Chapter 39: No Jacob happening here but a lot of girl time. Hope you guys enjoy. Another chapter will be coming up soon. I am starting another story from Jacob`s POV. So watch out for that. Also, thank you so so so much for all your lovely reviews. You guys are great! Happy reading.

After Jacob had left I crept to the bathroom with the intention of washing the evidence of our encounter off me. Conflicting emotions coursed through me as I washed between my legs with a warm wash cloth. What we had done...it had seemed so right, so natural. Jacob was correct...that should have been our first time. It was perfect because this time...there was no question of to whom he loved. I swallowed hard and dried myself off. Why was I feeling so bad then?

I had let him back in and I had promised myself that I wouldn`t. Did I really have no respect for myself? But it wasn`t a question of self respect. What we did...we both needed it. I needed it as much as he did. I wanted it. It wasn`t about trying to win him back with sex. It wasn`t about opening up my legs because it was easier than saying no. It was about... crap...it`s about something too difficult to put into words. I looked at myself in the mirror under the harsh light of the bathroom. My eyes were sparkling, my cheeks flushed and a bit red from where Jacob`s stubble rubbed against them and my lips a bit bruised. I looked like a girl who just had sex. I still felt it. His heat still covered my body and my vagina still a bit numb. What happens when he comes back? That was the question that troubled me.

He told me he would make amends but how many times had I heard that one? He had said that what we had done tonight didn`t make us a couple again. That one made me nervous. What if it was just a one off before he committed himself forever to that little tramp? No... he didn`t mean that. He loved me. He loves me! After this was over he was going to let her go. I was sure of that. I wasn`t his second choice. Not now. Not after tonight.

Not wanting to sleep alone I climbed into bed beside my mom. For comfort I had unearthed my first holy communion rosary beads. I knew that they would have no effect if a stray leech found it`s way into my house but...in the movies vampires can`t touch or be near anything holy so...but this isn`t a movie. It`s reality. Cuddling up to my mom I tried to sleep but it was no use. It was all too much. How could I sleep peacefully knowing that the pack were out there risking their lives for us? What the hell could I do to help? Fucking nada. All I could do was worry. And worrying never helped anyone. Maybe I should pull an Emily and bake and cook myself into oblivion? I wondered what the other imprints are up to? I was closest to Kim...maybe because we were closest in age. Rachel and Emily had really hit it off and were now shopping buddies. They would be doing the same as me. Unable to sleep. Knowing what was headed our way...

I stared into the darkness and jumped at every little noise. The sleeping pill seemed like a good idea now. I was afraid to take it because... if I fell asleep I maybe I would dream of it again...

Fuck it. Utlapa was not in a cave in the woods! I crept out of the bed and into my bedroom. I spotted the sleeping pill on my bedside table and swallowed it dry. That should help. Crawling back into bed with my mom I cuddled her and felt sleep overcome me. I fell asleep praying that Jacob wouldn`t be hurt, and that the rest of the pack will be safe. I snuggled into my mom again and eventually fell asleep.

Awaking in a groggy haze I found that it was too bright in the room. Blinking a couple of times to get used to the light I shifted onto my side. Urrghh, what a fucking headache! Hearing music coming from the kitchen I sat up in the bed and rubbed my temples. The smell of frying bacon made me want to barf. Oh man...here it comes... I bolted from the room and into the bathroom and threw up. Holy hell! This it what stress and nerves does to you.

"Sonia. You okay in there?" My mom`s concerned voice came from just outside the door. She opened it a little and peered in.

"Yeah..I`m fine. Just feeling a little under the weather." I said, flushing the toilet and then splashing my face with cold water.

"Your period is not due yet is it?" She asked, rubbing the back of my neck. I thought.

"It should be due...I`ll check my calender." Numbers confused the heck out of me sometimes, especially when I couldn`t think straight.

"You`ve been taking your pill haven`t you?" Her voice took on an edge that got me on edge.

"Yeah...course I have." I mumbled. Have I? Oh shit...no no no.

"Show me." Crap! No mom!

"Yeah...sure." Please let me have taken it. Please God please.

She followed me into my room and I exhaled a big sigh of relief when I saw that I had. Thank you God. Thank you! My mom looked just as relieved as I did. She was too young to be a nana. And I was way too young to be a mommy. Plus, mine and Jacob`s relationship was way too rocky to bring a child into the world. I did want kids, I wanted a lot of them, just not now. I was way too immature. I was no Kim.

"Must be the stress..." I mumbled, casting a guilty look at my bed.

"I`ll buy you some condoms...and make Jacob use them!"

"MOM!"

"Just to be on the safe side."

"Please mom...I so don`t want to be having this conversation with you." I pleaded. She smiled at me before kissing my cheek and pulling me into a hug.

"I`ll get you some aspirin. But you have to eat something first. You are getting too skinny."

"I`m can`t stomach anything." I protested.

"Some oatmeal. That will settle you. Take a shower, you`ll feel better after that."

"Mom." I called after her when she was leaving my room.

"Yes sweetie?" She turned around and smiled. She looked a bit ill too. She was worried. Frightened.

"You take the shower first. I can fix the oatmeal for myself."

"You are sick Sonia."

"I`m feeling a bit better. You go. I don`t want you yelling at me for using all the hot water."

"If you`re sure."

"I`m sure. You go."

I pottered into the kitchen after my mom went to take her shower and went about fixing our breakfast. I put aside her bacon and made her some toast. My poor mom. She didn`t need all this shit. She didn`t need to look after me like I was a baby either. I am almost a grown woman now. Time for me to be more responsible for myself.

The oatmeal did settle my stomach a lot and the headache turned into just a dull ache behind my eyes. I wondered what the pack was up to. Training with the Cullen`s. How was that working out? Two mortal enemies coming together to fight a bigger evil. Would this be the path to peace with them? I didn`t know. When Jacob finds out about Bella and Edward`s little scheme then... There was no way. No matter how benign they were, the pack would never trust them fully. I had a shower after my mom. Putting the water to almost scalding hot as I felt so cold. Every so often I got a flash of emotions that were not my own. Fear for something, anger over another thing, feeling happy for no reason. They were not my own but they were in a strange way. They didn`t frighten me, they just...were there. Strange. Maybe... no, they were Jacob`s feelings. Jacob`s emotions. After last night, it seemed like our fate was sealed. We were truly bonded. Truly mated. Two halves put together again. I smiled remembering last night. Focus on the happiness, the love. If that gave Jacob more strength for tomorrow then I was going to help in any way I can. Imprinting after all is a two way thing. He felt that time I was terrified after the nightmare. No! Don`t think about that now! I needed all my strength for the next day and a half! The rest of the imprints plus Sue Clearwater and minus baby Claire were coming over here in a while. To do what I had no idea. Talk maybe, support each other as well. Tomorrow we would be heading over to Mr. Blacks place to wait for the pack to come back. It`s just two days Sonia...not months, not years. Be patient. Be strong.

My living room and kitchen seemed awfully quiet for all the people that were here. The only noises coming were from my mom and Sue cooing over Noah. Emily was twisting the fabric of her skirt around her fingers, Rachel was standing at the window with her arms crossed, staring outside. Kim was sitting upright on the sofa, looking at an unseen spot on the wall. I was perched awkwardly on the coffee table, inspecting my nails.

"I can`t take this anymore!" Kim stood up and ran her fingers through her long black hair. The rest of us looked at her in shock.

"What`s the matter?" Emily asked. Her scared face pale.

"This is the matter! We are sitting here like we are waiting for a telegram from the war office! They are going to come back! Christ... I have never been away from Jared for so long but... we need to be strong. There is no point in acting like lost little girls because our men are off fighting."

"She`s right you know." I pipped in. Standing up too. Why I stood up I had no idea. "If we are worried, and afraid, they will be too. They will feel it. It would put them off balance."

"That`s true. It`s just...I`m so afraid of losing him." Emily spoke into her lap.

"We all are. No point in denying it. But we have to be strong. For us as well as them." Rachel said, turning around and facing us.

"So what do we do?" I asked. We all looked at each other blankly.

"Talk about things?" Rachel suggested.

"Sounds good. I mean...if something like this happens again then...we have to learn to function on our own." I said. "How weird does that sound?" I giggled. The rest joined in. Eventually we were in stitches on the floors.

"Oh my God!" Emily gasped for air. "I`ve never been like this ever...never before Sam. I hate feeling so lost." She suddenly looked serious. "It makes you think about things."

"What things?" Kim asked.

"I`m too dependent on him...ever since, the accident. I mean...look at me!" She pointed to her scared face angrily, shocking us all into silence. "And with Leah...knowing that I`m the reason why she`s angry and hurt. I never wanted this for her..but I was too weak."

"You`re not weak Emily! You can`t control imprinting!" Rachel argued, looking cross.

"I`m too cowardly to even talk to her. To face her anger. I just hide behind Sam."

"Then step up Emily." I said. That was one big problem I had with Emily, she couldn`t face Leah.

"I should shouldn`t I? I mean, Leah`s out there, risking her life, having to hear Sam all the time...I need to talk to her."

"You should. Leah deserves it. Her feelings are valid. The guys just treat her like she`s a..." I stopped and looked over into the kitchen. Sue was listening with a hard expression, Leah is so like her it`s crazy.

"What do they treat her like?" Sue asked, coming into the living room. All of us girls looked to each other guiltily. Sue obviously had no idea.

"Emily. What do they treat her like?" Sue said, shifted the focus onto her niece.

"They give her a hard time." Emily whispered.

"They do do they? Have any of you tired to put a stop to it?"

"I`ve talked to Sam. He`s tired to get them to stop but..." Emily started but trailed off.

"Jared doesn`t do it anymore." Kim said confidently, taking baby Noah off my mom. He was beginning to cry. Kim sat down on an armchair and began to breast feed him.

"Leah never told me anything about this." Sue said angrily.

"Maybe she didn`t want to bother you with it Sue." My mom said soothingly.

"She`s my daughter! If she has a problem she should come to me!"

"It seems like she wants to deal with it in her own way." My mom argued.

And so on it went. Sue was furious. Emily started to cry at one stage. All in all it was awkward as fuck. Like watching a friends parents fight in front of you. You didn`t know where to look or put ourself. Kim got out early under the pretense of putting Noah to sleep. Rachel said she needed to call her dad. That left me and my mom to witness it. My mom finally calmed Sue down enough and brought her into the kitchen for a talk. I sat beside Emily and held her hand.

"It`s all my fault." She mumbled.

"It isn`t. You can`t place all the blame on one person. Leah needs to come to terms with her feelings and you and Sam can`t ignore them. It can`t be easy on her."

"I know it can`t. I..."

"Don`t say any more Emily. You don`t have to justify yourself being imprinted on to anyone. Just talk with Leah. You two can`t have the same relationship as before but just pave the way to something different. Don`t let Sam handle all her wrath anymore. It`s not fair."

"He`s just trying to protect me."

"Stop hiding behind him. You are a strong person Emily. Go out more. Stop heaping all this work on yourself because you think it`s justifying your role in the pack."

"I want to feel useful."

"You are. You don`t need to prove it with muffins though."

"I am getting sick of baking them." She laughed.

"They are delicious though."

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