Chapter 31: Meet the Alt Stars! Also..Weegee.
Only five were left. The mansion seemed a bit more normal today without the presence of Fawful. Luigi and Bowser woke up singing while in the shower so loud, it almost boomed through the mansion. Stepping out of their rooms, Luigi tipped his hat to Bowser.
Luigi: Hey a Bowser! That traitor Fawful is gone now isn't a he? I know you a voted with me!
Bowser: Well it was either you or him...I mean yeah of course I didn't betray you! The King of Koopas never- err kind of- um always keeps his word!
Luigi was feeling much more confident knowing that Bowser, who he believed betrayed him, decided to keep him in. Luigi was hoping to keep Bowser, his arch rival and only ally, in the game and hopefully flip one more person...
Luigi: Did you a notice we got breakfast in bed this morning?
Bowser snorted.
Bowser: Pah! Acts of generosity like that disgust me.
Falcon arose like a flying arrow in one swift motion, standing up...and slamming his head on the squat bar above him. It snapped his helmet in two and he looked at the helmet on the ground in dismay, now split in two.
Falcon: Falcon fail...oh well, there's 50 more of those where that came from!
Falcon opened up his closet full of F-Zero helmets.
Falcon: Hmm...think I'll take gold today.
Falcon popped the helmet on, gave a grin in his mirror, and almost tripped over his plate of breakfast on his coffee table.
Falcon: What the? Ohh, breakfast! Smells good! Falcon devour!
ZSS was sleeping in her bed, slender once again after a solid bout with Ridley. She blinked a few times, rubbed her eyes, and reached over for her helmet on her dresser. Instead, she reached over a bit too far and placed her hand in scrambled Billy Hatcher eggs.
ZSS: What the?
ZSS just caught the blue cape leaving the door way and called him back in. Slowly, the figure came back to ZSS' room, dressed in a chef's hat and apron saying "Kick the Kirby".
ZSS: Ok Meta Knight. What's this?
Meta Knight: Ugh. I don't know. Lately, I've been feeling so...sociable. I think it's Rosalina's fault. I even fed the purple guy.
A big hoot and holler was heard from Waluigi downstairs.
Waluigi: I haven't been fed in three days, praise Arceus!
ZSS just rolled her eyes.
ZSS: Makes sense, chatterbox.
Meta Knight muttered in defense.
Meta Knight: Zero Suit Samus...
ZSS: I'm kidding, it's nice to see a bit of the new Meta Knight.
Meta Knight bowed and left the room, as ZSS slipped over her body armor and ate her breakfast.
Samus: Although I wouldn't waste my time trying, Meta Knight.
She sat there, contemplating, and flashed back to her recent fight with Ridley.
This battle took place at the late hours of the nice on the vastly bare island. Fortunately, the mansion was soundproof so no one could hear them fight. ZSS called up Ridley to help shed her access weight.
Ridley: You just fought me last week! How do you manage to do this again?! To fat to even fit your power suit!
Ridley made a dive at the roly poly ZSS, as she rolled out of the way and retaliated with a stun gun blast to Ridley's face, zapping him silly.
ZSS: I don't choose for these things to happen, they just do. I swear, Falcon's competitive spirit is contageous. Oh well, at least I beat him.
ZSS made another roll from Ridley as she aimed her chunky arms at Ridley, smacking him with her whip.
ZSS: Our Tactician alliance of me, Meta Knight, Falcon, and Bowser are going to vote out Luigi tonight. Then drop Falcon, my place is solidified.
Ridley cackled as he spewed a fireball at ZSS, who was too fat to move out of the way in time and she slammed back into the sand.
Ridley: Pah! You still havent figured out who's pulling the strings in your alliance huh? Meta Knight acts, you speak.
ZSS eyes opened wide as she bounced out of the way of a trail of fire while ZSS made a big enough jump with her weight to slam onto one of Ridley's claw, crushing his hand with her weight. Although ZSS has now mostly burned all of the weight off, like a deflating balloon, regaining more and more mobility by the second. ZSS then raised a question.
ZSS: Wait, how do you know of my exploits?
Ridley: This whole show is broadcasted worldwide! From Dreamland to Zebes, we all see it. Me and the other villains even set up days to come over and watch you all live.
ZSS, who was now slender once again, hopped on Ridley's back and wrapped her whip around him.
ZSS: With what camera? I don't see any camera.
Ridley jerked back, flinging ZSS into the water and pointing up at the Lakitu, just barely visible in the skies with his camera, waving.
Lakitu: Since day one ya'll! Now if only I could get some good shower footage from you ZSS!
The Lakitu at her from above. ZSS aimed her blaster at the flying pervert, but Ridley cacked again.
Ridley: You can't, you'll be eliminated on the spot like Mewtwo if you even try.
Ridley flapped his wings and flew to the left, just missing another bullet from ZSS.
Ridley: My work is done, you know my number if you grow out again. You'll become bigger than me one day!
ZSS rolled her eyes.
ZSS: Doubt it.
Ridley: I hope not, I take pride in being so damn big!
As he flapped off and the sun began to rise, he took an extra look at Meta Knight through his window, who just woke up and was scribbing notes down at his desk, while also preparing to make breakfast.
Ridley: Watch out for him. Or else you'll be outside the numbers soon enough.
Samus flashed back to present time now and shook her head.
Samus: Ridley's my swore enemy. Maybe he's just playing mindgames with me. But maybe I should get on good terms with his "dummy", Falcon.
Samus went up the stairs, to the left corridor, and popped into the weight room.
Samus: Hey Falcon, mind if I join you for a few-
Meta Knight: Sets? Come. Join.
Meta Knight was already there, spotting Falcon on the bench press as he lifted 700 pounds.
Falcon: Another person interested in the wonderful world of weight lifting? Falcon approved! Let me take you under my muscular wing and train you to lift the very stars themselves!
Falcon started doing squats with the actual squat rack while Meta Knight struggled to curl a set of 25 pair dumbells. Samus whispered to herself.
Samus: That crafty little Meta Knight...
Bowser meanwhile, after making a gigantic Swoobat and Jammin Jelly sandwich, shoved Luigi aside and took the remote from his hands.
Luigi: Hey! Don't you a realize you need some friends in this game?!
Bowser: Pah! I'm still here ain't I?
Luigi: Maybe it's because you're a coattail-
Bowser cranked up the TV in order not to hear him, and flicked through the channels.
Bowser: Let's see, Strikers soccer, King DDD channel, what kind of channel is this?
Bowser and Luigi were curiously staring back at themselves. Odd.
Luigi: Uh...we're on a TV?
Bowser shrugged and flicked it to Impa's aerobics channel.
Impa: Come on guys! Let's burn that weight! You can do it!
Bowser hopped up and started doing stretches, twisting left and right and panting little fire breaths in his fatigue.
Luigi: That's a it, I'm a going outside!
Luigi walked up the stairs, heading down the right corridor towards the balcony. He then stared out at the Sun. It then grimaced at him and tried to swoop down on him, but he jumped out of the way.
Luigi: Yikes! Why does the a Sun try to a kill me and my brother all of the time?! That's a it!
Luigi wavedashed down the stairs, before tripping and smashing down every step and rolling out the front door. Bowser shrugged and went back to his aerobics. Luigi grabbed an ice flower growing in the Mansion's garden and equipped it. The Angry Sun stopped right in his tracks.
Angry Sun: Hey Mario #2, I was just joking in a very aggressive manner!
Luigi blasted the Angry Sun with a few iceballs, freezing it solid and shattering it. 1000 points went over Luigi's head as he hopped in victory. Of course, the lights did go out though as the island as shrouded in darkness.
Bowser: Dammit! Who didn't pay the electric bill?!
Luigi panicked and equipped a fire flower in his blindness, lighting his hand up to make a torch.
Samus: Oh great, did Ridley fly too close to the Sun again?
The All Stars blindly felt their way around the house, lots of bumping and confusion occured while trying to find the living room. Including Bowser accidentally touching Samus' posterior.
Bowser: Heh...I'm blind! Oh, how foolish of me! He acted dramatically.
Samus responded by wrapping him up with her whip to the banister of the stairs. Even in darkness, she was very adept with her weapons.
Falcon: Woah, what's happening! Had I not being getting enough vitamin A? Good thing I came prepared!
Falcon searched in his holister for his "assorted veggies" and yanked out a carrot. Of course, all of these veggies were in the same hollister as his forgotten gun. Falcon lived on the edge for even the simplest acts. Meta Knight then came down the stairs with a torch in hand, grumbling. His yellow eyes flashed in the darkness almost brighter than the torch itself.
Meta Knight: Darkness. But how?
Luigi: Well uh...don't a look at a me!
Meta Knight eyed him suspiciously, looking at Luigi's flaming hand.
Meta Knight: Hmm...
As the All Stars began to decipher the situation, outside the Mansion on the island, a certain set of figures began to form from the darkness. They came from thin air, with the pitch black finally bringing them to life.
?: Ahh, freedom at last from the parallel realm! Breath, my friends, for-
The shadowy figures were cut off as a rainbow shot through the air, brightening the skies as Rosalina came flying by with her Lumas in all her glory. She speckled the skies with various lumas, leaving a glowing, radient color in the sky, but also bringing light once again. Rosalina looked over at the ground and saw the figures standing there, gawking at her.
Rosalina: Oh, are you sporting a new set of colors today All Stars?
The group twirled around and hopped in dramatic poses, introducing themselves as the real All Stars walked out and looked in shock. Dark Bowser shyly stepped first, making a wimpy thumbs up. Dark Bowser was a more dark blue version of the original Bowser.
Dark Bowser: I-I'm Dark Bowser. You're really pretty. Oh did I just say that without blushing?!
Dark Bowser has shoved aside by Blood Falcon, who did multiple flips in the air and stared at Rosalina analytically.
Blood Falcon: Name's Blood Falcon. I prefer a nice book, upon all else. And my dashng good looks. My, you look ravishing Rosalina. Not as dashing as me, but very, very promixal.
Dark Meta Knight hopped off Blood Falcon's shoulder's and gave a peace sign as he hit the ground. He was dark colored with red eyes under his mask.
Dark Meta Knight: Oh, hello everyone! I'm so glad to meet all of you new people! Can I take this mask off now though? This thing is not for me! Wow Rosalina, you're very cute!
Dark Samus booted Dark Meta Knight aside and cackled manically, shooting her cannon off in multiple directions.
Dark Samus: Give me all of your Metroids and no one gets hurt! Oh who am I kidding, I'll hurt you all anyways! Muahahahahaha!
Dark Samus took a gander at Rosalina quickly.
Dark Samus: Hey babe, you're kind of hot.
Rosalina looked in confusion.
Rosalina: Gee hun, this is a bit awkward.
Blood Falcon: Oh, you haven't seen awkward yet my dear Rosalina. Not until you've seen our, fifth member.
Floating from behind the pack, unnoticed until now, Luigi's dark version floated into the front, towards Rosalina. He stood motionlness, beginning to stare at Rosalina, before Dark Bowser turned her head quicky.
Dark Bowser: No no! Never stare into his eyes!
The motionless figure, known at Weegee, floated back behind the others without a word, not moving a single muscle.
Rosalina sweated, then cleared her throat, and spoke again.
Rosalina: So I see our new friends here have formed during the temporary darkness! Fortunately, I can use this opportunity to create a fun little challenge! I'll just send my messenger Luma here to rent out the area, shouldn't be long.
Rosalina attached a short letter to a green luma, kissing it as it shot into the skies.
Rosalina: While I'm waiting for a reply back, get to know your new friends!
She looked around and sighed at the desolate wasteland. No trees, lots of ashes from Game and Watch's previous burning.
Rosalina: I'll get to work on replacing those poor little trees tomorrow!
Rosalina stared out at the ocean and luma speckled sky, as the rest of Dark All Stars began to swarm Rosalina again.
Rosalina: Err...why don't you all kindly stop staring at me and get to know your new friends?
Dark Meta Knight: Aww...but you're so pretty and sweet!
Dark Meta Knight giggled as Meta Knight felt like sobbing under his mask.
Rosalina: I'm not all that special, really-
The luma came back with the message.
Rosalina: Already?
She opened up the letter, and smiled in approval.
Rosalina: Ok, our friend said yes! Hop on a Luma guys!
Rosalina set up the Lumas, and the Dark and normal All Stars made a charge toward them. Blood Falcon noted the error.
Blood Falcon: Pardon me, but it appears there are only five Lumas. Shouldn't we have ten?
Rosalina giggled and began to float.
Rosalina: No error! Oh, I thought of a perfect name for the other darker halfs. The Alt Stars!
She winked and floated off to the challenge. Everyone scratched their heads.
Bowser: Oh I get it, the witch wants us to share Lumas. Curse her!
Everyone stared at him in shock. Especially Weegee. Oh, he stared and stared and stared...
Bowser: What? What?!
The two parallel groups sighed and each pair hopped on a Luma, towards the challenge area.
Dark Bowser: N-Nice to meet you Mr. Bowser sir.
Dark Bowser stuck out his hand, Bowser growled and Dark Bowser shivered in fear.
Bowser: Seriously? Grow a spine! Are you scared of everything like that green guy?
Dark Bowser: Please, don't shout! Shouting scares me...
Bowser lowered his eyes, then roared at Dark Bowser, almost making him cry. Bowser laughed in joy.
Bowser: Well, at least it'll be a fun trip!
As the Alt and All Stars shot into the distance, Waluigi woke up off the couch and followed them outside.
Waluigi: Wa! Where's my dakr clone? WaWaLuigi? Wa...
Meta Knight: Meta Knight.
Dark Meta Knight: Oh, hey there! How are you doing today new friend? I am so happy to meet my own counterself!
Dark Meta Knight stuck out his hand and shook Meta Knight's stubby hand wildly, almost making him fall off the Luma hurtling through the sky.
Meta Knight: Why?
Dark Meta Knight laughed and smiled, pulling up his mask no problem to view his happy face.
Dark Meta Knight Ahh, that's better. That mask is tight! Well, I like being sociable. Making new friends, like you! No matter who they are, I respect everyone's views!
Dark Meta Knight laughed again and looked at Meta Knight's glowing yellow eyes.
Dark Meta Knight: So, tell me a little about yourself new friend! What are your interests? Hobbies? Favorite video game? Favorite sword move? How about most loved color? Hmm?
Meta Knight: Uh...
Samus: Would you cut that out Dark Samus?
Dark Samus retreated her cannon for the fifth time away from the back of Samus' head.
Dark Samus: I must kill something! It's been an hour since I've taken a life! Grrrr!
Dark Samus shot her missiles into the air, briefly missing the Lakitu in the sky.
Lakitu: Watch it firecracker! Um...can you two kiss?
Samus almost shot a missle at the Lakitu, before remembering the rules.
Dark Samus: After this contest, let's go to Ridley's place and just...kill him! I promise I won't betray and murder you on the way, bwahahahaha!
Samus: I'd rather not trust you, thanks.
Falcon: Wow, someone who is as fit as me! I thought i'd never see the day!
Blood Falcon: Yes. Well, I am 99% made from your DNA so it makes logical sense. Except, well, I'm more refrained and better looking.
Falcon raised his hand in the air.
Blood Falcon: Douglas, you can just talk you know.
Falcon zoned out for a second.
Blood Falcon: Err, Douglas?
Falcon snapped back to reality.
Falcon: Sorry, I'm not used to that name! Anyways, we look the exact same. How do you look better again bro? I thought we were virtually equal!
Blood Falcon: My color scheme is dark. Yours is light. Therefore, I look better. Makes sense?
Falcon scratched his head.
Blood Falcon: Look, I'll do the thinking, you be the muscle. Got it?
Falcon: Yay! Muscle! Lifting things! Protein!
Luigi: Err...
Weegee stared at him, not moving a muscle. Luigi could oddly stare into his eyes without any problems. They were vacant and souless.
Luigi: Well this is a awkward.
Finally, they arrived at a giant dark maze, littered with cherries, yellow dots, and ghosts. Rosalina and the other co-hosts waved them over as they landed on a floating platform outside the maze. Eggplant Wizard whimpered when he saw the dark clones.
Eggplant Wizard: Who are these people?! I don't like change!
Dark Bowser hopped back and almost screamed.
Dark Bowser: Eek! He has only one eye! Help!
He dived under Bowser's leg and shook. Luigi laughed and patted Bowser's back.
Luigi: Wow, that guy's a wimp! Eh Bowser?
Bandana Dee tapped Luigi on the leg from behind, making Luigi hide behind Dark Bowser's shell in fear.
Meta Knight: Hypocrite.
Rosalina: Here's our new challenge! See this maze? Our friend, Pac Man, has let us rent out the place in exchange for the letter I sent him!
Bowser: Who gives up their home for a freaking letter?!
In the background, just walking out of the maze, Pac Man was cheering, hopping in the air and smiling ever so widely, waving his letter. The letter had a Smash Bros symbol on it with the words "E3 Smash Bros Invitational" on the ground. He waved to the All Stars and headed out.
Rosalina: I'll see you in a few months hun!
Vivi grumbled under his breath.
Vivi: W-Where's my invite to that party...hmph.
Rosalina: See the maze? Your goal is to gather as much yellow pellets as possible! There are 240 in total in this maze.
Meta Knight: Simple.
Rosalina: Not finished sweetie but appreciate your voice! There are also ghosts in the maze. Make sure to avoid Inky, Blinky, Pinky-
Meta Knight: Original.
Rosalina: Lovely, not done yet! But I'm glad to see you opening up more!
Meta Knight shot back a bit, almost blushing as Dark Meta Knight giggled and patted his back.
Rosalina: Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde are in the maze! Touch them, and you lose pellets! Unless you get the power pellet, you can't beat them! First to 120 pellets, half the total number, wins!
As the All Stars were about to depart off the platform, Bandana Dee shook his spear.
Bandana Dee: Hahaha! We're not done yet! It's not going to be that easy? See, Rosy here brought the dark guys for a reason. Ever played Pac Man blindfolded before?
Vivi: O-One person will be blindfolded, the other will watch from above and call out to the person to avoid hazards. This is a teamwork game! So, choose amongst yourselves who will find pellets and who will call commands.
Vivi mumbled again.
Vivi: And no one will get a Smash Bros invite...grumble.
Dark Samus snickered evily.
Samus: I'm calling. No way I'm trusting you!
Dark Samus: Aww, come on! How am I untrustworthy?
Samus growled at her dark clone.
Samus: You tried bombing me 12 times during the trip here!
Bowser looked at Dark Samus dreamily.
Bowser: Uh, can we switch? Dark Samus is even hotter than the original!
Dark Bowser tapped his shoulder.
Dark Bowser: I'm ok with whatever!
Bowser: Shut up and be the guinea pig!
Dark Bowser strapped a blindfold on right away.
Dark Bowser: B-But I'm afraid of the dark!
The irony could not be measured in that statement. Blood Falcon tried on his irony reader, which promptly blew up.
Blood Falcon: Falcon, I'll call.
Dark Meta Knight: I'm sure I'll be a good caller since I like to talk! You can do it Meta Knight! I believe in you!
Meta Knight turned away and lowered his mask, refraining a smile as hard as possible.
Meta Knight: His kindness is almost as contageous as Rosalina's...
Luigi just simply poked Weegee. It felt like poking a rock. Solid, motionless, lifeless?
Luigi: Um. I'll a call. Ok Weegee?
Weegee pressed his face up to Luigi's, staring him dead in the eyes.
The callers/participants are as followed:
Caller: Participant:
Bowser Dark Bowser
Luigi Weegee
Samus Dark Samus
Blood Falcon Falcon
Dark Meta Knight Meta Knight
Rosalina floated the participants into the gated area, after being wrapped in dark blindfolds.
Rosalina: If you take the blindfolds off, you lose automatically, remember that! Ready? Go!
The gates open, and everyone began bolting out, bumping into walls. Weegee floated slowly, feet not touching the ground as he silently treaded forward. Bowser called out to his Dark clone first.
Bowser: Ok! Walk forward! Stick your claw out, and swipe it forward!
Dark Bowser accidentally smacked Weegee in the back. Weegee turned around ever so slowly in one elongated motion, trying to stare at Dark Bowser. Fortunately, he was blindfolded.
Dark Bowser: That wasn't nice! Don't upset Weegee! He's a scary man!
Bowser laughed at his cruel joke, and realized everyone else guided themselves out already.
Bowser: ...Goombas!
Samus was calling out to Dark Samus, who was stuck in the middle of the maze, tapping her foot. She had already collected 20 pellets.
Dark Samus: Well? If I'm not killing something I'm irritable. Hurry up!
Samus: Turn 90 degrees, left for a nice row of 5 pellets!
Dark Samus complied, and ran down the row, raising her total to 25.
Dark Samus: Not bad! Maybe we should become partners in crime after this. You know, a little killing and cuddling. Sounds hot.
Dark Samus winked under her blindfold. Samus groaned.
Blood Falcon: Ok, turn perpendicular to a 180 degree angle. Run northwest, then southwest, then turn another 32 degrees for a row of 30 pellets. Watch for ghosts.
Falcon looked confused.
Falcon: In English, good buddy?
Blood Falcon sighed ad simplified himself.
Blood Falcon: Douglas, left! Run left for one second (accounting our incredible running speed) then right!
Falcon did so, and collected 20 pellets. Blinky, the red ghost, came around the corner.
Blood Falcon: Quick, turn left for the Power Pellet!
Falcon went down the left path, and grabbed the Power Pellet he ran into.
Falcon: Tasty! Pixelated pellets! Good source of protein!
Falcon smiled as Blinky ran back in fear.
Blinky: Here I just wanted to break your legs, ahh!
Blinky scattered down a maze path before Falcon could find him. He sat and scratched his chin for a moment.
Falcon: I wonder when I should tell him?
Blood Falcon: Don't stop! Back to work!
Falcon saluted Blood Falcon.
Falcon: Right away good buddy!
Dark Bowser meanwhile, at zero pellets, stood in front of the first one, shaking nervously.
Bowser: Oh for Arceus sakes, just walk forward to get a bloody pellet!
Dark Bowser: But...do they hurt?
Bowser slapped his head, then had an idea.
Bowser: There's a ghost behind you! Run damn you run!
Dark Bowser: Yipes!
Dark Bowser ran as fast as his legs would allow, snagging about 30 pellets down a long stretch of maze before slamming into a wall. Bowser scoffed. In reality, there was no ghost behind him, he made it up.
Bowser: Get up minion, another one is coming!
Dark Bowser: Oh no! Don't hurt me!
Luigi: Uh...Weegee. Go left.
Weegee slowly floated down the maze, then stopped just before the northeast corner of the maze. Slowly, he turned around in one motion, then continued his trail picking up more pellets, eyes bulging from under his blindfold. Inky, the blue ghost and Clyde, the orange ghost, came around the corner.
Inky: Check out that guy. He disturbs me.
Clyde: Uh hyuck!
Inky felt a weird aura as Weegee began to slowly approach them.
Luigi: No! Weegee! You'll lose your a pellets if you don't have a Power Pellet!
Inky: Well Clyde, let's go earn our pay checks.
Clyde: Derr herr!
They charged at Weegee, only to go...right through him. Weegee just continued on his awkward, floating path picking up pellets. He was at 40. Luigi, Inky, and Clyde looked shocked.
Luigi: What kind of a thing are you!?
Dark Meta Knight: Oh friend, first thing's firsr! You are coming up to a wall not too fast! Turn right here for a nice little surprise of 20 pellets!
Meta Knight: The point. Get to it quicker.
Meta Knight spread his wings and collected a fair 20 pellets.
Meta Knight: What next?
Dark Meta Knight: Great! Good work! Ok, next what we're going to do is take a smooth ol right from the point you're standing. Looks like a nifty 30 pellets there too! Power pellet too!
Meta Knight sighed.
Meta Knight: Be. More. Concise.
He spread his wings and snagged 30 pellets, raising his total to 50.
Meta Knight: I should have called...
Dark Meta Knight giggled and waved his finger.
Dark Meta Knight: Silly, you have no sense of direction! Remember the Forest of Hope, the battle against the Shadows...
Meta Knight lurched back in distress.
Meta Knight: Drat.
Rosalina looked over the players, and announced the standings.
To be continued...