Meta Knight took a few bites and groaned.
Meta Knight: Ugh...
He fell back on his chair and rolled over to his mask in pain.
Bowser: Ha! Lightweight! Heavies rule!
Luigi: Except in a Smash Bros...
He said through a stuffed mouth and just barely finished his meal. Fawful looked at his food, in pain.
Fawful: Must...consume...rabbit...food!
Fawful slammed his giant teeth into the starbit, and just pulled through.
Rosalina: Good effort master of pasta disaster Fawful! Speaking of which, the next round is spaghetti and mushrooms! Lots of it!
Luigi's nose quivered and smirked before shouting in glee.
Luigi: I hope she cooked LOTS of spaghetti!
Luigi stuffed himself with the food, cleaning his plate...then fell back.
Rosalina: Well...if he can pick himself up he's still in, since he finished his plate.
Everyone else just sat their, waiting for Fawful to finish.
Bowser: Man up and finish! I got more food to eat!
Fawful struggled to eat more, finally, he got down to one last bite...but the timer ran out just as Luigi picked himself back up.
Fawful: No! Owl yams! I was closer than a Beedrill running a marathon!
Fawful grumbled and sat next to Meta Knight, who was plucking the hair from Luigi's mustache off his sword.
Rosalina: Next item! Koopa soup!
Bowser was the first this time and he threw the whole thing in his mouth, shell and all, crunching it between his teeth.
Falcon: Aww cool!
Falcon tried the same, only to crack his teeth in pain after finishing the soup.
Falcon: Ow! Falcon fail!
He looked around, offering T-shirts of "Falcon Fail" with autographs. To date he's sold zero.
Falcon: Aww...
Samus meanwhile, sat there tasting her soup and commenting on the taste.
Samus: Hmm, beefy. Yet soft and flavorful.
Bowser and Falcon were tapping their utensils in anticipation. Luigi got about halfway before clutching his stomach and falling into his soup. The hot soup made him yelp and fall back into his chair.
Rosalina: Err...I think hes out. Next! Fried Goldeen! Watch the horn!
Samus, Falcon, and Bowser managed to polish their plates. Bowser was a little slower though and groaned.
Falcon: Don't quit on me now scaly bro!
Bowser finished his last bite then panted.
Bowser: S-Shut up Falcon!
Rosalina: Close one! Round 5! Jamming Jelly surprise!
Jammy jelly was rather filling, but none the less Falcon followed by Samus managed to pull through.
Falcon: More! More!
Samus: Just wait Falcon.
Falcon looked at her in surprise.
Falcon: Wow, you're pretty good for a girl at eating! Nice!
Samus: Thanks. Well, to be honest being inflatd enough times stretches your stomach...
Falcon: Capital idea!
Bowser looked at the last jar on his plate, and groaned while falling asleep.
Rosalina: Bowser is finished! Ok! Just keep eating! Falcon vs Samus! We won't stop till someone gives in! Round 6, Petal leaf suflee!
The two warriors went at the food, and everyone on the sidelines took bets. Most of them chose Samus. The rounds kept climbing up, and up, and up...
Rosalina: Round uh...50. Barboach pie. Bring in more food!
Vivi backed up a giant truck and dumped more food on the table. Falcon and Samus managed to finish again, Samus had to eat quicker too with the time limit dwindling more each round. Samus let out a slight moan though.
Falcon: Stay in Samus! I want to keep eating!
Samus tapped her armor, and pressed a button as the power suit popped off and fell around her.
Samus: *huff* let's keep going.
Meta Knight: Huh. I didn't know she could do that.
Now ZSS groaned as she rubbed her evidently rounder belly.
ZSS: *Hiccup!*
Bandana Dee: There's no shame in quitting ZSS...really.
Falcon: But then who will I beat?!
ZSS scowled and flames came in her eyes.
ZSS: Keep going!
The rounds continued to climb higher. Falcon had no problem, and patted his abs. That time in the weight room really did work. ZSS meanwhile, was literally ballooning with food with every round. Her cheeks were now usually stuffed with food, her body was fattening up constantly, groaning came from her chair as a steel one was switched out for convenience.
Fawful: She's getting bigger than a llama who drinks the blood of mosquitoes!
Luigi turned over to him.
Luigi: That didn't a even work! You have to compared her size with something else growing bigger-
Fawful: Don't tell me how metaphors works Green bean!
Rosalina looked up at the sky. It was night. She wanted to go back but had to keep her word.
Rosalina: Round...I forgot. Here's some Combusken chicken legs.
They continued to eat, and ZSS continued to bloat, like a balloon inflating with air as she stuff herself, rounding out at a rate when her limbs almost looked retracted. She couldn't even talked through her stuffed cheeks anymore.
ZSS: Mmmmmph! (ugh...more.)
Bowser: At least all that food is giving her a bigger butt! Know what I saying guys?!
Luigi: Not to mention a larger chest...wait what's wrong with me?!
Falcon leaned over and poked ZSS's yoga ball sized belly.
Falcon: Wow! I didn't know you should self inflate! Teach me your ways dudette!
ZSS: Mmmph...(Stop..eating...Falcon)
Falcon still had a drumstick on his plate that he was eating casually.
Falcon: Hold on a second, I got a kink in my back from this chair.
Falcon stood up and cracked his back. Everyone gasped.
Falcon: What? What?! That's a long time to be in one spot!
Falcon sat back down.
Falcon: Ok, let's continue.
Rosalina: Err, you lost hun. You stood up with food on your plate. Zero Suit Samus wins.
Falcon: Darn it! I shouldn't have eaten that paper before!
Falcon got up and shook Zero Suit Samus' hand. She couldn't even move as he sat in her chair stuffed to the brim.
Falcon: Well, you won this one!
Zero Suit Samus: *Urrrrrrp* *Hiccup!* (Someone help please?)
Zero Suit Samus' chair finally broke as she rolled back screaming, knocking the All Stars by the tree back like bowling pins. Eggplant Wizard even played the sound effect.
Rosalina: Ok, everyone grab her and lift her to the Luma! Be careful where you grab too!
They all lifted her up, and Luigi twitched on the ground after trying.
Falcon: Lift heavy weights with your legs, not your back Luigi!
ZSS: Mmmph! (Watch it!)
They placed ZSS on three Lumas, collected her suit pieces, and floated off back to Luigi's mansion. Meta Knight looked back one last time.
Meta Knight: I will return.
After rolling ZSS back into the house, most of them scrambled to find someone to eliminate. Once rolling ZSS to the dining room, Falcon decided to hop onto ZSS' rounded belly like a beanbag and lean back. He opened up a pack of beef jerky. ZSS's face flared red in anger and green with sickness from the food but unable to shrug him off in her fattened state.
Falcon: Comfy! So, what's the gameplan?
Meta Knight: According to ZSS, we have Bowser on our side. With you, me, ZSS, and Bowser, we can take out Luigi or Fawful. Now to choose who...
Bowser came trudging down the stairs and plopped down on the couch.
Bowser: When did we get a new beanbag?
ZSS: Mmmmmph! (Just you guys wait till I burn this off! Only takes a day!)
Falcon: Since when were you so talkative Meta Knight?
Meta Knight sighed.
Meta Knight: Well, someone has to discuss the game plan with ZSS' cheeks stuffed to the brim.
While they pondered, Luigi and Fawful sat upstairs, sweating in fear.
Luigi: I don't a know what to a do! Bowser has surely left! We're in hot a water Fawful!
Fawful: Surely this Mushroom alliance can pull through like a aardvark surfing a wave, as you say!
Luigi was sweating a ton and he lurched back in protest.
Luigi: I never a said that! Um...so we can try Falcon or Meta Knight...uh...
Luigi and Fawful stared at each other, then bolted down the stairs.
Luigi: Guys! Pick a me to stay! Come onnn!
Fawful: No! This green bean of lean is no machine of clean!
Meta Knight: Well this is awkward.
At an even more awkward timing, Rosalina and her Lumas came by too.
Rosalina: Sorry guys it's a bit early! But that challenge did take forever so let's move!
They went out the door, loaded ZSS up on another 3 Lumas, and headed to the rejection room. There was now a wall of fame in the back listing the immunity victors. They was: Daroach, Game and Watch, Falcon, Bowser, Luigi, Falcon, Bowser, and now ZSS. Meta Knight saw the wall in dismay, him and Fawful being the only ones left not on it.
Rosalina: Sorry everyone, the room was just too gloomy! I tried making it a bit happier for you all! Anyways-
Eggplant Wizard ran out and hopped on ZSS's round stomach, springing in the air.
Eggplant Wizard: It's like a trampoline!
ZSS: MMMMPH. (That's it!)
ZSS whipped out her stun gun and zapped him. He cried and ran right back to bed.
Bandana Dee: Finally...
Rosalina: So...that was quite a challenge! Um...ZSS.
She looked at ZSS, who looked like a miniture car in size. She just hiccuped in protest.
ZSS: MMMPH! (I'll burn overnight! I have Ridley on speed dial!)
Rosalina then looked at Meta Knight.
Rosalina: I guess you'll have to do some talking then!
Meta Knight: *Sigh*. Fine, what do you want to know?
Everyone gasped in surprise.
Rosalina: So open! Ok, who's in danger tonight in your opinion?
Meta Knight replied curtly.
Meta Knight: Luigi and Fawful. Next.
Rosalina: Um...how do you feel?
Meta Knight: Safe. But anything can happen, of course. Next.
Rosalina grimaced a bit. She felt like she was talking to a robot.
Rosalina: That'll be all for today. Luigi, Fawful, apparently you two are in the hot seat! How did you try and save yourselves?
Luigi: Well, by doing what I do best...begging to stay in!
Rosalina: And you, Grape king of raddishes?
Fawful thought long and hard, trying to save himself.
Fawful: Cats in hats! I may have pleaded, but you all forget Bowser, the scaly king of horses, is also a traitor! He was betraying us! What makes you ghost cameras think he won't throw you under the bus quicker then a lemur during hibernation?!
Bowser: Why you little-
Falcon: Well, he does have a good point.
Fawful: Quiet you threat! Why is no one stopping Falcon flamer of the north?! He will eat you all!
Meta Knight: I think Samus would do that.
Everyone couldn't help but laugh except Fawful and ZSS.
Fawful: Don't laugh at me! My wisdom is not tainted like a skunky flying on rainbows of sunshine! Heed me! Heed me and my fury!
Fawful was waving his arms in panic. Luigi, in his own fear, did the same.
Rosalina: Looks pretty close here. Fawful or Luigi. Ok, someone roll ZSS cause she's first!
ZSS groaned as Falcon pushed her towards the pot and stepped back in respect to not see her vote. Everyone else did the same too, and Rosalina grabbed the pot.
Rosalina: There will be five left after this. Ready?
Fawful and Luigi chattered their teeth in fear.
Rosalina: First vote...Luigi.
Luigi sweated.
Rosalina: Second vote...Fawful.
Fawful sneezed.
Rosalina: Third vote...Fawful. Fourth vote...Luigi.
Rosalina picked up the last two votes.
Rosalina: In 6th place for Survivor of the Smash Nintendo...
Fawful.
Fawful screeched in anger, Luigi fainted.
Fawful: You milk beans! You will fail to beat my predictions of monkey sins! I will have fury! Drawing caricatures like kids who are stupid you are! I'm coming Cakletta!
Fawful went and hopped in the cannon, blasting off into the distance.
Rosalina: Goodbye, Shoe aglet of epicness! I'll miss him, he was different. Ok, five left! Only two left and we have our final challenge. Think well, and play hard!
The All Stars went back, contemplative, doubting yet assuring every move.
Later, as everyone else went to bed upon arriving back, ZSS used the phone to call Ridley with his stubby arms. Ridley came flying in as Samus rolled out onto the island arming her stun gun and ready to fight and burn off her weight. She wasn't as big as blimp size so a Ridley fight would suffice. Ridley looked at her fattened body and rolled his eyes.
Ridley: Again?
ZSS: Mmmph. (Yep. Again.)
Votes:
Luigi: Fawful
Fawful: Luigi
Bowser: Fawful
ZSS: Luigi
Meta Knight: Fawful
Falcon: Fawful.
Meta Knight: Feeling...more...social! I don't know if I like this or not.
Luigi: Close a one! One enemy down, one to go Bowser!
Bowser: Well, I like Luigi a margin more than Fawful. You're next Luigi!
Final words, Fawful: I...have...furyyyyy! I don't understand why they kepy Luigi over the presence of the small bomb like me.
But I digress.